Does this make me shallow?

[Nivek]

Fellas, need your advice on a little situation.

There's this girl I met at an after party, we talked for a little bit, I gave her my number and she called the next day. She's got a very warm heart, down to earth, very considerate, comes from a good family; all the qualities that I would categorize as wifey. I setup a dinner date with her last week and realized...I'm not sexually attracted to her.

Thinking back, I was a little drunk when we met, and she was pretty chatty. "Alcohol and dialog, perfect combination."

I'm in love with her personality. I've never been in this situation, and it absolutely sucks.

I don't think I'm being shallow - I just don't find her sexually attractive. There's just no spark at all and I kinda feel bad. She's not ugly, but she's just doesn't do it for me.

Everyone I've talked to has a different opinion, and I'd love to hear from my OS brethren.

[deaduck]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Just my two cents...

Physical attraction fades with time but love grows stronger.

[TheShizNo1]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Imagine she's Megan Fox when in the moment

[legendkiller5]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Nope.

[jeremym480]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Just become and alcoholic and you can have the best of both worlds!

Spoiler

J/K

[Scottdau]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

OK you want good advice I am going to give you good advice. You can do two things. One just keep going out with her and see what happens. A lot of times you fall for people after getting to know them. Or you walk away. You have to have that connection with the person too. And I mean the connection where you are attracted to them. But in all honesty looks come and go a good personality goes a long way. One time some one ask me how I know my wife was the one. I told them what my older friend told me. If something happen to her looks would you still love her and be with her. I said yes I would. If some grotesque thing happen to my wife I would still love her and be there for here. That is when you realize that looks are not as important as you think they are. I don't think you are shallow by the way.

[Vikingfan84]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

I've been in this situation before as well. Over time you will gain that attraction towards her. If she's not butt ugly, you will be just fine.

I had the same thing happen back when I was in high school. This one girl was interested in me, but I didn't have any attraction to her. She wanted to hang out, so I decided to give her a chance. We ended up hanging out an awful lot. Basically became best friends. Funny thing is, we never ended up dating, but I did fall for her. She was to into some other guy that was an ex before we even met. Then the day came that she wanted to be with me, and it was too late for her.

Kind of glad it never worked out now though. She has packed on the pounds since then. Definitely not my type.

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Chicks you really not sexually attracted to end up being some of the longest and most stable relationships you can ever have. Every woman I ever dated that was smoking hot with a killer body HAD THE MOST F'UPED PERSONALITIES AND TON OF BAGGAGE. So that is always the trade off.

Looks fade......sexual attraction is really just lust anyway. Look at most of the hot women today that is walkiing around in your area. I bet most of them are either divorced or have 2 or more kids and walk around with that all men are dogs vibe going on.

Like Tariq said......if you see a hot sexual attractive woman single over 30, it is a reason why their butt is single. LOL

[legendkiller5]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Imagine she's Megan Fox when in the moment

Or someone that's actually hot.

And ew at some of these posts.

[SuperBowlNachos]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Go for it. As long as you aren't un-attracted to her it won't hurt to see where it goes if she is as cool as your say.

Average looking/very cool > hot/annoying and lame

[absoluticris]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

youre putting yourself in a predicament that hasnt occurred yet. you just met the girl and setup a date and thats it. you may be reluctant to be with her on a intimate level, but you dont know if she will approach you in a sexual manner that would present this situtation.

so you dont have a legitimate reason to feel "shallow" unless she has expressed some intimacy towards you at this point. go to dinner and be honest with her if it gets to that point.

it may be bad to cry over spilled milk, but its worse to cry over milk that hasnt been poored in the glass yet.

[stewaat]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

How old are you?

If you're in your mid 20's like I'm guessing you are, then no way would I settle for anything less than perfection, or damn near close to it.

The hardest thing is going to be for you to break it off. You already answered your own question by making this thread. You don't think she's attractive enough to get serious with. Best thing is to let her know ASAP that you see her as a friend only or else you'll lead her on even more.

[elgreazy1]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

To me, that's a no go. You don't settle for someone especially if you're looking for it to be a long term relationship. Now as you stated, she's not ugly, she's just average looking. Physical attraction, IMO, doesn't grow over time, you simply just look past the physical as a person. To me, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be with someone if you aren't physically attracted to them, and it doesn't make you shallow. You should want the best for you, and it seems you have your head in the right place, so I doubt this is one of those "Shallow Hal" moments where you're just being a d-bag.

[iAM-IncReDiBLe-]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

If your not attracted to someone then why waste your time? I feel like there needs to be some form of physically attraction to make any relationship work. Some might say looks ain't everything but unless your can say my girl is ugly but I love her then you have to be some what attracted to her. It may be harder to find an attractive girl with a great personality, but their are so many choices out there that eventually you will find one.

[PBlast]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

When it comes down to it you'll know man, but sexual attraction is important. Usually it comes first, so if you aren't feeling that connection now you likely won't. See how it goes maybe for a couple dates, but if there's still nothing after that then end it.