Does this make me shallow?

[DickDalewood]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

I don't think it makes you shallow at all. Physical attraction is a huge part of it. I have a strong mental attraction to a lot of people... they're called FRIENDS.

My gf of three years? I have a strong mental AND physical attraction to her. And why did I approach her in the first place? I thought she was hot as hell. I certainly didn't see her across the room and think "DAAAAAAMN, she looks like she has a real nice personality."

You need both though. Had I gone on a date with her and realized she was a door knob, well then I wouldn't want any part of that either.

But yes, physical attraction is important dude, it's very important.

[CreatineKasey]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

I'd suggest going out on the date. I'm in a relationship with someone I was unsure about what I was looking for initially, but I knew she had strong values and had a good heart. This sounds similar. Fast forward, we've dated for 2 years, I've lived with her for a year and we're basically best friends. Every day is a treat to spend together because of her personality. I didn't expect that when we initially met. So, one date wouldn't hurt in my opinion.

Sometimes someone with a really solid personality becomes very attractive because of it. Hot and dumb isn't sustainable.

[ScoobySnax]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

I think Madskillz makes a great point. At least go out on that date and see what happens and how you feel. You might start to feel her more and you might not. If you don't then you know you'll have a good friend if y'all are both up for that.

[MassNole]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

I'd say go out on a date and a make a move and see where the attraction goes from there. With my wife I was attracted to her physically and mentally but when we first slept together it was just there between us.

[WeLLWeLL]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Doesn't make you shallow. But like other have said, give it a shot and go out on a date. I am definitely attracted to my girlfriend physically, but it's her personality that really drives me crazy (in a good way). She is easily one of my best friends...that I live with and sleep with. So if you still aren't feeling it after a date, maybe you guys could be friends or something. But if you some sort of connection mentally with this girl, it's worth giving it a shot.

[sb24]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Are you ready for a serious relationship? If so give it a shot.

[Rawdeal28]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

Just my two cents...

Physical attraction fades with time but love grows stronger.

OK you want good advice I am going to give you good advice. You can do two things. One just keep going out with her and see what happens. A lot of times you fall for people after getting to know them. Or you walk away. You have to have that connection with the person too. And I mean the connection where you are attracted to them. But in all honesty looks come and go a good personality goes a long way. One time some one ask me how I know my wife was the one. I told them what my older friend told me. If something happen to her looks would you still love her and be with her. I said yes I would. If some grotesque thing happen to my wife I would still love her and be there for here. That is when you realize that looks are not as important as you think they are. I don't think you are shallow by the way.

I've been in this situation before as well. Over time you will gain that attraction towards her. If she's not butt ugly, you will be just fine.

I had the same thing happen back when I was in high school. This one girl was interested in me, but I didn't have any attraction to her. She wanted to hang out, so I decided to give her a chance. We ended up hanging out an awful lot. Basically became best friends. Funny thing is, we never ended up dating, but I did fall for her. She was to into some other guy that was an ex before we even met. Then the day came that she wanted to be with me, and it was too late for her.

Kind of glad it never worked out now though. She has packed on the pounds since then. Definitely not my type.

********

if you are not attracted to her thats it, your just not. nothing wrong with that. no need need to waste your time and money taking her out (save your money for someone you actually want to bang)

u can either get some dome and send her on her way, or keep her as a friend and holla at her better looking girl friends.

[Gibbz]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

I don't know about defining shallow and all that, but going into a relationship where you don't have a physical attraction to the other person is a waste, IMO.

I don't blame you.

[Graphik]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

If you're not physically attracted then you're mssing out on one key element that any guy should have in a relationship. If the sex is bad because of a lack of a physical attraction, think down the road when you're happily married. You'll be yearning for some good sex. Thats when the temptation of infedelity kicks in.

I dont care how wonderful a person is personality wise, if there is no physical attraction you're just setting yourself up for long term disappointment. As a guy, you deserve to be nailing something you enjoy nailing. You may not think it now but sex is more important in a relationship than you think. Thats why there are many dudes who can put up with a chicks bitchy-ness for the simple fact that the sex is wonderful.

[cardsfan2222]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

I'd say go on a couple of dates with her and see what happens. Just going on a date with her doesn't mean you have to marry her. Spend some time with her, see where it goes, and if you still aren't attracted to her, you can end it then.

[mgoblue]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

You need someone you are attracted to both mentally and physically. I'd go on the date and see what you think, but if you're not into her like that then I'd move on. It's not being shallow, you need that physical connection (I don't care what anyone says, you need to have some sort of connection). If you don't, you're settling (and IMO no one should have to settle).

While in college I tried dating this fat chick with a great personality. She was funny and fun to hang around, but I had no desire whatsoever to see her naked, and I was never going to manufacture that. Dating didn't work, I need more from a gf/future wife than cool personality, otherwise I'd marry my best friend Sarah (god no, that's never happening lol).

[techhokies]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

I would say don't date her until you find yourself on equal ground, as in you don't see her as not attractive. When I've done that in the past, not just with looks, but with some other qualities which I don't like in most people, I've found myself to look down on the girl. It's not fair to the girl if you see yourself as above her, better than her, or think you can do better than her. It'll make you a prick sometimes when you're talking to her, b/c you won't compromise on some things because you'll always think that if she leaves you, you can find someone better anyways.

And while normally that is the case, as most relationships end badly before you find the one person that's right for you. It's better for the relationship if you don't go into it with that attitude to begin with.

[slickdtc]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

I say give it a shot. Maybe being unsure is a good sign. Perhaps it's a crossroads in your life, who knows. Go with whatever you feel.

[deaduck]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

You're getting two kinds of advice here mainly.

The kind that assumes your thinking long term relationships...

and the others preaching "smash and dash" tactics.

It's up to you decide which is in your future.

[mgoblue]

Re: Does this make me shallow?

You're getting two kinds of advice here mainly.

The kind that assumes your thinking long term relationships...

and the others preaching "smash and dash" tactics.

It's up to you decide which is in your future.

I personally think you should be attracted to someone in order to be in a long term relationship. I don't think that looks are everything, you also need that mental connection, but you need to be attracted to your significant other. Yes, if you get married and whatnot, over time looks change. Relationships change, but you should still have that spark in the relationship.

Just want to point out my opinion that people who consider physical attraction important (with all the other items) aren't just looking to smash and dash. I personally feel sorry for people who marry someone they're not attracted to, I refuse to settle like that (but that's just me).