Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

[Nivek]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

See once you get married and bring kids in to this world, you have to do all you can to keep your marriage solid. The part that has always been a head scratcher to me, was when people said they don't love each other anymore. I say OK, but what does love have to do with your commitment. Once you get married you need realize you made a commitment. Unless the spouse cheated, I think you can get over almost any other problems couples have.

I understand that completely, and I agree with everything you're saying. That's why I'm starting to believe you need a mistress to be truly be happy in a marriage. It must be hard to keep that spark going.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I understand that completely, and I agree with everything you're saying. That's why I'm starting to believe you need a mistress to be truly be happy in a marriage. It must be hard to keep that spark going.

lol, yeah that is what a need another woman. No thanks, this one is tough enough. Marriage is not easy and when you have a man and woman get together and try to be one it is damn near impossible. But the bottom line is my marriage is built on commitment and with that we have got though some very hard times.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Age has nothing to do with it.

Like everything else in this world, you either lead or be led. I (like everyone else has stated before) have found out from experience, that you have to be a man and lead in order for a relationship to work. There can only be one captain of the ship, and it doesn't even matter where the ship is going. As long as there's a captain, all hands will be on deck.

OK I agree with this thinking. The man needs to lead, but I think you don't really get what it is you are leading. Leading is not easy at all. I lead, because that is my role as a husband. But I am not a dictator and that is the way you guys came across to me. I must have read too much into that. Sorry if I did.

[USF11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

OK I agree with this thinking. The man needs to lead, but I think you don't really get what it is you are leading. Leading is not easy at all. I lead, because that is my role as a husband. But I am not a dictator and that is the way you guys came across to me. I must have read too much into that. Sorry if I did.

Scott I am getting the impression, your not as happy as you potentially could be in your relationship. But instead, your buying into the marriage is hard.....line of BS. Unless you been in alot of relationships how do you know whats good and whats not good?

And I am not trying to be a jerk. Just asking your op

I have been in two relationships which lasted over 5 years, and they were very very different experiences.

[ODogg]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I'll be honest with you all, I've not been in very many relationships. I'm still learning.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Scott I am getting the impression, your not as happy as you potentially could be in your relationship. But instead, your buying into the marriage is hard.....line of BS. Unless you been in alot of relationships how do you know whats good and whats not good?

And I am not trying to be a jerk. Just asking your op

I have been in two relationships which lasted over 5 years, and they were very very different experiences.

IMO, he just pointing out that a marriage isn't all rainbows and sunshine. And it's the commitment you both make that keeps it together during the rough times (that can and will happen) If you aren't married you can just go with your feelings and say screw that....and just walk.

I'd call B.S. to anyone that says they have no issues in their marriage or claim that it's easy.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Scott I am getting the impression, your not as happy as you potentially could be in your relationship. But instead, your buying into the marriage is hard.....line of BS. Unless you been in alot of relationships how do you know whats good and whats not good?

And I am not trying to be a jerk. Just asking your op

I have been in two relationships which lasted over 5 years, and they were very very different experiences.

I am happy, but marriage is hard, if you think it is easy or will always be easy. Do yourself a favor don't get married. Marriage is work, and that is the truth and that is not my opinion. That is the flat out truth. Marriage is work! Also unless you were married in those older relationship, you have no clue how hard marriage is. Even living with someone is not the same as marriage. I don't know why, but it is different. When I dated my wife we had not one fight, and then the first night we are husband and wife we wanted to break up.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

IMO, he just pointing out that a marriage isn't all rainbows and sunshine. And it's the commitment you both make that keeps it together during the rough times (that can and will happen) If you aren't married you can just go with your feelings and say screw that....and just walk.

I'd call B.S. to anyone that says they have no issues in their marriage or claim that it's easy.

Yep, this is what I am saying. Commitment is the key. If you guys built your marriage on commitment you can get over so much crap. And there is no perfect marriage that is lie, if people tell you they have one. Marriage is work and if you work hard on it, it will be a solid. The key is making it solid.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I'll be honest with you all, I've not been in very many relationships. I'm still learning.

Nothing wrong with that.


For me, when I got married, I made a commitment to stay with my wife, no matter what happens. If she cheats on me? Then I would probably call it quits, but even that would be tough for me to do, because I love her so much. I would miss her big time, so I think I would hope she came back. It would be tough, but it would have to start with me completely forgiving her. If I could do that then we could work through any problems in our marriage.

[Nivek]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Yep, this is what I am saying. Commitment is the key. If you guys built your marriage on commitment you can get over so much crap. And there is no perfect marriage that is lie, if people tell you they have one. Marriage is work and if you work hard on it, it will be a solid. The key is making it solid.

I agree with that. Question for all the married folks, how big is the issue of money? Seem like most of the newlyweds that I know are usually arguing over money.

[Sublime12089]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

My marriage is solid, but that is because we based it off Commitment not feelings. Feelings come and go, commitment is a life time. Plus we also realize we have a lot to lose. And our kids would go through a lot. So we work on our marriage daily. I will say one thing; I never got my heart broke by a woman, but I never dated these kind of women you guys have, or I have been lucky. In all my years of counseling the guys and girls were just as much to blame as the other. If I was to take a guess I would say in my time of counseling the guy was to blame more often than not. But that is only what I experienced.

Was reading an interesting Psych journal that did some experiment, and concluded that when evaluating relationships women tend to view it in feelings while men see it moreso on pros vs cons, and if good outweighs the bad, they will stay.

I think this focused on non married couples, so that is probably a bit different, but made me think of the article.


And to OP, sorry man that sucks, as a child who went through a parents divorce, I would really recommend keeping any children as removed from you and your exes issues as possible. It is for the best for them to not be in the middle of parental arguments.

[USF11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Since a majority of people only marry one or twice. Is that enough to differentiate one marriage from another.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I agree with that. Question for all the married folks, how big is the issue of money? Seem like most of the newlyweds that I know are usually arguing over money.

It is huge. One reason is the man is used to buying what ever they want. You have two things here. One is the man that spend money and the another the woman that spend money. Most of the times it is the woman that spends money. The guys like to save. In my case, I like to spend money and my wife doesn't. So you are going to have some issues if you are one or the other and your spouse is the opposite. That is why it is a big adjustment.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Was reading an interesting Psych journal that did some experiment, and concluded that when evaluating relationships women tend to view it in feelings while men see it moreso on pros vs cons, and if good outweighs the bad, they will stay.

I think this focused on non married couples, so that is probably a bit different, but made me think of the article.


And to OP, sorry man that sucks, as a child who went through a parents divorce, I would really recommend keeping any children as removed from you and your exes issues as possible. It is for the best for them to not be in the middle of parental arguments.

And with that thinking that is why you see so many divorces. Base it on commitment and I promise you will make it to a 50 year anniversary. In my marriage I am in it for the long haul. Good and bad. We will do all we can to keep that commitment strong!

[Money99]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

And with that thinking that is why you see so many divorces. Base it on commitment and I promise you will make it to a 50 year anniversary. In my marriage I am in it for the long haul. Good and bad. We will do all we can to keep that commitment strong!

That only works when both parties feel the same way.
Unfortunately, I've known too many marriages that have broken up in the last 2 years because the wife decided, out of the blue, they needed a change.
In all cases, the men were completely floored, tried to seek counseling and do what they could to save the marriage. And in each case, sadly, the wife wanted nothing to do with working it out.