Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

[Sublime12089]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

And with that thinking that is why you see so many divorces. Base it on commitment and I promise you will make it to a 50 year anniversary. In my marriage I am in it for the long haul. Good and bad. We will do all we can to keep that commitment strong!

I agree with you, but I can see the article's conclusions being valid pre engagement. There have been times in non serious relationships (under a year old) that I have really stopped and thought about what would be the most beneficial. i think it was mostly getting at the same conclusion that many have, that often men are more logic based, while often women can be emotion based.

[TheShizNo1]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

1st you guys (OS) ruin my video game enjoyment, now you guys have me wanting nothing to do w/ marriage. I'm starting to believe this site does more harm than good lol

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

That only works when both parties feel the same way.
Unfortunately, I've known too many marriages that have broken up in the last 2 years because the wife decided, out of the blue, they needed a change.
In all cases, the men were completely floored, tried to seek counseling and do what they could to save the marriage. And in each case, sadly, the wife wanted nothing to do with working it out.

That is why you both have to really agree to this commitment. Women act on feelings (feeling lie to you) and man act on concrete (Which is not good either)

[USF11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

1st you guys (OS) ruin my video game enjoyment, now you guys have me wanting nothing to do w/ marriage. I'm starting to believe this site does more harm than good lol

Ignorance is bliss my friend.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I agree with you, but I can see the article's conclusions being valid pre engagement. There have been times in non serious relationships (under a year old) that I have really stopped and thought about what would be the most beneficial. i think it was mostly getting at the same conclusion that many have, that often men are more logic based, while often women can be emotion based.

Yeah don't get me wrong this is true about how women and men generally operate. I am just saying you have to not go into a marriage with this kind of thinking. Feelings lie you and pro and cons are not the best either. When you get married you guys go into saying we made a commitment and we will do all we can to make sure that commitment holds up. It is not easy there are many time in my 15 years of marriage I wanted to call it quits and she did too, but we made that commitment and we will honor it. Doesn't mean that it will always happen. One day she can break it or I can, but we are very protective of it and make sure that we don't go to bed mad at each other.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

1st you guys (OS) ruin my video game enjoyment, now you guys have me wanting nothing to do w/ marriage. I'm starting to believe this site does more harm than good lol

Marriage is great! It really is. When you find that someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, but it is work too. That is the truth. You will have a lot of battles, trust me. But in the end I would not want it any other way. You have two people in a way becoming one. That is not easy. The reason a lot of marriage don't last, is becasue they don't realize it is work. You have to work on your marriage every day to make it stronger. At least that is my opinion.

[longshadow11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

That only works when both parties feel the same way.
Unfortunately, I've known too many marriages that have broken up in the last 2 years because the wife decided, out of the blue, they needed a change.
In all cases, the men were completely floored, tried to seek counseling and do what they could to save the marriage. And in each case, sadly, the wife wanted nothing to do with working it out.

That is exactly what happened to me. The pros and cons thing is spot on, as well. A long time ago I figured the pros of staying married far outweighed the pros of divorcing(almost none) and committed to the marriage until death.

[stewaat]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Marriage is great! It really is. When you find that someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, but it is work too. That is the truth. You will have a lot of battles, trust me. But in the end I would not want it any other way. You have two people in a way becoming one. That is not easy. The reason a lot of marriage don't last, is becasue they don't realize it is work. You have to work on your marriage every day to make it stronger. At least that is my opinion.

I will never have a marriage like that. It will not be work to me. I'm too easy to get along with for fights to be had all the time and will not settle with somebody who I can't get along with.

That's just my take on the issue.

Longshadow, good luck in the future.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

That is exactly what happened to me. The pros and cons thing is spot on, as well. A long time ago I figured the pros of staying married far outweighed the pros of divorcing(almost none) and committed to the marriage until death.

You could only do what you can do. It was your wife that broke that commitment.


I will share 3 things about marriage to other non married poster. This help me out a lot when I was a newly married man.


1. It is not your wife's job to make you happy.
2. Do not try to change your spouse, change yourself it is a lot easier.
3. And last but not least, base your marriage on commitment not feelings.

If you both go into it with this thinking and you guys stick with this thinking, you will have a better chance of weathering the storms.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I will never have a marriage like that. It will not be work to me. I'm too easy to get along with for fights to be had all the time and will not settle with somebody who I can't get along with.

That's just my take on the issue.

Longshadow, good luck in the future.

Good luck with that. I hope you really find that too, but that marriage is not real in my opinion. You will have fights. It is what it is. Trust me. My wife and I are very much alike and we fight. People are selfish and want their way too much. But like I said if you find that more power to you.

[Nivek]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

You could only do what you can do. It was your wife that broke that commitment.


I will share 3 things about marriage to other non married poster. This help me out a lot when I was a newly married man.


1. It is not your wife's job to make you happy.
2. Do not try to change your spouse, change yourself it is a lot easier.
3. And last but not least, base your marriage on commitment not feelings.

If you both go into it with this thinking and you guys stick with this thinking, you will have a better chance of weathering the storms.

From what I gather from that, you're basically saying take love out of the equation for a successful marriage. That makes sense from a financial standpoint, but going back to my other comment, how do you keep the flame going?

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

You have to love the person no doubt, but once you marry someone you are basically stuck with them in my opinion, so you need to find ways to keep the fire burning. But I will say this after awhile the fire is going to burn down and that is OK. If you base this off of a fire burning instead of commitment, you are going to be divorces a lot. Because as soon as you think the fire is gone, you are off to another woman and that new fire is exciting, but it will die down too. And when I said you, I don't mean you. I mean people in general.

[USF11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

You have to love the person no doubt, but once you marry someone you are basically stuck with them in my opinion, so you need to find ways to keep the fire burning. But I will say this after awhile the fire is going to burn down and that is OK. If you base this off of a fire burning instead of commitment, you are going to be divorces a lot. Because as soon as you think the fire is gone, you are off to another woman and that new fire is exciting, but it will die down too. And when I said you, I don't mean you. I mean people in general.

So whats the point of marriage? A tax break and kids?

[Nivek]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

So whats the point of marriage? A tax break and kids?

That's exactly my point. I really see myself as a happily married man in the future, but right now I see marriage as a liability for someone my age. I hope that changes in the future, but I find that most young married couples are miserable.

I can't count how many girls I see going ape**** in bars and clubs only to find out they need to go home to their husbands. I'm not talking about a typical girls night out, I'm talking about girls gone wild type of ish.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

If you think that is what marriage is all about then don't get married. The bottom line is marriage is so much more. Once you find that special someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you will understand what marriage means. It is basically you and her against the world, so to speak. You are partner and you have each other backs. That is what is great about marriage. But to not be confused, it will not easy be a fire inside for this person, especially when they get you mad, but at the end of day. I would have it no other way. Marriage is great. I rather be married, then hitting every thing under the sun. Plus once you find that special person, you don't have to worry about STD. There is more then just a tax break. If you can't see that yet, then you are doing the right thing about not getting married. Marriage is work, plain and simple, but it is work that is well worth it.