Living together before marriage

**Rawdeal28** · 05-16-2011, 06:35 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

if there going to be married soon anyway then you might as well just wait. no need to rush. basically if you want to marry that person at any point and time, then dont do it till u jump the broom.

now if your like me and dont ever want to get married, then just go ahead with it.

**FlyingFinn** · 05-16-2011, 07:07 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

Isn't it better to have the relationship fall apart BEFORE they are married. I say every couple should have to move in together before being allowed to get married.

**TIm** · 05-16-2011, 07:43 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

Originally posted by FlyingFinn

Isn't it better to have the relationship fall apart BEFORE they are married. I say every couple should have to move in together before being allowed to get married.

That's what I think... I think it's a must do... Living together will show true test and is a big piece of a marriage.. It will make or break a marriage in some cases...Crazy to say but true

**LetsGoBucs** · 05-16-2011, 07:53 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

My wife and I did and we've been happily married for 9+ years now. We were 24 when we moved in together and were married at 26. I would not want to wait to get married and then find out we couldn't stand living with each other.

**Cusefan** · 05-16-2011, 07:53 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

Originally posted by FlyingFinn

Isn't it better to have the relationship fall apart BEFORE they are married. I say every couple should have to move in together before being allowed to get married.

Exactly, its not like being married will somehow make it easier to live with someone.

**NDAlum** · 05-16-2011, 07:55 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

I'm doing it in two weeks with my girlfriend of 1.5 years.

Being an officer, I talk with plenty of people who have been divorced. I can't recall a single person telling me to wait until being married to live with somebody. We're not even thinking about marriage at this point. We both just want to enjoy life together. I feel fortunate to find a girl who isn't hell bent on "put a ring on my finger".

Her dad, for religious reasons, is not very happy with it. He really, really likes me, but he clearly wants us to be married prior to.

Apostle, your post is so biased. You have nothing to back up your "almost everybody who moves in together splits within two years".

Do you honestly think a ring on a finger would change that? Actually you probably do. I definitely don't.

**bigfnjoe96** · 05-16-2011, 07:55 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

As Tim & Finn said, moving in together before marriage is something couples should seriously consider. My wife & I lived together for 7 years before we married & next month we'll be together for 12 years. Went from a 2 bedroom apartment to owning a home.

Moving together 1st was well worth it IMO. Right now our relationship is better than ever. I would let your friend know that if he does make that move, he needs to try to do things to keep the relationship fresh. (This doesn't have to be major things, but little things) He also should give his girlfriend the space she needs, when she needs it.

**The GIGGAS** · 05-16-2011, 07:56 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

I've been living with my fiance for 3 years. I agree with the others, it's a good idea to do so to see if you're compatible with running a household together.

For what it's worth, my fiance says it's a definite must. She then reiterated FlyingFinn's advice.

**DickDalewood** · 05-16-2011, 08:28 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

I've been living with my fiancée of three weeks for about five months now. We've been dating for almost four years and would have lived together sooner if it weren't for distance.

I see no problem with it. Like someone else mentioned, it's better to find out now if we can tolerate 24/7 of that person than after the marriage.

**DickDalewood** · 05-16-2011, 08:33 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

Originally posted by Apostle

All religious reasons aside (I have my own), does it work?

I am happily married -- going on four years now.

I have a friend who is strongly considering this move. He wants to ask his girl to move in with him within the next few weeks.

He asked me my opinion, and I told him I thought it would be a mistake. I took the time and counted seven other friends that moved in with their serious girlfriends. Only one relationship still stands, and it is shaky.

I understand the argument from a worldly standpoint -- test drive the car before buying, but in most every scenario, the relationship was toast within two years of moving in together.

Just wondering what others thoughts are on this.

I've just rarely seen it work -- "We're serious, love each other and will get married soon," but that has never happened -- at least in my experience.

Question for you, if you don't mind:

How old are you and your friends, and how serious were these relationships that didn't work out.

I've seen plenty of couples split after moving in together too, but they were also late teens/early twenties, short relationships that weren't that strong to begin with. Essentially, everyone knew they wouldn't last in the first place.

**SPTO** · 05-16-2011, 09:34 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

I don't have personal experience for myself but my sister and her fiance have been living together with my parents and I for years now. (I think this may be the 4th year or so) and they seem to function pretty well. There are times when my sister gets on his nerves. She has a bad habit of walking all over him but he doesn't seem to mind. I know if it was me i'd want to get the hell out of dodge!

Nonetheless they're pretty happy together and I don't think they'd be getting married if they didn't have the experience of living together to get them used to the idea of being together for the rest of their lives.

**Money99** · 05-16-2011, 10:03 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

I really have no right to comment against it, because I never lived with my wife before marriage.
But to me, it seems that if you don't commit to marriage before shacking up, then it's a lot easier to get out of a relationship without trying your hardest to make it work.

I know the arguments against marriage first too (divorce rate is insanely high).

But I wonder if people will put in the extra effort to make things work when married as opposed to living together first.

In the end, it probably doesn't matter. Either you're going to be with each other for ever, or you're going to split up.
Today, it just seems to easy to break-up. I don't think relationships/marriages were so much better 50 years ago. I just think it was a much bigger deal to divorce so people stayed in rotten relationships.

At least with shacking-up, you don't have to worry about half your stuff being taken from you right away.

**Graphik** · 05-16-2011, 10:32 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

Whats worse, shacking up with a girl and finding out that she has some poor hygiene, doesn't like to cook and has a inconsistent libido before marraige or finding this all out after you've tied the knot?

**murph17** · 05-16-2011, 10:48 AM

Re: Living together before marriage

do it. i did it with my last two girlfriends...first one was a disaster, we got engaged during that time, and then everything fell apart and i called it off. best. decision. ever.

did it with my last girlfriend and it only made me realize how big of a bullet i dodged with the first one. things are great and we got married in march.

Living together before marriage

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