Living together before marriage

[Trevytrev11]

Re: Living together before marriage

While I can see both sides, me and my gf won't live together til after we are married. We've stayed over at the other's apt. enough to know each other's living "quirks".

That's the thing, too....you don't necesarrily have to "live" together to find out all of this stuff, but you do need to spend a lot of time at their place.

I didn't learn anything from living with my wife that I didn't already know from sleeping over at each others houses 3 or 4 or 5 nights a week.

But if you are staying once a month or something, you are not going to get the full experience.

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: Living together before marriage

Yeah you definitely need to know about the other person's living styles and habits. And how they are on a regular basis.

IMO spending the night here and there don't tell the whole story. Truth of the matter is damn near everybody clean their house when they know somebody is coming over. They going to change the bed sets, clean the bathroom and all that.

So you need to see how they are normally.

[ScoobySnax]

Re: Living together before marriage

That's the thing, too....you don't necesarrily have to "live" together to find out all of this stuff, but you do need to spend a lot of time at their place.

I didn't learn anything from living with my wife that I didn't already know from sleeping over at each others houses 3 or 4 or 5 nights a week.

But if you are staying once a month or something, you are not going to get the full experience.

This pretty much sums it up.

[areobee401]

Re: Living together before marriage

Why no get married and still live separately option? That's a win win if you ask me.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Living together before marriage

Why no get married and still live separately option? That's a win win if you ask me.

That's probably the easiest way to end up on the show cheaters.

[dickey1331]

I don't believe it getting married without living together first.

I agree. I did that with my wife. In today's world I think it's better to live with someone before getting married. You really get to learn a lot about the person. You see the negative side and when she's not always dressed up and perfect. You get to see what the other person is really like and if it
Doesn't work out then it's much easier to end.

Do you really care where I sent this from?

[12]

Re: Living together before marriage

Out of curiousity, in your opinion, what is the benefit of waiting until marriage to live together?

First of all, I realize that I'm in the vast minority here and that's okay with me.

I can't delve into the main reasons on what the benefits are as that would violate the OS TOS.

With that said, I think that not living together before marriage provides something fresh and new when you first tie the knot. In this stage, you're still getting to know each other and it's exciting. If you're already living together before you're married, what's special about it? You've been effectively living the life of a married couple already. Now you might share bank accounts, but what else is different?

I've seen far too many couples (most recently my sister-in-law) who move in together and rush things and it just doesn't work out. Maybe it was for the best and it took two people apart who weren't meant for each other.

Admittedly, I learned things about my wife during our first year of marriage that I didn't particularly like. She learned things about me that she didn't particularly like. There were a couple of big issues that we've worked through.

Through faith and trust, I believed that even though I'd never lived with her, I could.

None of this probably makes sense to most here and I realize my viewpoint, at it's core, is devoid of worldly logic, but it's how I feel.

Like I said, people make good points here and again, I realize I'm in the vast minority.

[ExtremeGamer]

Re: Living together before marriage

First time my wife ever even stayed over my place was our the night we got married. Neither one us just believed in living together first, neither did either of our parents, so wanted to do right by them as well.

We've been married 10 years this October and together 15 years this November. I think we've done okay

[Trevytrev11]

Re: Living together before marriage

With that said, I think that not living together before marriage provides something fresh and new when you first tie the knot. In this stage, you're still getting to know each other and it's exciting. If you're already living together before you're married, what's special about it? You've been effectively living the life of a married couple already. Now you might share bank accounts, but what else is different?

I see your point here and don't disagree. However, I do believe that your feelings still do go through a change once you are married and while the "specialness and newness" you alluded to isn't the same, it is still there. It may last only 3 months or 6 months instead of a year or two, but it still exists. I think a large part of it is due to the fact that now, you have a definitely future together. Your goals and outlooks change. You are no longer living for yourself, but for your eachother or your family.

I can't explain why. My wife and I were married, went on our honeymoon and came back to the same apartment we lived in for the year prior to our marriage, but things felt different. Discussions changed from talking about planning a wedding to talking about buying a house, having children, etc. And it's not just opening up a joint checking account, now all of your major decisions are now joint decisions...of course, this also causes a lot of divorces!!

Besides, you don't want the first argument to occur right after your wedding when you go and hook up the PS3 in family room and go to start a Madden marathon on Sunday night when she wants to watch Desperate Houswives and Brothers and Sisters....if you had lived together, you'd know that this is when you go head to the man-cave for some me time...now when you go to bed, your getting the could shoulder instead of consamation

[Phobia]

Re: Living together before marriage

I see your point here and don't disagree. However, I do believe that your feelings still do go through a change once you are married and while the "specialness and newness" you alluded to isn't the same, it is still there. It may last only 3 months or 6 months instead of a year or two, but it still exists. I think a large part of it is due to the fact that now, you have a definitely future together. Your goals and outlooks change. You are no longer living for yourself, but for your eachother or your family.

I can't explain why. My wife and I were married, went on our honeymoon and came back to the same apartment we lived in for the year prior to our marriage, but things felt different. Discussions changed from talking about planning a wedding to talking about buying a house, having children, etc. And it's not just opening up a joint checking account, now all of your major decisions are now joint decisions...of course, this also causes a lot of divorces!!

Besides, you don't want the first argument to occur right after your wedding when you go and hook up the PS3 in family room and go to start a Madden marathon on Sunday night when she wants to watch Desperate Houswives and Brothers and Sisters....if you had lived together, you'd know that this is when you go head to the man-cave for some me time...now when you go to bed, your getting the could shoulder instead of consamation

You my sir have just shared in one brief paragraph what us as men all have to learn at some point living with women. These guys without their girlfriend living with them will get a rude awaking when they claim the TV. My man cave is setup better than my living room for this reason lol. PC, PS3, 360, Surround Sound, couch, wet bar, weight room, guitars, Flat screen mounted on wall with PC monitor mounted right underneath ( I like them separate). All my girl gets is the living room with the 65" and surround sound ohhhhh how horrible for her (Sarcasm)

[slickdtc]

Re: Living together before marriage

None of this probably makes sense to most here and I realize my viewpoint, at it's core, is devoid of worldly logic, but it's how I feel.

Then who are we to argue against it? It worked for you and still kept true to your faith. For other people, the opposite (living together before marriage) seems like the only option. Can't say either is right, or better. It comes down to your own preference.

I've been living with my fiance for almost 3 years now, but it's been at my father's house. When we get married (no date set, but we're shooting for next summer), it will be coinciding with moving in to our own place. So it's gonna be kinda in the middle there; while not new to living together, we'll finally have our own space and it'll be fresh, new, and exciting.

[mgoblue]

Re: Living together before marriage

My girlfriend moved in with me 3ish months ago and it's been great. Honestly, it's been less of an adjustment than either of us thought (we were kinda scared just cause neither of us had moved in like that before).

Now things are just smooth and we know we won't drive each other crazy living together. I think it was a good idea (plus it was a good idea financially, her job is pretty low pay so she would have lived in a really crappy apartment otherwise).

Doesn't work for everyone though, that I agree. My GF and I are on the same page and are honest and work through things. If you don't talk stuff through it's not going to work as well (but that goes for marriage as well).

[Scottdau]

Re: Living together before marriage

I would be curious before you moved in with her if you would use the word 3ish months.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Living together before marriage

First of all, I realize that I'm in the vast minority here and that's okay with me.

I can't delve into the main reasons on what the benefits are as that would violate the OS TOS.

With that said, I think that not living together before marriage provides something fresh and new when you first tie the knot. In this stage, you're still getting to know each other and it's exciting. If you're already living together before you're married, what's special about it? You've been effectively living the life of a married couple already. Now you might share bank accounts, but what else is different?

I've seen far too many couples (most recently my sister-in-law) who move in together and rush things and it just doesn't work out. Maybe it was for the best and it took two people apart who weren't meant for each other.

Admittedly, I learned things about my wife during our first year of marriage that I didn't particularly like. She learned things about me that she didn't particularly like. There were a couple of big issues that we've worked through.

Through faith and trust, I believed that even though I'd never lived with her, I could.

None of this probably makes sense to most here and I realize my viewpoint, at it's core, is devoid of worldly logic, but it's how I feel.

Like I said, people make good points here and again, I realize I'm in the vast minority.

I agree with everything in this post. Me and my gf also want to do "right" by both sets of parents and grandparents.

In the end it comes down to work works for your situation.

[ehh]

Re: Living together before marriage

Isn't it better to have the relationship fall apart BEFORE they are married. I say every couple should have to move in together before being allowed to get married.

Best thing I ever did. Moved in with my then-GF when I was 27. Scared the **** out of me, I lasted less than six months and broke it off. I'm pretty damn sure that if we didn't move in together I would have wound up marrying her and it would have been a huge mistake.

I also realized that I am in no rush at all to get married and really don't care of I ever do lol.