Clinical depression

[Schisms]

Re: Clinical depression

Psy you hit the nail on the head my friend. I have always been leery of making this known on here, mostly because of being a mod and people seeing me as weak, and only a few know it. But what the hell, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder about a year and a half ago. I have had problems with depression and mania as far back as 2001. It took a combo of psychologist and psychiatrists almost 10 years to get a real diagnosis. I am on a multitude of meds right now. I think they have helped but I still have a long way to go.

It really is an agonizing disease. I'm not looking for for sympathy, but some nights are hard to even get through. I also have a lot of irrational fears and phobia's. I have thought about turning to drugs, hurting myself, or even suicide. If I didn't have my wife who is incredibly supportive I'm not sure if I would be typing this right now. Not mention having OS. Seriously OS has been a God send.

So there. My cat's out of the bag. Finally.

I too am Bi Polar and if you need someone to ever talk to that understands the ups and downs just PM me.

[l3ulvl]

Re: Clinical depression

I had the hardest time seeking help because part of my problem was an extreme fear of people. I stay indoors 23 hours a day (or more if the only thing I have to do is walk the dog), and when I first got help it was a friend that drove me to a hospital where I was checked into a stress unit for 12 days. It was brutal.

My deal started with head injuries when I was young, my personality changed and my thoughts got "weird" for lack of better word. I agree with Psy about the perceived weakness, too. I became somewhat of a class clown almost as if to act the exact opposite of how I really felt. Even today I'll smile and make jokes a lot just so it doesn't look like I'm depressed. It's embarrassing to be depressed.

Anyway, going the hospital didn't work for me. I was misdiagnosed with a thyroid disorder and gained 50+ pounds on the meds. Then the bipolar medicine made me a zombie, and the anxiety medicine didn't relieve anxiety at all. My official diagnosis was bipolar, agoraphobia/anthropophobia, panic disorder, clinical depression, and social anxiety.

I stopped taking meds as they were not helping and generally making me feel worse. I self medicate now but in moderation, I wait til night time to have some drinks at home. It calms my nerves, improves my mood, and allows me to sleep. I know the meds can work for some, so I'm not trying to suggest anyone else self medicate, just felt like sharing my story.

I'm 28 now, living in a tiny studio apartment that I pay for with social security benefits. If something goes wrong I have to have my representative/advocate make a phone call for me. She is leaving the state in 18 days and will no longer be allowed to represent me legally.

Meh, that's enough for now, I don't need to whine all day about my probs.