Clinical depression

[TheMatrix31]

Re: Clinical depression

I'm sure I could be classified as clinically depressed as well.

[Qb]

Re: Clinical depression

To all those in here struggling, coping, and overcoming... it can get better.

I've been at the bottom of the pit when it seemed there was no way to climb out. I was afraid going on medication meant it was "for life". But in time and with help, support, and positive change, I can say that things are better. Some things are out of our control, but others are not. Sometimes it takes a lot of pain & suffering before we can be honest with ourselves.

I could get into stuff that helped me, but it's not appropriate here.

[PharmaMan]

Re: Clinical depression

I've been a lurker on the OS forums for a long while, but never activated an account as I didn't really have the mental capacity to do so. I am currently battling depression myself, and for those who aren't going through it themselves, or have gone through it themselves, it's not what you think it is.

For me, it started with stupid decisions made in college. Those decisions resulted in me becoming dependent on my friends for the social support I desperately needed. Graduating college was hurtful because I had to leave that life and lifestyle behind. I felt better as I got through the post graduation stress and found me a good job.

I have since left that first job and got myself a better one in the industry where I thought everything would go great and I'd have great stability. Currently, I am facing being laid off and not knowing whether I can find another job in this area or in this industry. This just compounded things. I live alone and just don't have much energy to do anything. In my profession, I work on clinical trials where many of our subjects are clinically depressed so I am exposed to a lot of that every day. I haven't told my boss or my colleagues that I am battling depression and always put on a "happy face" at work, but it's tough.

Depression is not just a mental thing. It's physical as much as it is mental. I no longer get any joy or happiness out of the things that used to make me feel good. I struggle to fall asleep at night, and battle insomnia constantly. At work, there is one clinician who is a licensed psychiatrist whom I talk with frequently. She can pretty much tell that I am not mentally right. However, she is very good with keeping it between us and I talk with her frequently. She has given me tips to help me battle this and fight through it. She tells me to each day just pick out one thing that has gone well, and think about that before I go to bed each night. That has really helped me as each day I can find something to be happy about, even if it's as little as seeing a friend of mine and saying hello.

It is very difficult to fight through this, and thus far in life it has been the most difficult thing I've had to battle. I don't want to reach out to family because I don't want them to worry about me or feel as if they need to help me. I WILL fight through this eventually, but right now it's pretty difficult. I'm just doing whatever I can to not make bad decisions and develop habits or associations that will negatively affect me.

For anyone else going through this, just stay strong and tough it out. There are days where I don't want to wake up and just wish I'd die peacefully in my sleep, but I know that I will be able to fight through this. As bad as things are right now, they CAN get better, and that is the one thought that keeps me alive each and every day.

[TheMatrix31]

Re: Clinical depression

Well, tonight you can focus on finally joining the best damn message board there is!

Stay strong, bro. We're here for ya.

[ex carrabba fan]

Re: Clinical depression

E-hugs for everyone in this thread

[LingeringRegime]

Re: Clinical depression

After reading this thread, I feel like I in many ways I am in the same boat. 2011 has been the worst year that I can remember, and if it weren't for my wife's understanding and me blowing off steam playing video games, I don't know if I would make it through. One day at a time.

[p2xgamers]

Re: Clinical depression

Great to see how this topic developed. Depression is something that you try to not show to everyone by nature, but it's good to see people come out here. I'm sure I encounter a lot of people every day that have it and I have no idea.

I don't want to go into a whole life story, but I'll just say I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and have been going to a psychologist for a few months or so. Unfortunately the entire fear of social stuff, lack of friends/relationships, paranoia and all that fun stuff is great, but luckily I have a very positive attitude, or at least I do in the back of my mind so I've made it through tough times.

Unfortunately is also mostly why I haven't posted here much for the last few years, used to be a fairly top poster and now though I visit 3-4 times a day at least, post probably once a month maybe.

I guess I would just say to those reading this and not posting here, if you can get through the idea of suicide you'll be okay. If you can basically rule it out as a possibility as I did and just force a positive attitude to others, but more importantly in your head, you can get through the tough times in life and as well as depression and related things.

[BobbyColtrane]

Re: Clinical depression

The weird thing is that it has absolutely nothing to do with what's going on in your life.

I am really successful - ($200k/yr + $100k/bonus), have a great wife, 2 great little boys. I still fight depression all the time. I take meds and they REALLY help. But even so it's a struggle. Just stay with it.

[elTodd]

Re: Clinical depression

Gonna bump this thread as I've seemed to develop a weird form of depression lately. I've always battled it to a degree and it seems to run in my family as told to me by my family doctor. I always seem to have a seesaw battle of emotions that changes every few months or so.

But over the last couple of weeks I've been having a lot of trouble with driving. Now, I consider myself a good driver, and haven't been involved in an accident that was my fault in my 7 or so years of driving. But I now seem to have this severe paranoia that I'm causing an accident. Yet I know in my head that I, in fact, did not. It gets so bad sometimes that I have to turn around and drive back just to make sure, all the while telling myself that I'm stupid for thinking that.

It actually just happened to me again tonight. Its quite possibly the most annoying thing that could happen to person. I visited the doctor last week and I'm currently in the process of getting on medication.

I know a lot of people will find this weird, and I don't blame you. I too find it to be the weirdest thing. I've always felt like depression was a made-up thing, but like Psy I've realized that it is a real thing and something I'll probably have to deal with for the rest of my life.

[Bighoff]

Re: Clinical depression

Gonna bump this thread as I've seemed to develop a weird form of depression lately. I've always battled it to a degree and it seems to run in my family as told to me by my family doctor. I always seem to have a seesaw battle of emotions that changes every few months or so.

But over the last couple of weeks I've been having a lot of trouble with driving. Now, I consider myself a good driver, and haven't been involved in an accident that was my fault in my 7 or so years of driving. But I now seem to have this severe paranoia that I'm causing an accident. Yet I know in my head that I, in fact, did not. It gets so bad sometimes that I have to turn around and drive back just to make sure, all the while telling myself that I'm stupid for thinking that.

It actually just happened to me again tonight. Its quite possibly the most annoying thing that could happen to person. I visited the doctor last week and I'm currently in the process of getting on medication.

I know a lot of people will find this weird, and I don't blame you. I too find it to be the weirdest thing. I've always felt like depression was a made-up thing, but like Psy I've realized that it is a real thing and something I'll probably have to deal with for the rest of my life.

You took the biggest step in getting better, it's hard if not impossible for people to seek out someone to help. The feelings of causing an accident and having to go back and check falls under a compulsive behavior that's anxiety based. Good luck and don't rule out finding someone to talk with if you find the medication isn't working as well as you'd like. Talking to a therapist or some mental health professional can be very beneficial especially when used in combination with medication.

[Ollienyy]

Re: Clinical depression

Reading this thread, it's really something to read about other people who also deal with depression. To all of us out there fighting against this horrible disease don't give up. I have hit rock bottom at least 3 times in the past two years, it's horrible knowing when it's coming. But a good support network is very important, therapy really, really helps.

[DickDalewood]

Re: Clinical depression

Gonna bump this thread as I've seemed to develop a weird form of depression lately. I've always battled it to a degree and it seems to run in my family as told to me by my family doctor. I always seem to have a seesaw battle of emotions that changes every few months or so.

But over the last couple of weeks I've been having a lot of trouble with driving. Now, I consider myself a good driver, and haven't been involved in an accident that was my fault in my 7 or so years of driving. But I now seem to have this severe paranoia that I'm causing an accident. Yet I know in my head that I, in fact, did not. It gets so bad sometimes that I have to turn around and drive back just to make sure, all the while telling myself that I'm stupid for thinking that.

It actually just happened to me again tonight. Its quite possibly the most annoying thing that could happen to person. I visited the doctor last week and I'm currently in the process of getting on medication.

I know a lot of people will find this weird, and I don't blame you. I too find it to be the weirdest thing. I've always felt like depression was a made-up thing, but like Psy I've realized that it is a real thing and something I'll probably have to deal with for the rest of my life.

As someone who has dealt with some pretty significant OCD, and the weird things that come with that, what you just described there sounds more along the lines of that as opposed to depression. You display the same symptoms as I would, just in a different situation. And a major part of OCD is knowing that doing the act won't make a difference, but you "have" to do it anyway. And believe me, I understand the whole "man this is stupid" train of thought.

Glad you went and got some help man!

[elTodd]

Re: Clinical depression

As someone who has dealt with some pretty significant OCD, and the weird things that come with that, what you just described there sounds more along the lines of that as opposed to depression. You display the same symptoms as I would, just in a different situation. And a major part of OCD is knowing that doing the act won't make a difference, but you "have" to do it anyway. And believe me, I understand the whole "man this is stupid" train of thought.

Glad you went and got some help man!

Yeah, its definitely a form of OCD, but I think its directly connected to my depression. Because the week before visiting the doctor my mood was a lot better and my "episodes" seemed to be fewer and far between. Now I've seemed to "relapse" again and they've gotten significantly worse.

Thank you guys for the support. Its nice to have some people that don't think I'm crazy.

[DickDalewood]

Re: Clinical depression

Yeah, its definitely a form of OCD, but I think its directly connected to my depression. Because the week before visiting the doctor my mood was a lot better and my "episodes" seemed to be fewer and far between. Now I've seemed to "relapse" again and they've gotten significantly worse.

Thank you guys for the support. Its nice to have some people that don't think I'm crazy.

Ummm... who said we don't still think you're crazy

[Bighoff]

Re: Clinical depression

Ummm... who said we don't still think you're crazy

Exactly, I think everyone here is bat crap crazy, including me.