Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

[Sublime12089]

I was dating a girl for two years and essentially lived with her for one of those. We had talked aboutThat ended earlier this year in Feb. We had talked about moving away together. She was pregnant with my child about a year ago, but due to health problems had lost it, and I haven't been with a woman in any meaningful way since her. Even before anything happened I was nowhere close to over her. I had kept up with her somewhat, talking every month or so and even got to see her one more time about two or three months ago. There's actually even a picture on here with her and I at the Dali museum on here on the "calling you out" thread, I believe. Last week she killed herself. She was only 21.

The situation's reality comes and goes and I don't know if I have even actually accepted what happened yet. I have kept a strong face in public for friends and for her family, who I always have gotten along with. But all I have felt like doing since is drink liquor (I have a history of alcoholism that I was doing better with), smoking cigarettes, and playing videogames. I eat a meal once every couple days, and only go to work because I have to. I just don't really know what to do. Or what will happen. I mean, I don't want to give the wrong impression, I am not going to do anything drastic, but all I feel like doing is drowning the pain, and I am not sure when, if ever that will go away. Everything else just seems really trivial right now. I just don't know.... I am not really looking for sympathy, or anything like that but more whether anyone has any advice for handling the situation, or whatever.

[Sublime12089]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Here is the pic I mentioned. It was on our anniversary at the Dali museum in St Pete before we headed over to a Rays/Yankees game.

[areobee401]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

First let me say I'm sorry for the lose of your unborn child and ex girlfriend.

My advice for you would to not be afraid to seek professional help if needed. Also, talk to the people who you are close to in life. You can't do everything on your own.

Kind words and advice from strangers on the internet can only get you so far.

[Sublime12089]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

First let me say I'm sorry for the lose of your unborn child and ex girlfriend.

My advice for you would to not be afraid to seek professional help if needed. Also, talk to the people who you are close to in life. You can't do everything on your own.

Kind words and advice from strangers on the internet can only get you so far.

Thanks man. As far as the unborn child, I just always figured that we would probably end up back together at some point then if her health issues were better we could make another one.

And although I was initially reluctant, my job uses ADP and my boss gave me the information to their "helpline" to where they will talk to you and refer you to a specialist. And the job's insurance will cover three therapy visits a year. I have been leaning towards giving them a call.

[ImTellinTim]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Call them. Not everyone is lucky enough to have free access to these kinds of professionals. You should definitely take advantage of the resources available to you.

Sorry to hear about your loss. There is no shame in talking to someone to help yourself understand what you're going through.

[23]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

I would agree on all points

Sorry for the loss man, and the agony that is behind it

Please seek some counseling to help you out

Give yourself some time because its okay, everyone heals differently

If you have to cry, cry... its apart of the healing process

Do what it takes to get better, talk to people, cry, laugh, remember, get some fresh air, flush the toilet..whatever, but dont go into an alcohol binge or into drugs because thats the worst thing you can do

In time you'll lose the sting of this loss even if you always remember her, it wont always hurt this bad.

[nc0ffey]

Sorry for your loss man, its good that you are willing to voice your feelings on here because its always better to have an outlet. While I have not dealt with the level of what you are probably going through in this tough time. Out of experience, I went through a rough time a few years back and wound up seeing the therapist that my company offers, it was very beneficial not only to voice everything that was going on but also to get his advice on what was going on. Seek help, people here have great advice, but I think a professional in a 1-on-1 setting would be more beneficial.

Stay strong, while times may be tough, things can and will get better.

[RAZRr1275]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Sorry for your loss. Definitely take those therapy sessions.

[ricks65]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Sorry for your loss. Depression is so hard to deal with. When my brother died I went into a depression. It took the right Meds to pull me out of it.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Sorry to hear about your loss. My dad died unexpectedly 2 years ago from yesterday. You never get over it....the pain does lessen some as time goes by.
The dog me and my dad helped raise actually helped me through the grieving process.

Find someone to talk to. It helps just expressing your emotions.

[mb625]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Sorry for your loss, man. For sure follow the advice the others gave here. Counseling would be your best bet. Losing a loved one is rough. I went through it about a year and a half ago when my grandfather died (though that wasn't all that unexpected) and I was absolutely distraught. It'll be painful, but I'm sure you'll be able to get through it. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your head up. It will get better with time.

[nc0ffey]

It took the right Meds to pull me out of it.

Another good point, I too wound up on meds for what I was dealing with. At first I was too proud to consider meds, thinking that I'd get through it fine by myself. But the meds helped with the thoughts I was having, which were keeping me up during the night, and over time I was able to come off them and have been doing great. Even when things get rough now, I know things will be fine and can properly handle the thoughts and feelings appropriately.

I'm sure your friend would not want you to be upset over what happened, so don't be hard on yourself and don't over think things.

[longshadow11]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

I'm very sorry for your loss. Don't be afraid to seek help from family and professionals. And know there are some great guys here at OS who are here for you.

[12]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

You're getting some great advice here... I have nothing to add other than I am very sorry for your loss.

We're here for you.

[Oldskewl]

Re: Dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Lost wife in car accident six months ago..there is no way to describe the pain or understand why it had too happen, I lost everything, litterally, and am now just starting to start over life and try too find my way. I made the mistake of trying to be a tuff guy and go back too work way too soon and boy have I paid for it..didn't mourn right, if there's such a thing. I feel for you and hope you find peace inside one day. There are a lot of people out there too help so please take advantage of it, wish I would have but i am a stubborn man of course...I know she's everywere I go, and your loved ones will for you as well...once again I'm sorry and maybe this didn't make much sense but do whatever you have to do to heal.