Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

[Cusefan]

When I came home from the Army I moved back in with my parents for about 2 years, it was definitely my safety net since it was 2008 when I got out so the job situation was grim. I'm 28 now and I live with 2 other people, it works out as our rent is only $250 a month. I don't see anything wrong with it but its not something I could do again.

[Bullit]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

Good discussion fellas...

What I'd like for us to also do is look beyond the "Staying with mommy and daddy because its all I can do scenario."

I'm thinking more along the lines of the family that stays together FOR the family because they WANT to.

I'm thinking about an altruistic family setup where every indivdual works as one. The family as a whole works towards paying for whatever the family needs and everybody is contributing.

In my very crude estimation, this family would be MUCH better off than the typical American family that branches off early. They would be happier, closer, less stressed, healthier, and have A LOT more disposable income.

In my example from earlier, lets say their mortgage was $1500 a month. Each person would basically be contributing 425 to pay for the mortgage and utilities. But remember that they'd have about $50,000 left over every year. They could essentially pay the mortgage off in about 4 years depending on the price of the home to start with. Meaning that $400 that was going towards the mortgage, has now become disposable income as well. And remember that was with each family member making the bare minimum.

They could have a nicer place to live, in a nicer area, and have nicer things (extra money). The quality of life would be SO much better.

I'm really trying to think of why families here in the states choose to go the opposite route, when the alternative has so much going for it...

I was just watching a special about a new trend in home building. They are building homes now for multiple generations of a family to live in. The homes all have there own entrance, a space that is just for them and then a common area that the "families" could share. I personally really like this trend. I seeing it keeping the family unit closer and stronger, but that is just me. I have my own house and have for a very long time and now that I am married its great. But when I was a single Dad i would have loved to have my folks in another part of the house. On the other side as my folks get older I like the idea of a split house, this would give me the ability to have my parents move in as they got older and we would still have our individual space and the closeness to take care of each other.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

Interesting topic. Magic is taking more of a world-view on this than the typical American view; certainly nothing wrong with that.

I lived at home and went to school/worked until I was 23. I had finished college, saved up $2k (LOL), paid off all bills and my truck, packed it up and moved. I got along GREAT with my folks and still do, and I was real easy to have around; no drinking, drugs, smoking, parties, or drama...and I contributed to the household. But I was ready to go.

I will say that living at home did not hinder my dating several women in that time at all. No one gave me the 'Oh...you still live at HOME?' with the raised eyebrow. Danny got play

Dom, if you are happiest with your family for now, then that's great. Do what makes you happy as long as it is working for you and for your folks. Save up that money! Then when the time DOES come for you to strike out on your own, you will be ready.

Or if you guys all choose to stay together and your woman is good with it...roll on. But in today's society, you might find it harder to find someone who is into that idea.

Very unique thread!

[cjonesfan921]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

What if your parents live with you? That's pretty much my situation, and it won't change regardless of what anyone thinks.

Do what you can to make a living. T, no reason for you to move out on your own if you would be struggling pay check to pay check. Get your client base up, save some money and then when in a comfortable position financially, do what you want to do.

[55]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

All I know is that in 9 days I will be 33 years old and I'd rather jump off the Golden Gate Bridge than ever live under the same roof as my mother ever again. Then again, I'm a rare breed and moved out at 16 and never looked back. It's different for everyone.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

All I know is that in 9 days I will be 33 years old and I'd rather jump off the Golden Gate Bridge than ever live under the same roof as my mother ever again. Then again, I'm a rare breed and moved out at 16 and never looked back. It's different for everyone.

Yep.

Like I said, Magic's deal is pretty unusual, but for some people they can't wait to get out.

And for some people, the parents can't wait for the kid to leave.

[55]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

And for some people, the parents can't wait for the kid to leave.

I think it was pretty mutual with my parents and I at the time.

[PadresFan]

TMagic... Just recently I moved back in with my parents along with my wife and 2 year old daughter. Things have been absolutely great for all of us. We have paid off a significant amount of debt and was able to find renters for the house we moved out of.

My parents are super cool and laidback so I knew we wouldn't have any conflicts with them.

Moving in with them allowed us to improve ourselves financially. And my parents get to spend valuable time with their only granddaughter. As a kid, I never had quality time spent with my grandparents.


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[VDusen04]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

I believe every situation is unique. At different times, living at home in a non-traditional environment (single mother) and in a more traditional family environment (father, step mother, two young brothers) has been invaluable to me throughout my 20's. With any money I earned in my early 20's going toward my college tuition, I didn't exactly have a feasible alternative option. Though, I admit I sometimes became a little jealous of friends who were attending college and living in apartments and whatnot. I'd always think, "Where is all their money coming from? How are they affording to pay tuition and live on their own right now?"

Either way, I do find the negative stigma behind not moving out immediately post-high school to be a little bit unfortunate. Thankfully, I must admit it has not negatively affected any aspects of my life. Perhaps I have just been lucky enough to come across women who did not so readily judge someone just because they were earning a college degree and looking for a career while living at home. In other words, I suppose I'm thankful I haven't surrounded myself with shallow folk.

Regarding the true life values that I hear many foreign countries live by regarding shared family homes, I believe in those too. Most everyone needs their space at some point, but I find strong family bonds make much more sense than yearning to separate as quick as humanly possible for no good reason other to prove to a world that doesn't care that you actually can.

As a quick sidenote, for the sake of information, the numbers regarding people in their 20's living at home are startling. According to a New York Post article, upwards of 85% of college graduates are moving home at least temporarily. Perhaps more realistically, CNN ran a story last year stating 41% of 25-29 year olds are living at home.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/business/of_college_grads_return_to_nest_kjMXejGjOymsRom3pz9gaM

http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/26/living...ome/index.html

[slickdtc]

If the price is right, getting your own place is worth it.

I was paying same amount of rent to live at my fiancé's parents house as I am to rent this apartment with my fiancé and her brother.

Yeah if I could live at home rent-free, it would be worth it. But I never saved my money because I didn't have to... If I could go back now, it would be different... I'd have more money then I know what to do with after paying rent/power since I moved out.

[NYJets]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

As a quick sidenote, for the sake of information, the numbers regarding people in their 20's living at home are startling. According to a New York Post article, upwards of 85% of college graduates are moving home at least temporarily. Perhaps more realistically, CNN ran a story last year stating 41% of 25-29 year olds are living at home.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/business/of_college_grads_return_to_nest_kjMXejGjOymsRom3pz9gaM

http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/26/living...ome/index.html

Seems about right. And while the economy is a big part of it, it isn't just that. I know plenty of people who graduated college 1-3 years ago, who have found good paying jobs in their field, but still live at home.

Definitely depends on your situation. The right time to move out can be different for everybody.

[RockinDaMike]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

I don't think anything is wrong with it as long as you are working your way to getting your own place or have goals set to move out eventually. If you lose your job, just got out of school I think its fine so that you can get on your feet and be settled without struggling. I do think though you have to get out eventually or else how you are going to learn to take care of yourself when your parents are gone. Also if you aren't contributing in some way, wtf are you doing?

I've been raised to be independent and how to take care of my finances so luckily I never had the need to go back home since I turned 19. It's not to say I didn't struggle because I certainly did and at points in my 20's I was very irresponsible with money but learned how to sacrifice and "make it work" like my parents did.

I had to work 3 jobs at 1 point to make sure I got out of jams. Did side jobs, did whatever it took to make it. My parents did that too, came to America, my dad worked 2 jobs for 30 years and my mom would too different parts of the year and work crazy overtime. It was rough not seeing them but I see why they worked so hard to take of their family and their future.

Now if my parents get sick then there is no questions asked, I will take care of them. It's Filipino culture that you take care of your parents when they are old as they took care of you when you were young but its not about that. Just knowing how hard they worked for me, I can't turn my back on them ever.

I'm hoping with all the work I'm doing that I'll be able to build a nest for them some day because they deserve it more than anyone I know. They don't know it but I keep them in mind every time I work and want to give up, I always say "mom and pop never gave up so stop whining!"

[cjonesfan921]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

Now if my parents get sick then there is no questions asked, I will take care of them. It's Filipino culture that you take care of your parents when they are old as they took care of you when you were young but its not about that. Just knowing how hard they worked for me, I can't turn my back on them ever.

I'm hoping with all the work I'm doing that I'll be able to build a nest for them some day because they deserve it more than anyone I know. They don't know it but I keep them in mind every time I work and want to give up, I always say "mom and pop never gave up so stop whining!"

That's my situation right now. Before my father had a stroke, they never asked me for anything and I was pretty much a spoiled kid. However when I was 19, he had a stroke and is permanently disabled. I'll never not take care of them, without them I wouldn't be where I am at.

I am grateful everyday to be making a decent living and be able to support my family.

[jeremym480]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

I agree with 55. Sure there's nothing wrong with living with your parents when you're in school or even a couple of years out of school, but there comes a point in a man's life where he needs to get out on his own.

For me, that was when I was 19. Looking back maybe it wasn't the best decision. However, my 19 year old self would've rather struggled (like I did) and lived check to check, than to have to depend on my parents.

[RockinDaMike]

Re: Does It Make Much Sense To "Leave The Nest"?

Magic your first post reminded me how my parents and their brothers/sisters first migrated to America.

When my parents migrated to America from the Philippines, they lived in a pretty big house with 6 other siblings, their kids, cousins and also my dad's parents. It was packed in that house lol.

They all pulled their weight together as they figured out what they were going to do in a new country. They all eventually found their own places but its because they had a chance to save and be there for each other. You didn't need to find a baby sitter, it was like being raised by a whole village. The bond I have with my cousins is like they are my brothers and sisters.

Even when my parents bought a house, my grandpa from my mom's side lived and helped raise my siblings and I. I learned a lot from him so I it was very valuable to have him as the "3rd parent" as my parents worked 2 jobs each.

That upbringing rubbed off me and my other family too. We all eventually lived with each other as I rented out rooms and my other house to family.

It gave me a chance to save a lot of money instead having to put all my money into two mortgages but now that I look at it, having to rely on family has built our bond even stronger because we all pulled together as a team.

So I'm all for family helping each other out but people need to pull their weight and the young adults need to do the bulk of the work in the house if the parents are there.

Now its time for me to migrate to the Philippines (funny how things come in full circle) and I'll be relying on family a lot like my parents did over 30 years ago as I learn a new culture and language.