Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

[55]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I was actually talking about the hidden video game trait thing, LOL.

Yeah, I thought that was pretty obvious.

[wwharton]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I was actually talking about the hidden video game trait thing, LOL.

Obvious to everybody BUT you, lol

[TheMatrix31]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I dunno, I figured thats what you were referring to but then I read the second part of your post about the cops and thought maybe you were just throwing your two cents in lol

[bigbob]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I made the original post, and even I thought it was obvious what Matrix was implying.

[gopher_guy]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I'm like EXTREMELY unmotivated when it comes to school/real world stuff. If it doesn't have to anything to do with sports, video games, drinking (on the weekends), or other fun stuff, I don't have much interest in it.

I've barely gotten by in college doing the minimum amount of work possible. Now it's to the point where I am a senior in college and I haven't even gotten an internship yet.

I don't need one to graduate or anything, and some of my friends are in the same boat as I am (as far as not having a job/internship lined up), so I am not in total panic mode, although maybe I should be, haha. But now I am starting to realize "crap, I wish I could go back 4 years and come into college with a better attitude so I could get myself some better grades and be more aggressive in finding a job..."

[18 eighty 5]

I am about to become divorced. Papers going through soon. We communicate well and get along. Still, I go through periods of grief and shame that it went this way.

[The_Wise_One]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I have an insane fear of cats. Like, really bad. Can't even look at them.

[Quint75]

I am about to become divorced. Papers going through soon. We communicate well and get along. Still, I go through periods of grief and shame that it went this way.

Hang in there man. It will get TONS better. I know, I have been through it.

[Taur3asi3]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Seeing some of the incredibly brave people here has inspired me to post some of mine that no one knows.

When I was 15 one of my best friends, Jill, died from Cystic Fibrosis. I'm 25 now, I've suffered from bouts of horrible depression since then, and I can pinpoint that event as the one that turned me into what I am now. In my current state I don't let myself get attached to people, not even people I'm "friends" with. Last year at my school we had layoffs of professors and at my school the students tend to get close and bond with their teachers and everyone was so outraged and upset and I felt awful because I felt indifferent to it on a personal level.

When I was 13 I was rejected by a girl I had a huge crush on in school in front of about 15 assorted classmates. As a result I generally don't make my feelings known, in fact I've become quite adept at hiding them, and thus most of the time if I'm interested or crushing on a girl it's unrequited.

Before these 2 events happened I was just your everyday, run of the mill, perfectly normal kid. Now I really don't feel like I get people or belong anywhere. I never fit in at any point but now when I see people at my school or where ever interacting and emoting with each other I feel like an alien on safari or something. I fee like I'm witnessing some exotic culture or doing some type of sociological or anthropological experiment.

I can't listen to Fast Car by Tracy Chapman without crying my eyes out. No idea why but that song just completely and utterly wrecks me. It's the damnedest thing, I have no explanation for it and it started about 6 or so years ago but yeah, it destroys me. I heard it once while shopping at the Bose store in the mall and I had to go to another store.

Being able to do graphic design, digital painting, and stuff like that has probably been my life's saving grace. If I couldn't express myself through that stuff I'd probably have gone mad or worse.

I've never, not once, in my life had an alcoholic drink. I never really go out with friends, never in high school, don't socialize with anyone from school outside of school.

I enjoy opera, theater, classical music, wear an ascot once in a blue moon, and usually dress nicely and as a result an awful lot of people think I'm gay. I'm not and people seem to be astonished by that fact.

Being a fan of pro wrestling has also been a saving grace of my life. It more than anything has gotten me through horrible times, it's my ultimate comfort food.

I think that's enough soul cleansing for now. I think that covers just about everything major but if I think of anything else I'll post again.

I feel a bit better, getting it all out finally is kind of cathartic.

[NoDakHusker]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I've got some beans to spill. This won't be easy for me, but I need to get it off my chest as have few people I confide this type of information to. I don't even know if this will make any sense to you guys.

-I'm 22 years old. I've been dealing with horrible anxiety on a daily basis for over 4 years now. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I worry far too much about the silliest of things. 99% of the time, I get worked up over nothing. I've learned to better manage my anxiety in the past year or so(not by using meds, never have taken them, never will), but I still have my moments when the anxious feelings are just too overwhelming.

-I used to love my job until a few months ago when they moved me from one department of the company to another. I can't stand this new department. It stresses me out and doesn't help the anxiety I already deal with personally. I tried dealing with it for a while and tried being positive. I would go into work each day with a smile on my face and act happy around my co-workers, laughing and pretending I enjoyed the job. But I hated it. Inside I was a complete mess. I still am, to some extent. I went home each day miserable and would dread the next day I had to go back. Life wasn't enjoyable anymore, the job literally sucked the life out of me.

One day, I finally broke down to my manager as I couldn't hold it in any longer. I cried, which isn't something that I usually do and it takes a lot to get me to that point. Thankfully he's pretty much the coolest guy ever and understood what I was going through. I've since taken a leave of absence from work to sort things out in my life. I'm currently looking for a new job in the mean time and I'm also looking at my options to return to school to pursue something I really want to do. So things are starting to look better in that regard. Though I still feel very mentally exhausted from that job, I'm using this time to clear my head and get back to feeling like my old self.

-I'm not a social person at all. I'm not good at meeting new people or striking up random conversations. I think some of this comes from the fact that I was a military kid. My dad served in the Air Force and as a result my family moved around a lot. Making new friends in each new place wasn't easy. It was made harder by all the moving around that the relationships were often short-lived. Saying good-bye over and over got really old, if there were any good-byes to be had in the first place.

Generally, I prefer to keep to myself. Video games, watching sports and writing music keep me busy enough that I don't care to have many friends. The people I'm closest to are my parents and my sister, who I have great relationships with. I love them more than anything.

-I feel weird about saying this for some reason, though it's not a bad thing: I'm a hopeless romantic. While I'm not so much of a social person, I do wish to find 'the one.' I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish this, but I've tried the online dating thing with some mild success. It's much easier for me to communicate through writing rather than speech, at least initially. I can plan my thoughts out in a more organized manner and there's much less pressure.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. It feels great to get this out there.

[Candyman5]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Well this is probably the biggest secret I have.

I am a Pure Virgin. When I say pure I mean I have done less than some nuns. You name it I probably havent done it. I am 23 about to be 24 in May and I would be lying if I said I don't think about it ALL the time. Lol.

The problem is I thinks its my Morals that get in the way of it. There was a party that I was at where all the kids were in the bottom floor partying while the parents and adults were upstairs partying. Well this girl that I really liked (was trashed btw) came up to me in the hallway and started to kiss me and my neck then asked me if I wanted to come into her room. Well I wasn't drunk at all, maybe had half a beer since at that time it was just as entertaining watching all these morons act the fool and my first time getting to drink. Well my immediate thought like any other young boy was like f*** yeah but then I started thinking about it. She is drunk and never came onto me before and I was not. Am I taking advantage of the situation? What if somehow something ****s up and she become pregnant, would she actual enjoy having my as her kids dad? What would her parents say given the situation? Most of all my morals kicked in and something just told me this isn't right so instead I walk back with her to her room and she lays in bed and I kind of sit there with her for a couple of minutes. Of course she is trying to do stuff and I keep coming up with stuff to get her detracted until she finally passes out. Then I just leave her be and go back to the party. The next day I see her in the basement and ask her if she remembers last night, she kind of looks at me and says yeah. I remember it all then there's this awkward silence until some other people come down stairs like 2 minutes later.

Here's the biggest kicker, about a week later she comes out and says she is a Lesbian. Of course in my mind i'm like, "Was it because I didn't do anything with her that caused her to convert fully?" Lol. I know it sounds stupid but based on the events that transpired I cant help but think that.

There have also been other girls that I have known that wanted to have sex but I knew that they wanted a relationship with me and I didnt feel that way back so as in not to hurt them I chose not to.

But seeing how all these guys I know that are absolute *******s or have no morals at all succeed with finding a girl and such while I that have respected people struggle pisses me off. It seems like its a giant slap to the face to me.

[jbd345]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Now I know I posted before in this thread saying I am too scared to make a move on women and regret not doing so just want to give a really good example on it.

There is this girl I work with, that I meet two years ago and have become good friends with, To the point were I could talk to her just about anything, except the following I'm about to reveal. Over the last few years I have realized I have developed feelings for her, but I am too scared to tell her. Not to mention she's currently trying to get back together with her ex and its almost killing me inside that she is. I'm not one reveal secrets about myself so I'm hoping this helps a bit.

I feel I have missed the perfect opportunity to ask her out and Ill explain. One night last summer both of us were closing our department together and i got the sense she was flirting with me. Now after I realized this I kept telling myself "ask her out, just do it" but never did, and regretted it ever since. About three weeks later she started talking to her ex again. Now I'm a person who put others before myself rather than putting myself before others (if that makes sense) so I don't want to be "that guy" who ruins it for her getting back with her ex.

I don't know maybe I'm just thinking too much into this and making more than what it actually is. We text every other day or so, I've hanged out with her a few times and I've taken her to a few Bills games as well. When it's just the two of us hanging out or working together we are in constant conversation, so there is never really an awkward moment. Never really told anybody this in this much detail before.

[Candyman5]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Now I know I posted before in this thread saying I am too scared to make a move on women and regret not doing so just want to give a really good example on it.

There is this girl I work with, that I meet two years ago and have become good friends with, To the point were I could talk to her just about anything, except the following I'm about to reveal. Over the last few years I have realized I have developed feelings for her, but I am too scared to tell her. Not to mention she's currently trying to get back together with her ex and its almost killing me inside that she is. I'm not one reveal secrets about myself so I'm hoping this helps a bit.

I feel I have missed the perfect opportunity to ask her out and Ill explain. One night last summer both of us were closing our department together and i got the sense she was flirting with me. Now after I realized this I kept telling myself "ask her out, just do it" but never did, and regretted it ever since. About three weeks later she started talking to her ex again. Now I'm a person who put others before myself rather than putting myself before others (if that makes sense) so I don't want to be "that guy" who ruins it for her getting back with her ex.

I don't know maybe I'm just thinking too much into this and making more than what it actually is. We text every other day or so, I've hanged out with her a few times and I've taken her to a few Bills games as well. When it's just the two of us hanging out or working together we are in constant conversation, so there is never really an awkward moment. Never really told anybody this in this much detail before.

Im the same way man. I thinks thats part of the reason Im in the problem I posted before yours.

[slickdtc]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Maybe it's just me, but if I were hanging out with a girl that much (working, texting, going to games), I don't see how it can be so hard to ask, "So what does this make us? Just friends or do you want more?"

You have some sort of relationship with her. It seems like a lot of you guys go out of your way to put yourself in the friend zone. If you're spending a good amount of time with someone, I don't think it's unreasonable to suspect they like you on a more intimate level. Not always, but some of your guys stories seem so obvious and you trip over your selves. Girls do lead guys on and don't realize it or don't want to admit it, but... if you don't put yourself out there, you have only yourself to blame. Girls wait for guys to make the move or ask the question, fair or not.

Now I'm really not one to talk. I've had one girlfriend my whole life, who is now my fiance' after 6+ years (we started dating when I was 16 and she was 18). I kind of stumbled into it... we were at a friends house (he was my best friend, his sister was her best friend), they fell asleep or whatever, we got to talking, started talking on AIM, phone, hanging out by ourselves thereafter. That's not to say I wasn't scared ****less to finally kiss her the first time and it took a longggg time to finally do that. But she was my first and I like to think if I was ever single again, I'd be able to read the signs and wouldn't be so scared or nervous to pursue something more with a girl if we were hanging out a lot. And I'm by no means great in social settings. But geez, some of you guys need to get out of your own way!

As for the thread topic, I don't really have any deep dark secrets. Seriously, this has been here almost a month, and I want to post in it... but I don't have any good stories or secrets. My biggest one was that I go on forums like this and used to (still have an urge now and then) write about my sports video game franchise mode like it was real life. But it's not a secret to you guys because we're all here together.

[TheMatrix31]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Well this is probably the biggest secret I have.

I am a Pure Virgin. When I say pure I mean I have done less than some nuns. You name it I probably havent done it. I am 23 about to be 24 in May and I would be lying if I said I don't think about it ALL the time. Lol.

The problem is I thinks its my Morals that get in the way of it. There was a party that I was at where all the kids were in the bottom floor partying while the parents and adults were upstairs partying. Well this girl that I really liked (was trashed btw) came up to me in the hallway and started to kiss me and my neck then asked me if I wanted to come into her room. Well I wasn't drunk at all, maybe had half a beer since at that time it was just as entertaining watching all these morons act the fool and my first time getting to drink. Well my immediate thought like any other young boy was like f*** yeah but then I started thinking about it. She is drunk and never came onto me before and I was not. Am I taking advantage of the situation? What if somehow something ****s up and she become pregnant, would she actual enjoy having my as her kids dad? What would her parents say given the situation? Most of all my morals kicked in and something just told me this isn't right so instead I walk back with her to her room and she lays in bed and I kind of sit there with her for a couple of minutes. Of course she is trying to do stuff and I keep coming up with stuff to get her detracted until she finally passes out. Then I just leave her be and go back to the party. The next day I see her in the basement and ask her if she remembers last night, she kind of looks at me and says yeah. I remember it all then there's this awkward silence until some other people come down stairs like 2 minutes later.

Here's the biggest kicker, about a week later she comes out and says she is a Lesbian. Of course in my mind i'm like, "Was it because I didn't do anything with her that caused her to convert fully?" Lol. I know it sounds stupid but based on the events that transpired I cant help but think that.

There have also been other girls that I have known that wanted to have sex but I knew that they wanted a relationship with me and I didnt feel that way back so as in not to hurt them I chose not to.

But seeing how all these guys I know that are absolute *******s or have no morals at all succeed with finding a girl and such while I that have respected people struggle pisses me off. It seems like its a giant slap to the face to me.

No shame in that. Seems like you're apologizing for having a conscience. Your morals are your morals. Don't sweat it, dude.