Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

[Husker_OS]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Just helps to know that you're not just holding on when you should give up. After a break up everyone's logic gets cloudy.

It's a daily battle though with my parents. They think I need to admit it's over and move on. They argue with me about it and tell me to quit making excuses and quit trying to shape the situation to the way I want it to be.

I just don't know what the hell to think or do. Do I give up? Do I fight? If I give up I feel like I'll regret it. If I fight I feel like I'm going to be miserable while doing so. But I can't ignore my faith and belief that it's going to work out.

I just don't know.

[Brandon13]

It's a daily battle though with my parents. They think I need to admit it's over and move on. They argue with me about it and tell me to quit making excuses and quit trying to shape the situation to the way I want it to be.

I just don't know what the hell to think or do. Do I give up? Do I fight? If I give up I feel like I'll regret it. If I fight I feel like I'm going to be miserable while doing so. But I can't ignore my faith and belief that it's going to work out.

I just don't know.

Honestly, I think the odds of this working out between you and her are probably very low. It's certainly not an impossibility, but just from what I've read in your posts regarding her and the relationship.. as an outsider, it just seems pretty doubtful that you two are "meant to be," or whatever your view on that may be. I'm always skeptical of the true feelings and future motivations of individuals who just decide to bail on a relationship with the person they supposedly love(d) so much.

That said, screw what I and your parents have to say about it. Your parents have your best interests at heart, I'm sure, but that doesn't necessarily mean their assumptions and advice are the correct path for you. If you feel like you need to try once more to rescue the relationship, I think you should attempt to do it. Just try to be as logical/rational as possible about all of it. If she still doesn't change her mind at that point though, I'd say you have probably received your answer as to how you should proceed forward.

Good luck.

[FlyingFinn]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I had a minor breakdown this afternoon and afterwards decided I need to let someone else in on my situation or trying to deal with all of this on my own was going to eventually do serious damage. So I called one of my best friends tonight and told him(and his wife, I was a groomsmen in the wedding 3 months ago) how wrecked I am right now. Spoke to him for about 30 minutes then he put his wife on the phone and I told her about it all to get her advice.

I want her back and I told my ex as much last time I spoke with her. Anyway, both of them came to the conclusion to just give my ex more time and then ask her to get together to talk. Tell her we need to talk and if afterwards we're sure this is over and done with then I'll let her go for good. More waiting, which sucks but I do agree it needs to be done. At that point she'll have had 2 months to either be sure she's right or think maybe she's not sure it should be over. If after 2 months she's sure that she doesn't to be together then I can accept that. But if she's not fully confident in her decision then things don't need to end. I don't want any unresolved relationships in my past. That won't help either of us if we do marry someone else down the road. I've got an ex right now where she ended things and didn't begin to regret until months later and still to this day she hasn't gotten into another relationship. We broke up for good 2 1/2 years ago. I somewhat feel bad for that girl.

Let her go man... you are hanging on for you, not for her.

[Husker_OS]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Honestly, I think the odds of this working out between you and her are probably very low. It's certainly not an impossibility, but just from what I've read in your posts regarding her and the relationship.. as an outsider, it just seems pretty doubtful that you two are "meant to be," or whatever your view on that may be. I'm always skeptical of the true feelings and future motivations of individuals who just decide to bail on a relationship with the person they supposedly love(d) so much.

That said, screw what I and your parents have to say about it. Your parents have your best interests at heart, I'm sure, but that doesn't necessarily mean their assumptions and advice are the correct path for you. If you feel like you need to try once more to rescue the relationship, I think you should attempt to do it. Just try to be as logical/rational as possible about all of it. If she still doesn't change her mind at that point though, I'd say you have probably received your answer as to how you should proceed forward.

Good luck.

Totally agree, it was a move that I can and already have forgiven her for but there's repair that needs to be done there if we're to get back together.

And yeah I don't think I'd be able to move on anytime soon if I didn't fight for it one last time. At some point in September I'll go after it one last time.

[mb625]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I am absolutely terrified of what other people think of me. To the point at which I'm convinced that no one actually likes me or enjoys my company. Somewhere, deep down, I know that isn't true. But for whatever reason, I can't shake that thought.

Not to take away from the current conversation, but I was just thinking today, and felt I should share what I've been thinking here. Since I posted this here a few months ago, I've been kind of realizing that I'm actually in a lot better place than I perceive myself to be. There's a religious aspect, which I'll avoid due to TOS, but when it comes down to it, I'm certain that I'm surrounded by people who truly care about me and will no matter what happens. So, I just wanted to share that and thank you guys, all of you, for the support you've shown not just me, but everyone with secrets in this thread, it's really fantastic that, though we lead very different lives, many miles apart, we're all really in the same boat in a lot of different ways, and that is really cool to see.

[Phobia]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

This isn't that heavy or dark but is a touchy topic with the fiance.

I don't want kids! I have always told her this and some days she says the same thing, then other days she is "uhhhhh maybe one". I could handle 1 or 2 for certain, I just feel like I'm to selfish for kids (at the moment at least). It is a life time requirement that I don't feel like committing to.

My reasons for not wanting them

• Me and my soon to be wife have a perfect life together. Would hate for anything to ruin that, which kids certainly can.
• They take a ton of time and energy, which I already don't know where I would get more of each.
• They are expensive from diapers, to clothes, to cars, on to college and beyond. Is it fair to financially bring a child that would make it much harder not just for us but also for the child? I say no, it is not. We are making it now but bringing a child in would put a hurt on the check book, such as another $500 a month for daycare.

[Jr.]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

This isn't that heavy or dark but is a touchy topic with the fiance.

I don't want kids! I have always told her this and some days she says the same thing, then other days she is "uhhhhh maybe one". I could handle 1 or 2 for certain, I just feel like I'm to selfish for kids (at the moment at least). It is a life time requirement that I don't feel like committing to.

My reasons for not wanting them

• Me and my soon to be wife have a perfect life together. Would hate for anything to ruin that, which kids certainly can.
• They take a ton of time and energy, which I already don't know where I would get more of each.
• They are expensive from diapers, to clothes, to cars, on to college and beyond. Is it fair to financially bring a child that would make it much harder not just for us but also for the child? I say no, it is not. We are making it now but bringing a child in would put a hurt on the check book, such as another $500 a month for daycare.

I'm similar to your wife. Some days there is no way I would want a child, and others I think it would be awesome. Luckily, my fiancee and I aren't interested in children for a couple more years so I have some more time to grow up. I also think I'm too selfish at this point for a child.

[Melbournelad]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

This isn't that heavy or dark but is a touchy topic with the fiance.

I don't want kids! I have always told her this and some days she says the same thing, then other days she is "uhhhhh maybe one". I could handle 1 or 2 for certain, I just feel like I'm to selfish for kids (at the moment at least). It is a life time requirement that I don't feel like committing to.

My reasons for not wanting them

• Me and my soon to be wife have a perfect life together. Would hate for anything to ruin that, which kids certainly can.
• They take a ton of time and energy, which I already don't know where I would get more of each.
• They are expensive from diapers, to clothes, to cars, on to college and beyond. Is it fair to financially bring a child that would make it much harder not just for us but also for the child? I say no, it is not. We are making it now but bringing a child in would put a hurt on the check book, such as another $500 a month for daycare.

In only 16 but I know I want kids one day once I meet the right girl. One of the reasons is something in me is just too arrogant not to want my genes passed on. Lol

[mgoblue]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

This isn't that heavy or dark but is a touchy topic with the fiance.

I don't want kids! I have always told her this and some days she says the same thing, then other days she is "uhhhhh maybe one". I could handle 1 or 2 for certain, I just feel like I'm to selfish for kids (at the moment at least). It is a life time requirement that I don't feel like committing to.

My reasons for not wanting them

• Me and my soon to be wife have a perfect life together. Would hate for anything to ruin that, which kids certainly can.
• They take a ton of time and energy, which I already don't know where I would get more of each.
• They are expensive from diapers, to clothes, to cars, on to college and beyond. Is it fair to financially bring a child that would make it much harder not just for us but also for the child? I say no, it is not. We are making it now but bringing a child in would put a hurt on the check book, such as another $500 a month for daycare.

I'd just make sure she's really ok with not having kids (if that's what you want). You don't want her being all mad at you all the time in 5 years because she secretly did want kids and figured you'd change after you got married.

Just have to be on the same page with her, otherwise that can cause marital problems down the line. Stuff I learned in our weeks of marriage prep that does actually make sense lol

[Phobia]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I'd just make sure she's really ok with not having kids (if that's what you want). You don't want her being all mad at you all the time in 5 years because she secretly did want kids and figured you'd change after you got married.

Just have to be on the same page with her, otherwise that can cause marital problems down the line. Stuff I learned in our weeks of marriage prep that does actually make sense lol

Oh trust me we have been together going on 8 years, its has come up plenty. I would give in and produce a child before I let it ruin us. I'm just hoping she sticks with the "I'm ok not having any". If not, then oh well time to man up little more and take the responsibility by the horns.

Now with that said, I would still rather not have any and just enjoy our life.

[mgoblue]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Oh trust me we have been together going on 8 years, its has come up plenty. I would give in and produce a child before I let it ruin us. I'm just hoping she sticks with the "I'm ok not having any". If not, then oh well time to man up little more and take the responsibility by the horns.

Now with that said, I would still rather not have any and just enjoy our life.

I totally see both sides...I happen to want kids, but you bring up good points too.

I know you have a good head on your shoulders, just see a lot of people get married thinking that it'll change their future spouse, when it really doesn't...

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Wow, I read this whole thread yesterday and today. Bless all the brave souls here for sharing some painful and private stuff, and bless all the guys here who poured out support to them. OS can be a really great place.

Also...tricky thread to moderate. Nice work by the mods on walking the tightrope.

I have also written off certain family members for causing myself and other family members too much pain. I believe in second chances, but not in fifteenth chances if you know what I mean. Just because you are blood-related to someone doesn't mean that you are chained to them for life. In fact, very few of my blood relatives (possibly only my dad) would come before my closest friends if I really thought about it.

55...you and me man. Wish we could go to a steak and fries dinner sometime at a good sports bar and have a full-evening chat about life.

I don't have that issue with a blood relative, but absolutely with one of my stepsons. I just can't write a short post about him though; too much history and too many examples to cite to make an endurable read, lol.



Besides that, I can certainly feel a lot of what's been said in this thread.

My first kiss wasn't until I was 18 and out of high school. No sex until I was 19, and I'm not sure I was ready even then, in retrospect.



To you guys who have been taken to the brink by a relationship to contemplate suicide, I understand that. That was certainly the case after my 'first kiss' girl, who was my 'first love'. I was 18 and completely swept up in all these INTENSE, new feelings. We were dating for a few months, I take a trip for ONE week, come back and she's MARRIED and will not talk to me...at all. Total ignore. No matter what I did, she acted as if I wasn't there.

That made me quit my job (we were co-workers, another Golden Lesson learned), and try to move on, but I was seriously screwed up for a good six months after. It was the worst at night...that's when the bad thoughts came, and for awhile, they came frequently. I never told anyone about that. I've always been viewed as Mr. Even Keel, you know?

Damned mid-80's breakup songs were brutal and I got a new job in a stereo store...started blubbering in front of a customer once when Michael MacDonald and Patti LaBelle came on singing "On My Own". LOL

Anyway, since I got NO closure with my ex, that was an open wound longer than it should have been but the point is you do get through it with time. You just gotta get up every morning. Like Tom Hanks said in Cast Away, you have to keep breathing.

In retrospect, I should have talked about it to friends instead of keeping it inside. If message boards existed in 1985 like OS, I would have been MUCH better, MUCH faster. This thread in particular is great for this purpose; but there are also a few of you whom I would have no hesitation to PM about it if I needed to, and my virtual door is always open for you guys.



I was overweight in middle school and junior high, and teased pretty cruelly about it. I was always a gentle giant type with a sense of humor, but man, it hurt inside a lot. However, playing football in 8th grade and high school turned the teasing into respect.



My wife's ex-husband is in prison for crimes against her and the kids (let's leave it at that, but some of you know what that means)...my wife and I are trained in firearms and self defense for when he gets out in a few years. The good news is the kids are all grown and doing well despite him, but two of them still experience some PTSD and depression. My wife also lives with depression and PTSD.

On that note, my ex-wife is clinically depressed and my blood son from that marriage (18 and doing fine, living back in WA now, post-graduation) is also clinically depressed.



Finally, I get how some of you feel like it would be fine with you if you didn't wake up tomorrow. I feel that way too at times. I do NOT feel suicidal, but I'd be fine with dying tomorrow if that was in the cards. I'm only 46, but I go through bouts of feeling tired of life, tired of the bad in the world, and tired of feeling like I just don't matter anymore.

What keeps me breathing is that I remember each one of us, every one of you guys, is like a sun. The people we love are like planets that depend on us, love us, and need us...and that their lives revolve around us. If we were to be extinguished, their lives would be thrown into chaos. For you fathers, you know what I mean...as you revolve around your wife and your children. It's all reciprocal.

Maybe a person doesn't matter to the world, or the universe. But you damn sure matter to more people than you realize. Even if there is only one person in your life that matters, is the pain you are in more than what pain you would inflict on them if you took yourself out? You can't come back and comfort them once it's done.

....


....


Not to mention the fact that I still need to see the Seahawks win a damn Super Bowl.

Thanks for reading fellas. This is a great community.

[PadresFan]

Lt. Dan sure knows what he is talking about so I want to touch on one thing regarding relationships and breakups.

At one time (late high school and.college years), I was in a serious 5 year dating relationship. We talked about marriage, kids and even looked at houses. I thought she was the one.

Until... she cheated on me and lied about it. I broke it off right after because I couldn't tolerate it. I had and will cheat on anyone and it made me feel horrible. I couldn't fathom doing that to someone else.

However... We did hang out a few times as friends but it was never the same. She became a different person and I really wanted nothing to do with her.

Well... Life went on. I focused on my career. Went through the police academy and phase training as a single man and without distractions.

Then... Along came my future wife. I wasn't even looking to date anyone at the time but it just happened. She was everything I was looking for without looking for her.

I know this was a bit long but my underlying message is something better WILL ALWAYS come along. You learn from previous relationships in order to really know what you want and when you least expect it, IT WILL happen.

Please don't resort to harming yourselves because life is full of lessons. I always tell people in my line of work when I deal with these situations that it is important to remember how you felt when you were cheated on or lied to. If you get back together, remember how hurtful that was. I guarantee there is someone out there, just gotta be patient.

Trust, at least for me, is hard to earn back. It is especially hard to continue a relationship with integrity concerns.

Thanks for reading. It probably took me twice the time to type it on my phone...
Sent from my SCH-I510 using Tapatalk 2

[SinisterAlex]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I never knew this thread existed! Now that I've read a few pages, I thought I'd share quick little funny and embarrassing story.

Spoiler

I don't remember my exact age, if I had to guess I was probably around 11-13 years old. My parents had just purchased our first satellite T.V dish. They had purchased they most expensive package with pretty much all the channels. You guys can probably guess what happens from here....

Being the curious little boy I was at the time, I remember going through the whole entire guide seeing what channels we had. So I went through your broadcast channels, sports channels, movie channels, music channels etc until I got to the "restricted" channels. I remember reading some of the names and at the time I didn't know what they mean't at all. I didn't watch any of them that day as it was the middle of the afternoon and everyone was still awake. So at like 4am the next day I got up, carefully opened my squeaky door, tip toed down the hallway and down our creaky stairs and turned on the T.V, turned the volume way down and went straight for those channels.

I only watched one that night. I can't remember the exact name of it but it was something like "Rachel is a naughty girl". I clicked it and was HORRIFIED. I just remember sitting there shocked, scared and literally wondering what the F*** I was watching....... Being so young at the time I didn't know what was going on, why they were doing those things and why it looked so weird. I remember thinking to myself, "Why in the world are they doing this to each other?!"

I watched it for about 5 minutes then just turned off the T.V and sat on the couch thinking about it. It took me days or even weeks before I had gotten those images out of my head.

Just thought I'd share that haha.

[Husker_OS]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Lt. Dan sure knows what he is talking about so I want to touch on one thing regarding relationships and breakups.

At one time (late high school and.college years), I was in a serious 5 year dating relationship. We talked about marriage, kids and even looked at houses. I thought she was the one.

Until... she cheated on me and lied about it. I broke it off right after because I couldn't tolerate it. I had and will cheat on anyone and it made me feel horrible. I couldn't fathom doing that to someone else.

However... We did hang out a few times as friends but it was never the same. She became a different person and I really wanted nothing to do with her.

Well... Life went on. I focused on my career. Went through the police academy and phase training as a single man and without distractions.

Then... Along came my future wife. I wasn't even looking to date anyone at the time but it just happened. She was everything I was looking for without looking for her.

I know this was a bit long but my underlying message is something better WILL ALWAYS come along. You learn from previous relationships in order to really know what you want and when you least expect it, IT WILL happen.

Please don't resort to harming yourselves because life is full of lessons. I always tell people in my line of work when I deal with these situations that it is important to remember how you felt when you were cheated on or lied to. If you get back together, remember how hurtful that was. I guarantee there is someone out there, just gotta be patient.

Trust, at least for me, is hard to earn back. It is especially hard to continue a relationship with integrity concerns.

Thanks for reading. It probably took me twice the time to type it on my phone...
Sent from my SCH-I510 using Tapatalk 2

I'll type what happened yesterday out a little later but things have a way of just happening. It's as if I wasn't going to see the light until **** hit the fan. At some point everyone's true character is revealed and a lot of the times it's not a pretty picture.