Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I'm sad to hear you say that you don't think her view on a word can't change at 12 years old. I won't go any further into it, though, because it's off-topic from your original question and could get into some sensitive areas.

I can't go into this any further due to the fact that any explanation that I can offer now would be skating on the lines of TOS.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

And I agree with Jr. and Millennium. Your daughter will most definitely deal with people like this guy for the rest of her life. You wont be there every time it happens. So now she is learning when somebody is a jerk to her, that person's opinion holds merit, and that the person must be physically dealt with. Neither of which are true.

My daughter suffers from SMA which means she has limited mobility in her arms and all limbs. She will ALWAYS have someone with her, an adult, at all times. She has an aide at school that goes class to class with her. She will live with us her entire life. So yes, I personally may not always be there if something like this happens, but someone will always be there. She is dependent on someone to do the basic functions of life.

No matter what anyone may believe, whether you agree with it or not, the R word is highly offensive and hurtful to my daughter. Period. You can think that she shouldn't let it bother her or "get over it", but it doesn't work like that. Again, I can't explain further because of skating on the lines of TOS.

[kingkilla56]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

My daughter suffers from SMA which means she has limited mobility in her arms and all limbs. She will ALWAYS have someone with her, an adult, at all times. She has an aide at school that goes class to class with her. She will live with us her entire life. So yes, I personally may not always be there if something like this happens, but someone will always be there. She is dependent on someone to do the basic functions of life.

No matter what anyone may believe, whether you agree with it or not, the R word is highly offensive and hurtful to my daughter. Period. You can think that she shouldn't let it bother her or "get over it", but it doesn't work like that. Again, I can't explain further because of skating on the lines of TOS.

I understand everything you are saying, and I read your OP; but with all due respect, none of this has anything to do with my point. You cant go around attacking everybody that verbally offends your daughter/upsets you. I think that is what upset your wife in this situation. It wont always end with you sending a man to the hospital and you walking away unscathed.

Additionally, I never implied how your daughter should or shouldn't react to being insulted like she was. Only how you reacted. And for the record all my comments are based on the assumption that the man brushed your daughter's face and glasses accidentally.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I understand everything you are saying, and I read your OP; but with all due respect, none of this has anything to do with my point. You cant go around attacking everybody that verbally offends your daughter/upsets you. I think that is what upset your wife in this situation. It wont always end with you sending a man to the hospital and you walking away unscathed.

Additionally, I never implied how your daughter should or shouldn't react to being insulted like she was. Only how you reacted. And for the record all my comments are based on the assumption that the man brushed your daughter's face and glasses accidentally.

The man didn't just brush up against her. In the space they were in, an aisle, he basically pushed passed her. He could've easily walked around or asked her to move. That is why I responded the way that I did in demanding that he apologize. I was over an aisle.

When he goes to apologize he gets in front of her and verbally abuses her. Now given the situation, the fact that he just pushed his way passed her, knocking her glasses off, and then verbally abusing her, I wasn't taking any chance that he was going to put his hands on her.

And if I feel that daughter is in any type of danger, I will protect. Whether that is getting her out of a situation, shielding her from the danger, or "taking out the threat" to her, I will always protect her.

I didn't just attack because he verbally abused her. I didn't just attack because he pushed passed her. I attacked because of both of these actions and his demeanor.

[ThreeKing]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I understand everything you are saying, and I read your OP; but with all due respect, none of this has anything to do with my point. You cant go around attacking everybody that verbally offends your daughter/upsets you. I think that is what upset your wife in this situation. It wont always end with you sending a man to the hospital and you walking away unscathed.

Additionally, I never implied how your daughter should or shouldn't react to being insulted like she was. Only how you reacted. And for the record all my comments are based on the assumption that the man brushed your daughter's face and glasses accidentally.

Comments like this irk the hell outta of me. So the guy who was the instigator in this, who not only ignorantly made physical contact, but then unleashed an unwarranted verbal attack on a little girl in a wheelchair no less, but we need to be wary of him?!?

Yeah, **** that. lol

There are definitely times to walk/talk away from certain scenarios, but this isn't one of them. Again, there are loved ones involved here. This isn't your boys at the club, or some idiot at the ballgame mouthing off. People close to you are hurt mentally/physically, it's time to step in.

It isn't about being a super-tough guy, it's just protection.

[Cardot]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

This guy sounds like a major dbag. Although unless I missed something, it doesn't sound like your initial reaction benefited your own situation in any way? It riled up the guy to use the R word. Upset the daughter. Upset the wife. Got you kicked out of the store. Could have escalated to even worse consequences. It doesn't sound like you came away with any sense of satisfaction or payback? I doubt the guy really "learned his lesson" (I assume he is just as much of an ahole now as before).

Was anything gained vs. had you said nothing and let him moved along after the initial interaction?

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

This guy sounds like a major dbag. Although unless I missed something, it doesn't sound like your initial reaction benefited your own situation in any way? It riled up the guy to use the R word. Upset the daughter. Upset the wife. Got you kicked out of the store. Could have escalated to even worse consequences. It doesn't sound like you came away with any sense of satisfaction or payback? I doubt the guy really "learned his lesson" (I assume he is just as much of an ahole now as before).

Was anything gained vs. had you said nothing and let him moved along after the initial interaction?

It wasn't about payback, it was about protection.

Yes something was gained, I protected my daughter.

[Cardot]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Yes I protected my daughter.

Ah, ok. Sorry, that was the part I didn't fully comprehend. It sounded like the initial push was obnoxious, rude, inappropriate and a lot of things, but at that point not a dangerous sitution. It sounded like he was ready to mosy his way along until you engaged him.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Ah, ok. Sorry, that was the part I didn't fully comprehend. It sounded like the initial push was obnoxious, rude, inappropriate and a lot of things, but at that point not a dangerous sitution. It sounded like he was ready to mosy his way along until you engaged him.

That may be true, but a little background on my daughter. Due to her condition she is, for lack of a better term, fragile. So much to the point that if I were to just pick her up and carry her as you would a bride over the threshold, I could potentially break her legs. Her bones in her arms and legs are the thickness of a number 2 pencil. That is one reason I reacted the way I did, but also for the fact that he knew exactly what he was doing. He could've easily walked around as others did to get to the aisle or could've asked her to move. but no, he chose to push his way passed her, which was completely uncalled for.

[Matt10]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

That may be true, but a little background on my daughter. Due to her condition she is, for lack of a better term, fragile. So much to the point that if I were to just pick her up and carry her as you would a bride over the threshold, I could potentially break her legs. Her bones in her arms and legs are the thickness of a number 2 pencil. That is one reason I reacted the way I did, but also for the fact that he knew exactly what he was doing. He could've easily walked around as others did to get to the aisle or could've asked her to move. but no, he chose to push his way passed her, which was completely uncalled for.

Have you and your wife thought about asking your daughter how she would want you to handle those situations if they were to present themselves again?

While I'm sure they both appreciate your determination to defend them, now that it's in the past, asking them that question could bring you all closer, and your wife wouldn't be mad anymore.

You have to think about it in terms of pride. Our pride as fathers and husbands usually go beyond what is logical. I would have done the same thing you did: step in front of my child to protect them, and find a way that directly impacts this person - and I know I'd be heated (just thinking about putting my son in her shoes makes me clench my fists), so the same result would have happened.

It's now about focusing on the positives of the situation. Everyone is safe, everyone still has eachother. Now don't take these moments for granted and show that you are not going to be prideful alone the next time it happens, but you're going to work as a team (countryboy, countrywife and countrydaughter) so the next time you'll be celebrating the moral victory versus searching for justification.

[Phobia]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I would of hit him.......just me being honest. I'll deal with the consequences afterwords. Some people need to have the **** kicked out of them because they know most people won't do them a thing. The "guy" knows right from wrong, he knows he is a piece of ****. Some people will just give him the justice he deserves, others will take his aggressive demeanor and turn away from the confrontation. I don't agree with this PC route, its like a child you want to teach how to be respectful. If you allow your child to "run the roost" without penalty. Soon that child will know what he/she can get away with, jokers like this know they can get away with their actions with no repercussions. Your step daughter knows right from wrong also and will come to understand why you protected her the way you did. Hurt my family, I hurt you. Its very simple, don't cross that line.

Just who I am and if it makes me a terrible person oh well.

[dickey1331]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I think what you did was 100% correct. I would have done the same thing.

People in general say sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt. I think that saying is a bunch of bull****.

[SuperBowlNachos]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Dude you're lucky that situation didnt get any worse than it did. That guy you attacked could have had a weapon and felt the need to use it on you, while your daughter and wife were on scene. What if he had a firearm and decided to shoot? You would have compromised the safety of your family and everyone in the area. You dont know this man nor what he's capable of. Please do not attack strangers unless you MUST defend yourself.

Try to keep a cool head next time something like this happens. Your wife is wise to be upset at this situation imo. You dont know what a random person on the street is capable of.

Exactly what I was going to say. If this unfortunately ever happens again I would just whip out the cell phone and start recording. Ask him to repeat what he just said (not that he would) and take it to the local news. An *** whipping only does so much. Public shaming is a lot harsher and the only way people like this will even start to learn.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Exactly what I was going to say. If this unfortunately ever happens again I would just whip out the cell phone and start recording. Ask him to repeat what he just said (not that he would) and take it to the local news. An *** whipping only does so much. Public shaming is a lot harsher and the only way people like this will even start to learn.

Why in the world would I ask him to repeat something that makes my daughter feel downright awful?

And a butt whipping teaches someone that messing with my child/family will get you hurt. The fact that he did this in a public place, leads me to believe that a "public shaming" would've done little to alter his attitude.

[Yeah...THAT Guy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Wow, I can't believe someone would say something like that.

I've been attacked a couple times in my life, but never fought back against them. I'm not big by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm quick enough to dodge people's attacks more often than not, and I don't believe in getting physical with people unless I'm in serious trouble.

Having said that, I think that situation might have been enough for me to snap too. Can't blame you at all for responding the way you did.

At the same time, I agree with the others that said you're lucky it didn't escalate any more than it did.