Self-conscious about my lack of success

[pw_1016]

I am 33. I graduated college at 24 with a b.s. in marketing but I have never had a good job that requires a degree (long story). I am somewhat uncomfortable interacting with people,especially if I know they are more successful than me. When I talk to people, I constantly find myself comparing myself to them or comparing my journey to their journey in life. I wish I could stop doing this because it really gets me down. One of my good friends is 35 and he never went to college but is very successful and has a nice house and car. He rarely speaks to me and almost never makes plans with me but the friends that he hangs out with are very successful plus they drink alot just like him (I rarely drink). Anyone else feel self-conscious around other people, especially if they are more successful than you? Do you feel your friends don't hang around you as much because you are not as successful as them? Those of you who are in your 30s or older know what I am talking about.

[seasprite]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Have no idea what you are talking about, but if you are having such issues with self esteem, which that is what this sounds like, perhaps talking with a counselor will help some.

[mgoblue]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

I think we kinda move apart from some friends over time naturally...I separately agree with therapy on your esteem though.

I have some best friends in college who now I don't relate to very well, so we are friends on FB and stuff, but don't really talk much. As people get older they change a bit.

[HealyMonster]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

I am 33. I graduated college at 24 with a b.s. in marketing but I have never had a good job that requires a degree (long story). I am somewhat uncomfortable interacting with people,especially if I know they are more successful than me. When I talk to people, I constantly find myself comparing myself to them or comparing my journey to their journey in life. I wish I could stop doing this because it really gets me down. One of my good friends is 35 and he never went to college but is very successful and has a nice house and car. He rarely speaks to me and almost never makes plans with me but the friends that he hangs out with are very successful plus they drink alot just like him (I rarely drink). Anyone else feel self-conscious around other people, especially if they are more successful than you? Do you feel your friends don't hang around you as much because you are not as successful as them? Those of you who are in your 30s or older know what I am talking about.

Hey bud, I get what you are say and going through.

I have had an issue similar basically my whole life. No matter what I accomplish, no matter where I am in life, I'm always judging myself compared to others or looking to get to the next thing, the better thing.

I own a pretty nice house, have a nice truck, good job, 2 kids, my wife doesn't have to work, yada yada, regular American Dream. For. Long time in my head, this wasn't enough, like my nice house, I didn't even care about it or something, it was like it's ok bud one day I'm going to own a mansion. When I would meet people, I would make judgements on how successful they are and it would like make myself feel bad if they were better than me,etc.

For me, all this changed when I had kids. I can't explain it, and I reflect back on it now, and I know it wasn't. Healthy view of life, and I missed out on enjoying some parts of my life because I was wrapped up in moving on to the next better thing.

Now, and I'm 34, not like 50 or something, I appreciate my house and All that I have. I feel fortunate to have a wife that cares about me, and kids that look up to me, and that I'm providing them a better life than I had, and for whatever reason, it's more fulfilling than the way I used to judge my life based on stuff.

If you go to work every day, take care of your responsibilities, then you deserve respect from any man. Especially your friend. I have a bunch of guys I went to hs with I hang out with a lot, most of these dudes either still live with their parents, or are like living with roomAtes in their first apartment, have basic jobs, like managing a Burger King or something. I don't even consider how successful they are or aren't in relation to if I am going to have a relationship with them. They are my buddies, no matter what.

I realized, and you will too that you control you. You do the best you can every day, and you are entitled to do what makes you happy. Like I said, you handle your business any man who refuses to show you respect because of the title of you position or the amount of your paycheck doesn't deserve to be in your life.

Easy to see, hard to feel brother. I was able to change my view of the world, in part because of my view of the world after having kids. You will get there, keep your head up.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Is there anything more subjective than one's idea of success though?

It might just be easier to change your definition of it. Success isn't necessarily having a lot of material wealth.

[fistofrage]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

When I got out of college years ago, the economy tanked. I couldn't find anything, had an economics degree and a minor in business. Couldn't find a job. Down on my luck and needing a job, I went around looking for places that needed some help and saw a hotel needed a night auditor so I went in for an application. Unfortunately they had just filled the position. As I was walking out, they said they had an opening for a van driver and running room service. I needed money so I took it and went back for my accounting degree. The hotel fed me and I had enough cash to afford my crappy apartment. I was wondering how the heck do I get where I think I need to be. And who are these people with a nice house and 2 nice cars in the garage, how do I get there from here?


My friends that I went to college with, some found some really good jobs, others were in my shoes just treading water.

One day I went to the airport on a van run to pick up some guests and some guys that I went to college with were just returning from a business trip. I had to do my job, grab their luggage and take them back to the hotel. I could tell they got a pretty good chuckle about me driving a van.

That was my wake up call. I control my own destiny. I can either feel sorry for myself or I can get after it. I swallowed what pride I had left and busted it, hustled and was the best van driver and room service person I could be and the best student I could be. Finished up my accounting degree in a year and made $20,000 in tips that year, cash in hand. Still had a hard time finding a legit job. Finally I got a job managing a retail store, then applied for an accounting job and finally got something in my field.

Got promoted to manager, then they said they would pay for my masters degree. Not wanting to waste that opportunity, I got a 4.0 in finance. More doors opened up and bought a decent bachelor pad, then found my wife had the kids and next thing I knew I had the nice house and 2 nice cars, golfing every weekend, active in the kids lives, and for the most part do what I want. Now I'm LinkedIn contacts with those guys I picked up at the airport and I'm right there with them or surpassed them as far as a career.

But when I got there, I was thinking, how do I get more? Then I thought about it. And realized I don't need any more, I don't even want any more. This is enough and now my sole goal is to make sure my kids get to have the same opportunity to get to where I am.

Long story short, I realized that there isn't much difference between the ultra rich and your average person. For the most part we can eat the same food if you prepare it yourself, enjoy the same activities like sporting events, watch the same shows, it's not the difference between a peasant and a king like it was a few hundred years ago. Get to where YOU want to be and enjoy it.

Bottom line, appreciate what you have and if you aren't happy, as long as you are healthy you have the ability to get whatever you want. Count your blessings, focus on the positive and take it upon yourself to change the things that you can.

The best advice I can give somebody who needs to move up and advance your career. You don't have to be the smartest person, you just have to be the quickest to respond. People will view you as the go to person because when they ask you for something, you are the one who makes sure it gets done and they know you take the requests seriously. You turn into the valuable go to guy. The quickest way top get left behind is not actively responding to requests.

The other advice I can give, watch the news, read some books and be able to talk on a wide variety of subjects. Talk to people whenever you can. You never know when you will strike up the right conversation at the right time. As long as you have your health, there is no reason you can't get to where you want to be.

Good luck. It's hard to not get down at times, everyone does, but you have a lot going for you with already having a degree. Make some short term goals and get busy and start checking them off your list and your long term goals will start to fall into place.

[kehlis]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

I am 33. I graduated college at 24 with a b.s. in marketing but I have never had a good job that requires a degree (long story). I am somewhat uncomfortable interacting with people,especially if I know they are more successful than me. When I talk to people, I constantly find myself comparing myself to them or comparing my journey to their journey in life. I wish I could stop doing this because it really gets me down. One of my good friends is 35 and he never went to college but is very successful and has a nice house and car. He rarely speaks to me and almost never makes plans with me but the friends that he hangs out with are very successful plus they drink alot just like him (I rarely drink). Anyone else feel self-conscious around other people, especially if they are more successful than you? Do you feel your friends don't hang around you as much because you are not as successful as them? Those of you who are in your 30s or older know what I am talking about.

Sorry man but life sucks. What have you done since your last "woe is me" thread to make it better?

I too am 33 with a degree in Marketing. I had to start out at a job that paid 20k and I worked 80 hours a week. I have since moved well on past that point. You can't just expect your dream job to just hit you in the face. You actually have to do something to get it.

You spend all this time complaining about not getting it on the internet when instead you should probably be spending your time making it happen.


This is a great place to vent but if you keep saying the same thing over and over without doing anything about it there isn't much anyone here can do or you.

[pw_1016]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

When I got out of college years ago, the economy tanked. I couldn't find anything, had an economics degree and a minor in business. Couldn't find a job. Down on my luck and needing a job, I went around looking for places that needed some help and saw a hotel needed a night auditor so I went in for an application. Unfortunately they had just filled the position. As I was walking out, they said they had an opening for a van driver and running room service. I needed money so I took it and went back for my accounting degree. The hotel fed me and I had enough cash to afford my crappy apartment. I was wondering how the heck do I get where I think I need to be. And who are these people with a nice house and 2 nice cars in the garage, how do I get there from here?


My friends that I went to college with, some found some really good jobs, others were in my shoes just treading water.

One day I went to the airport on a van run to pick up some guests and some guys that I went to college with were just returning from a business trip. I had to do my job, grab their luggage and take them back to the hotel. I could tell they got a pretty good chuckle about me driving a van.

That was my wake up call. I control my own destiny. I can either feel sorry for myself or I can get after it. I swallowed what pride I had left and busted it, hustled and was the best van driver and room service person I could be and the best student I could be. Finished up my accounting degree in a year and made $20,000 in tips that year, cash in hand. Still had a hard time finding a legit job. Finally I got a job managing a retail store, then applied for an accounting job and finally got something in my field.

Got promoted to manager, then they said they would pay for my masters degree. Not wanting to waste that opportunity, I got a 4.0 in finance. More doors opened up and bought a decent bachelor pad, then found my wife had the kids and next thing I knew I had the nice house and 2 nice cars, golfing every weekend, active in the kids lives, and for the most part do what I want. Now I'm LinkedIn contacts with those guys I picked up at the airport and I'm right there with them or surpassed them as far as a career.

But when I got there, I was thinking, how do I get more? Then I thought about it. And realized I don't need any more, I don't even want any more. This is enough and now my sole goal is to make sure my kids get to have the same opportunity to get to where I am.

Long story short, I realized that there isn't much difference between the ultra rich and your average person. For the most part we can eat the same food if you prepare it yourself, enjoy the same activities like sporting events, watch the same shows, it's not the difference between a peasant and a king like it was a few hundred years ago. Get to where YOU want to be and enjoy it.

Bottom line, appreciate what you have and if you aren't happy, as long as you are healthy you have the ability to get whatever you want. Count your blessings, focus on the positive and take it upon yourself to change the things that you can.

The best advice I can give somebody who needs to move up and advance your career. You don't have to be the smartest person, you just have to be the quickest to respond. People will view you as the go to person because when they ask you for something, you are the one who makes sure it gets done and they know you take the requests seriously. You turn into the valuable go to guy. The quickest way top get left behind is not actively responding to requests.

The other advice I can give, watch the news, read some books and be able to talk on a wide variety of subjects. Talk to people whenever you can. You never know when you will strike up the right conversation at the right time. As long as you have your health, there is no reason you can't get to where you want to be.

Good luck. It's hard to not get down at times, everyone does, but you have a lot going for you with already having a degree. Make some short term goals and get busy and start checking them off your list and your long term goals will start to fall into place.

Thanks for that story. Almost brought a tear to my eye. I love success stories like this !

[pw_1016]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Sorry man but life sucks. What have you done since your last "woe is me" thread to make it better?

I too am 33 with a degree in Marketing. I had to start out at a job that paid 20k and I worked 80 hours a week. I have since moved well on past that point. You can't just expect your dream job to just hit you in the face. You actually have to do something to get it.

You spend all this time complaining about not getting it on the internet when instead you should probably be spending your time making it happen.


This is a great place to vent but if you keep saying the same thing over and over without doing anything about it there isn't much anyone here can do or you.

Maybe you could give me some more tips on how to get a marketing job since you have one rather than beating me down. Just because you made it and have done something, you shouldn't look down on someone like me.

[kehlis]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Maybe you could give me some more tips on how to get a marketing job since you have one rather than beating me down. Just because you made it and have done something, you shouldn't look down on someone like me.

I never got a marketing job man.

My first job was as an athletic director/daycare director/aquatics director, and I now work for a bank.


My point is you can continue to say the same thing or you can do something about it. Where you go from from here is on you, not anyone else.

Trying to make it so is where your problem starts. You might not want to hear it but only you can make it happen.

Quit posting about your problems on OS and just do it. You keep giving excuses for yourself. No one cares. Just do it.

[pw_1016]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

I never got a marketing job man.

My first job was as an athletic director/daycare director/aquatics director, and I now work for a bank.


My point is you can continue to say the same thing or you can do something about it. Where you go from from here is on you, not anyone else.

Trying to make it so is where your problem starts. You might not want to hear it but only you can make it happen.

Quit posting about your problems on OS and just do it. You keep giving excuses for yourself. No one cares. Just do it.

Ok man, I hear what you are saying. I know that I am the only one in control of my life.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Is there anything more subjective than one's idea of success though?

It might just be easier to change your definition of it. Success isn't necessarily having a lot of material wealth.

This in a nutshell. If material wealth is how you measure and see yourself, you'll never be happy.

All of my close friends in college went on to become doctors and pharmacists. I went into teaching. So they had their houses and cars in their late 20s while I was living in an apartment (then moved back home for 3 years). At 35, I just purchased a house.

Having had brain cancer, I realize it can all be gone in an instant. There's no harm in having or wanting nice stuff BUT to base your happiness on them isn't a good idea.

[kehlis]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Ok man, I hear what you are saying. I know that I am the only one in control of my life.

It's also very important to remember that while most people identify success in $$$$$ that's not at necessarily the case. Success is very subjective to you and your feelings. You don't have to have a ton of money to have a happy life.

[RockinDaMike]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

I know where you're at man, I used to there. A lot of guys here are giving great advice. I recommend watching motivation speakers like Eric Thomas or watch The Secret so you can change your train of thought, It's really on the wrong path man. All of that is free and on youtube. Right now you have a weak mind and you have strengthen it by feeding it positive energy.

Also recommend taking care of your health. When your body is right you're mind moves with it. I was obese and lost 100 pounds and got off meds and now teaches yoga out of all things.

I'm also a college drop out who's now starting up a resort. I been through a lot of **** but I always know things will be better because I know I have a purpose.

Nothing is wrong with you man, you're actually very lucky. You're alive, have a computer, a college education and live in country where you are free. You have every opportunity to make your life great. You have no excuses.

My cousin has 3rd grade education but runs 3 successful businesses here in the Philippines. He wakes up early and grinds everyday. He literally lived in a house built of sticks with the dirt being the floor. Now has a nice home but still rents out the rooms to guest. The guy is always sacrificing.

And this brings up another point. What are you sacrificing so you can become better. Are spending the time to get interviews, working on your craft, learning more about the business or is it spent playing video games and watching sports?

I wish you luck man. I hope you're next post talks about the changes you want to make and the steps to follow that. Guaranteed OS will be more helpful.

Sent from my SM-N9208 using Tapatalk

[wwharton]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Maybe you could give me some more tips on how to get a marketing job since you have one rather than beating me down. Just because you made it and have done something, you shouldn't look down on someone like me.

I wanted to reply to this because there is a difference between venting, wanting advice and fishing for sympathy.

If you want real advice, then you gotta take the real. I don't think anyone is beating you down or looking down on you. If that's what you've gotten for any response I've read in this thread then the biggest problem is your perspective (which appears likely anyway, which is why some have suggested counseling). It does seem you spend more time looking for a place to lay blame. Your other thread was about the world hating introverts. You talk about your former friends here, but it's more likely they don't call you as much bc you don't drink. Especially at that age, many events are around drinking (so you'd probably be better off). And something else you might think about... you may wear these feelings about them being more successful on your sleeve more than you think.

This probably sounds like I'm also beating you down but I'm just keeping it real... sugar coating things as serious as this do you no good. You can never walk in another man's shoes so stop looking at his life on a global level. No other man can walk in your shoes so why care about anyone who judges you without knowing your struggle?

Most importantly (and this seems really important for you right now in life) do what you can to be happy with yourself... that needs to be priority #1. Focus on that and you will fight for that. Focusing on other people's happiness will delay your efforts for your own.