Dog advice

[woodjer]

Re: Dog advice

Either way good luck and let us know how everything works out.

Well, tried planting the seed this weekend and it went worse than I could have ever imagined. Almost to the point that I'm scared to bring it up again. All I said was that I was thinking about it and wanted to let her know while asking her to keep an open mind. I don't know exactly why I want one but I've been thinking about it for a month or two now...yadda, yadda, yadda. Next thing I know, she's crying and saying that she doesn't know if she could handle another responsibility right now. So I dropped it. Then 45 minutes later and without any further prodding from me, she's sobbing and telling me how she feels so selfish and that she's just not a dog person. I asked how she knows if she's never had one before and she keeps bawling and tells me that she's trying to keep an open mind but just feels so overwhelmed. I left it at "we don't need to decide tonight, this week, or anytime soon for that matter so let's just not worry about it for right now" and asked her to try to gather her thoughts on it so we can discuss it calmly at some point in the future.

Yeah...didn't expect an enthusiastic agreement from her but never DREAMED it would lead to a breakdown like that. She tried blaming it on PMS but the reaction just seems so over the top that I don't know if I buy it.

I know that when we had previously agreed that we didn't want a dog, the biggest reasons had to do with noise, smell, and shedding (well, and poop but that's unavoidable as far as I know...) so I've started trying to research breeds/methods to minimize some of those things. Even then, I feel like maybe I'm setting myself up for too much disappointment. Any other suggestions?

[jeremym480]

Re: Dog advice

Well, tried planting the seed this weekend and it went worse than I could have ever imagined. Almost to the point that I'm scared to bring it up again. All I said was that I was thinking about it and wanted to let her know while asking her to keep an open mind. I don't know exactly why I want one but I've been thinking about it for a month or two now...yadda, yadda, yadda. Next thing I know, she's crying and saying that she doesn't know if she could handle another responsibility right now. So I dropped it. Then 45 minutes later and without any further prodding from me, she's sobbing and telling me how she feels so selfish and that she's just not a dog person. I asked how she knows if she's never had one before and she keeps bawling and tells me that she's trying to keep an open mind but just feels so overwhelmed. I left it at "we don't need to decide tonight, this week, or anytime soon for that matter so let's just not worry about it for right now" and asked her to try to gather her thoughts on it so we can discuss it calmly at some point in the future.

Yeah...didn't expect an enthusiastic agreement from her but never DREAMED it would lead to a breakdown like that. She tried blaming it on PMS but the reaction just seems so over the top that I don't know if I buy it.

I know that when we had previously agreed that we didn't want a dog, the biggest reasons had to do with noise, smell, and shedding (well, and poop but that's unavoidable as far as I know...) so I've started trying to research breeds/methods to minimize some of those things. Even then, I feel like maybe I'm setting myself up for too much disappointment. Any other suggestions?

I'd definitely take the slow route and not push her. You put it the idea out there, so maybe she'll come around on her on terms and if not, then maybe you can bring it back up after the holidays.

I think one important thing to stress to her is that you don't have to get a puppy, you can get an older dog. Sometime people have to move away and can't keep their dog or something happens to a someone and they don't have anyone to take their dog, therefore perfectly good/trained dogs end up in adoption situations. I think a dog like that would be better for her since they would be significantly less work than a puppy would be.

Another thing is I would tell her that you and the kids would take on the responsibility so she wouldn't be as burdened as much as she thinks. Lastly, I'd mention that you could always do a "trial run" and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out... but at least she tried. Of course, that would probably be sad for your kids so that's a pretty big gamble. Maybe have a "Plan B" where a friend or relative (that way the kids could still see the dog) could take the dog if things didn't work out would help take some stress off of her? I'm just trying to think outside the box on that one.

Like I said, given her reaction I wouldn't bring it up for awhile, but when she is open to talking about it again I would have some points ready to help sell her on the idea. To recap my points would be:

1) Older/Trained dog
2) You and the kids shouldering the responsibilities
3) Having a Plan B or C as a fall back

Maybe someone else here has a better idea, but that would be my plan.

[kehlis]

Re: Dog advice

Honestly man just doesn't sounds like a good situation to be bringing a dog into.

[woodjer]

Re: Dog advice

Honestly man just doesn't sounds like a good situation to be bringing a dog into.

I can definitely see why you would say that and, looking at it from an outsider's POV, I would absolutely agree.

The thing is, she's an AWESOME mom and wife. I just can't understand the reaction brought on by the mere mention of initiating a thoughtful discussion on the topic at some point in the future. Like jeremy (cool name, BTW said, I'm not going to push the issue right now. Maybe try regrouping after the holidays or something.

Thanks for the thoughts, guys.

[l3ulvl]

Re: Dog advice

I'd say what's good for the goose is good for the gander, turn the table and give the tears right back.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SRKIcafgu-4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

But seriously, good luck man, hopefully everything works out

[woodjer]

Re: Dog advice

I'd say what's good for the goose is good for the gander, turn the table and give the tears right back.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SRKIcafgu-4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

But seriously, good luck man, hopefully everything works out

I mean, if it worked for Costanza, right?

I was telling a co-worker about the situation yesterday and how my wife's only calm response was "why don't we start with a fish?" My co-worker's response was to buy a dog and name it Afish.

[LowerWolf]

Re: Dog advice

Honestly man just doesn't sounds like a good situation to be bringing a dog into.

Agreed.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but it doesn't sound like OP is considering the dog. A dog is a pack animal. A month from now, when you decide you don't really want a dog (which is where I think it's going based on what OP has said) it's going to be hard on the dog - especially a rescue if you go that route - to be separated from its pack.

Dogs are awesome. Rescue dogs (I have one) are really awesome. But they take time and commitment. I don't get the sense that you're really ready to make the commitment yet. And your wife certainly isn't, from what you're saying.

[woodjer]

Re: Dog advice

Agreed.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but it doesn't sound like OP is considering the dog. A dog is a pack animal. A month from now, when you decide you don't really want a dog (which is where I think it's going based on what OP has said) it's going to be hard on the dog - especially a rescue if you go that route - to be separated from its pack.

Dogs are awesome. Rescue dogs (I have one) are really awesome. But they take time and commitment. I don't get the sense that you're really ready to make the commitment yet. And your wife certainly isn't, from what you're saying.

First of all, I think you're referring to me but I'm not the OP. For the OP, both want a dog but are worried about their time away. I want a dog but the wife clearly doesn't right now. Maybe I'm wrong but I think kehlis was referring to my situation with what you quoted. Or maybe I was inadvertently defending someone else's wife after his reply... LOL

Second, if you are referring to me, I absolutely AM considering the dog. That's why my first question was essentially, how do I know I really want one? My sister used to get a dog for a month or two, it would "run away" (taken back, I think), and then 6 months later, she'd do the same thing to another dog...went through 4-5 of them that way. It always bugged me then and I don't want to do that now. As far as I'm concerned, getting a dog is about the same as having another kid.

And if I'm wrong and just think that everyone is talking about me when they really aren't, I apologize. I'll go be paranoid somewhere else

[jeremym480]

Re: Dog advice

Agreed.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but it doesn't sound like OP is considering the dog. A dog is a pack animal. A month from now, when you decide you don't really want a dog (which is where I think it's going based on what OP has said) it's going to be hard on the dog - especially a rescue if you go that route - to be separated from its pack.

Dogs are awesome. Rescue dogs (I have one) are really awesome. But they take time and commitment. I don't get the sense that you're really ready to make the commitment yet. And your wife certainly isn't, from what you're saying.

It all depends on what kind of situation the dog is in. The last dog (Frodo) that we rescued was saved from a kill shelter by his "foster mom" on the day he was scheduled to be euthanized. Luckily she had a relationship with the shelter so they called her to let her know and they drove two and a half hours (round trip) to get him. By saving him that opened up a spot for his brother who they also eventually saved once we adopted Frodo. He has been the best dog too. If that was woodjer in that situation I would have rather his family take a chance on him and maybe have to give him up than to have him die in a shelter.

I mean, this dog was literally hours away for dying and there's a bunch of others in the same situation. That's why I'm such a big advocate for adopting from a shelter.

Spoiler

uploadfromtaptalk1450738473938.jpguploadfromtaptalk1450738492097.jpg

[Brandwin]

Re: Dog advice

Agreed.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but it doesn't sound like OP is considering the dog. A dog is a pack animal. A month from now, when you decide you don't really want a dog (which is where I think it's going based on what OP has said) it's going to be hard on the dog - especially a rescue if you go that route - to be separated from its pack.

Dogs are awesome. Rescue dogs (I have one) are really awesome. But they take time and commitment. I don't get the sense that you're really ready to make the commitment yet. And your wife certainly isn't, from what you're saying.

I really don't want a dog. My wife wants one for our kids. I would end up taking care of the dog for sure. I feel like I don't have free time as it is, I don't need anything else taking up more of my time. I think after the newness wears out, taking care of the dog would fall on me and I don't think I am ready to spend that much time on a pet. I definitely don't want one that would be forgotten after a few months and would not receive the proper attention.

For now it's a no go. Maybe in the future I will feel differently.

[Darkleaf]

Re: Dog advice

I really don't want a dog. My wife wants one for our kids. I would end up taking care of the dog for sure. I feel like I don't have free time as it is, I don't need anything else taking up more of my time. I think after the newness wears out, taking care of the dog would fall on me and I don't think I am ready to spend that much time on a pet. I definitely don't want one that would be forgotten after a few months and would not receive the proper attention.

For now it's a no go. Maybe in the future I will feel differently.

I respect that... But I would have said the same thing about having a kid.
You are looking at it as a burden, he or she will be a member of your family long before the "newness" wears off. And as far as you being the one to take care of him, well you will be his master, he will go to hell and back for you, all you have to do is get some fresh air and exercise with him seems like a fair trade.

Edit, I would go as far to say within 6 months you will be wondering why you waited so long.

[PVarck31]

Re: Dog advice

I respect that... But I would have said the same thing about having a kid.
You are looking at it as a burden, he or she will be a member of your family long before the "newness" wears off. And as far as you being the one to take care of him, well you will be his master, he will go to hell and back for you, all you have to do is get some fresh air and exercise with him seems like a fair trade.

Edit, I would go as far to say within 6 months you will be wondering why you waited so long.

But he is pretty clear that he doesn't want to, or cannot devote enough time and effort to take care of a dog. If that's the case he shouldn't get one.

If he gets one just to satisfy his wife and he ends up having to take on all the responsibilities of taking care of the dog like he thinks might happen, he doesn't want that and he and the dog will suffer because of it. It just doesn't seem like a good situation for a dog to be in.

[Darkleaf]

Re: Dog advice

I'm not pushing anything I agree, just saying once you fall for them all that other stuff is so insignificant. Time can always be made for the most important things in life.