Personal question

[JeremyB]

Hi os brothers

a personal question I really need some help with. Almost a question I'm too embarrassed to ask friends or a doctor.

i got a new boss back in feb of last year, she's been great and I will do anything for her ( stay late,come in on off days, come back after work to help if she needs it )

just a nice person I want to help.

fast forward to now.

she is still the same person but I get the feeling now I'm just being used because I work so hard. I wanted a week off back in the summer which I'm allowed but she said it was busy and it was and if I could hold off which I did. Lately though I have been just running on fumes and need a break bad. There are things in my life I want out of them and sleeping pills are one of them. I have been on them for years and made the choice to get off of them with my doctor. The doctor said to me " have you had holidays lately " I said I didn't take a week off at all last year. She said you might want too beceause the withdrawal from these is going to leave you feeling pretty miserable.

So went back to work to tell her and she said that she would really miss me and the work I do so just decided ok I will try to work through this on my own even though then doctor said I'm going to start feeling pretty crappy come mid week. One of the first symptoms I'm going to feel is im going to get very irritable and not nice to be around. I told my boss last week that is one of the reasons the doctor said take a week or so off so you don't say something that might get you in trouble. I told her this yesterday and she said well if you say something and they complain to head office I would have to do something?? I was like that's why I wanted the week off because of that and now your going to tell me I'm going to get in trouble if the withdrawal symptoms make me feel bad

i don't know fellas, I hate to leave them high and dry but this is my health and my problem. I was taking to many of these things and doctors words " you were playing Russian roulette with your life every night "

my boss is great and does everything for me but I don't think she sees how serious this problem is. I'm afraid if I take some time to get myself better she wouldn't treat me the same

what do I do guys, I hope I made sense I just jotted down my feelings quick before work

The more and more I think about it. I'm just a exhausted guy emotionally and physically and now on top of that trying to get a poison out of my body I should have taken a week or whatever it takes to make me healthy and happy and got better.

I looked out for this company all summer. Some weeks doing 7 day weeks others 6 days. I was lucky through July and August to have a day off here and there.

I think I need to look out for me on this one

[countryboy]

Re: Personal question

Given the fact that you're allowed a week's vacation, I would take it. To hell with what she thinks. Personally it sounds as if she knows she can manipulate and control you to do whatever it is she wants done. You need to break that thinking in her.

Go in and tell her you're taking a week off. If she gives you grief, tell her that you're allowed a week's vacation, she can either accept it or you can discuss your situation with someone higher up the corporate ladder than her. If there is no one higher up then I would tell her you will be consulting a lawyer.

[DJ]

Re: Personal question

Don't let anyone guilt you out of taking time off that you have earned. Your health is the most important thing and if you need a week to rest and try and get off of sleeping pills (good idea, btw), then you need to take all the necessary steps to make that happen.

[daflyboys]

Re: Personal question

Utilize your HR policies in the discussion. Don't make it personal. It's business.

[Herky]

Re: Personal question

You've given the company your time and now it's time for you time.

[JeremyB]

Re: Personal question

You've given the company your time and now it's time for you time.

Thank you all guys for the kind words but that last line brought a tear to my eye because it's so true

I work very very hard and now I need time to get better

[JeremyB]

Re: Personal question

I will keep you guys posted

[nemesis04]

Re: Personal question

Get a doctors note stating you need time off for a medical health situation. Submit it to your boss and HR. HR gets wiggly with people and their medical situations. Your time will get approved.

[PVarck31]

Re: Personal question

Basically I agree with everyone, take the time off. If you can, then you should. No question.

A little story this reminds me of. I'll try to make it quick.

My best friend got a job selling cell phones like 12 years ago. His boss had his own stores and there was basically no corporate structure so he made all his guys work six days a week, sometimes 12-15 hour shifts. He did this for years and over time he it wreaked havoc on on his physical and mental health. I told him he needed a new job, but everytime he went to the boss about time off or working five days instead of six he basically promoted him so he's be happy.

He ended up being regional manager of like six stores and the owner manipulated him so bad it was like stockholm syndrome. He and his wife had just adopted a kid and this guy wanted him to move to Washington DC from Akron to run their new stores there, and his wife begged him not to take the job, but he was in so deep with this guy, he could make him do anything he wanted. He told him to disregard what his wife thought and take the job.

Well he did. So his wife divorced him and now he gets to see his kid two days a week. All because this piece of garbage human being manipulated him into thinking he was his friend and was only looking out for him.

Shortly thereafter, he quit and moved back to Akron, his wife said it was too late. But thank god he doesn't speak to this guy anymore. And finally realized he basically ruined his life.

Now I realize your situation is a bit different. So all I'm saying is don't let yourself be manipulated by your boss to the point where it takes a toll on your health, mentally and physically, or worse. It's not worth it.

Good luck.

[KSUowls]

Re: Personal question

So maybe I misread, but it doesn't sound like your boss refused your request to take time off with the "I'll miss your work", or was that just putting whatever she said nicely? If that is right then it sounds like she is just trying to guilt you into sticking around, which is not the sign of a good manager no matter what else she may be doing for you.

Take care of your health first and foremost. Loyalty to a company or individual does not come before your health. Remember, the whole point of working is so that you can afford to lead a happy and healthy life. If work is interfering with either of those then it's time to make a change.

Talk to your HR department, maybe get a note from the doctor explaining the situation. Some companies will have an extended sick leave program that you can take advantage of with a medical leave. It also gives you documentation in case your boss tries to get back at you.

Hope everything works out.

[JeremyB]

Re: Personal question

Thank you guys for all what you said

There are a lot of things I kept out too, I'd share pm but not here.

The scary thing for me is you guys really hit on some points that are happening to me

[jeremym480]

Re: Personal question

I've been in a similar position before with my last job. Basically, the company I worked for wanted their workers to be all about the company. It was in retail so working long hours, weekends and most holiday's were a must. Also, the didn't want employees to have two days off in a row, so no one was ever scheduled to have two days off but were allowed to switch if they found someone willing.

Long story short, I was the assistant manager and was on salary so it didn't matter if I worked 40 or 60 hours a week, I still got paid the same. After a little over a year, I wanted to take a week's vacation but kept getting rejected even though I had earned it. There were certain times of the year that were blacked out for vacation (busy times around hoilday's, big store sales, income tax refund season, etc.) and I made sure to ask during a time that should have been okay and the manager wouldn't approve it. Basically, if I had taken off it would have meant that either he would have had to work all week or would have had to ask for help from another store... and I guess he didn't want to do that.

I ended up leaving and taking a job making 15k per year less but I didn't have to work nights or weekends and now I've had that job for almost 9 years (my anniversary is next month). Now I make more money than my previous job, and I'm much happier because I'm not working 55-60 hours a week, working holiday's, etc. So making a change to better my mental health, even though I was taking a big financial hit, ended up working out for me in the long run.

My advice would be that if you and your boss correspond through emails, then send emails requesting the dates that you want to take some time off. If you don't send emails, then do it through a text. If she says no then, you want a record to show where you asked and got turned down. Also it's easier to guilt someone into doing something in person, in my opinion. Out of a courtesy, I would do it a couple of weeks in advance so she can prepare for you being out, with that said, if I were you I wouldn't feel too courteous at this point. Best of luck and I hope you get some time off soon.

[Caulfield]

Re: Personal question

Just remember, on their deathbed no one ever says ''ya know, I wish I would have spent more time at work''.

[superjames1992]

Re: Personal question

I don’t know what field you are in, but it sounds like you’re being taken advantage of. You need to either start setting up boundaries or move on to another job, IMO. Maybe just have a frank discussion with her, though I understand that’s a lot easier said than done. I wouldn’t like being in a job that won’t let you take time off. That’s ridiculous.

[LowerWolf]

Re: Personal question

Never mind the issue getting off sleeping pills, everybody needs a break every now and then. I used to work in a field where I had to work nights/weekends/holidays with periods I knew I couldn't take off. I had some brutal stretches, but I always made sure to take at least a week off every year.

Tell your boss you need some time off. If she won't approve it, go to HR. If they value you as an employee, and from what you've said they should, then they'll understand.