RIFLE - A dystopian future football league (APF 2K8)

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It’s time for our quarterly Random Reward! As a reminder, here are the rules:
4 times per season, after weeks 4, 8, 12, and 16, a Random Rewards Wheel will be spun and a random team will be given a random reward. A team can only receive a random award once every 2 seasons. Here are the possible rewards.

• Randomly choose a Legend on the team with less than 5 abilities. This legend is able to add an additional ability that fits into their style of play.
• Choose the most productive and impactful generic player on the team (that has not been previously upgraded). This player now gets 1 ability and +5 to any 2 attributes.
• Add a Bronze player from the legend pool to your roster.
• Exchange a Bronze player from your roster for a Silver player
• Exchange a Silver player from your roster for a Gold player
• Randomly choose a legend on your team. Increase an ability score by +5
• Randomly choose 3 generics on your team. Increase the same ability score for all 3 of them by +5

And the winner is…..

The Spokane Sentinels!

The 1-3 Sentinels were not the single most desperate team in the league, but this is something they really needed. Their defense is just average – which is worse than they would expect it to be given their talent, but their offense is miserable and the second worst in the league.

That makes it all the more meaningful that their reward is to a bronze player from the pool to their roster. This makes them the first team with more than 11 stars. With their pick, they choose to add an offensive player: Peyton Hillis, HB.

Here is their new roster:

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Thank you for voting in the survey. Please feel free to fill it out at any time to recommend players for the legend pool or give feedback. Here are the results of the survey and the corresponding rewards.

Favorite Logo/Mascot: Denver Dynamos
The Denver Dynamos barely beat out the Seattle Sasquatch in this competition. As a result, they get to exchange a Silver player from their roster for a Gold player from the player pool. What an amazing reward for the team that is already dominating the league.

Denver owner Amelia Stone looked at her 3 silver players. She loved the combination of Andre Reed and Dwight Clark at wide receiver and was hesitant to change that, even if it meant grabbing someone like Jerry Rice. However, Ashley Ambrose has been largely invisible at cornerback this year. Night Train Lane was dominant at the other corner, but Ambrose had no interceptions and very few other stats. She decided to give her team the sexiest secondary in the league and had Ashley Ambrose re-programmed to be Deion Sanders.

Best Roster: Des Moines Dinos
In another extremely close race, the Des Moines Dinos beat out the Lafayette Leopards in the best roster race and will receive a smaller reward than Denver: an attribute boost to a single player on the team. Alex Thornton thought long and hard on this one – should he upgrade his generic QB or running back? Get better coverage for a DB? Better blocking for an o-lineman? Ultimately his eyes turned to the league’s leader in drops: Jeremy Shockey. With a flick of his thumb, he opened up the upgrade compartment on Shockey’s back and put in a card that gave him a 5% upgrade to his catching ability.

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The Oklahoma City Bison are having a miserable start to the season. After a 1-point loss in the first week to the Biohazard, they’ve lost by at least a touchdown in every other game this year, including a 25 point loss in week 3 to the Predators. Their -42 point differential is the worst in the league and a loss this week would probably extinguish any hope they have of making the playoffs this season.

The Bison went heavy on offense in the draft: they have 5 legends on the offensive line, Earl Campbell and Darryl Johnston in the backfield, and Irving Fryar and Jeremy Maclin out wide. However, they only have 1 legend on defense (superstar middle linebacker Jack Lambert) and a generic QB. They’ve struggled to stop other teams from scoring and without a good QB, teams have been packing the box and limiting the effectiveness of Campbell and Johnston.

It's not going to be easy to slow down Early Campbell, but the Bison should also struggle to slow down the Dinos.

Alex Thornton really wants to defeat the Bison because of their owner Francois Dubois. The enigmatic 65 year old is looking to use his ownership of the team to help secure more control over the limited natural resources of the Midwest. Alex may be naïve, but he just wishes the whole league was about the thrill of the sport.

ChatGPT has exclusive coverage of a Francois Dubois “press conference” from yesterday.

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(Dubois stands at a podium, his face twisted in anger. The room is silent as he begins to speak.)

"Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you, not as the triumphant leader I aspire to be, but as a man besieged by disappointment and frustration. Our Bison, our pride, have become a mockery, a shadow of the team they were meant to be. Our performance, our abysmal, pitiful performance on that field, is a stain on the very essence of what the Oklahoma City Bison should represent!"

(He clenches his fists, his voice rising.)

"We were trounced, obliterated, by the New York Predators! Forty-two to seventeen! Do you realize what that means? It means we weren't just defeated; we were humiliated, torn apart by a team that saw our weaknesses and exploited them with ruthless efficiency. I will not stand idly by while our name is tarnished in the annals of this league's history!"

(His eyes narrow, focusing on an invisible opponent.)

"And what of our resources, the lifeblood of our city? Do you think for a moment that our rivals aren't watching, aren't plotting to take what's rightfully ours? We cannot afford weakness, not on the field and certainly not in our control over this region's natural resources. We are the gatekeepers, the guardians, and we are failing in our duty!"

(He points an accusing finger at the Bison emblem behind him.)

"And you, you sorry excuses for athletes! I call out each one of you who dares to wear the Bison colors and yet performs like a bunch of amateurs! Mark my words, Jack Lambert, you were supposed to be the backbone of our defense, yet you let them run wild, trampling over our pride! And you, Earl Campbell, once a beacon of hope, now you fumble and stumble like a novice! Have you forgotten what it means to wear the Bison jersey?"

(His voice echoes with disdain.)

"But no more! No more shall we tolerate this humiliation! We rise, we fight, not just for the glory of the game but for the very essence of our existence! This week, the Des Moines Dinos march into our territory, thinking they can best us. They believe they can exploit our weaknesses. Well, I say no more! We will rise like the mighty Bison of old, and we will trample them into the dust! We will show them the strength of Oklahoma City, the unyielding will of the Bison! And when we emerge victorious, they will know that they faced not just a team but a force of nature, an unstoppable juggernaut fueled by the very fury of our determination!"

(He slams his fist on the podium, the sound reverberating through the room.)

"Prepare yourselves, Dinos, for you shall face the wrath of a Bison scorned, a team reborn from the ashes of defeat. We will prevail, and our victory will echo through the ages, reminding all who dare to challenge us that the Oklahoma City Bison are a force to be reckoned with!"

(He steps back, his chest heaving with each breath, the room filled with charged silence.)

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Score, basic stats, and Player of the Game in the spoiler.

Spoiler

The Dinos passing game was unstoppable and they won 44-31 over the Bison!

1Q, 3:46 – Des Moines 23 yard FG. DSM 3 – OKC 0
2Q, 7:12 – Oklahoma City 48 yard FG. DSM 3 – OKC 3
2Q, 4:32 – Lowell Doyle 45 yard TD pass to Jarvis Landry. DSM 10 – OKC 3
2Q, 1:42 – Lowell Doyle 4 yard TD pass to Herman Moore. DSM 17 – OKC 3
2Q, 0:07 – Lowell Doyle 59 yard TD pass to Jarvis Landry. DSM 24 – OKC 3
3Q, 4:42 – Kiah McCurley 38 yard TD pass to Jeremy Maclin. DSM 24 – OKC 10
3Q, 3:25 – Lowell Doyle 62 yard TD pass to Jarvis Landry. DSM 31 – OKC 10
3Q, 1:29 – Earl Campbell 81 yard TD run. DSM 31 – OKC 17
4Q, 9:56 – Lowell Doyle 5 yard TD pass to Jeremy Shockey DSM 38 – OKC 17
4Q, 6:26 – Earl Campbell 32 yard TD run. DSM 38 – OKC 24
4Q, 1:52 – Johnathan Pittman 1 yard TD run (PAT missed). DSM 44 – OKC 24
4Q, 0:32 – Kiah McCurley 17 yard TD pass to John Parker. DSM 44 – OKC 31

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The Dinos are riding high after 500 passing yards and a big win against the Bison. The Leopards have a bit more talent on defense thanks to LaVonte David, LeRoy Butler, and Jevon Kearse. However, they are scarier on offense, boasting 3 legend receivers, Roger Staubach at QB and Thurman Thomas at RB behind 3 legends on the O-line. For the Dinos to win this game, they are going to need to be very efficient on offense and get lucky on defense. Dwight Clark, Devin Hester, and Ed McCaffrey are three very different receivers and can beat the defense in a number of ways.

Before the game, Rylan Orin sent a robotic emissary to Alex Thornton. ChatGPT recounts the events.

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In the quiet hum of Rylan Orin's secluded laboratory, a masterpiece of artificial intelligence took shape. This wasn't just any creation; it was a robot emissary designed to convey a message to Alex Thornton, the owner of the Des Moines Dinos. As the game against the Lafayette Leopards approached, Rylan knew that communication between the teams could foster a unique camaraderie, even in the competitive world of robot football.

The emissary, named Cynosure, was a marvel of engineering. Its metallic frame glistened under the soft glow of laboratory lights, and its eyes, resembling two iridescent sapphires, held a depth of intelligence that mirrored the brilliant mind that crafted it. Cynosure's mission was clear: to bridge the gap between teams, promoting sportsmanship and mutual respect.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the laboratory, Rylan activated Cynosure. The robot emissary came to life with a gentle whirr, its eyes flickering to display a vibrant shade of blue. Rylan programmed Cynosure with the knowledge of the Dinos' recent victory over the Bison, emphasizing Jarvis Landry's exceptional performance and the team's impressive synergy.

With a sense of purpose, Cynosure embarked on its journey to Des Moines. Guided by advanced navigation systems, it smoothly glided through the night, its presence drawing curious glances from those it passed. Upon arriving at the Dinos' headquarters, Cynosure transmitted a holographic message, projecting an image of Rylan Orin.

"Greetings, Alex Thornton and the esteemed Des Moines Dinos," Rylan's voice echoed through Cynosure. "I extend my warm regards as we approach our upcoming game. The Leopards have had their share of challenges and triumphs, just as your team has. In the spirit of friendly competition, I hope for a game filled with passion, skill, and, most importantly, respect for one another's talents."

Cynosure's sapphire eyes glowed with sincerity as it continued, "Let us celebrate the essence of sportsmanship, where victories are cherished and defeats teach us valuable lessons. May our game be a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the limitless potential of our creations. Best of luck to you and the Dinos. May the game ahead be a spectacle worthy of our shared love for this sport."

With that heartfelt message, Cynosure awaited any response from the Dinos, its presence a testament to the harmony that could exist between competitors, even in the world of futuristic robot football.

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Score, basic stats, and Player of the Game in the spoiler. You’re going to watch to check this one out, I promise


Here’s a teaser of a great Herman Moore catch to convert a third down:

Spoiler

After giving up a 13-0 lead in the second half, the Dinos mount a 6-play, 96 yard drive in 1 minute to win the game with just seconds remaining!

1Q, 5:37 – Lowell Doyle 1 yard TD pass to Jeremy Shockey. DSM 7 – LAF 0
2Q, 0:00 – Des Moines 26 yard FG. DSM 10 – LAF 0
3Q, 7:23 – Des Moines 30 yard FG. DSM 13 – LAF 0
3Q, 4:54 – Roger Staubach 77 yard TD pass to Devin Hester. DSM 13 – LAF 7
4Q, 3:36 – Roger Staubach 6 yard TD pass to Ed McCaffrey. DSM 13 – LAF 14
4Q, 0:08 – Lowell Doyle 20 yard TD pass to Jeremy Shockey (2 pt conversion failed). DSM 19 – LAF 14

Here are gifs of the 4 big plays that got the win:

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The Miami Vile were a scary team due to their QB Warren Moon. The superstar signal caller was the league leader in passing yards and had thrown no interceptions through 6 weeks. He had, however, been sacked a league-leading 20 times. Billy Sims had 765 rushing yards in that time period and the pass catching group of Pete Pihos (possession receiver), Ashley Lelie (24.5 ypc deep threat), John Taylor, J.J. Stokes, and Eric Green was the deepest in the league. On defense, their secondary star Lem Barney was out 6 weeks with hip issues, but they still had a decent run defense with Randy White and Lamar Lathon roaming around.

It was the Vile’s owner that worried Alex Thornton the most. The alien scientist seemed to be interested in far more than football, even if he couldn’t divine his precise intentions. Luckily for us, ChatGPT has an exclusive look at a recent conversation Nebulaia had with his homeworld comrades.

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In the ethereal glow of Zygroth-9's bioluminescent foliage, Nebulaia stood before the Council of Zythor, his holographic projection flickering in the alien chamber. His tall, slender form shimmered with anticipation as he began his report, the air tingling with cosmic energy.

"Glorious Council of Zythor," Nebulaia intoned, his voice echoing through the crystalline chamber, "I stand before you to report on the progress of our mission on Earth."

The council, composed of wise beings with luminescent tendrils and eyes that held the wisdom of eons, regarded Nebulaia with a mix of curiosity and expectation.

"Our endeavors on Earth proceed according to plan," Nebulaia continued, his eyes ablaze with extraterrestrial fervor. "Under the guise of sportsmanship, we have successfully integrated ourselves into Earth's society. The humans are unaware of our true intentions. The Miami Vile team, under my careful guidance, has become a beacon of hope and admiration among Earth's inhabitants."

The council stirred with interest, tendrils swaying like cosmic dancers.

"Our star player, Warren Moon, has proven to be the linchpin of our strategy," Nebulaia announced, his holographic projection displaying Moon's flawless stats. "He remains untouched, his brilliance illuminating our path. His exceptional performance has garnered the trust of Earth's people, allowing us unprecedented access to their resources."

A wave of approval rippled through the council. "And the recent loss to the Thunderbirds?" inquired one council member, their voice resonating like a celestial melody.

Nebulaia's form rippled with determination. "A calculated setback," he explained. "By appearing fallible, we reinforce the illusion of our humanity. It is a necessary sacrifice to maintain our cover. Earth's inhabitants must believe that victory and defeat are within the realm of possibility."

The council nodded in unison, tendrils undulating in silent agreement.

"Our mission is on the precipice of success," Nebulaia declared, his eyes ablaze with interstellar fire. "Once their trust is fully secured, we shall delve deeper into Earth's resources. Our assimilation into their society will be complete, and the energy of Earth shall become the lifeblood of Zygroth-9, ensuring our ascendancy across the cosmos."

The council resonated with approval, their cosmic energy humming in harmony with Nebulaia's resolve. The fate of Earth hung in the balance, a pawn in the grand cosmic chessboard manipulated by the unseen hands of Zygroth-9's ambitious emissaries.

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Stats, player of the game, and scoring moments in the spoiler.

Got my first FG block of the year, which was a fun moment.

Spoiler

After a slow start, the Dinos took the lead in the second quarter and never looked back en route to a 24-10 victory!

1Q, 2:01 – Warren Moon 3 yard TD pass to Pete Pihos. MIA 7 – DSM 0
2Q, 9:56 – Lowell Doyle 20 yard TD pass to Herman Moore. MIA 7 – DSM 7
2Q, 5:44 – Ed Reed 44 yard interception return for TD. MIA 7 – DSM 14
3Q, 0:00 – Miami Vile 46 yard FG. MIA 10 – DSM 14
4Q, 7:22 – Des Moines Dinos 45 yard FG. MIA 10 – DSM 17
4Q, 1:56 – Lowell Doyle 7 yard TD pass to Jarvis Landry. MIA 10 – DSM 24

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This is the biggest game of the season so far for Des Moines and Chicago. The central division rivals are fighting for the top spot in their division. The Dinos come in at 5-2 and Chicago is 4-3. If the Annihilators win at home, they tie things up and it’s anyone’s division. If Des Moines wins, they take a commanding 2 game division lead and drop Chicago back to .500.

With the Rapid City Bulldogs at 2-5 and the Oklahoma City Bison at 0-7, this is really a 2 team race in the division, and the runner up probably won’t be good enough to secure a wild card spot.

Chicago boasts one of the best offenses in the league. Led by Kenny Stabler and his 15 TDs and 0 interceptions and supported by the 2-headed rushing attack of Natrone Means and Mike Rozier, they are truly a dual-threat offense. Their top 2 RBs have combined for over 1000 yards and 9 TDs while receivers John Horn and Drew Pearson have combined for nearly 1000 receiving yards and 10 TDs. Fortunately for the Dinos, Pearson is out 6 weeks with a broken foot.

On defense, they are light on legends, but the trio of Kenny Easley, Pat Swilling, and Bryce Paup will cause problems with their speed and hard hitting tackles.

Ahead of the game, Alex Thornton hired some extra bodyguards, feeling wary of venturing into Chicago and Zorkon’s territory. ChatGPT has exclusive coverage from the perspective of one of those bodyguards.

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The neon-soaked streets of futuristic Chicago flickered with an ominous glow as our convoy rolled into town. I was Alex Thornton's trusted bodyguard, a hulking figure with cybernetic enhancements that made me more machine than man. My senses were heightened, my reflexes sharp, ready to protect my client from any threat that dared to rear its ugly head.

Mr. Thornton, the owner of the Des Moines Dinos, was a man on edge. He knew the stakes of this game against the Chicago Annihilators, a team owned by the enigmatic and ruthless Zorkon the Conqueror. Zorkon's reputation preceded him – a cunning strategist with a penchant for underhanded tactics. Alex had heard the rumors of Zorkon's willingness to bend the rules, even break them, to secure victory.

As we stepped out of the sleek hovercar, the cold wind of the city whistling through the gaps in the towering skyscrapers, I scanned the surroundings, my cybernetic eyes analyzing every shadow, every movement. Alex, dressed in a sharp suit that mirrored his determination, glanced around nervously. His eyes met mine, a silent plea for reassurance.

"Stay close, Mr. Thornton," I grumbled in a voice as deep as the abyss. "I've got your back."

We navigated the labyrinthine streets, the air thick with the scent of sizzling street food and the distant hum of hovercraft. The city seemed alive, pulsating with an energy that was both alluring and menacing.

As we approached the Annihilators' stadium, the atmosphere grew tense. A crowd had gathered, a mix of fervent fans and shady figures with eyes that glinted with ambition. Zorkon's influence was evident everywhere – from the intimidating presence of his loyal supporters to the subtle, yet palpable, aura of fear that hung in the air.

Inside the stadium, the tension was almost tangible. The crowd's cheers were deafening, drowning out even the pounding beats of my cybernetic heart. I scanned the surroundings, my enhanced sensors detecting subtle movements, analyzing potential threats.

"Thornton," a voice sneered from the shadows. It was Zorkon, his silhouette cloaked in darkness. "You brought a bodyguard? How quaint."

Alex stood his ground, his jaw clenched with determination. "I won't let you intimidate us, Zorkon. We play this game fair and square."

Zorkon chuckled, the sound echoing through the empty corridors like a sinister symphony. "Fair and square? In this city? My dear Thornton, you're more naïve than I thought."

I stepped forward, my cybernetic limbs flexing with a mechanical grace. "Try anything, and you'll regret it," I warned, my voice resonating with a threat that cut through the tension like a blade.

Zorkon's eyes glinted with amusement, but he took a step back, his bravado momentarily shaken. "We'll see about that, Thornton. Enjoy the game."

As the stadium lights blazed to life, casting long shadows across the field, I kept a watchful eye on Zorkon and his Annihilators. The game was about to begin, and in this city of shadows and secrets, victory came at a price – one I was willing to pay to keep Alex Thornton and his team safe from the lurking dangers of futuristic Chicago.

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Box score, player of the game, and scoring summary in the spoiler.

Watch the video, it was another thrilling ending! Been a lot of close games so far.

Spoiler

It was a very sloppy day in the rain, but a James Hakim pick 6 sealed the game in the final minute for the Dinos as they take a commanding lead in the division!

Q1, 5:27 – Lowell Doyle 2 yard TD pass to Herman Moore. DSM 7 – CHI 0
Q1, 4:14 – Mike Rozier 6 yard TD run. DSM 7 – CHI 7
Q4, 9:58 – Natrone Means 1 yard TD run. DSM 7 – CHI 14
Q4, 7:17 – Lowell Dyle 6 yard TD pass to Herman Moore. DSM 14 – CHI 14
Q4, 0:57 – James Hakim 37 yard interception return for a TD. DSM 21 – CHI 14

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We’re halfway through the season and the playoff race is starting to take shape.

Standings

• When we last checked in, it looked like the Dynamos and Griffins were the class of the league at a combined 7-1 and +101 point differential. Things have evened out a bit since then as the two teams have both gone 2-2 in the last 4 games and have a combined 106 point differential.
• Joining the Dynamos at 6-2 are three other teams, 2 from the Pacific South Division (Austin Archers and Gilbert Scorpions) and only 1 from the entire Atlantic Conference (Des Moines Dinos).
• The Atlantic South Division looks like the best one in the league. Every team is at least .500 and only 1 team has a negative point differential and they are barely negative (-2). The race for the wild card spot in the Atlantic is going to be very, very tight this year.
• When we last checked in, it looked like the Salem Thunderbirds might be the worst team in the league. However, they’ve won 2 games since then and have clearly handed that mantle to the Oklahoma City Bison, who have yet to win a game and are losing by nearly 2 touchdowns every game. The Bison invested heavily in their offensive line, and it has not paid off.

League Leaders

• The Dinos may not be efficient, but they are very committed to throwing the ball. Lowell Doyle leads the league in passing yards but has a league worst 79.4 passer rating. Jarvis Landry and Jeremy Shockey both are in the top 4 of receiving yards, but also are the league leaders in dropped passes.
• Seattle’s two stars are helping them more than any other team’s 2 gold stars may be helping. Barry Sanders leads the league in rushing yards and Derrick Thomas is among the league leaders in tackles and sacks.
• With Rod Woodson and Ed Reed on the right side of the field for the Dinos, teams have been targeting James Hakim and he’s stepped up to the challenge with a league leading 5 interceptions and 9 passes deflected.

Injuries
The following legends are injured.

• Drew Pearson [silver], WR, Chicago Annihilators – broken foot out 6 weeks
• Lee Roy Selmon [gold], DE, Austin Archers – torn hamstring out 6 weeks
• Sam Madison [bronze], CB, Spokane Sentinels – pulled hamstring out 6 weeks
• Josh Cribbs [bronze], WR, Salem Thunderbirds – concussion out 6 weeks
• Lem Barney [silver], CB, Miami Vile – knee contusion out 5 weeks
• Joe DeLamielleure [silver], G, Austin Archers – shoulder tendonitis doubtful 2 weeks
• Pete Metzelaars [bronze], TE, Boise Onslaught – dislocated shoulder doubtful 1 week
• Deltha O’Neal [bronze], CB, Las Vegas Vipers – food poisoning doubtful 1 week

[studbucket]

It’s time for our quarterly Random Reward! As a reminder, here are the rules:
4 times per season, after weeks 4, 8, 12, and 16, a Random Rewards Wheel will be spun and a random team will be given a random reward. A team can only receive a random award once every 2 seasons. Here are the possible rewards.
· Randomly choose a Legend on the team with less than 5 abilities. This legend is able to add an additional ability that fits into their style of play.
· Choose the most productive and impactful generic player on the team (that has not been previously upgraded). This player now gets 1 ability and +5 to any 2 attributes.
· Add a Bronze player from the legend pool to your roster.
· Exchange a Bronze player from your roster for a Silver player
· Exchange a Silver player from your roster for a Gold player
· Randomly choose a legend on your team. Increase an ability score by +5
· Randomly choose 3 generics on your team. Increase the same ability score for all 3 of them by +5

And the winner is…..

The Lafayette Leopards!

The Leopards are in the toughest division in RIFLE and in a 3-way tie for second place at 4-4. This reward comes as a major boon for them as they have the league’s worst defense, and if they could get just a bit better their offense is a force to deal with.

They were given the opportunity to exchange a Bronze player from their roster for a Silver player as a reward.

Looking at the Leopard’s roster, owner Rylan Orin was excited by the possible upgrade. When the draft happened he was thrilled about going three deep at WR, but as the season progressed he felt that Devin Hester was largely a dud. He didn’t get many receptions and hadn’t delivered on his promise as a kick and punt returner so far. Knowing that his defense desperately needs help, Orin exchanged Hester for another discarded player: CB Ashley Ambrose.