
December 1st, 12:30 pm
Mathias Platzek awakened from another long night of slumber. He turned to the alarm clock. It said 12:30. He rubbed his eyes and rolled gingerly off to the right from his army cot…..squish. “****,” he thought, “that either was my beagle or puke from last night’s post drunk fest.” He looked down, sure enough; it was his liver, blended in a mix of alcohol and blood. “Crazy night,” he thought to himself. He rubbed his head in discomfort, as the headache from his previous night of drinking screwdrivers and was pounding in his head like a drum beat. The daily dose of binge drinking that was Mathias’s life was about to take a beat of a different drum…..
Mathias walked in the living room. The entire apartment was dark, the curtains pulled tightly to keep out any light from the sun. Mathias, so you know, has fear of the daytime. He is scared the sun will fall on him. Yes, this is serious Chicken Little type stuff. He turned on the television set, sat down on the couch and turned on the news channel.
“The PGA Tour will be opening their means to be members to all citizens with a chance that you, the average Joe, can become a part of the phenomena and excitement that is the PGA Tour. There is no fee, just logon to www.pgatourfortheaveragejoe.com, complete the application and you are set. If successful in this opportunity, the average Joe will not be quite so “average” anymore. Sign up today!”
Mathias turned off the television. “Maybe that is what I need,” he thought to himself as he sifted through all the past due bills and eviction notices. “But that means I have to leave my sanctity that is my humble abode and go outside. That might not be a pleasant thing to me…but I have to do what I can. I’m six months away from being booted from my apartment – I have to earn money somehow. Thank God I have a landlord that understands and allows me to stay here. The issue is I need cash, and soon. I couldn’t do it teaching beginners’ yoga, or United States sports history class for Bellevue State College. Wait, maybe having that relationship with that cheerleader killed that opportunity. Maybe playing golf is my coup de gras – it’s what I am supposed to do!”
Problem: Mathias never picked up a golf club. IN HIS LIFE.
What you are about to read is somewhat real, somewhat fake…but hopefully a whole lot of funny. I will be trying my hand at a dynasty that is somewhat new and cutting-edge.
The game: Tiger Woods 2010 for Wii
The settings: Mainly, I’ve listed the important stuff - Advanced swing control, precision putting, and green grid off
The goal: I want to keep my character as realistic as possible to an average Joe playing golf for the first time. Therefore, I will not level up my character unless I deem it to be realistic. It will only be done in six month intervals, and at realistic increments. (For example, for the amateur level my leveling up will occur after June’s New England Challenge and December’s Q School.)
The golfer’s goal: First, the golfer needs to make enough money to keep his apartment. The first deadline for eviction is June 31st. There is no set “amount” – he either makes it, or not. Secondly, the long term goal is to make the PGA Tour.
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