Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

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  • PlottyDawg
    Rookie
    • Jul 2003
    • 78

    #1

    Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

    I know I haven't posted here much, but I thought I would double-dip my dynasty that I currently post on Utopia.



    December 1st, 12:30 pm

    Mathias Platzek awakened from another long night of slumber. He turned to the alarm clock. It said 12:30. He rubbed his eyes and rolled gingerly off to the right from his army cot…..squish. “****,” he thought, “that either was my beagle or puke from last night’s post drunk fest.” He looked down, sure enough; it was his liver, blended in a mix of alcohol and blood. “Crazy night,” he thought to himself. He rubbed his head in discomfort, as the headache from his previous night of drinking screwdrivers and was pounding in his head like a drum beat. The daily dose of binge drinking that was Mathias’s life was about to take a beat of a different drum…..

    Mathias walked in the living room. The entire apartment was dark, the curtains pulled tightly to keep out any light from the sun. Mathias, so you know, has fear of the daytime. He is scared the sun will fall on him. Yes, this is serious Chicken Little type stuff. He turned on the television set, sat down on the couch and turned on the news channel.

    “The PGA Tour will be opening their means to be members to all citizens with a chance that you, the average Joe, can become a part of the phenomena and excitement that is the PGA Tour. There is no fee, just logon to www.pgatourfortheaveragejoe.com, complete the application and you are set. If successful in this opportunity, the average Joe will not be quite so “average” anymore. Sign up today!”

    Mathias turned off the television. “Maybe that is what I need,” he thought to himself as he sifted through all the past due bills and eviction notices. “But that means I have to leave my sanctity that is my humble abode and go outside. That might not be a pleasant thing to me…but I have to do what I can. I’m six months away from being booted from my apartment – I have to earn money somehow. Thank God I have a landlord that understands and allows me to stay here. The issue is I need cash, and soon. I couldn’t do it teaching beginners’ yoga, or United States sports history class for Bellevue State College. Wait, maybe having that relationship with that cheerleader killed that opportunity. Maybe playing golf is my coup de gras – it’s what I am supposed to do!”

    Problem: Mathias never picked up a golf club. IN HIS LIFE.


    What you are about to read is somewhat real, somewhat fake…but hopefully a whole lot of funny. I will be trying my hand at a dynasty that is somewhat new and cutting-edge.

    The game:
    Tiger Woods 2010 for Wii
    The settings: Mainly, I’ve listed the important stuff - Advanced swing control, precision putting, and green grid off
    The goal: I want to keep my character as realistic as possible to an average Joe playing golf for the first time. Therefore, I will not level up my character unless I deem it to be realistic. It will only be done in six month intervals, and at realistic increments. (For example, for the amateur level my leveling up will occur after June’s New England Challenge and December’s Q School.)
    The golfer’s goal: First, the golfer needs to make enough money to keep his apartment. The first deadline for eviction is June 31st. There is no set “amount” – he either makes it, or not. Secondly, the long term goal is to make the PGA Tour.
    In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.
  • PlottyDawg
    Rookie
    • Jul 2003
    • 78

    #2
    Re: Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

    Mathias quickly raced to his computer to log on to the web site. Fortunately for him, the phone company forgot to turn off his phone due to his defaulting on his phone bill for what now is six months. He snapped through to the web links to the actual application. He scrolled through the requirements and all the prompts the application had asked. “Sweet Jesus,” he said, “they don’t want work history or financials. I could have been screwed there. If I had to list financials, I would have been there for hours.”

    However, one question did plague Mathias: Why do you want to play on the PGA Tour? He sat at the computer with this one question blank before having to click the submit button. Then, the thoughts just flowed from his fingers to the keyboard:

    My name is Mathias Platzek. My hot landlord is going to evict me from my apartment. I have six months to raise enough money to stay. The apartment is the only thing that is in my name. Without it, I am useless. I know I have never golfed before, but I will try my best. Please give me a shot. Just think of the TV ratings if I was to make the Tour and play in a grouping with Lion Forest. Better yet, to win the Vince Lombardi Trophy as best golfer! Please consider me as a candidate. Thank you.

    And, with a single mouse click, Mathias’ PGA career started.

    December 7th, 12:30pm

    A few days later, a packet arrived from PGA headquarters. Mathias scampered away from the mailbox nothing but smiles. He ripped open the packet. Inside was a letter:

    Originally posted by Tim Finchem
    Dear Mathias,

    It is with open arms to welcome you to the PGA Tour. We are deeply touched by your story how you raped goats and have six months to live in your apartment.

    You will be expected to make every tournament, regardless of situation. Any absence from a tournament will immediately revoke your PGA Tour membership. Enclosed is a complete 2009 schedule with dates and tournaments.

    We hope your experience on the PGA Tour will be rewarding and pleasant. Work hard every day and you will be a star on the tour. Good luck.

    Thank you, Tim Finchem
    Commissioner, PGA Tour
    Holy bat ****! I made it, Mathias thought. But I never raped any goats…hey, that was a wise crack! He opened more of the packet on information. Enclosed was his schedule for the 2009 amateur PGA Tour season.


    DateTournamentLocation# of RoundsScore(s)PlacePrize Money
    Jan 1New Year's InviteBethpage18839th$40
    Jan 10-11London InviteWentworth283-77
    34th
    $55
    Jan 24-25Gator OpenTPC Sawgrass285-89
    26th
    $80
    Mar 19-22Highlands ChallengeTurnberry2 to 4W-L4th$342
    Apr 1April Fools InviteWestchester CC17930th$70
    Apr 2-5Shanghai Classic Seshuan CC2 to 479-78-75-71 = 303
    19th$120
    Apr 22Earth Day InviteTorrey Pines1Suspended----
    Apr 23-26European ShootoutSt. Andrews2 to 470-74-71-73 = 288
    48th$22
    May 28-31Minnesota OpenHazeltine2 to 471-68-73-75 = 288
    20th
    $120
    Jun 4-7New England ChallengeTPC Boston2 to 471-80-60-73 = 284
    2nd$642
    Jul 4Independence Day InviteWolf Creek180126th $1
    Jul 10-11Florida ClassicBay Hill281-72 = 153
    T 23rd
    $69
    Jul 30-Aug 2Sun City InvitationalGary Player GC2 to 482-80-75-78 = 315
    9th$270
    Aug 20-23Coast to Coast Match Play ChampionshipPebble Beach1 to 4------
    Sept 17-20Full Moon InvitationalOakmont2 to 4------
    Oct 3-4Fall ClassicTorrey Pines2------
    Oct 31Halloween InviteEast Lake1------
    Nov 26Thanksgiving InvitePinehurst #21------
    Dec10-13Q-SchoolBanff Springs2 to 4------

    It’s like an official scorecard for me, Mathias thought. It had every tournament, the dates and locations where each golf tournament is located. And the first one is on January 1st! Oh ****, Mathias thought, I have 24 days to prepare for this! But how do I go and prepare for this? He only knew of one person that could help him: Brian Johnson.

    Johnson was a good college friend that hooked Platzek into golfing. But he graduated from Bellevue State, got married and moved away to Nelaska City. They hung out a few times afterwards, but drifted away as interests and family life drove Johnson towards new priorities. He decided to give Johnson a call.

    Mathias: Dude, I’m on the PGA Tour. My first tournament is in 24 days.

    Brian: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude you are not. You can’t even hold your dipstick let alone a golf club.

    Mathias: For real, dude. I am. And yes, I can hold my dipstick, Jimmy.

    Brian: Whatever dude. Why you calling me?

    Mathias: I need some training in how to golf. I was hoping you’d hook me up with some tips…

    Brian: Sure, dude. Meet me tomorrow on the driving range here in Nelaska City, 4:00. Out, my kid just shat daddy’s lap.

    Mathias: Thanks for the visual, dude.
    Last edited by PlottyDawg; 07-06-2009, 08:04 PM.
    In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

    Comment

    • PlottyDawg
      Rookie
      • Jul 2003
      • 78

      #3
      Re: Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

      December 8th, 3:30 pm

      Mathias drove down to Nelaska City with wild thoughts in his head. The first one was simple: How’d the hell did I make it out of the apartment if I’m so scared of the sun? That alone is a success story in its own right! He looked at his watch; it said 3:45. ****, better get the lead out and drive faster. His foot pressed the accelerator, and the car raced down the highway past a police officer.

      Wherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, wheewile wile wile wile……………

      Damnit to **** **** ***, Mathias thought. The police officers lights flashed in the distance. Damn 5.0 caught me speeding. Wish my odometer wasn’t broken, I’d know how much over the limit I was going.

      He pulled the car off the side of the road, and thumbed through his glove box to find his registration **** **** ****…..not here. Wait, its in my wallet. Duh. Whew….that and my license, and good. Mathias rolled down the window, to see the officer standing outside the car already. And holy **** how are you officer?

      Good. Going a little fast back there?

      Yeah, I have a golf lesson to get to in Nelaska City. My instructor hates it when I am late. I have 23 days to prepare for my debut on the PGA Tour. Pretty important….

      Well why didn’t you say so? I will personally escort you into Nelaska City. The officer clicked on his lights and paved Mathias’ way into the small city.

      Mathias thought to himself, wow, I am one lucky ****. This golf adventure already has turned up bright for me. With a little luck involved, this might not be such a bad thing after all.

      Mathias pulled into the drive at the local driving range. There stood Johnson, with his golf clubs out ready to strike. Mathias parked the car, exited the vehicle, walked to the opened trunk and grabbed his clubs. Mathias’ set was a hand me down from an old girlfriend’s grandmother. They were effective in her grandmother’s hands. Remember, Mathias has never hit a golf ball EVER.

      The clock said 4:03 when Mathias walked to Johnson and shook his hand. Good to see you, BJ, Mathias greeted.

      You’re late, scoffed Johnson, There’s work to be done.

      Yeah, I know. Damn copper pulled me over.

      Good. You met my informant, Number Nineteen. He will follow you on tour when I cannot. I will come to a few of your events, mainly the one rounders. For example, I will be there when you play Bethpage on January 1st. I will stalk every damn move you make. You go drinking after a ****ty round, you run a mile. You shank a drive, you run a mile. You miss a putt…I will shove your damn belly putter so far up your ass….and then you will run a mile. You need to save your apartment, right? Then you need to work your hindparts off to keep it. Now let’s play.

      From the basic grip of the golf club, to striking, Johnson led Mathias into every realm of the world of golf.

      You are a natural, said Johnson, I never played this well after a practice session, let alone my first time ever. This PGA Tour gig might work out for you. Just remember, to keep an even head and not get cocky. You get cocky, then your game goes to hell. Play smart, play the course. What does it give you? Don’t force the issue. Bethpage is a course where that can play into your head. You think you can hit certain shots, but the sane self inside you says otherwise.

      And with that last comment, Johnson was off and away.

      Day by day Mathias worked with Johnson to sharpen his game to be the best it can be. Fom chip shot to pushed putt, Johnson worked Mathias to the breaking point. But, at the same time, Mathias developed confidence inside himself. I seriously can do this. I am going to make myself on the PGA Tour.
      In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

      Comment

      • PlottyDawg
        Rookie
        • Jul 2003
        • 78

        #4
        Re: Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

        December 31st, 6:00 am

        Flight 675 departing for JFK, New York City is now boarding at Gate D22. Departure will be in approximately 30 minutes….

        Mathias and Johnson grabbed their bags and headed to the gate. Thanks for picking up the tab on the airfare, BJ, Mathias said.

        Hey, you’ve worked hard up to now. It’s the least I can do. Now don’t make me regret it by shooting a 100 or something like that. Bethpage is a course that you very well could shoot something that ugly if you’re not careful.

        It was at that point that Mathias clammed up and began to get nervous. This is not a dream anymore. This is for real. In 24 hours I will tee it up at one of the toughest golf courses in the country, if not the world.

        Do you think I’m ready for this, BJ?, Mathias asked.

        No ones really ready for their first experience at anything, Johnson said, I wasn’t ready when my wife gave birth to my first child. But now it comes natural to me. I just accept whatever the situation is given to me, and deal with it the best I can. And tomorrow that has to be your approach. It’d be awesome to see you walk out there and shoot 68 and finish in the Top 5. But realistically that’s not going to happen. Just go play, and everything else will take care of itself.

        With that last comment, Mathias reclined his seat in the airplane, and drifted off to sleep.
        In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

        Comment

        • PlottyDawg
          Rookie
          • Jul 2003
          • 78

          #5
          January 1, 2009 - New Year's Invitational at Bethpage Black

          January 1st, 8:20 am

          Hailing from Bellevue, Nebraska, please welcome to the First Tee Mathias Platzek, belted the caller in a strong, husky voice.

          Mathias walked slowly to the tee box, and stuck a two-inch tee in the weathered grass. He took out an EA Sports golf ball, and placed it on the tee. A whisk of wind blew from right to left, which startled Mathias. Mathias walked to his bag, which BJ offered to carry for his first round.

          Thanks for carrying my bag, BJ. You make me feel at ease out here. Damn there’s a lot of people…I thought this was just a small thing. There’s hundreds of people right here!

          Don’t worry about them, dude. Just worry about yourself. And right now, you need to hit the damn ball.
          Heh, laughed Mathias. He walked up to the teed-up ball with a driver. He settled down, evened out his feet, relaxed his shoulders and arms. He aimed his driver out at the thin strip of grass….rocked back and…..SHHHPING!!

          He ripped the golf ball on a high line that landed down the right side of the fairway. Whew, let out a relieved Mathias. Hell yeah, let’s play some golf, he chimed to BJ, exchanging a fist pound.

          However, the tee box would be the only thing that went well for Mathias in his PGA Tour debut. The ugliness that is Bethpage Black ate up and munched on Mathias’ minute level of confidence.

          -----

          Damnit to hell. A ****ing 88? 88? Jesus Christ, said Mathias, slamming his golf bag on the bed in the hotel.

          Hey. Look at it this way. You were 14 of 16 of fairways hit, said BJ, For a first time out, especially playing Bethpage? Dude that was awesome!

          Yeah. I guess that’s some morsel of good news. But damn, my short game, irons and putting sucked a bucket of dick. What was my greens in regulation percentage….8%? And four-putting hole #3 was not a good thing I guess. Guess I found out why Bethpage Black is black. Its black-hearted and a bitch of a course, said Mathias.

          But you did manage par on some holes today. That is something you can take away from here, said BJ.

          But I finished last, moped Mathias, I….

          I bull****, snapped BJ, You played the best you could have. I didn’t take this gig because I saw the next Tiger Woods in you. I did it because you’re my friend, damnit. You won $40. What is that, one-third of your overdue rent money? Today was a start. You will be better. Now next weekend you play at Wentworth. Links style across the pond in England. Wide fairways but hell bunkers to play out of. Your goal is to shave 10 strokes off the 88 you shot today. Now I won’t be with you next time out. Number Nineteen will carry the bag for you. He’s as smart at the game of golf as I am, if not better. Arnie will probably be easier to have on the bag than I am.

          We’ll see about that, Mathias said. They drifted off to sleep….

          Official Scorecard for Platzek, Mathias
          Hole123456789OUT101112131415161718INTotal
          Length430389205517451408553210418358149243549955416147847920741137167297
          Mathias Platzek556555634445555564544488
          Par443544534364445344343571
          In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

          Comment

          • PlottyDawg
            Rookie
            • Jul 2003
            • 78

            #6
            London Open - January 10-11, 2009

            January 10th, 2009, 9:00 am

            Mathias awakened from his bed in the hotel outside downtown London and heard “Here I Go Again” in the background. Great, my senior year theme song where during wrestling season I was the only wrestler worth a damn. But, how’d the hell did Number Nineteen know about it? Not really important, but I do kind of feel like that right now. BJ had been my rock going into the New Year’s Invite, and now I’m all alone with this guy I hardly know. Sure, I’ve had good workouts with him up till today’s two-day meet, but I’m still a bit leery.
            Mathias went through his routine for a brisk warm-up. Before he knew it, it was time to report to the first tee. Just like last time, he thought to himself. Nice, easy, relaxed and have some fun. Do the best you can. But this time, I’d better shoot better than 88 this first round or I’m likely to not win this tournament.

            --

            More frustration ensued from Mathias after his first go round at Wentworth. Just an 83 this time, Mathias thought. Five shots less than the 88 train wreck had at Bethpage ten days prior. And I cannot talk to Number Nineteen because he doesn’t talk much at all. He is more a show coach, instead on a talk coach. So I’m stuck analyzing my own performance. Wish BJ was here. Anyways, I hit a lot of really good tee shots. I’m feeling very comfortable on the tee. It’s from the tee to the green that I am struggling with. But some of those greens and pin locations were horrible. That damn snowman on number 13 really sent me into a tailspin. It felt like the wheels really came off after that. The water hazard, three shots in the rough or the trees, 13 just was not fun at all. I will have to regroup and play better tomorrow to make some serious money.

            Round 1
            Hole123456789OUT101112131415161718INTotal
            Length473154465552212418396401452352318441653147017949038361053838017324
            Mathias Platzek435424663375558464544683
            Par434534444353454344553571

            January 11th, 2009, 6:00 pm

            Mathias sat in his hotel, alone in a dimly lit room. He had several thoughts running through his head. He randomly went off on tangents. Thank God that this London tournament ended when it did, he thought to himself. These greens are really pissing me off to no end. Every putt I swear I had either moved right or left. At no time whatsoever did I have a straight on putt. Many of them to make things better were downhill or on a sideslope. It was craptastic. However, I can at least walk away from this tournament with some confidence. I shot a personal best (77) and nailed 15/16 fairways. And the field actually regressed in a huge way towards me. I also made some chump change for hitting the flag on one hole and finishing 34th, which was not last.

            Hole123456789OUT101112131415161718INTotal
            Length473154465552212418396401452352318441653147017949038361053838017324
            Mathias Platzek544543446394445344643877
            Par434534444353454344553571

            After these thoughts, Number Nineteen walked in the hotel room. You doing okay, skipper? Nineteen asked?

            Yeah, could use a beer, though, Mathias replied.

            Remember browie’s rule? You drink a beer, you run a mile. I guarantee you will pay up when you come back to the states, too.

            **** the mile. Who are you to tell me what to do? ****ing James Bond? I need to relax for a change. Mathias walked to the fridge and cracked open a bottle of chilled Boone’s. He took a long pull from the bottle.

            Ahhhhh, that’s the ticket. Granted I’d really like a cold Bud Light, but this will do.

            BJ’s gonna have your balls for that, dude. I’ll make sure of it.

            Whatever, dude. Mathias swigged another shot from the bottle.

            After a few moments of dead silence, Mathias asked Nineteen, What’s the next tournament?

            Nineteen replied, The Gator Open at the TPC Sawgrass. You get to swim with the sharkies and fishes, the way you swing your irons.

            **** off, dude. My accuracy from the tee is great. I’m fighting it from fairway to green. Then the green will come, I just need to feel it. Nineteen, you sure are a real douschebag, you know that?

            Just wait til BJ gets a hold of you when we get back…..

            Final Results - London Open (Top 5)
            Code:
            Golfer        Score    Shots    Total Shots
            1) Lorenzen    +2    66-80    146
            2) Johnson    +2    64-82    146
            3T) Els        +5    67-82    149
                Petrovic    +5    66-83    149
            5)  Curtis    +6    68-82    150
            34) Platzek    +16    83-77    160
            In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

            Comment

            • PlottyDawg
              Rookie
              • Jul 2003
              • 78

              #7
              Re: London Open - January 10-11, 2009

              January 13th, 2009 4:30 pm

              So you had not one, but two beers? And you didn’t plan to tell me? Johnson asked.

              Yeah, so what’s the big *** deal? I needed to unwind, so I hung out away from any form of media attention and had a few brews. Mathias replied.

              That doesn’t mean one iota of a pile of ****. You are a member of the ******* PGA Tour. Anything that makes you stand out like a damn negative and Finchy will have your balls in a vice. He doesn’t tolerate anyone or anything that will make his ship look bad – even drinking in your hotel room alone. That’s enough, now take off. You’ve got some running to do.

              Mathias nodded hesitantly and began his two-mile hike around Nelaska City, with the thoughts of anger towards his golf coach. I’m gonna show this sonofabitch that I can be a golfer, Mathias thought.

              --

              Ok, Johnson said, Sawgrass is coming up in a few weeks. The Gator Open. Not many play this tournament because of the fear of being eaten by alligators. That’s what the tournament directors do if you finish last, or if you shoot a 91. They think the number 91 is a desecration to the state of Florida for having to share the national championship in college football.

              So we’re a couple weeks into this facade. How have I improved from a golfing perspective, Mathias asked?

              Well, Johnson replied, you’re come a long way from never having touched a golf club. But your ball striking can be better. And don’t even get me started with your ineptness on the greens. Then comes an issue with your length. Half these holes you cannot make the damn fairway because you’re so weak. Remember, we’re playing from the PGA tees, the blacks, not the pillow-infested blues, or even the gay-*** whites. You’re 275 pounds and your maximum bench press is 130. Dude, that is so ****ing weak. So, here’s the plan. We need to get some mass on you, and fast. Therefore, I have some andro from the days of McGwire and Sosa, good 1998 ****. Fortunately the PGA Tour doesn’t give a rat’s *** if you shoot up or not. You will take three supplements three times a day for six weeks. A clear in the morning, a shot in the *** at mid-day, and three pills at night. But you also have to lift two times a day now. We’re going to limit your time at the range for now.

              What if I get caught, Mathis asked?

              Then I’ll be the one that goes down in flames, like that Anderson dude did with the whole Barry Bonds HGH episode.

              Yeah, I agree, I do need to add some rip to myself. I’m struggling to make fairways at some length. Guess this is an option that will only help me. Mathias applied some of the clear onto the side of his right arm.
              Last edited by PlottyDawg; 06-15-2009, 08:29 AM.
              In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

              Comment

              • OliDegu2008
                MVP
                • Jul 2008
                • 2290

                #8
                Re: Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

                Very interesting, good read. Keep this up!
                Last edited by OliDegu2008; 06-14-2009, 09:34 AM.
                2010 WORLD CUP (FROM THE GROUND UP)
                2014 WORLD CUP (FROM THE GROUND UP)

                Comment

                • PlottyDawg
                  Rookie
                  • Jul 2003
                  • 78

                  #9
                  Re: Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

                  Originally posted by OliDegu2008
                  Very interesting, good read. Keep this up!
                  Thanks for the kudos! Your comments are exactly what I wanted to see and read; the idea that the storyline is interesting is my goal. I know this section of OS doesn't get as much pub as per se other sections. Maybe something like this will draw viewers to this section more!
                  In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

                  Comment

                  • PlottyDawg
                    Rookie
                    • Jul 2003
                    • 78

                    #10
                    Gator Open - January 24 & 25, 2009

                    January 25th, 2009 – 6:40 pm

                    I thought the andro was going to add instant length to my drives? Mathias asked as he stormed into the hotel room.

                    Yes it does, but when you shoot 85 and 89, even andro won’t help you. Only the Pope could help you, snapped back Johnson.

                    Dude, you’re supposed to encourage me, not tear me down. What an *** you are. Now I know why I hardly spend time with you anymore. You’re too much of a prick to even realize that friends also care for you, and not just your close family. Why did I even ask….

                    Ask what? Ask me to help you establish a professional-type skill in golf? I don’t know why either. Maybe I saw something in you when we hit balls in college…

                    Yeah, whatever. If I’m going to keep my damn apartment, I need to win two of the next seven outings. You need to encourage, not rip apart, dude. My temperament is very fragile, my confidence is sunken to all-time low now with this showing. I do not need you tearing apart the last drop of dignity I have.

                    Okay, quipped Johnson, I was harsh on you and I apologize. I just want to see you succeed, dude. Your iron striking did improve over the tournament and even your putting. But four-putting won’t win you championships. My suggestion to you is don’t read into every damn break and just hit the damn ball. Your GIR has steadily improved as well. Now we’re off until March. March brings the Highlands Challenge. This tournament’s four rounds, so after two rounds there will be a cut. Your goal is to make that cut and play on the weekend. You do that, you will make more money. But from now until then, we have to go balls to the walls. By then you also should see some jump in your power. You have to believe that you are a good golfer. Par for the course right now would be awesome, and you are so capable. Just buy into the teaching…

                    I will, Mathias said.

                    Gator Open - January 24 & 25, 2009
                    Round 1
                    Hole123456789OUT101112131415161718INTotal
                    Length392532170384466393442219583358142453535819148143150712044734947075
                    Mathias Platzek653656464454654445444085
                    Par453444435364543445343672

                    Round 2
                    Hole123456789OUT101112131415161718INTotal
                    Length392532170384466393442219583358142453535819148143150712044734947075
                    Mathias Platzek452445455387464584585189
                    Par453444435364543445343672

                    Results
                    PlaceGolferScoresTotal+/-
                    1Day66-83149+5
                    2Ames68-81149+5
                    T3Allen70-81151+7
                    T3Couples69-82151+7
                    T3Pate65-86151+7
                    26Platzek85-89174+30
                    In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

                    Comment

                    • PlottyDawg
                      Rookie
                      • Jul 2003
                      • 78

                      #11
                      Re: Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

                      March 11th, 2009 – 12:30 pm

                      Mathias walked out from his apartment towards the mailbox. Outside the apartment stood his landlord. She was a cougar, in more or less words.

                      Hey there, handsome, she meowed.

                      Hey, I have some money, Mathias replied, I’ve taken up golfing and currently play on the PGA Tour. I’m making some dough, slowly but surely I will have that rent for you.

                      Don’t worry about it, I know you’re…good for the money. She walked away, slowly. She had that, dude bend me over and take me now please look on her face. As much as Mathias wanted to, he knew that would be a sin and Johnson would shank him hard for getting more *** than him.

                      Mathias opened up his mailbox. Inside was a letter from the PGA Tour. My paycheck! Thank God, Mathias thought. Instead, it was a letter explaining the Highlands Challenge.

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by Tim Finchem
                      Dear PGA Tour Member,

                      This weekend you are scheduled to play in the Highlands Challenge at the Turnberry Golf Course. This format in the past used to be stroke play. It originated as a four round tournament. Every competitor would play two rounds, and then there would be a “cut line”- a score you had to make. If you made that score, you play on the weekend.

                      However, we’ve decided to change things and make this a single-elimination match play tournament. This means you simply must match the opponent’s shot count. If you shoot lower than your opponent, you win the hole. You have been drawn in as the #14 seed, and will play #3 Carlos Carpenter at 9:50 am on Thursday, March 19. Good luck.

                      Signed, Tim Finchem
                      PGA Tour Commissioner


                      Match play? The hell? Mathias thought. He quickly called Johnson.

                      Dude, the Highlands tournament this weekend is match play. That’s kinda gay.

                      No, this may work largely in your favor, Johnson said, this means you just have to beat one person a day for four days. You’re not against the field. With your ability to make shots, this very well could set up great for you to have a successful tournament.

                      You think that? Wow, I feel damn confident. This Carpenter chump is going down!

                      That’s the spirit. Now one battle lies ahead. The putter has to be damn near flawless to win tournaments like this. So this is what we’re gonna do…..
                      In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

                      Comment

                      • PlottyDawg
                        Rookie
                        • Jul 2003
                        • 78

                        #12
                        The Highlands Challenge - 1st Round

                        Special Report from
                        Stunning Upset Marks First Round for American.

                        Mathias Platzek played the Turnberry course many times in his head and on video games. The play time paid off.

                        The 14th seeded Platzek entered the match play tournament played just five rounds with the lowest score of 77, shocked the PGA Tour community with a dominating 4 and 3 win over the third seeded Spanish native Carlos Carpenter.

                        Platzek won the first hole, and was only even with Carpenter after the second hole, a hole Platzek three-putted.

                        But Platzek was back up one after the fourth hole, and never looked back.

                        "My putter was on lockdown today," said the 30-year old Platzek. "Turnberry is tough if you have to putt from long distances. I didn't put myself in too long of situations."

                        Platzek will play Italian Edwin Donatello in the second round.

                        The Highlands Challenge - March 19-22
                        Hole123456789OUT101112131415161718INTotal
                        Length354426489168479231538454452359345717544741044920645555846136187211
                        Par444343544354344434543570
                        Rd 1 v. Carpenter1UEE1U1U1U1U2U1U1U2U2U3U4U3U4U------WIN 4 & 3NA

                        __________________
                        In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

                        Comment

                        • OliDegu2008
                          MVP
                          • Jul 2008
                          • 2290

                          #13
                          Re: Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

                          I really am digging this man! Like the letter from Tim.
                          2010 WORLD CUP (FROM THE GROUND UP)
                          2014 WORLD CUP (FROM THE GROUND UP)

                          Comment

                          • PlottyDawg
                            Rookie
                            • Jul 2003
                            • 78

                            #14
                            The Highlands Challenge - 2nd Round

                            March 20, 2009 – 8:00 pm

                            Mathias sat in his hotel room, shaking his head. The golden opportunity to establish himself as a serious PGA Tour contender slipped by the way side. He had just lost a 2 and 1 decision to Donatello.

                            Why the **** did I hit that 3 wood on 16, Mathias thought, It was an uphill lie and the ONLY way it would had made it was if I strapped a rocket pack on the ball. That was a horrible shot and if I could take it back, I’d certainly take that ****ty shot back. Also, some of my approach shots were crap, too. Many times, as done in the past, I’d hit them short and right, or short and left. Only a few times did I really knock them stiff.

                            But there are some positives to take away from this. I was dead accurate with my short stuff from time to time, and knocked a couple close to the pin. My putter was solid throughout the two rounds. Several times I made putts that kept me alive in the match. Earlier in the season, these putts would have eaten me alive. Plus I played fairly well in the rain. With a 20 mph wind staring in my face! Plus, according to their jacked up standings, I finished 4th and made $342. That’s some serious bank there.

                            Hell, I almost have enough to pay off my landlord now! Mathias had failed to mention that he had been playing some “pickup” challenges on TW2010, the video game. From these he had earned close to $19,000. It was as Mathias punching in monetary numbers in a calculator when Nineteen walked in.

                            Sure choked your chicken off out there, today. If I’d played that shot, I’d certainly have laid up.

                            Sure, whatever you say, prick. Why have you been nothing but pessimistic towards me. You jealous of some raw talent on the golf course?

                            As a matter of fact, I certainly am. You have a lot of skills, yet you have zero brain, You don’t know how to hit a smart shot. All you want to do is grip and rip. Unless you have amazing power, you cannot play like that. You will only end up last in every damn tournament because of this. Now you have a lot going for you. You have solid striking ability, a fade from time to time. We can tune that up. But until you start thinking with your dipstick, you won’t make it past Q School.

                            You do have some points there. I do try to just hammer it and that is that. I don’t think on the course very much. I guess I do need to play a bit more into strategy. But why do you have to be a dick about it?

                            That’s just me being around BJ all the time. It was when these words were said when Mathias seen BJ standing at the edge of the door.

                            Nice shooting, Tex. Yet Number 10 hurt you too. Hitting OB three shots in a row sucks the life out of you. Conceding that hole probably was a good thing, Ed would have had to hit 12 shots just to tie you. I’m not even going to mention the façade at 16. You know what I think of that trash. But the hole that really did you in was the short putt on 9. I really felt sorry for you there. That putt was so in the hole. Never have I seen a putt lip like that. It literally bounced out of the cup. But when something like that happens, you have to compose yourself and not knock the **** out of the next three. That’s why you lost this hole, and ultimately the match. I hope you can walk away from this mess and hold your head high – you played pretty well. We have some fixing with the fade on the driver, but other things were pretty sharp. You were dead accurate with your short game. Knocking at the pin on a few holes. Even better, you won a match convincingly and came away with some good money. Let’s blow this joint and get ready for April Fools at Westchester and the Shanghai Classic at Seshuan.

                            The Highlands Challenge - March 19-22
                            Hole123456789OUT101112131415161718INTotal
                            Length354426489168479231538454452359345717544741044920645555846136187211
                            Par444343544354344434543570
                            Rd 2 v. DonatelloE1D2D1D1D1DE1D2D2D3D3D2D2D1D1D1D2D--L 2 & 1NA
                            In the deed came the glory; in the glory came the champions.

                            Comment

                            • OliDegu2008
                              MVP
                              • Jul 2008
                              • 2290

                              #15
                              Re: Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

                              Sure choked your chicken off out there, today. If I’d played that shot, I’d certainly have laid up.

                              Sure, whatever you say, prick. Why have you been nothing but pessimistic towards me. You jealous of some raw talent on the golf course?

                              Haha, great dialogue there Plotty
                              2010 WORLD CUP (FROM THE GROUND UP)
                              2014 WORLD CUP (FROM THE GROUND UP)

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