At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

[Court_vision]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

And what if his spouse is at the point where she resents him even asking...

He's told me she's screamed at him some nights. Essentially, "take it elsehwere".

She won't come out and say it...but she wants the marriage maintained.

She doesn't want him as a "man" anymore. She wants company and she wants the kids father around.

Some of you guys aren't living in reality if you don't think this stuff goes on................

And he's one of the nicest fellas you could meet. Decent, hard working guy...

Again...at what "point" does he give in?

He's 41 for f...s sake!

The guy should not be expected to go 'without' for the rest of his life. Surely?

I am really surprised by the responses here. I'm seeing a LOT of guys who've married their first girlfriend and not seen much of life. This is not 'Chasing Amy'!

[ExtremeGamer]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

And what if his spouse is at the point where she resents him even asking...

He's told me she's screamed at him some nights. Essentially, "take it elsehwere".

She won't come out and say it...but she wants the marriage maintained.

She doesn't want him as a "man" anymore. She wants company and she wants the kids father around.

Some of you guys aren't living in reality if you don't think this stuff goes on................

And he's one of the nicest fellas you could meet. Decent, hard working guy...

Again...at what "point" does he give in?

He's 41 for f...s sake!

The guy should not be expected to go 'without' for the rest of his life. Surely?

I am really surprised by the responses here. I'm seeing a LOT of guys who've married their first girlfriend and not seen much of life. This is not 'Chasing Amy'!

I've been married 5 years, if my wife came to me tomorrow and said she's sick, and the drugs she'll be taking will take away her sex drive and we may not ever reallly have it again, I wouldn't leave her, I'd be by her side. As Clay and others have said, marriage isn't about sex, it's only a part of it.

I love my wife, nothing will ever change that.

[Court_vision]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Scott, you've been married for five years mate...

With respect, that's NOT 20 years.

He's been going through this for well over a decade.

If any of you can seriously say you'd accept going without (basically) for a decade...with the reality of another 20 years or so...

Then you're better men than I.

She doesn't want to do it. It actually UPSETS her when he asks. She gets hysterical at times, she hates the fact he feels it's important...

Why should he be put on some massive guilt trip that his natural feelings shouldn't be there?

Like I said, you fellas get back to me when you're 40 plus and gone without basically for a decade plus...

I'd almost guarantee there's not one of you standing where you stand now...

[Stu]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

I've been married 5 years, if my wife came to me tomorrow and said she's sick, and the drugs she'll be taking will take away her sex drive and we may not ever reallly have it again, I wouldn't leave her, I'd be by her side. As Clay and others have said, marriage isn't about sex, it's only a part of it.

I love my wife, nothing will ever change that.

Exactly. It seems like the blame is getting placed on her for losing her sex drive. Would this guy cheat if his wife was in an accident and paralyzed?

[ExtremeGamer]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Scott, you've been married for five years mate...

With respect, that's NOT 20 years.

He's been going through this for well over a decade.

If any of you can seriously say you'd accept going without (basically) for a decade...with the reality of another 20 years or so...

Then you're better men than I.

She doesn't want to do it. It actually UPSETS her when he asks. She gets hysterical at times, she hates the fact he feels it's important...

Why should he be put on some massive guilt trip that his natural feelings shouldn't be there?

Like I said, you fellas get back to me when you're 40 plus and gone without basically for a decade plus...

I'd almost guarantee there's not one of you standing where you stand now...

No, I can assure you I wouldn't change. I know it's been 5 years, but I have my feelings and that won't ever change.

I didn't marry my wife for the sex. I married her because I love her, we could hang out all night and then just go to bed, as we've done many times, and have a great time.

I can assure you 100%, I would never cheat. If it got bad enough where I wasn't happy, as your friend surely sounds, then he should file for divorce. Does he really think going out to hook up with someone else is all of a sudden going to make his home life better? No, because 2 weeks later he'll need to cheat again.

[Shaver]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

I am really surprised by the responses here. I'm seeing a LOT of guys who've married their first girlfriend and not seen much of life. This is not 'Chasing Amy'!

First of all, don't talk down to people and assume anything. I've been married for almost 10 years and know a thing or two about marriage and relationships. But, more importantly, this is about being a MAN. A MAN takes care of his commitments and his responsibilities. A MAN doesn't put his dick in front of his head and his heart. If you're not willing to give up and sacrifice for the person that you committed and took vows with... then move along. I don't care if dude is the Pope... he's not a victim here.

[ExtremeGamer]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Exactly. It seems like the blame is getting placed on her for losing her sex drive. Would this guy cheat if his wife was in an accident and paralyzed?

Pefectly said. If she was in a bad accident, would now that he can't have sex with her mean he doesn't love her anymore and has to cheat?

I don't get that at all.

[nyisles16]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

It's easy to see who here belongs to the religious right...wow...

Okay boys...throw this into the equation.

His wife has Lupus. The medication she takes for it has killed her sex drive. It's a recognised side effect. There is NO remedy. Simple fact, she'll never get it back.

So, he's a 'loser' because he's tempted? Good looking guy, been loyal 20 years...knocked back offers often...

Still a loser? Still "nothing is acceptable"

It's amazingly immature to think he doesn't have legit issues here. Kids, illness...

Still a loser? The guy is tempted. I can't believe folks are so venomous about genuine issues.

I guess the part of "in sickness & in health" goes by the wayside.. I know someone who is married to a wonderful woman with the illness, & never, EVER considered "looking elsewhere" to get "satisfaction".. I don't understand (& never will) why someone would have to look elsewhere to get their "jollies" (maybe if it was a mutual decision I would)

[Graphik]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

This is a verrry interesting topic. I'm young(27) never married and although I have cheated once or twice, it does make much more sense to get out of a relationship if the two of you aren't really seeing eye to eye. (Which I did) I thought relationships as well as marraige were about comprimising. If they cant come to a comprimise about sex then they need to end the marriage IMO. (Based on the fact that she screamed at him when he wanted some)

People can speak of vows, morals and the like but the truth is everybody has wants and needs and sex is one of them. If your partner cant satisfy you in that department then something needs to be done. I would'nt exactly say go out and cheat but I've never been in that position so I have no clue how I'd react. A divorce is always a hard thing to go through but if there is no comprimise about that issue then divorce should be the best option. Kids or no kids.

[Graphik]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

I can assure you 100%, I would never cheat. If it got bad enough where I wasn't happy, as your friend surely sounds, then he should file for divorce. Does he really think going out to hook up with someone else is all of a sudden going to make his home life better? No, because 2 weeks later he'll need to cheat again.

Best quote I've read in this thread.

[Court_vision]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Basic math here fellas...

1. She doesn't want sex. She'd be happier if he actually just did something elsewhere and she didn't know. She's said to him "i just don't want to know".
Translated, that means "do something and keep it to yourself"....

2. He has a healthy sex drive.

3. They have kids they both LOVE...divorce is NOT an option.


Add up 1, 2 and 3...i.e. she doesn't want it / doesn't care if he has it elsehwere + he has the need + kids mean no divorce...and I really don't see why he should feel any guilt at all.

I am not religious. He is.

I know that's part of why he's feeling so bad.

Mentally, this is killing him. I defy anyone to really state they'd not "give in" at some point.

His Mrs has basically said "go elsewhere!"...

How is it cheating?

And again...divorce is NOT an option...they have two youngs kids who they 100% are not letting grow up without both parents.

I don't see how or why he should have ANY guilt.

[skitch]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

If you're having a threesome.

[nyisles16]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Basic math here fellas...

1. She doesn't want sex. She'd be happier if he actually just did something elsewhere and she didn't know. She's said to him "i just don't want to know".
Translated, that means "do something and keep it to yourself"....

2. He has a healthy sex drive.

3. They have kids they both LOVE...divorce is NOT an option.


Add up 1, 2 and 3...i.e. she doesn't want it / doesn't care if he has it elsehwere + he has the need + kids mean no divorce...and I really don't see why he should feel any guilt at all.

I am not religious. He is.

I know that's part of why he's feeling so bad.

Mentally, this is killing him. I defy anyone to really state they'd not "give in" at some point.

His Mrs has basically said "go elsewhere!"...

How is it cheating?

And again...divorce is NOT an option...they have two youngs kids who they 100% are not letting grow up without both parents.

I don't see how or why he should have ANY guilt.

the reason why people consider this cheating is that 1) he got married to the woman, & 2) seems to be using her sickness as the reason to go cheat...

[MassNole]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

But she gave her blessing from what he said, hence it isn't cheating.

[Stu]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

But she gave her blessing from what he said, hence it isn't cheating.

I'm not sure that actually counts as giving her blessing. If she doesn't want to know, she doesn't want him to do it.