My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

[mKoz26]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

This entire thread is straight poohetry!

FYP <url> </url>

[KingV2k3]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

This thread is pure gold...

VT's K Mart story?

That's G.O.A.T. level stuff, indeed...

Hilarious!

[Taur3asi3]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Bump for posterity

Still one the greatest threads ever on this board.

[TheMatrix31]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Complete and utter greatness.

[55]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Still one of the greatest threads in OS history and it is that time of year again.

[snepp]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Always identify the location of the plunger before dropping a deuce on the road.


Words to live by.

[The Big Squeezy]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I'm a better person after reading this story.

[12]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

One of the great travesties of my life is that I just found this thread NOW.

Classic.

[LingeringRegime]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I have never stepped in K-Mart this same after reading "The Post." On high alert for "nice little **** patties."

[CaptainZombie]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Still one of the greatest threads in OS history and it is that time of year again.

I agree, this thread belongs in the HOF wing. LOL!

[ScoobySnax]

Oh man. I remember this one lol! A classic indeed.

[~LiverpoolRed~]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Classic! Just re-read the entire thread. Noticed there has been quite a few banned people in this thread.

[OSUFan_88]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I haven't laughed so hard at a post ever.

VT's story made me laugh uncontrollably for about 5 minutes. I'm still cracking up over "Was it a terrorist attack?"

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

An oldie, but a goodie. Usually not a good idea to drop a deuce and either 1) Keep on Flushing or 2) Use way way too much TP.


A lot of OS vets with pink names in this thread too.

[ProfessaPackMan]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

That's the funniest thing I've read on here in a long time.

It also reminds me of my experience on 9/9/99. I had just picked up my new Dreamcast and NFL 2K and was about to leave the mall when nature called. Normally I avoid dropping a deuce in a public washroom at all costs, but I was facing a long ride home and had no choice. So I zip into a stall, put my great big EB bag with the DC in it on the floor, sit down and get ready to drop the kids off at the pool when the door opens and I see someone wheel by my stall into the handicapped stall beside mine.

This was followed by some commotion, some hideous noises (and aromas), and then finally a flush. And then another flush. And then a third flush. And then the words that still haunt me to this day:

"Uh oh sir, look out!"

As the son of a b**** wheeled out, his words were followed by what sounded like water (albeit chunky water) hitting the floor. I looked down to see a river of s*** flowing my way. It was surrounding my toilet, but I wasn't finished my business yet so I had to frantically lift my Dreamcast off the floor with one leg while holding the other in the air. Sitting there lifting the precious DC with one leg and trying to finish up without anything touching the floor was the most excruciating few moments of my life. When I was done I had to perform acrobatics to get to the small section of clean floor left in the stall and somehow managed to get out of there without incident. I stalked the aisles in a rage, looking for someone in a wheelchair, but I never found him.

Reminds me of the time I was working electronics at K-mart as a summer job. I am sitting at the counter, minding my own business, trying to pass the time until college football came out. When I see the cutest little 2 or three year old come walking in with his father. I lose track of them and check someone out. After the transaction i spot the father looking down the back of the kids shorts, I think nothing of it. Then I notice it. A nice little **** patty laying there on the grown, all mustard-brown in color. I don't panic, I remain calm. I went over to the garden where my brother was working and asked him to tell me what he saw over by the fireworks. He came back and informed me that some had indeed shat in the store. As an aside, I must say, the kid picked the right store to **** in, it was K-mart. If I was working at Target I might have been offended, but everyone who has worked at K-mart knows you have to have a certain mindset. "Okay, I am going to work at K-mart today, I better prepare myself mentally for some off the wall stuff."

As I get back to my counter I call the manager, I'm not getting paid enough and the job sucked enough already so she said to put a cart over it and that she would send someone to do it. Before I could get over there, a woman in some nice white sandles steps in it. She slides about a yard all on one foot, miraculously not falling over. I expected her to turn around and freak out when she found out what she stepped in, but she just looked back, shrugged and kept going. This woman must not have been a stranger to stepping in ****, she took it all in stride.

When I bring the cart over I noticed that this nice half pound crap patty is not the only one, but there are a series of smaller ones all the way up into the bathroom door. I follow them and decide to take a peek inside as my curiosity was at an all time K-mart high. I took a deep breath and swung open the door. In retrospect, this is where I wish I had just thrown down the name badge and left.

It looked like I had found the holy grail of fecal disasters. My mind swirled as I tried to peice together what could have caused this to happen, like a detective at the scene of the murder. I could not come to a conclusion. Was this kid a dookie filled grenade? Was he still alive? Is he still in here somewhere? Could this be a terrorist attack? I had so many questions and no answers were there to be found. The discarded diaper lay strewn in the corner. It stood no chance. A mere finger in the dike holding back and ocean of diarrhea.

The was not one part of this bathroom that was not effected. The sink, mirror, stall, toilet, a-typical bathroom portrait of a random landscape, everything was covered in this henious up-heaval of intestinal bile. I almost collapsed as I am sure the air was more methane at this point than oxygen. I had to get out. It was divine intervention that the only thing that survived the Hollocaust of crap was the door handle. I got out of there and never used that bathroom again. I was scarred. No amount of mister clean or hydrochloric acid could ever rid that bathroom of it's horrible past.

I still to this day can not think of a scenario in which this could have taken place. I hope the kid was alright becuase three laxitives, a plate of deviled egss, and a sack of taco bell couldn't cause the sheer amount of product this kid put all over the place. The amount of coverage was also amazing. It was as if the father stood in the center of the bathroom and spun 360 degress holding his kid like a flamethrower covering the bathroom until he saw fit.

Worst day of my life.

I lost it after reading these two parts.

If there ever is going to be an OS Hall of Fame, we got 2 unanimous choices right here.