My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

[dave360]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I feel it's my "doody" to add my story as well

I was 16 or so and working at a local grocery store. This little old man comes in one day and I happened to be walking up the aisle behind him when all of a sudden he starts shaking his leg as he's walking. I wonder what the heck he's doing when I look down and see what he's shaking out. Brown gumballs if you know what I mean. I started laughing and went and got the manager to show him. He walks up to the man and asks him to either go to the bathroom or leave. He then cleans it up and I still laugh about it to this day. It's a running joke between me and one of my friends who worked with me there. We'll go thru a store and just start shaking our legs, laughing hysterically.

I also have another one that involves the friend mentioned above. He and I went to Target or somewhere one day and I had to go to the bathroom. All the urinals were full and since I just had to wiz I went into one of the stalls. My friend comes walking in and there's a guy in the stall next to me grunting, and really rather gassy. Well my friend thinks that's me that's grunting and gassy and starts to make all sorts of bad comments like "Dave what did you eat?, That was a good one, Good God dude light a candle, and he even starts beating on the door. By this time, I'm dying laughing and I walk out the door and he sees that it's not me that was making all the noise. His face turns white and he turns and runs out of the bathroom. I finally find him hiding in electronics looking at games or something. We never did see the guy (or his shoes) that was making all the noise, but it was funny none the less.

[Brandon13]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

This thread keeps on getting better.

[catcatch22]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Wow!

[gta95]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Reminds me of the time I was working electronics at K-mart as a summer job. I am sitting at the counter, minding my own business, trying to pass the time until college football came out. When I see the cutest little 2 or three year old come walking in with his father. I lose track of them and check someone out. After the transaction i spot the father looking down the back of the kids shorts, I think nothing of it. Then I notice it. A nice little **** patty laying there on the grown, all mustard-brown in color. I don't panic, I remain calm. I went over to the garden where my brother was working and asked him to tell me what he saw over by the fireworks. He came back and informed me that some had indeed shat in the store. As an aside, I must say, the kid picked the right store to **** in, it was K-mart. If I was working at Target I might have been offended, but everyone who has worked at K-mart knows you have to have a certain mindset. "Okay, I am going to work at K-mart today, I better prepare myself mentally for some off the wall stuff."

As I get back to my counter I call the manager, I'm not getting paid enough and the job sucked enough already so she said to put a cart over it and that she would send someone to do it. Before I could get over there, a woman in some nice white sandles steps in it. She slides about a yard all on one foot, miraculously not falling over. I expected her to turn around and freak out when she found out what she stepped in, but she just looked back, shrugged and kept going. This woman must not have been a stranger to stepping in ****, she took it all in stride.

When I bring the cart over I noticed that this nice half pound crap patty is not the only one, but there are a series of smaller ones all the way up into the bathroom door. I follow them and decide to take a peek inside as my curiosity was at an all time K-mart high. I took a deep breath and swung open the door. In retrospect, this is where I wish I had just thrown down the name badge and left.

It looked like I had found the holy grail of fecal disasters. My mind swirled as I tried to peice together what could have caused this to happen, like a detective at the scene of the murder. I could not come to a conclusion. Was this kid a dookie filled grenade? Was he still alive? Is he still in here somewhere? Could this be a terrorist attack? I had so many questions and no answers were there to be found. The discarded diaper lay strewn in the corner. It stood no chance. A mere finger in the dike holding back and ocean of diarrhea.

The was not one part of this bathroom that was not effected. The sink, mirror, stall, toilet, a-typical bathroom portrait of a random landscape, everything was covered in this henious up-heaval of intestinal bile. I almost collapsed as I am sure the are was more methane at this point than oxygen. I had to get out. It was divine intervention that the only thing that survived the Hollocaust of crap was the door handle. I got out of there and never used that bathroom again. I was scarred. No amount of mister clean or hydrochloric acid could ever rid that bathroom of it's horrible past.

I still to this day can not think of a scenario in which this could have taken place. I hope the kid was alright becuase three laxitives, a plate of deviled egss, and a sack of taco bell couldn't cause the sheer amount of product this kid put all over the place. The amount of coverage was also amazing. It was as if the father stood in the center of the bathroom and spun 360 degress holding his kid like a flamethrower covering the bathroom until he saw fit.

Worst day of my life.

Sucks for you, hilarious for us!

[Double Eights]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I have never laughed so hard over a post on OS, more so than when I read dave360's post.

The second story was absolute comedy gold.

[Flyboy]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Reminds me of the time I was working electronics at K-mart as a summer job. I am sitting at the counter, minding my own business, trying to pass the time until college football came out. When I see the cutest little 2 or three year old come walking in with his father. I lose track of them and check someone out. After the transaction i spot the father looking down the back of the kids shorts, I think nothing of it. Then I notice it. A nice little **** patty laying there on the grown, all mustard-brown in color. I don't panic, I remain calm. I went over to the garden where my brother was working and asked him to tell me what he saw over by the fireworks. He came back and informed me that some had indeed shat in the store. As an aside, I must say, the kid picked the right store to **** in, it was K-mart. If I was working at Target I might have been offended, but everyone who has worked at K-mart knows you have to have a certain mindset. "Okay, I am going to work at K-mart today, I better prepare myself mentally for some off the wall stuff."

As I get back to my counter I call the manager, I'm not getting paid enough and the job sucked enough already so she said to put a cart over it and that she would send someone to do it. Before I could get over there, a woman in some nice white sandles steps in it. She slides about a yard all on one foot, miraculously not falling over. I expected her to turn around and freak out when she found out what she stepped in, but she just looked back, shrugged and kept going. This woman must not have been a stranger to stepping in ****, she took it all in stride.

When I bring the cart over I noticed that this nice half pound crap patty is not the only one, but there are a series of smaller ones all the way up into the bathroom door. I follow them and decide to take a peek inside as my curiosity was at an all time K-mart high. I took a deep breath and swung open the door. In retrospect, this is where I wish I had just thrown down the name badge and left.

It looked like I had found the holy grail of fecal disasters. My mind swirled as I tried to peice together what could have caused this to happen, like a detective at the scene of the murder. I could not come to a conclusion. Was this kid a dookie filled grenade? Was he still alive? Is he still in here somewhere? Could this be a terrorist attack? I had so many questions and no answers were there to be found. The discarded diaper lay strewn in the corner. It stood no chance. A mere finger in the dike holding back and ocean of diarrhea.

The was not one part of this bathroom that was not effected. The sink, mirror, stall, toilet, a-typical bathroom portrait of a random landscape, everything was covered in this henious up-heaval of intestinal bile. I almost collapsed as I am sure the are was more methane at this point than oxygen. I had to get out. It was divine intervention that the only thing that survived the Hollocaust of crap was the door handle. I got out of there and never used that bathroom again. I was scarred. No amount of mister clean or hydrochloric acid could ever rid that bathroom of it's horrible past.

I still to this day can not think of a scenario in which this could have taken place. I hope the kid was alright becuase three laxitives, a plate of deviled egss, and a sack of taco bell couldn't cause the sheer amount of product this kid put all over the place. The amount of coverage was also amazing. It was as if the father stood in the center of the bathroom and spun 360 degress holding his kid like a flamethrower covering the bathroom until he saw fit.

Worst day of my life.

By far one of the funniest OS posts ever. You sir, made my day.

[dave360]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I have never laughed so hard over a post on OS, more so than when I read dave360's post.

The second story was absolute comedy gold.

I've got a million more bad grocery store stories. Alot of them are bad, so maybe I'll throw them up on my blog/

[RAZRr1275]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I've got a million more bad grocery store stories. Alot of them are bad, so maybe I'll throw them up on my blog/

Please do.

[Unoriginal Name]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I have a short story. Not as good as some of the other ones here but I thought I would share it.

I bowl on a league every week. The bathroom there is small, only two urinals and a stall, plus it is a bowling alley so it's not the cleanest bathroom to begin with. Last week this is what I saw....I go in the bathroom and both urinals are occupied so I go to the stall to relieve myself. Some previous occupant of the stall had decided to **** all down the side of the toilet and on to the floor. In the corner, said previous occupant decided to leave a present for all those who would follow him in the stall.....his underwear.

[dave360]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Please do.

I posted 10 or 11 stories on my blog. I'll go ahead and warn anyone that looks at my blog, it's R Rated so if language turns you off don't go there. Here's a link to it

http://www.dave360.blogspot.com

[chance]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I have a short story. Not as good as some of the other ones here but I thought I would share it.

I bowl on a league every week. The bathroom there is small, only two urinals and a stall, plus it is a bowling alley so it's not the cleanest bathroom to begin with. Last week this is what I saw....I go in the bathroom and both urinals are occupied so I go to the stall to relieve myself. Some previous occupant of the stall had decided to **** all down the side of the toilet and on to the floor. In the corner, said previous occupant decided to leave a present for all those who would follow him in the stall.....his underwear.

[the_future420]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Reminds me of the time I was working electronics at K-mart as a summer job. I am sitting at the counter, minding my own business, trying to pass the time until college football came out. When I see the cutest little 2 or three year old come walking in with his father. I lose track of them and check someone out. After the transaction i spot the father looking down the back of the kids shorts, I think nothing of it. Then I notice it. A nice little **** patty laying there on the grown, all mustard-brown in color. I don't panic, I remain calm. I went over to the garden where my brother was working and asked him to tell me what he saw over by the fireworks. He came back and informed me that some had indeed shat in the store. As an aside, I must say, the kid picked the right store to **** in, it was K-mart. If I was working at Target I might have been offended, but everyone who has worked at K-mart knows you have to have a certain mindset. "Okay, I am going to work at K-mart today, I better prepare myself mentally for some off the wall stuff."

As I get back to my counter I call the manager, I'm not getting paid enough and the job sucked enough already so she said to put a cart over it and that she would send someone to do it. Before I could get over there, a woman in some nice white sandles steps in it. She slides about a yard all on one foot, miraculously not falling over. I expected her to turn around and freak out when she found out what she stepped in, but she just looked back, shrugged and kept going. This woman must not have been a stranger to stepping in ****, she took it all in stride.

When I bring the cart over I noticed that this nice half pound crap patty is not the only one, but there are a series of smaller ones all the way up into the bathroom door. I follow them and decide to take a peek inside as my curiosity was at an all time K-mart high. I took a deep breath and swung open the door. In retrospect, this is where I wish I had just thrown down the name badge and left.

It looked like I had found the holy grail of fecal disasters. My mind swirled as I tried to peice together what could have caused this to happen, like a detective at the scene of the murder. I could not come to a conclusion. Was this kid a dookie filled grenade? Was he still alive? Is he still in here somewhere? Could this be a terrorist attack? I had so many questions and no answers were there to be found. The discarded diaper lay strewn in the corner. It stood no chance. A mere finger in the dike holding back and ocean of diarrhea.

The was not one part of this bathroom that was not effected. The sink, mirror, stall, toilet, a-typical bathroom portrait of a random landscape, everything was covered in this henious up-heaval of intestinal bile. I almost collapsed as I am sure the air was more methane at this point than oxygen. I had to get out. It was divine intervention that the only thing that survived the Hollocaust of crap was the door handle. I got out of there and never used that bathroom again. I was scarred. No amount of mister clean or hydrochloric acid could ever rid that bathroom of it's horrible past.

I still to this day can not think of a scenario in which this could have taken place. I hope the kid was alright becuase three laxitives, a plate of deviled egss, and a sack of taco bell couldn't cause the sheer amount of product this kid put all over the place. The amount of coverage was also amazing. It was as if the father stood in the center of the bathroom and spun 360 degress holding his kid like a flamethrower covering the bathroom until he saw fit.

Worst day of my life.

Post of the year!!

[Acid]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

I posted 10 or 11 stories on my blog. I'll go ahead and warn anyone that looks at my blog, it's R Rated so if language turns you off don't go there. Here's a link to it

http://www.dave360.blogspot.com

Epic.

[dave360]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

Epic.

My favorite thing was putting the NASCAR standups in the women's bathrooms peering over the stalls and hearing women scream when they walked in and Darrell Waltrip was smiling at them. It was epic and well worth the trouble I got into

[Graphik]

Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters

It looked like I had found the holy grail of fecal disasters. My mind swirled as I tried to peice together what could have caused this to happen, like a detective at the scene of the murder. I could not come to a conclusion. Was this kid a dookie filled grenade? Was he still alive? Is he still in here somewhere? Could this be a terrorist attack? I had so many questions and no answers were there to be found. The discarded diaper lay strewn in the corner. It stood no chance. A mere finger in the dike holding back and ocean of diarrhea.

By far the funniest thing I've ever read on OS. OMG, I'm dying inside from my gut being in sheering pain.