Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

[nyisles16]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

I agree. I think people wish and act like they are much more open and free thinking when actual situations do not effect them on a truly personal level. When it actuality their entire opinion would change if the said situation would be theirs.

My fiance has kept asking me the same questions - the "what happens if our child turns out gay", or the "what happens if our child is born with some sort of birth defect".. My child is my child, regardless of what he/she choses to be in life

Now, if my child grew up to be a murderer, drug dealer, prostitute, et al - then I would have a problem..

[Pared]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

Trev, I know you meant no harm but we're kind of getting off the subject here... I would answer but I don't want to derail the thread.

I gave my opinion so it's out there for discussion... My apologies for going off-track if anyone feels that way.

[Pared]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

My fiance has kept asking me the same questions - the "what happens if our child turns out gay", or the "what happens if our child is born with some sort of birth defect".. My child is my child, regardless of what he/she choses to be in life

Now, if my child grew up to be a murderer, drug dealer, prostitute, et al - then I would have a problem..

I agree... I don't think I've said/insinuated otherwise... if so that wasn't my intention.

I thought the question asked if it would bother you and honestly it would. I wouldn't disown my child or anything... that's being a pathetic human being, IMO.

[nyisles16]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

That's a fair question.

I just find it hard to believe that if you walked in on your son with another boy out of the blue at the age of 17 in your own home that the same guys here who believe that they would be fine with it wouldn't be bothered.

I know if I walked in on my son with a girl I would be thinking "atta boy!" lol

I've been a few lesbian clubs (for my own selfish reasons, to be honest ) but I just wouldn't want my child to deal with that persecution... and I wouldn't want to deal with it as well.

I would just want my kid to be a baseball star... with a hot wife and lots of money. Nothing too crazy.

I can see your point - not wanting for the kid to go through a "tough life"..

[Trevytrev11]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

I just find it hard to believe that if you walked in on your son with another boy out of the blue at the age of 17 in your own home that the same guys here who believe that they would be fine with it wouldn't be bothered.

I know if I walked in on my son with a girl I would be thinking "atta boy!" lol

Probably because it's something you are OK with (your son and a girl). I think it would be natural to be bothered by it, but that is different than being upset or non-accepting of it. If my son was screwing the fattest girls in school, It would bother me as well, because it's not something I would do.

It's the same way I am with looking at two girls make out vs. 2 guys making out. I could sit and watch a pair of lesbians make out all day, however I would want nothing at all to do with two guys. It kind of grosses me out, not because I'm against it, it's just not for me.

[DC]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

nyisles16 LOL Why do you constantly NOT answer the question directly. Instead you keep presenting, "Being gay is not AS BAD AS _________." Then you give an extreme case. Of course we don't want our kids to be a muderer. But we didn't ask what is WORSE.

But whatever; I agree with EVERYTHING Pared said. A lot of "cool" answers have been given in this thread.

[jerseyboi2284]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

With my previous post I will say this, I won't be overjoyed my son turns out to be gay. But as any parent should say what can you really do? Its not like he was brainwashed into being gay it was something he chose to express himself so I would have to adjust and would have no issue with doing it.

but I would probably attempt to find out why through before I finally give up and let him live his life. Hope he doesn't figure out his sexual preference within the time I enroll him into his first contact sport.....dudes can be cruel and I wouldn't want him subjected to all the prejudice.

[Blzer]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

So you really believe you are straight because of culture and parenting? So you could have just easily had been gay?

I think I prefer women over men the same way I prefer vanilla over chocolate. I don't necessarily think culture has much to do with it, but I don't think that we're born with something that says we are destined to be homosexual as opposed to heterosexual. As in, I don't think we're born homosexual as we're born ******** (and I mean that respectfully). And I certainly don't think bisexuality is biological.


[now to the OP]

In which ways, however, would you consider you "failed" as a father? That you didn't expose him to enough masculine interests? That you bought him the wrong toys and made him watch the wrong shows as a kid? Because honestly, while I don't think someone's necessarily born with it, I think their decision is pretty much made up without a father's (or mother's) influence.

On an irrelevant side note, if shame or humiliation describe "failure" for you at all, I have many homosexual friends (openly as well), and I never think once or twice about their parents, what caused it, or even how they feel about me. In fact, I just know what orientation they are and move on. They can be my friend as long as they are nice to me. I'm sure a lot of other people feel the same way, and, as a father of someone that was homosexual, I would only hope that for my son as well. I certainly wouldn't think I "failed" him, though.

[ballerzinc]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

I think I prefer women over men the same way I prefer vanilla over chocolate. I don't necessarily think culture has much to do with it, but I don't think that we're born with something that says we are destined to be homosexual as opposed to heterosexual. As in, I don't think we're born homosexual as we're born ******** (and I mean that respectfully). And I certainly don't think bisexuality is biological.


[now to the OP]

In which ways, however, would you consider you "failed" as a father? That you didn't expose him to enough masculine interests? That you bought him the wrong toys and made him watch the wrong shows as a kid? Because honestly, while I don't think someone's necessarily born with it, I think their decision is pretty much made up without a father's (or mother's) influence.

On an irrelevant side note, if shame or humiliation describe "failure" for you at all, I have many homosexual friends (openly as well), and I never think once or twice about their parents, what caused it, or even how they feel about me. In fact, I just know what orientation they are and move on. They can be my friend as long as they are nice to me. I'm sure a lot of other people feel the same way, and, as a father of someone that was homosexual, I would only hope that for my son as well. I certainly wouldn't think I "failed" him, though.

So do you think it's a choice?

[Blzer]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

I do, but it's a "forceful" choice, in a way. Sometimes people can convince themselves that they aren't homosexual, and in doing so through justification, I do believe they can change orientation much like people can change their taste in kinds of movies, music... hell, even favorite color, though I doubt it's really that simple. But I don't think it's an "interest" as much as it is a "personality". Like, I think people can be gay as they can be nice, or honest, generous, outgoing, you name it. It is part of who they are, but they aren't necessarily born with it, without change.

I'm also guessing that science would have been able to prove to us by now whether it's biological or not, where they can say, "Here in their DNA...", or, "This fMRI shows that...". But it doesn't seem to be that way. It seems as though it is something that can't be proven through tests.


Here's another reason I don't think people are homosexual at birth. I knew somebody that didn't develop a lisp until he was openly gay with people... that didn't walk the way he does, even laugh the way he does. If he were homosexual at birth, wouldn't he begin with these nuances? Why would he suddenly adapt to them? You can feel interests toward men and not have to do what we see most people who are homosexual do (and I may be generalizing, I apologize for that). I would think that, if they were gay by nature and not nurture, they wouldn't have to adjust to a different style of walk-and-talk, and they would instead be born with it. That's just my opinion.

[jmood88]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

It would be weird if I had a gay kid but I wouldn't feel like I failed anymore than I would if I had a gay kid. Sexual orientation isn't a choice. I didn't choose to be straight and I don't know of any gay person who chose to be gay.

Blzer, the flamboyant acting thing doesn't have much to do with whether someone is gay or not. That person that you know might think that he needs to act that way to be accepted by other gay people or he might've just tried to hide how he walked, talked, or acted. I do think that the overly flamboyant people are hilarious though. Some of them really overact, they're more feminine than girls are.

[jmood88]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

Yes. I believe I am heterosexual due to parenting and other influences in my life.

So what kind of parenting do you think produces gay children? I've seen gay people from strict parents, religious parents, "liberal" parents, etc.

[nyisles16]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

nyisles16 LOL Why do you constantly NOT answer the question directly. Instead you keep presenting, "Being gay is not AS BAD AS _________." Then you give an extreme case. Of course we don't want our kids to be a muderer. But we didn't ask what is WORSE.

But whatever; I agree with EVERYTHING Pared said. A lot of "cool" answers have been given in this thread.

I guess my answer then would be a "no".. may have to be the way I was brought up or also part of my religious "background", but I don't view this as a "failure" of my raising a kid. My child would have made their choice in life, much as my parents allowed me to make choices in my life

I also think that by viewing this as a "failure", I would also seem to be "looking down" on my kids, and may turn into resentment...

[slickdtc]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

I do, but it's a "forceful" choice, in a way. Sometimes people can convince themselves that they aren't homosexual, and in doing so through justification, I do believe they can change orientation much like people can change their taste in kinds of movies, music... hell, even favorite color, though I doubt it's really that simple. But I don't think it's an "interest" as much as it is a "personality". Like, I think people can be gay as they can be nice, or honest, generous, outgoing, you name it. It is part of who they are, but they aren't necessarily born with it, without change.

I'm also guessing that science would have been able to prove to us by now whether it's biological or not, where they can say, "Here in their DNA...", or, "This fMRI shows that...". But it doesn't seem to be that way. It seems as though it is something that can't be proven through tests.


Here's another reason I don't think people are homosexual at birth. I knew somebody that didn't develop a lisp until he was openly gay with people... that didn't walk the way he does, even laugh the way he does. If he were homosexual at birth, wouldn't he begin with these nuances? Why would he suddenly adapt to them? You can feel interests toward men and not have to do what we see most people who are homosexual do (and I may be generalizing, I apologize for that). I would think that, if they were gay by nature and not nurture, they wouldn't have to adjust to a different style of walk-and-talk, and they would instead be born with it. That's just my opinion.

This is a good post.

I like the example you cited at the end. I think some people are more naturally homosexual then others, too. I think there are cases where they are born gay and other cases where they learned it through their upbringing and then other cases where they just decided to change sexual orientation after leading a straight life for the majority of their life.

Maybe some of these people who learned to be gay through their upbringing or influences develop these nuances we associate with homosexuality to fit in and be accepted. Or maybe they want to do it to announce to everyone that they are homosexual without actually saying it.

It's a pretty deep and interesting topic and a touchy subject, I'm glad we have mostly stayed on track here. Some good perspectives all around.

[Brandwin]

Re: Parental Question: Let's Try and Keep This 100% Mature Please

I wouldn't care one way or another. If my daughter ends up being gay, so be it. As long as she is happy I'll accept whatever choice she makes. Would I'd rather my child be straight, sure, but in the end I am not going to love her any less if she isn't.