Dealing With Death

[Blzer]

Re: Dealing With Death

I can't say I've been in the same situation as you, but I lost my best friend to a freak heart condition five years ago. The good news is that life does go on, and this kind of thing doesn't stick with you like it does now.

I don't want to make anything worse for you, but I am truly sorry for what happened. It must be tough to lose a fiancee. My biggest suggestion is that you cry it out, especially with other people that were as close to them as you were. Don't try and forget about it or push it out of your mind, because that is simply impossible and is a painful form of denial. Take a leave of absence from work, seek professional grief counseling, and think of the good times. These are only my suggestions that worked for me. It will never fully leave you, which is in a way a good thing because you don't want to forget about them... but five years from now you forget tonight and you remember nothing but the good times.

Stay healthy, and my best advice I can give you (through reading your post) is you can't feel guilty about this, because I similarly had the same feeling when I thought I could have prevented my best friend's death when I suggested him seeing a doctor that night about his chest pains, though I don't feel I did enough to get him to go there when he didn't.

My condolences go out to their family (which, in my heart, includes yourself).


Hang tough.

[TheMatrix31]

Re: Dealing With Death

Sorry to hear that, Hoff. We're all here for you man. That's truly gut-wrenching.

[trobinson97]

Re: Dealing With Death

Extremely sorry to hear this man, so sorry for your loss. I really can't imagine what you are going through, and I wouldn't even want to imagine it. Even though hopefully we can be of some help to you in dealing with this, I'd definitely recommend talking to a professional as well; even if it's your pastor, if religion is a part of your life that is. My number one piece of advice though is to not place any of the blame on yourself. I can imagine it'd be pretty easy to tell yourself that you didn't do enough, but realize you did what you could.

Again, I don't know if you are the religious type but I hope you will accept the offer of prayer from me for you and yours. My condolences to you once again. Stay strong man.

[McLite]

Re: Dealing With Death

Right now I can't even imagine how you feel. My deepest condolences. Two things are about all I can offer.

One, it's not your fault...plain and simple. Survivors remorse is a huge issue when tragic situations arise and will cause problems if it is not addressed. Two, please find someone to talk with as soon as you can. A pastor or counselor would be best. Someone who is well versed in that area.

[P2K]

Re: Dealing With Death

Lord have mercy! I am so, so sorry to hear this. There is no exact way to deal with something of this magnitude. It's going to be solely on how you cope along the way. Hopefully, you have people that love you that will take the time to be around you and comfort your feelings. And do not blame yourself for anything. This was a freak accident. Blaming yourself is not needed. You will drive yourself insane if you do that.

Again, I am absolutely sorry to hear this and my prayers go to you and your family and your loved ones' family.

[bgeno]

Re: Dealing With Death

I can't really say anything that anyone else hasn't already said.

It's situations like this in which you need friends and family to talk to. If you've got friends you feel comfortable talking about this with, talk to them... same goes for family members.

And if you don't have a friend or family member, a counselor can really help. I've gone to a counselor recently for a far lesser issue, and it really helped. They can make you see things in a different way that you couldn't see before.

[callmetaternuts]

Re: Dealing With Death

Im terribly sorry for your loss. They sound like hollow words, but us OS'ers gotta stick together.

Everyone handles grief differently, but do whats best for you. That might mean crying, it might mean going for a walk, it might mean praying, maybe talking to someone, or just holing up for awhile. I'd encourage you to not stay by yourself, to find a friend, some family, someone to send time with and be around.

Hang in there bud, just one day at a time right now.

[SidVish]

Re: Dealing With Death

That's terrible. I'm so sorry that this happened and that you have to go through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Dice]

Re: Dealing With Death

MAN! This is one of the saddest post I've ever read. That's terrible.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your family and the family of your fiancé and her son.

My only suggestion is to don't be afraid to seeking professional consulting. This is a serious situation in your life and your going to need help dealing with it. You might think that you have a handle on your emotions and feelings but normal people who go through this might not know what's best for them because their minds are too clouded. And don't think of seeking professional consulting (or seeing a shrink) as a bad thing. Your not crazy for doing it. Matter of fact, you might be saving your own life. You don't want to go into a deep depression and be faced with thoughts of suicide.

I pray that this doesn't happen to me BUT if something tragic happens to my wife or kids I promised myself to seek professional help.

Try to stay strong. All of your O.S. brothers and sisters are behind you.

[RAZRr1275]

Re: Dealing With Death

Wow. That's pretty extreme. Sorry about your loss.

[Holic]

Re: Dealing With Death

Like the others have said, I'm sorry to hear this bighoff. My prayers and condolences go out to you in this hard time of your life. I can only imagine the pain of losing my wife and kid(s) in any way. You've got to understand that it isn't your fault, just try and think of all the good times you all had. I'd look into grief counseling. Again man, I'm truly sorry to hear this sad news. I'll keep you in my prayers bro, stay strong.

[Skyboxer]

Re: Dealing With Death

So sorry man. I don't have the words but
keep strong and my family will be sending prayers out to you.

[chadskee]

Re: Dealing With Death

That's just unthinkable to me. I don't know what I'd do.

Hang in there man, there really isn't much I can say with something like this. Find something you enjoy that you can do alone, myself I shoot hoops in a quiet gym. That always helps me get over tough times in my life.

[KingV2k3]

Re: Dealing With Death

Firstly, my sincere condolances...

You've lost the love of your life and a child I'm sure you thought of as your own, which is unfathomable...

The death of a spouse ranks second only to the loss of a child in many studies I've read and you've experienced both at once...

Go to grief counciling ASAP...

Finding the right fit doesn't happen right away all the time so don't be afraid to try a few if need be...

Go to group, go individually...try both...just go!

This is probably going to be a long tough haul and the sooner you start this process with a professional, the better...

No one should have to try and deal with this alone...

I'm rootin' for ya...

[mkharsh33]

Re: Dealing With Death

On Saturday night/Sunday morning my fiancee and her son died. I'm having a very hard time with it, it feels like my chest has been ripped open. A little under 2 years ago I picked up my life and moved from California to Kentucky in the hopes of making a life with her and her son. In everything I do right now I see her and I can't shake the images of our last hours at my apartment out of my head. I tried to talk her into staying at my apartment for the whole weekend but she insisted that she needed to get work done at her own place. They died of carbon monoxide poisoning and I can't help thinking that if I had made them stay with me they'd still be alive. I am hoping for some type of help in dealing with this once the funeral is over with. I'm just looking for any idea from people on how to deal with this, I've lost family and friends I was super close with but this is different I can't put my finger on it but it just feels different.

first off, very sorry to hear this...as a husband and father myself, i cannot begin to imagine the type of feelings and emotions you are going through, and will continue to face.

I don't know what your thoughts are regarding things of faith and belief in God, but as a Christian, I put my hope and trust in God, that everything I have (relationships, possessions, abilities, etc.) are on loan to me, and I'm to be a good steward of them - accountable to God for what I did with those things. But I don't want to sound "preachy" - and, sadly, anytime someone comes at anything from a Christian perspective people want to pile on and label that person as being "arrogant" or "better" than them...that is NOT my intention whatsoever. Faith is a lifestyle that myself and my family has embraced...in the end we could be foolishly wrong, but we'll never know. I'd like to believe that there is more to life than this - and a tragedy like yours only reinforces that concept.

I'd encourage you to attend Southland Christian Church...I've attended various leadership conferences / seminars there and it is a church that offers a wide variety of things, including counseling and activities that put you around good, caring people. Their minister, Dave Stone (and staff) are great people who teach the Bible to help you make an application to your life. It might be helpful, even if you've never attended church in your life, to give it a try.

There's nothing any of us can do or say here that will take away your pain...but there are people out there who have a special gift in life to help provide comfort during tough times. Don't balk at that - we all need someone to lean on and I hope you have a "support network" in your life that is willing to listen and simply be there for you.

Hang in there...you'll be in my prayers.