Divorce

[MassNole]

Re: Divorce

I really wish I could say more on this to you....call your local Bar Association and ask for a good lawyer for fathers.

[homer73]

Re: Divorce

Follow up 3 months later... We are reconciling. I can't or won't go into everything that was said or done, but we are both committed to making this work. We have talked more openly and honest the last couple weeks than we have in years.
I'd like to thank everyone that gave support and shared their thoughts.

[Pared]

Re: Divorce

If that is what you really want... hey man, good for you!

Good luck on the rest of the way.

[Heelfan71]

Re: Divorce

Follow up 3 months later... We are reconciling. I can't or won't go into everything that was said or done, but we are both committed to making this work. We have talked more openly and honest the last couple weeks than we have in years.
I'd like to thank everyone that gave support and shared their thoughts.

your a better man than me. Don't know if I could trust anyone after that.

[homer73]

Re: Divorce

Well... I'm not going to lie, the trust thing is the bitch of the bunch. We've been talking for the last month and a half and I agreed to see a marriage councilor with her last week.
Nothing is as easy or as cut and dry as it seems read on a forum that's for sure.:wink:

[Scottdau]

Re: Divorce

Well... I'm not going to lie, the trust thing is the bitch of the bunch. We've been talking for the last month and a half and I agreed to see a marriage councilor with her last week.
Nothing is as easy or as cut and dry as it seems read on a forum that's for sure.:wink:

Just know this. Most cheating happens, becasue one is feeling lonely or not feeling important. My point is I am sure you had some helping in this. If not that is cool, but if you are honest with yourself and you do have some blame for this happening. It will be easier to forgive her.

[Scottdau]

Re: Divorce

Wow, that is heavy. If she is unfaithful then I say it is best to move on. Unless you can get over that. I don't think I could. If my wife cheated on me I am pretty sure it would be over. Good luck with all this bro and hang in there.

I totally disagree with this. And I can't believe I typed it. This is BS! Sorry for that advice. If my wife cheated on me I would forgive her. Why? Because I am sure I did something that led up to this. It takes two to cause a marriage to break. If she kept on doing it. It would be harder to take her back, but if I am the reason she is doing it. Because I make her not feel loved, then again that is my fault. I read a book before that said men want to be respected by their wives and women want to be love by their husbands. I agree with that big time.

[SHO]

Re: Divorce

This thread makes me scared to enterain the thought of marriage.

[Scottdau]

Re: Divorce

This thread makes me scared to enterain the thought of marriage.

Marriage is not easy, but if you base your marriage on commitment and not feelings you have a better of making it. Feeling come and go. Commitment doesn't.

[mkharsh33]

Re: Divorce

Well... I'm not going to lie, the trust thing is the bitch of the bunch. We've been talking for the last month and a half and I agreed to see a marriage councilor with her last week.
Nothing is as easy or as cut and dry as it seems read on a forum that's for sure.:wink:

just an fyi...in my line of work i actually do marriage counseling. i also work with an individual who is a licensed therapist and does divorce resolution (to keep it out of the courts and simplify the costs). but let me suggest: when in counseling be COMPLETELY honest - not for the counselor's sake, but for your marriage's sake. do not allow any topic to be off limits - and don't sugarcoat things. the issue is typically something DEEP, not the surface-level crap that people want to talk about. and this is just my personal belief, but counseling from a purely secular point of view doesn't work. i have had numerous people come to me and want to work on this from a spiritual perspective - it comes back to openness and transparency, something you typically don't get from a marriage counselor. i believe in the power of prayer, especially when couples pray. and please don't take this wrong or goofy: but i believe with all my heart that the most intimate thing a couple can do is pray aloud with each other, FOR each other. not trying to preach here, but i really do feel for you. trust in a marriage goes much further than love...and it's hard to rebuild. but it can be done over time. i hope it all works out well for both of you...

[Scottdau]

Re: Divorce

With the spiritualness it is easier to forgive. But I agree on everything you said. But the bottom line is you have to want to change and you have to take responsibility for your part! And just me that is hard to do.

[Da_Czar]

Re: Divorce

This thread makes me scared to enterain the thought of marriage.

Nobel don't be scarred just be prepared. It all begins with the intention. Most people start out dating and then end up getting married. That is not the way to go. Because looking for a date and looking for a wife are two completely different things.

When looking for a wife you need to talk about several things before even thinking about getting married. For instance religion which one will the kids follow if anything. Discipline are you a time out family or not. Credit if your or hers is messed up why is that and what habbits lead to that. Money are you going to share the money or each have your own accounts. What do both of you expect once your married out of a husband or out of a wife. Expectations vs reality. Family must meet the family and see what her relationship with her father and mother was like. What are your pet peaves what will you not tolerate.

There are a lot more but the main thing is instead of trying to impress someone(most dating begins that way) its more of an intense compatability test.

If your intentions are to marry your focus will be different and hopefully the end result will be different. The ol we been together awhile lets go ahead and get married mentality could be a reason the divorce rate is so high. You marry someone you don't really know.

Then after marriage you have to work to keep this level of communication open and on going because your both going to change and evolve. The key is to evolve together if she likes to hike you better have your @$$ up in the mountains and vica versa or at least show an interest in learning about what gets them excited.

This is the work most don't do and then you turn around in 8 years and your like I don't even know you...

just my lousy 2cents man.

[DC]

Re: Divorce

Then after marriage you have to work to keep this level of communication open and on going because your both going to change and evolve. The key is to evolve together if she likes to hike you better have your @$$ up in the mountains and vica versa or at least show an interest in learning about what gets them excited.

That is a big issue. MANY people (Male and Female) don't want to adapt. Instead of learning new skills and acquiring new interests, people want to use the, "Chiiiiiiiiiiild please, he ain't gonna change me " card.

But I say this, you need to find someone that has no ego when it comes to learning from you and teaching things to you. Those are the best relationships.

[Brandwin]

Re: Divorce

If that is what you really want... hey man, good for you!

Good luck on the rest of the way.

Yeah, good luck. I just don't know how I could trust the person anymore. If she is running late or not answering her phone, those doubts are going to creep back up. It's tough and I hope it works out for you and your family.

[Jonesy]

Re: Divorce

This is the work most don't do and then you turn around in 8 years and your like I don't even know you...

just my lousy 2cents man.

Great post as always man.

Your post highlighted the exact thing that happened to a few friends of mine recently. They had been dating happily for 6+ years and decided to get married. 12 months later they are divorced and when I asked him what happened he said "basically I wanted to have children one day and she never wanted to have children so i couldn't see the sense in staying together". I mean seriously WTF! How do you marry someone and not discuss something as massive as do you see yourself procreating untill AFTER you are married!