Need advice on a girl

[Brandwin]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Any updates?

[mgoblue]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Why does it have to be a shallow thing? We're not saying go after looks exclusively. We're saying find someone that has a good personality AND you find physically attractive (at least somewhat). It's true that looks are more important to some people than to others, but I don't know of anyone who would say looks aren't important at all.

Again, if she's cool to hang with, but you don't find her attractive, that to me by definition, sounds like a friend.

This isn't a shallow thing, this is a standards thing. If looks are important to you (and they obviously are somewhat or you wouldn't be on here), then go after someone you find attractive and cool. It doesn't have to be either-or (annoying eye candy vs. a cool fugly chick).

Yeah...I wouldn't call myself shallow at all, but I just cannot date a massive woman. I'm 6'2 180 lbs, a skinny tall guy. I'm not attracted to fat chicks. Part of that is physical attraction, the other is that I'm active and want a woman to keep up with me.

I've tried dating a really cool but really fat woman and I just wasn't attracted to her. Great personality (cliche, I know), but you can't manufacture that attraction (or things in common).

At the same time there have been women that I found to be really cute but others didn't...I guess massive weight is just one area I can't be lax in. 5'2 and 250 just doesn't cut it for me.

[matt8204]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Yeah...I wouldn't call myself shallow at all, but I just cannot date a massive woman. I'm 6'2 180 lbs, a skinny tall guy. I'm not attracted to fat chicks. Part of that is physical attraction, the other is that I'm active and want a woman to keep up with me.

I've tried dating a really cool but really fat woman and I just wasn't attracted to her. Great personality (cliche, I know), but you can't manufacture that attraction (or things in common).

At the same time there have been women that I found to be really cute but others didn't...I guess massive weight is just one area I can't be lax in. 5'2 and 250 just doesn't cut it for me.

You're right; it can't be forced. And it's not fair to the other person to pretend that you're into them if you're really not. Besides, when it comes time for you to be physically intimate, the fact that you're not attracted to them is going to show anyway. It has to be real or it's going to eventually crash and burn and you're going to end up with a lot of hurt feelings.

[ODogg]

Re: Need advice on a girl

You're right; it can't be forced. And it's not fair to the other person to pretend that you're into them if you're really not. Besides, when it comes time for you to be physically intimate, the fact that you're not attracted to them is going to show anyway. It has to be real or it's going to eventually crash and burn and you're going to end up with a lot of hurt feelings.

I do have some pics of her but honestly would prefer not to post as I then feel like i'm somewhat making fun of her or something.

As for me, I obviously am overweight myself but I am trying like hell to do something about it. I've conversed with her about my own weight issues and she's never brought up hers, which leads me to believe she is fine with who she is and not doing anything to change.

It's really weird though, to think I went to school with this girl for 4 years and NEVER suspected she liked me at all and then to find out so many years later she did. I guess class reunions can be quite enlightening.

As for what i'm going to do, I'm leaning towards just talking more on IM to her and not leading her on at all. Either I will find that I like her and maybe want to advance a little more or not. And on the flip side maybe she'll find out once she gets to know me that she hates my personality too, LOL.

[Pete1210]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I would not go out on a date with someone I felt no physical attraction towards.

At your age you have the advantage. Those 30 something woman know that they have to put their perfect man fantasies aside if they are going to settle down in time to have kids. What I'm saying is woman in their 30's are a hell of a lot more desparate to find a partner.

[KG]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Like others have said, don't settle. There are some folks out there that are so lonely that they will force themselves into a relationship even though they know it's not right. There is nothing shallow at all about not wanting to date someone because you don't find them attractive.

[matt8204]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Like others have said, don't settle. There are some folks out there that are so lonely that they will force themselves into a relationship even though they know it's not right. There is nothing shallow at all about not wanting to date someone because you don't find them attractive.

Wasn't this subject broached in Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Matthew Broderick's character was worried about his friend Cameron marrying the first chick who gave him a hand job, fearing that she would have complete control over him because he was so desperate for someone to want him.

[jmood88]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I guess I'm not as shallow as some of you dudes around here. I think physical attraction is important, but it isn't even close to the most important thing. I don't pick girls based on how they will look as my "arm candy." I want someone who I can spend time with and won't annoy the **** out of me constantly.

If you're not physically attracted to someone then there's really no reason to be anything other than just friends with them. I don't see how you can get in a romantic relationship with someone that you don't find attractive.

[jmood88]

Re: Need advice on a girl

dont need one. no such thing as a pretty fat girl.

look O, leave her fat *** right where u found it. NEVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS!

ever.

ur not attracted to her and u cant picture yourself banging her. find u someone u like and go after that. dont waste ur time with this one when u could be talking to someone who i actually pretty.

this is the most messed up post in here.

[callmetaternuts]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I might be a little late to the party here, but a few suggestions (some have been mentioned already).

Nothing wrong with taking her out, or meeting up to do something. Call it a date, call it hanging out, call it whatever you want. If it goes well, then awesome, if you become friends, great, if it goes awful or its just painful, its one day and now you know. There really isnt much of a downside to talking to her in person more, going out, or meeting up. Downside- she's awful and you dont talk to her anymore. Upside - you have a new friend or more.

Dont put too much of a stigma on this. Its one meeting. Some people take awhile to warm up to others, and its not like EVERYONE has this instant connection with their future partners. Some know right away, others take awhile.

Good luck ODogg

[USF11]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Having a gone thru the whole getting back to dating thing after being in a long relationship(7 years). I can tell this, its not worth investing time into someone your not attracted to.

You want a love interest not a friend. This is only gonna delay the process of finding what your looking for. Plus this girl doesnt seem the type that will lead you to other girls.

Then again you could be like me and finally get a girl you consider to be a "10" and as time goes by realize she is a trainwreck on every level imagineable.

When it comes to love there is a certain ignorance I wish I could get back.................

[KG]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I might be a little late to the party here, but a few suggestions (some have been mentioned already).

Nothing wrong with taking her out, or meeting up to do something. Call it a date, call it hanging out, call it whatever you want. If it goes well, then awesome, if you become friends, great, if it goes awful or its just painful, its one day and now you know. There really isnt much of a downside to talking to her in person more, going out, or meeting up. Downside- she's awful and you dont talk to her anymore. Upside - you have a new friend or more.

Dont put too much of a stigma on this. Its one meeting. Some people take awhile to warm up to others, and its not like EVERYONE has this instant connection with their future partners. Some know right away, others take awhile.

Good luck ODogg

He know's that she likes him so IMO going out on a date or even hanging out with this chick is misleading her. Maybe if he hits her with the "I just wanna be friends" line beforehand but why even waste your time at 39 trying to get female friends. Even if you did become friends it's gonna be akward because one side is attracted to the other.

Either smash it to end your "drought" or just say you're not interested.

[callmetaternuts]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Guess i see things differently. I can honestly say that I know people who werent that interested on Day 1, but after 2 weeks or 2 months (any time frame) things changed.

Whats the worst (realistic) thing that happens here? I think, like someone else said, the positives outweigh the negatives.

Alot of cynics out there.

[fistofrage]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Guess i see things differently. I can honestly say that I know people who werent that interested on Day 1, but after 2 weeks or 2 months (any time frame) things changed.

Whats the worst (realistic) thing that happens here? I think, like someone else said, the positives outweigh the negatives.

Alot of cynics out there.

What's the worst thing that could happen?!? ODogg decided he wants to get a little....And nine months later an OPuppy pops out. And in a wicked twist of fate she befriends his Mom and they both sit around smoking cigarettes all day and calling him up constantly for $250.

Seriously if you aren't attracted to the chick, don't do anything with her.

You come on here asking questions about what the meaning of life is and all that.....Well you are 39. You don't have time to ponder silly questions like should you go out with a chubby chick that you aren't attracted to. They are a dime a dozen. They are everywhere last I checked. That can always be your fall back plan. Like a bowl of cereal. But right now go for the filet.

Whip yourself into shape, find a chick you are attracted to, and try to find the meaning of life with her and maybe some kids you create.

[USF11]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Whats the worst (realistic) thing that happens here? I think, like someone else said, the positives outweigh the negatives.

Alot of cynics out there.

1. You go out with her - and she rejects you - the shock of being rejected by a large women you have no interest in sends you into a downward spiral leading to binge drinking and sleeping pills.

or.

2. You try the smash and dash, and something goes wrong. Next thing you know, your stuck with a $500-1200 a month lifetime commitment to kid that looks like shrek with a women that disgusts you.