Need advice on a girl

[ODogg]

Ok, second time tonight i'm turning to my fellow OS'ers and asking for advice. I'm 39 and single and frankly do NOT do well with the ladies. I haven't dated in so long that it's too embarrassing to post on here how long it's been so I will not.

Recently I had my class reunion and a girl who I went to school with has expressed great interest in me. She is overweight and not all that attractive but seems like a very nice person from talking to her.

She has been messaging me quite a bit looking for a date with me and on one hand I feel like "not going to happen because I don't find you physically attractive" but on the other hand I feel like maybe i'm judging too much on looks and all. Plus I feel like, I'm 39 and single and maybe I shouldn't be so damned picky.

So what do you guys think, should I just keep trying to talk to her online to see if I think I like her personality or is that leading her on? Should I lower my physical standards or is being with someone you're not really attracted to just a waste of both of our time?

Normally i'd just ignore this but she does seem like a nice girl and since i'm getting older I'm wondering if I should consider "settling" for something less than ideal. Or perhaps it'd be better to remain single than be with someone I don't really 100% feel into.

[cubsfan203]

Re: Need advice on a girl

What do you have to lose? You can take her out once and see how it goes, and even if you don't like her and nothing comes of it at least you can get some confidence back in your dating game and try to move on to bigger (not literally) and better girls.

[ODogg]

Re: Need advice on a girl

What do you have to lose? You can take her out once and see how it goes, and even if you don't like her and nothing comes of it at least you can get some confidence back in your dating game and try to move on to bigger (not literally) and better girls.

Yeah man, i can see your point, I was sort of thinking along those lines too. Problem is, i'm such a nice guy (no sarcasm here) that I kind of feel bad doing that. I would kind of feel like i'm using her in a way.

I mean seriously, this girl has a big booty, even for sir-mix-a-lot, LOL. Not sure I can get behind that. Literally.

[countryboy]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Go out man. Maybe if nothing else, you gain a friend. To me, the idea that you're even thinking about it, means there was something about her that you liked, or you wouldn't even be considering this. One date doesn't equal marriage.

Let me ask you this, do you really want to be sitting around wondering 5-10 yrs from now...."what if"?

[ODogg]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Go out man. Maybe if nothing else, you gain a friend. To me, the idea that you're even thinking about it, means there was something about her that you liked, or you wouldn't even be considering this. One date doesn't equal marriage.

Let me ask you this, do you really want to be sitting around wondering 5-10 yrs from now...."what if"?

Well true, it's not that I don't really like her at all but I honestly cannot imagine having sex with the girl. And shouldn't that always be something you should consider???

[countryboy]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Well true, it's not that I don't really like her at all but I honestly cannot imagine having sex with the girl. And shouldn't that always be something you should consider???

yes, physical attraction is important if you're looking to get into a serious relationship. But its not the only thing either. Just look to be friends first and see what happens from there. You never know man...cupid is pretty damn sneaky.

[Cebby]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Go out with her. Don't drop $250 on dinner and give her the wrong impression, but going to a non-romantic movie or a daytime event can't hurt.

Not to be a dick, but if you're 39 and posting this, she could very well be on OperationRomanceNovels posting "so there's this guy I saw at my high school reunion and I really like him. He's not the most handsome guy, but he seems really nice." I mean, you're getting up there and years, you're probably not George Clooney, and while you claim to be doing fine, you're not "bag models at 75" rich. Just guessing, the girls who you'll find physically attractive in your situation will be divorcees or crazy.

Now, if you want an attractive younger girl, you can come up north to the city and I can hook it up with a solid 18-20 year old, requiring only $200-$400 for the assist.

Well true, it's not that I don't really like her at all but I honestly cannot imagine having sex with the girl. And shouldn't that always be something you should consider???

A bottle of rum should change that. Obviously you don't want to make this a regular thing, but once you get over the hump (c wut i did thur?), maybe you'll be able to "imagine having sex with the girl" a lot more.

[ODogg]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Go out with her. Don't drop $250 on dinner and give her the wrong impression, but going to a non-romantic movie or a daytime event can't hurt.

Not to be a dick, but if you're 39 and posting this, she could very well be on OperationRomanceNovels posting "so there's this guy I saw at my high school reunion and I really like him. He's not the most handsome guy, but he seems really nice." I mean, you're getting up there and years, you're probably not George Clooney, and while you claim to be doing fine, you're not "bag models at 75" rich. Just guessing, the girls who you'll find physically attractive in your situation will be divorcees or crazy.

Now, if you want an attractive younger girl, you can come up north to the city and I can hook it up with a solid 18-20 year old, requiring only $200-$400 for the assist.



A bottle of rum should change that. Obviously you don't want to make this a regular thing, but once you get over the hump (c wut i did thur?), maybe you'll be able to "imagine having sex with the girl" a lot more.

haha, man that was great advice, thanks for posting, i'll definitely take that into consideration.

[headrulz101]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Take her out. If you guys hit it off, then good. If not, at least you gain a friend and some confidence to get back into the Dating game.

Though, I would also add that if there is zero physical attraction, and you can't see yourself getting down and dirty with her, it might be hard to motivate yourself to keep seeing her. Yeah, your age is playing a factor, and perhaps you should lower your standards, but they shouldn't be lowered to "0".

She might be interested in you, but remember, we live in a world of billions; there's bound to be other women (who are more attractive) that will find an interest in you.

[Misfit]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I say never settle for something you don't want in these instances. If you're a nice guy and take her out it can make it that much harder to get out. I've gone out with girls I didn't care about just to be nice, but it only made things worse when they got the wrong impression (and they always do) and thought we were on a one-way trip to commitment. I'm a nice guy, and I hate telling women I'm not interested because I feel like a jerk, but you can't force these things. It only makes sense that at 39 you would be feeling a sense of urgency with this issue, and if thats the case I would suggest trying an online thing (a pay site, because the free ones will probably waste your time). Online its easier to be honest with yourself and potential dates in regards to what you're looking for.

[mkharsh33]

Re: Need advice on a girl

i don't know...as a 36 year old man (although happily married for 11 years) i'm not sure i'd do this. the older women get the more "desperate" they get, and they get the wrong message. if you do not feel that you can be with her (ie. not attracted to her) that does NOT make you a bad person. but i guarantee you that if she is overweight and getting a little older, she will cling to any hope she has that you "could be the one..."

i had this happen to me before i got married...i dated a girl a little older than me at the time...her personality was a little overbearing for me, and she was a tad overweight, but i couldn't really complain. the problem was that she basically had us married after a night out at a pizza place. i made the mistake of going to a gathering with her family a few days later...BIG mistake.

so tread lightly on this...and be careful to not send any mixed messages. if you're not interested, just be polite and move along. to me the more polite thing to do would be to nicely state you're not interested, than to go out and give her a sense of false ideas. though you may not be giving them to her, she might not be able to see this...

just my .02...

[ODogg]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I say never settle for something you don't want in these instances. If you're a nice guy and take her out it can make it that much harder to get out. I've gone out with girls I didn't care about just to be nice, but it only made things worse when they got the wrong impression (and they always do) and thought we were on a one-way trip to commitment. I'm a nice guy, and I hate telling women I'm not interested because I feel like a jerk, but you can't force these things. It only makes sense that at 39 you would be feeling a sense of urgency with this issue, and if thats the case I would suggest trying an online thing (a pay site, because the free ones will probably waste your time). Online its easier to be honest with yourself and potential dates in regards to what you're looking for.

So you're agreeing with me, that I should not date this girl because she's not attractive to me??

[ex carrabba fan]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Only thing I see as a con to taking her out is:

If she's a complete nut. I mean from the brief background info I have I wouldn't be surprised if she becomes very clingy.

Does she live close to you? DO NOT let her anywhere near your neighborhood let alone house on the first date.

[Scottdau]

Re: Need advice on a girl

First of all. Are you good looking or rich? If not you need to lower your expectations. I am not trying to be mean. Also, looks go away. Don't base a relationship on looks. I know you have to be attracted to her, but I am telling you looks come and go. If you are 39 you might want to see where this goes.

[phillyfan23]

Re: Need advice on a girl

if you're not attracted physically at all, don't even bother man. I mean, if you find SOMETHING about her to be cute then that's ok. But if you ain't attracted at all, it's going to be tough man.

Imagine if you're forcing the relationship and u go a month with her and when it's time for the nitty gritty, you just can't "perform" optimally. It's gonna suck man!

I think you should go out with her casually and see from there....if you ain't interested be gentle and nice but be clear. Don't go blurting out , ya you're just not my type, a bit insensitive, but there are other ways she can see your message more subtlely and without getting her pride hurt.

But ya, go out once and try to see if you find something about her that attracts you physically......

one more thing to consider, they say big girls are big time in the sack...so that might be something to consider