Need advice on a girl

[mgoblue]

Re: Need advice on a girl

So you're agreeing with me, that I should not date this girl because she's not attractive to me??

I would go on a date or two and see how it feels, if it happens to change, but I wouldn't settle. Granted I'm only 29, not 39, but I would not be happy setting...Eventually it'd end, I'd rather wait for the one that I click with.

[Scottdau]

Re: Need advice on a girl

If it was me and I wanted to start dating. I would go out as friends and see where it goes from there. Most likely if she was at the reunion she was looking the best she will look. So you have to take that into account. I am not really big into looks, but you have to be attractive to them. Most girls try to look their best at reunions.

[Village Idiot]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I would go out as friends and see where it goes from there.

Exactly. I was just going to say, the phrase "just take it slow" was invented for this sort of situation. Go out, have fun, maybe lay some pipe, and ... wait ... I mean, go out, have fun, and take it from there. Chances are, you'll know pretty quick if there's any chemistry. If not, oh well. Right?

[Streets]

Re: Need advice on a girl

If you like this girl and think she is cool then I say keep talking to her as a friend. I'm sorry, but attraction is important. If you are not attracted to her, then there is NOTHING wrong with that. However, if you go out with her, I can only see it ending bad for you both. She's going to think that you really like her when you don't. Or, you'll give her "mixed signals" as you try to like her but won't get too close for fear of leading her on.

You are going to essentially use this girl as an ego boost, but that won't work because a) she's not that attractive to you, and b) you're going to feel horrible (i.e. shallow) because you don't find her more attractive. I'm only 26 and have been in my current relationship over a year, so maybe my advice doesn't mean much, but I say don't settle. It's one thing if you want what my roommate calls "a tee-ball homerun" to dust off the cobwebs and boost your self-esteem, but you say that you're not that kind of guy anyway, so why try if you'll just feel guilty in the end.

All these guys asking about your looks and your bankroll, none of that really matters. Your standards are your standards, and you shouldn't have to change them. Everyone should be somewhat flexible in what they want. But ultimately, what you are describing to me is someone that you find cool as a friend but are not attracted to. That's okay man, and again you should not feel guilty about that.

As far as your age, I know it's harder to meet new people the older you are. I've always used my younger sister as a means of meeting new people to date. If you're not so fortunate, you just have to put yourself in a position to meet new people (i.e. the reunion). Online seems like a good option and does not nearly have the stigma attached to it that it once did. Finally, two things. One, be confident in yourself, and never think you are worth less than others and have to settle (just the perception of confidence goes a long way with girls, btw). Second, if there is something that you don't like about yourself and you feel it is holding you back, and you have the power to change it... then try and change it. If you fail, at least you have no regrets.

Good luck man.

[Scottdau]

Re: Need advice on a girl

All these guys asking about your looks and your bankroll, none of that really matters. Your standards are your standards, and you shouldn't have to change them. Everyone should be somewhat flexible in what they want. But ultimately, what you are describing to me is someone that you find cool as a friend but are not attracted to. That's okay man, and again you should not feel guilty about that.

It is all about reality. I have seen a lot of guys have too high expectations. They want the super model girlfriend, but they are not a super model themself or they have no money. Also, looks come and go. I want someone that I like and can talk too. But that is me.

[Streets]

Re: Need advice on a girl

It is all about reality. I have seen a lot of guys have too high expectations. They want the super model girlfriend, but they are not a super model themself or they have no money. Also, looks come and go. I want someone that I like and can talk too. But that is me.

I agree that expectations have to be realistic, but at the same time, I don't believe in settling because "we'll, I'm not that good looking either". Besides, ODogg wasn't saying he's only interested in supermodels, so he's not one of those.

I also agree with your second point. You have to be able to vibe with the girl, have common interests, hold a conversation, etc. However, I'm sure you can do all that with her as a friend. You also have to find her somewhat attractive to be able to take it to that next level. But I get your point, personality is important. And imo, personality can go a long way in making a girl either far more or far less attractive. I've found physically attractive girls unattractive due to their attitudes, so I definitely feel you on that. That said, ODogg, if you aren't attracted to the girl there is nothing wrong with that, and you shouldn't force the issue. I say move on, and use the time to start looking for something that you want rather than what's available.

[Scottdau]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I remember when I was in my 20's and I was talking to a guy that was in his late 30's (like me now) and he said something that really hit me hard. He said don't be so hung up on looks, becasue your lady got be in a bad accident and if something happen to her face would you still love her. I said if she got burn for example. If someone happen to my wife I would be with her. Mostly becasue I love her not what she looks like. This is just my opinion, but that is how you know you are in love with someone.

[Scottdau]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Nothing wrong with being friends with her to see where that leads. Just make sure she knows that and is coo with that too. That would be advice.

[ubernoob]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Don't lower your standards. Ever.

Personally, I would gather like 10 friends... Each throw in 10 bucks, grab some alcohol and suggest a "hogging" competition. Voila, you have yours lined up already - easy 100 bucks for you, and she gets to go out.

Aside from that, I would say tell her you aren't interested. Keep your standards, find someone that's attractive to you. You owe it to yourself. What do I know though?

I used to have confidence issues but just go out there, and know that you're that ish... It works wonders, trust me.

[Scottdau]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Don't lower your standards. Ever.

Personally, I would gather like 10 friends... Each throw in 10 bucks, grab some alcohol and suggest a "hogging" competition. Voila, you have yours lined up already - easy 100 bucks for you, and she gets to go out.

Aside from that, I would say tell her you aren't interested. Keep your standards, find someone that's attractive to you. You owe it to yourself. What do I know though?

I used to have confidence issues but just go out there, and know that you're that ish... It works wonders, trust me.

Wow! That is all I can say!

[Brandwin]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I say go for it. What do you have to lose? Hang out, enjoy each others company and who knows where it could lead. To me, looks are not that important. Sure, you have to be somewhat attracted to the person, but in the end, looks fade. Also, just because you're not that attractive to her now, once you guys hang out it could change. Even if it doesn't work, you might gain a friend out of it.

Good luck!

[CMH]

Re: Need advice on a girl

If you like talking to her, then hang out. But, if you're worried she'll have the wrong impression then tell her that you are not interested.

No one likes telling someone that they only see them as friends, but saying it off the bat is better than letting that person believe there's a chance - if that person is already entertaining the idea.

I'm with everyone that says not to lower your standards. I'm worried that you are even asking this question because it's been pounded into your head that people are supposed to get married. That's a ridiculous belief that I just cannot understand. So what if you're 39. There are many other women that age that are single and if you go out you'll find ones that you find attractive.

I know you say you don't do well with the ladies. Getting rejected is tough. I get it. But, don't settle man. Don't ever settle. You won't be happy.

[Zeppelin8]

Re: Need advice on a girl

I'll say go for it. Physical attraction is very important at the beginning. Then it slowly goes away. Other issues takes place. At least for me.

[ChubbyBanana]

Re: Need advice on a girl

Go for it ODogg. The positives outweigh the negatives IMO.

[Brandon13]

Re: Need advice on a girl

She is overweight

Go for it ODogg. The positives outweigh the negatives IMO.

Sorry.