Dealing with rejection

[ProjectRipCity]

Hey, I (20) recently went on this date with this girl (19)

Until last night I was really confident in myself, but now I'm really butt hurt. Lets just say me and her are complete opposites. I love sports, she hates sports. She believes in her religion, I believe in nothing. Different music styles ect.

She had this uncanny ability to make me feel extremely bored and nervous. I actually started watching the Laker game on the plasmas inside the resturant. But other than that I could of not of been less cool. I would say I'm a little better looking than average, but my question is...Was it my confidence? Or would she atleast keep me around if I was tremendously great looking? Not that I care cuz we are polar opposites...Again guys...We have all been butt hurt. Well atleast most of us have.

Does anyone else have a story so I dont feel like such crap? lol

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: Dealing with rejection

I've based my philosophy on relationships on these words: "Don't trust a big butt & a smile."

If that statement doesn't fit, I'm pretty much useless.

[DakkoN]

Re: Dealing with rejection

I'm going through a hard time myself. This girl that I have talked to pretty much every single night for a pretty long time now (around 2 years or so), pulled the "I can't see us ever being more than friends" card the other night.. I just don't understand why she isn't attracted to me. We like all the same things.. UK basketball, Nascar, wrestling.. same movies, same foods.. have the same sense of humor.. if I was a girl, I would be THIS girl.. But yet, she just apparently isn't attracted to me at all and it really crushed me. I've been fooling myself for awhile now playing off my previous failed attempts at trying to go out with her. Everytime I'd ask if she wanted to do something, go to the movies, go to a Nascar race (and you have no idea how much she is in love with Nascar.. she'd marry Dale Jr right now if he were here...), she'd always have something to do.. always. I kept telling myself that she probably really was busy and it couldn't be that she was rejecting me.. Guess I was wrong...

I saw her at a wedding last weekend and when we were outside, I asked if she wanted to hang out for awhile, and she was basically on another planet or something because it's like I wasn't even there when I was talking to her.. When she got on the internet later that night, I let her know how pathetic it was for somebody to treat me like that, after how much I have done for her and how good a friend I have been to her.. She was like "honestly.. I had my eye on somebody at the wedding and I guess I wasn't paying attention", followed by the "I can't see us ever being more than friends, and hope we can stay good friends".. I haven't took it well at all because this is somebody that I've invested years into and really could of seen myself settling down with her.. I couldn't even imagine being just friends because everytime we'd be around each other, I know that it'd be ridiculously awkward for me..

So yeah, there's my pathetic story..

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: Dealing with rejection

What's weird DakKon is I did the same thing to this girl named Amanda. It's kinda different when were the ones getting rejected. I think guys and girls do not realize what they are doing when they reject somebody. Lets say if a girl had a strong connection with you, but you did not with her...It would be hard to even sympathize because we as people do not take in account others feelings because we are so consumed on what we do not have.

Human behavior at it's finest.

[youvalss]

Re: Dealing with rejection

Happened to me that I was dating some lady for several weeks. One Friday I decided we'd do something special, so we went to the beach in the afternoon, then went to a restaurant (I payed for the meal) and then to a movie (the beach was the "special thing" lol). When we were at the beach, a friend of her called and suggeste that she and her boyfriend would join us at the restaurant. I didn't mind that, but while we were stitting there with them, I found myself watching the plasmas there - watching the local basketball league (and I don't even like this league) rather than talking to anyone. Anyway, after a week or 2 we broke up and I'm happy we did.
All I can say is that never stay with anyone you're not happy with. The sad thing is that you'll never realize that but after some time passed since you broke up. People say that opposites match, but I say it's crap! Opposites must have some anchor, some things they share.
I hope you get back on track and find someone you're happy with. Beleive me, it's possible!

[RedheadKingpin]

Re: Dealing with rejection

I'm going through a hard time myself. This girl that I have talked to pretty much every single night for a pretty long time now (around 2 years or so), pulled the "I can't see us ever being more than friends" card the other night.. I just don't understand why she isn't attracted to me. We like all the same things.. UK basketball, Nascar, wrestling.. same movies, same foods.. have the same sense of humor.. if I was a girl, I would be THIS girl.. But yet, she just apparently isn't attracted to me at all and it really crushed me. I've been fooling myself for awhile now playing off my previous failed attempts at trying to go out with her. Everytime I'd ask if she wanted to do something, go to the movies, go to a Nascar race (and you have no idea how much she is in love with Nascar.. she'd marry Dale Jr right now if he were here...), she'd always have something to do.. always. I kept telling myself that she probably really was busy and it couldn't be that she was rejecting me.. Guess I was wrong...

I saw her at a wedding last weekend and when we were outside, I asked if she wanted to hang out for awhile, and she was basically on another planet or something because it's like I wasn't even there when I was talking to her.. When she got on the internet later that night, I let her know how pathetic it was for somebody to treat me like that, after how much I have done for her and how good a friend I have been to her.. She was like "honestly.. I had my eye on somebody at the wedding and I guess I wasn't paying attention", followed by the "I can't see us ever being more than friends, and hope we can stay good friends".. I haven't took it well at all because this is somebody that I've invested years into and really could of seen myself settling down with her.. I couldn't even imagine being just friends because everytime we'd be around each other, I know that it'd be ridiculously awkward for me..

So yeah, there's my pathetic story..

Sounds exactly like what I'm going through with a girl that I was trying to get with. I'm not handling it real well. It's tough to deal with because she's dealing with a guy who is doing nothing but using her. I want to say something,but don't want to be accused of trying to break up her relationship.

What pisses me off about the whole thing is,she'll see my sister around town and be like "Where's your brother,he doesn't come and see me anymore." And I sitting here thinking,maybe if you treated me like I existed I'd come around. I used to not let things like this bother me,but you can only take so much.

Anyway, I truly believe that todays women don't want a clean cut guy. They want those street thug types and I just don't understand it.

[23]

Re: Dealing with rejection

Sounds to me like you just arent compatible and arent the right people for eachother...thats not really a bad thing

Its nothing like being in a miserable relationship after hanging on to the wrong one.

[ryan36]

Re: Dealing with rejection

Same thing used to happen to me, until I figured it out...girls aren't that different from guys if they're interested in you, you'll know pretty immediately. If it's been more than a few days w/no date, or things get less flirty and more "real friendship"-ish, she sees you as a real friend.

[Blzer]

Re: Dealing with rejection

My issue is I take things way too slowly. Not that I build something up so much that it becomes a "friendship over a relationship" kind of thing, but rather somebody else ends up pulling a fast one and woos her to the point that a friendship is what it becomes.

My other problem is I act like it's okay, when really it's not. Dividends have not paid for me yet. The worst part is I had a girlfriend for two years, then I had to move to college. I'm sorry, but I can't handle long-distance relationships for too many reasons, trust being one of them.

There was a girl that I hung out with a lot last year (I spoke about her on here). She has a boyfriend, but I feel like I may be "next in line" with her, though I don't like it to appear that way. This year I'm actually fishing, and there's another one that I'm doing the slow progression with. The thing about it is that I want to make sure that they like me and that they like me for who I am, because I would much rather be friends in the end than have awkward moments all of the time because I decided to make that one stupid move. It's happened before and I've learned from it.

We'll see where things go from here.

[23]

Re: Dealing with rejection

I'm going through a hard time myself. This girl that I have talked to pretty much every single night for a pretty long time now (around 2 years or so), pulled the "I can't see us ever being more than friends" card the other night.. I just don't understand why she isn't attracted to me. We like all the same things.. UK basketball, Nascar, wrestling.. same movies, same foods.. have the same sense of humor.. if I was a girl, I would be THIS girl.. But yet, she just apparently isn't attracted to me at all and it really crushed me. I've been fooling myself for awhile now playing off my previous failed attempts at trying to go out with her. Everytime I'd ask if she wanted to do something, go to the movies, go to a Nascar race (and you have no idea how much she is in love with Nascar.. she'd marry Dale Jr right now if he were here...), she'd always have something to do.. always. I kept telling myself that she probably really was busy and it couldn't be that she was rejecting me.. Guess I was wrong...

I saw her at a wedding last weekend and when we were outside, I asked if she wanted to hang out for awhile, and she was basically on another planet or something because it's like I wasn't even there when I was talking to her.. When she got on the internet later that night, I let her know how pathetic it was for somebody to treat me like that, after how much I have done for her and how good a friend I have been to her.. She was like "honestly.. I had my eye on somebody at the wedding and I guess I wasn't paying attention", followed by the "I can't see us ever being more than friends, and hope we can stay good friends".. I haven't took it well at all because this is somebody that I've invested years into and really could of seen myself settling down with her.. I couldn't even imagine being just friends because everytime we'd be around each other, I know that it'd be ridiculously awkward for me..

So yeah, there's my pathetic story..

Deep down you know thats not the kind of woman you want Dakkon

Truthfully I dont see a reason to bother with trying to make someone like you that doesnt. More than anything it pushes them further away, but never tell a girl how much she hurt you dude. Maybe you've given her too much attention and cared a bit too much.

There are always signs there that we tend to ignore

[bgeno]

Re: Dealing with rejection

Hey, I (20) recently went on this date with this girl (19)

Until last night I was really confident in myself, but now I'm really butt hurt. Lets just say me and her are complete opposites. I love sports, she hates sports. She believes in her religion, I believe in nothing. Different music styles ect.

She had this uncanny ability to make me feel extremely bored and nervous. I actually started watching the Laker game on the plasmas inside the resturant. But other than that I could of not of been less cool. I would say I'm a little better looking than average, but my question is...Was it my confidence? Or would she atleast keep me around if I was tremendously great looking? Not that I care cuz we are polar opposites...Again guys...We have all been butt hurt. Well atleast most of us have.

Does anyone else have a story so I dont feel like such crap? lol

Doesn't sound like rejection or confidence... just sounds like you don't go well together. And, like 23 said, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't force it, just move on. If you can't be "you" around her, then what's the point of being with her?


I've got BIG confidence and rejection issues. And the way I feel about it goes in and out. I'll go a few weeks when I try everything to get better--read articles, listen to tapes, ask for help--and other periods of time when I just don't care enough to do anything about it... like the last few weeks.

I'm 21-years-old in college, and I just can't seem to get into a groove or do anything right with the opposite sex. I walk in to a social situation with such negative thoughts on my mind, just waiting for her to seem uninterested or look at me funny instead of going in with positive thoughts and thinking that she'll be into me and all that.

I've had the problem for as long as I can remember. It never matter much in high school for some reason. I dated 2 girls, hooked up with 2 or 3 others. But in college, it's like things are completely different. No one seems to be into the quiet, nice guy who just ran in to a nice strings of positive things in his life... hahaha. And I'm sure that second girl I dated in high school had something to do with my confidence issues... wasn't a great breakup on my end.

Oh well... I hate girls.

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: Dealing with rejection

I am actually surprised with the amount of maturely thought out explainations that all of you have posted. I myself know as a guy...I have to be confident...I need to talk slow and sincere...And one fatal uncool thing can turn things all around. It's actually pretty interesting how crappy good decent guys feel like they have to prove themselves...While girls can act like total idiots and get away with it lol...I hate to sound sexist...But us guys usually expect the girl to be a flusy and we often overlook it.

I know what my issue was. I was just looking to impress, but when we find ourselves doing that...The more uncool we look. Which is why it's best to act like ourselves and calm. It's really not all that hard, but for some reason it was for me that night. I believe I am not missing out on her, because she is an idiot. But as a sensitive guy I take things too personal and lose confidence.

[23]

Re: Dealing with rejection

You guys should be having fun not allowing someone you dont realize yet that you really dont want to bother your security

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: Dealing with rejection

Oh well... I hate girls.

No guy hates girls. Hate to act like Dr. Phil but the truth is you hate you're game. It's okay...I do sometimes to. And so do most caring guys because they are sensitive towards everything and seem to take it personal. My advice to you...As well as myself...Is to again...Be yourself...Be sure of yourself. Also find a skill you are good at and not a lot of people do...Girls like that...Because in the mind of a girl...You wont be like any average guy with the same skills.

[bgeno]

Re: Dealing with rejection

No guy hates girls. Hate to act like Dr. Phil but the truth is you hate you're game. It's okay...I do sometimes to. And so do most caring guys because they are sensitive towards everything and seem to take it personal. My advice to you...As well as myself...Is to again...Be yourself...Be sure of yourself. Also find a skill you are good at and not a lot of people do...Girls like that...Because in the mind of a girl...You wont be like any average guy with the same skills.

Maybe that's right. Maybe I hate my "game."

But I hate that I need "game" and that a girl just can't like me how I am. I have to go out and act a certain way because that's what they want? Get the hell outta here. (That's not directed at you, but at girls/society).