Wife left me for another man

[Scottdau]

Re: Wife left me for another man

I'm 42 and she's 41. Our girls are 15 and 6.

The other night at supper my 6 year old was saying she's going to be a flower girl at mom's wedding. My oldest daughter and I almost lost it. My youngest asked if I have a girlfriend, and I said no way. My oldest told her that what her mom is doing is wrong. It's a tough situation; my oldest understands everything and my youngest is confused. Hell, I'm confused. It was just over a year ago I was taking care of my wife and kids after she broke her leg. I was her hero back then. Now, she treats me like dirt.

It's easy to say "forget her, she's not worth it!" but we have two kids and were married for 18 years. I loved her. I can't imagine her doing this and it tears me up to think of her with another man. I keep having dreams in which she comes home and we are a family again. I wake up at 4 AM and can't get back to sleep. Right now I'm in a living hell. I've started praying that God would prepare me for another wife and that she and I will have a fantastic marriage. The thought of that and taking care of my girls are the only things which keep me going.

Man, life is tough right now. I don't have enough money to make it to the end of the month. I have a huge mortgage to pay. I have all of these problems on top of me all at the same time. Avoid divorce at all costs! It is horrible. Especially when you love the person divorcing you. The only thing I can do is have faith that God is gonna see my girls and me through this.

41 wow, this dude did a number on her then. How old is he? To be honest Gary, you never know she could wake up one day and come back home. What is happening is she is in that puppy dog love phase. And what that means is that is she is in the fun part of a new relationship. How it is exciting and then later on it gets comfortable and then they need to find that exciting part again, so they cheat again. Also what meds was she taking when she broke her leg? Some meds can really mess up your thinking process. Did she go into a depression when she broke her leg? I had friend that was suffering with depression and he got some meds that did a number on his thinking and met some lady online and moved in with her in Kentucky and he left his wife and 1 year old son. Come to find that the meds were not good for him and it did something to his reality thinking. Lucky he got off them and got back with his wife and have been together now for 7 years since that day. I am not saying your wife is tripping on some meds though. Just trying to see if it is something like that. I have not seen too many mothers at age 41 just leave their children like that. And I have seen all kinds too. I was a pastor and have counseled a lot of marriages. And I had one case where the lady did what your wife did and she was 42, so it does happen, but she did come back to her husband and he took her back and they have been going strong for the 15 years now, so it is possible. If I were you I would not pray to God about finding a wife. I would pray to God for wisdom and then I would go out and find some people that either been through what you are going through or talk to someone you can trust.

[longshadow11]

Re: Wife left me for another man

She broke her leg, a month later her dad died, then on Christmas day her niece was killed. I do believe she is depressed or bipolar. Her behavior is bizarre and everyone who knows her says this doesn't sound like her.

I'm having a tough time today. Some random memories hit me causing me to miss her intensely and to ask how she could do this. The bottom line is she doesn't care about me at all. In fact, I'm her enemy. It's hard to believe I feel a lot more sorrow than anger.

[Money99]

Re: Wife left me for another man

She broke her leg, a month later her dad died, then on Christmas day her niece was killed. I do believe she is depressed or bipolar. Her behavior is bizarre and everyone who knows her says this doesn't sound like her.

I'm having a tough time today. Some random memories hit me causing me to miss her intensely and to ask how she could do this. The bottom line is she doesn't care about me at all. In fact, I'm her enemy. It's hard to believe I feel a lot more sorrow than anger.

You're only 'the enemy' because she's angry at herself.
She realizes that she's torn apart not one, but two families. Is she going to blame herself? No. She'd rather justify her failure by blaming you and think "if he was a better husband, I wouldn't have strayed".

But that's BS. It's only a cop-out to make her feel better about herself.
She took the easy and selfish way out. And now she's suffering internally with her decisions. It's hard for anyone to point the finger at themselves with minor hiccups, let alone a large screwup like the one she's initiated.

They say that hate isn't far removed from love. I'm sure if there ever comes a day where she wakes up, she'll realize what she's done wrong and will try to make amends.

The main issue is that she's involved with someone else now. That only clouds her judgement. If that falls apart, there might a chance she rethinks everything.

Good luck to you sir. I'll pray for you, your kids and even your ex-wife. Stay strong and be the rock your kids need you to be.

[matt314hew]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Gary,

I have just read through most of this thread, mainly reading your posts. I must say that this is horrible to hear. Like others have said, you are going to have to move on, as she is already doing that.

Best of luck to you, and I will pray for you and your girls. Keep us posted on how everything goes.

[jim416]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Perhaps time to start being a little "selfish". What I mean by that is you need to start taking care of yourself, as not doing so can have an affect on others who love you. I know it hasn't been long, most of us have been through something like this, and it's easier to give advice than take it. Easy to tell you to keep a stiff upper lift, I know. Your mind is triggering all kinds of negativity right now.

... grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Others depend on you. You depend on you. Time for selflessness can come back later.

Good luck to you.

[Phobia]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Perhaps time to start being a little "selfish". What I mean by that is you need to start taking care of yourself, as not doing so can have an affect on others who love you. I know it hasn't been long, most of us have been through something like this, and it's easier to give advice than take it. Easy to tell you to keep a stiff upper lift, I know. Your mind is triggering all kinds of negativity right now.

... grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Others depend on you. You depend on you. Time for selflessness can come back later.

Good luck to you.

Nice post Jim, always a class act.

[longshadow11]

Re: Wife left me for another man

I just want to say thanks to all you great OSers. I read this thread every day and get strength from reading all of the messages of support. No doubt, this is going to be a marathon and I know I have many dark days ahead. I guess the thing which gets me down the most is for 17 years my wife would never have dreamed of doing something like this. We always talked about how lousy divorce is and how much it hurts kids. She sees it every day in her classes. Every morning I wake up in shock, it's surreal that I'm in my house with our two daughters and she's not there.

Yesterday I got really down because some memories surfaced, and I can't imagine how she can turn her back on all the good we had.

On a positive note, my lawyer called me. The first thing he said was "Gary, you're a good man. Your wife is an idiot for leaving you." He had spent the day before interviewing character witnesses. He's dumbfounded on why she would leave after hearing all I've done for her and our girls.

I miss being me. There is no joy in life right now except for spending time with my girls. I'm lucky they're with me. Every time my little girl does something cute or funny, it really bothers me that my wife isn't there to share in the moment. It astounds me that she has completely left their lives to me. All she does is pick them up from school and take them bowling, to the movies, or out to eat. She's the fun parent, and I get to do all the work. Which is fine. My teenager knows what's what, and she has made a few comments on how I'm a better mom than mom ever was, how much better she eats at home now, and generally how much better the household is run. There's a lot of pride involved in taking care of my girls, and I'm going to get the job done no matter what it takes. I leave our house every morning at 7:15 and rarely do we get home before 6PM. It's usually around 7:30PM due to all of their activies. One thing is certain: I'm not asking their mom for any help.

[Phobia]

Re: Wife left me for another man

I just want to say thanks to all you great OSers. I read this thread every day and get strength from reading all of the messages of support. No doubt, this is going to be a marathon and I know I have many dark days ahead. I guess the thing which gets me down the most is for 17 years my wife would never have dreamed of doing something like this. We always talked about how lousy divorce is and how much it hurts kids. She sees it every day in her classes. Every morning I wake up in shock, it's surreal that I'm in my house with our two daughters and she's not there.

Yesterday I got really down because some memories surfaced, and I can't imagine how she can turn her back on all the good we had.

On a positive note, my lawyer called me. The first thing he said was "Gary, you're a good man. Your wife is an idiot for leaving you." He had spent the day before interviewing character witnesses. He's dumbfounded on why she would leave after hearing all I've done for her and our girls. He assured me he was going to tear her up on the witness stand. I hate to do this to the mother of my kids, but the gloves are coming off.

Good to hear Gary. Nobody wants to make someone feel like crap or tear into them. Even more so if you love the person. But sometimes we got to do things we don't want to, but in the back of our minds we know it is required.

I think you are doing the right thing man.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Hang in there bro. The only thing that can heal a broken heart is time (and the man upstairs).

When me and my gf went on a "break" this summer and she told me it was okay if I wanted to see somebody else I was heartbroken, lonely and miserable. Days felt like months. We got back together a month or so later (and still are), but it felt like eternity.

Even when given the green light to date others, my heart wasn't in it. So I kinda know how you're feeling on that. Just stay close to God and continue putting all your energies into your daughters.

[Shauk25]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Call me crazy, but i would think you need to talk to a professional and not just vent your dirty laundry on a video game message board. You have alot of pent up feelings, and you need to speak to someone, and i would do it fast.

[jnofx]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Call me crazy, but i would think you need to talk to a professional and not just vent your dirty laundry on a video game message board. You have alot of pent up feelings, and you need to speak to someone, and i would do it fast.

I think that "Therapy" is whatever the individual finds to be therapeutic... Not necessarily talking to a faux-doctor with a prescription pad. OP, I've been reading the thread and haven't posted, simply because I've never experienced anything like this and just wouldn't know what to tell you. All I know is that you're handling this far better than a lesser man would be able to, and I wish you and your daughters the best.

[Flightwhite24]

Re: Wife left me for another man

I think that "Therapy" is whatever the individual finds to be therapeutic... Not necessarily talking to a faux-doctor with a prescription pad. OP, I've been reading the thread and haven't posted, simply because I've never experienced anything like this and just wouldn't know what to tell you. All I know is that you're handling this far better than a lesser man would be able to, and I wish you and your daughters the best.

Exactly what I wanted to say. Whatever methods he uses to get him through this whether it be on this site or another, Dr, Friends as long as he get's through this is all that matters.

I think about you/daughters daily and wonder how your day is going. I don't check this particular for info on the situation but mainly to see how you and your children are doing. The time will come where you will be able to say I/Daughters got through this together and I'm sure they will have you at the top of their list in life years from now. Take care

[longshadow11]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Thanks, Skywalker, I sure do appreciate your thoughts. I've gotten some good news lately, but I hesitate to say too much until it's a done deal. There's still a lot on my plate financially and as a dad. Throw in the soul-crushing knowledge that my wife is with another man at this very moment, and you have a pretty unhappy dude here. I just have to believe that justice will be done.

[Cebby]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Thanks, Skywalker, I sure do appreciate your thoughts. I've gotten some good news lately, but I hesitate to say too much until it's a done deal. There's still a lot on my plate financially and as a dad. Throw in the soul-crushing knowledge that my wife is with another man at this very moment, and you have a pretty unhappy dude here. I just have to believe that justice will be done.

The hitman agreed to a two-for-one deal?

[Hova57]

Re: Wife left me for another man

hopefully the grass isn't greenier and the next dude found out about the real her. and her expectations. i hope it goes in your favor no one should ever have to go through this especially when children are involved.