Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

[longshadow11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Yeah, my ex and I sort of just happened. Our marriage wasn't great for the first ten years, but it wasn't awful either. The last 7 or 8 years I tried hard to please her and let her know I loved her. In fact, our marriage became fairly strong. Just over a year ago we seemed to be very close as I nursed her back from a broken leg. I was definitely happy, although I wanted more affection. I think depression is her main problem, and since I'm the nearest target, she blames me.

My new lady is a woman I chose. My brother said exactly the same thing as you, USF11. My ex more or less chose me, and he says it's important for me to do the choosing this time. My gf was flattered and excited that I showed interest, and it helped that I took charge on our first date. No matter what women say, they want a man who has confidence and takes charge sometimes. I've never seen a guy have success being a doormat. Not once. Women are more vicious than men in this regard; they will absolutely not hesitate to break your heart and stomp on you when you're down. I believe they all have this in them once they feel you've slighted them in some way.

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Yeah, my ex and I sort of just happened. Our marriage wasn't great for the first ten years, but it wasn't awful either. The last 7 or 8 years I tried hard to please her and let her know I loved her. In fact, our marriage became fairly strong. Just over a year ago we seemed to be very close as I nursed her back from a broken leg. I was definitely happy, although I wanted more affection. I think depression is her main problem, and since I'm the nearest target, she blames me.

My new lady is a woman I chose. My brother said exactly the same thing as you, USF11. My ex more or less chose me, and he says it's important for me to do the choosing this time. My gf was flattered and excited that I showed interest, and it helped that I took charge on our first date. No matter what women say, they want a man who has confidence and takes charge sometimes. I've never seen a guy have success being a doormat. Not once. Women are more vicious than men in this regard; they will absolutely not hesitate to break your heart and stomp on you when you're down. I believe they all have this in them once they feel you've slighted them in some way.

You're a good man...It takes awhile for men to find true happiness but you will find true happiness. This could of been the best thing that could ever happen to you...I'm not making that up to make you feel better. I'm 21 and I've been hurt from a girl that cheated on me after a year...With two guys at the same time. I didn't even find out from her.
It f'ing blows and it makes your stomach sink...I began drinking some of you know the story...I went to the gym and got my confidence back. The thing is when a woman leaves you...You feel ugly...And worthless. The best thing to do for your brain is to improve your appearance and your mindset.

I'm way younger than you dude, and you knew this woman for most of your life. I know how it feels on a smaller scale, but you will recover. Go to the gym read a few books...Spend time with your lovely new girlfriend. I don't know your wife but I am damn sure she is missing out on a lot.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Yeah, my ex and I sort of just happened. Our marriage wasn't great for the first ten years, but it wasn't awful either. The last 7 or 8 years I tried hard to please her and let her know I loved her. In fact, our marriage became fairly strong. Just over a year ago we seemed to be very close as I nursed her back from a broken leg. I was definitely happy, although I wanted more affection. I think depression is her main problem, and since I'm the nearest target, she blames me.

My new lady is a woman I chose. My brother said exactly the same thing as you, USF11. My ex more or less chose me, and he says it's important for me to do the choosing this time. My gf was flattered and excited that I showed interest, and it helped that I took charge on our first date. No matter what women say, they want a man who has confidence and takes charge sometimes. I've never seen a guy have success being a doormat. Not once. Women are more vicious than men in this regard; they will absolutely not hesitate to break your heart and stomp on you when you're down. I believe they all have this in them once they feel you've slighted them in some way.

I totally disagree with this big time, but that is cool. Good luck with this next lady. I wish you the best bro.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

You guys have a warp view on women, but that is OK too. Women are not bad like you guys paint them to be. I hope some day you will see that, but until then keep thinking they are out to get men.

[TheShizNo1]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

You guys have a warp view on women, but that is OK too. Women are not bad like you guys paint them to be. I hope some day you will see that, but until then keep thinking they are out to get men.

lol, I think I quoted PRC for coming down too hard on women and now I'm quoted you for being to "light" on them.

Man females are scandalous. If you haven't experienced this first hand then feel blessed. No, they're not all bitches, but they all have some bitch in them. It just takes the right guy and right situation. Us guys can be dogs, but females, to me, are a whole other type of scandalous.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

You guys have a warp view on women, but that is OK too. Women are not bad like you guys paint them to be. I hope some day you will see that, but until then keep thinking they are out to get men.

Agreed. There are good and bad people from both genders. I think men just take it more personally....how could SHE do this to ME? I'm the man.

[longshadow11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I know men are capable of pulling some sorry things as well, but I think women, once they decide they're gone, don't mind breaking a man's heart as much. They emotionally are able to move on and put sentimentality behind them.

This is just from what I've seen. I know very few women whose husbands took off, but I know a lot of men that's happened to. I also know very few men who have ended a long relationship on little more than a whim.

I think a lot of it comes down to how females show their feelings when they like you. They can make you think you're the only man they'll ever want, then when they leave you're shocked, and you think "Whoa, what was all that stuff you said about loving me forever?"

Men, on the other hand, will say a bunch of crap early on to get in women's pants. There lies the dog in us, but I truly believe men don't end long relationships as easily and guilt free as women. They find something to blame us for and use that as a springboard.
We're like, "I don't want to see her cry" and women are like "Screw him, he insulted me ten years ago, he deserves to suffer."

My ex mother-in-law told me I deserved all the pain and suffering I was experiencing. What the hell? I'm sure my ex told her lies to justify the boyfriend, and I also know she took some bad things I did in the distant past and amplified them by about 10x.

Many women are not the sweet, caring creatures we've been led to believe. Thank God some are. I sure hope the one I'm with is one of the good ones. I intend to treat her as well as I possibly can and hope for the best.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

lol, I think I quoted PRC for coming down too hard on women and now I'm quoted you for being to "light" on them.

Man females are scandalous. If you haven't experienced this first hand then feel blessed. No, they're not all bitches, but they all have some bitch in them. It just takes the right guy and right situation. Us guys can be dogs, but females, to me, are a whole other type of scandalous.

Every woman can be a bitch and every man can be a dick, some times in their life. But come on women are not as bad as you guys say they are.

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Makes sense...But some people get the short hand of the stick just by bad luck. I agree with you guys.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I am sorry, but I totally disagree with this view on women. And if you keep thinking this way you are going to have some problems in your relationships. But that is OK. Gary your view on women is wrong. I am sorry with what you have gone through, but I bet you if you tell this view to this new lady she would have some problems with it. The bottom line is men and women can be as equally cold to each other. It is not easier for the other sex to be colder. There are good people and there are bad people. I do agree with one thing you said. Women for the most part like for a guy to take charge, but not dictate them.


The more I think of this is the more I think you guys are right. I am basing my view of women in a different light. Mostly because the women I know are Christian and Christian women and Non-Christian women are very different. So you guys might be right about those kind of women. Though I think guys can be just as bad too though.

[longshadow11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

The main thing I'm saying is once a woman becomes emotionally involved with another man, you are toast. They can detach in a hurry and seem to be able to put the guilt or pain of ending a long, serious relationship in the back of their minds. I think men look back on their lives with a woman and family and weigh the consequences of ending a relationship of such great importance.

For example, my family had our best vacation ever last summer at the beach. We talked all last fall about going back this summer. Obviously, we're not going back, and pics from that trip haunt me. It was the last time we were truly happy as a family; my ex met her lover a few weeks later. Her facebook profile pic is one of the pictures from that trip. I can't bear to look at pictures from that trip, and apparently it doesn't enter her mind the significance of it and the sentimentality of it.

Men look worse because we usually don't get the kids. A woman leaves and takes the kids because she knows the courts will typically side with her. A man leaves and it's abandonment, whereas women destroy families all the time but aren't seen as poorly because they have physical custody of the kids. I fully believe men are viewed incorrectly and unfairly in general. I either know or know of dozens of men who have been crushed and are struggling to make sense of life because of what their wives/ex-wives have done. On the other hand, the women I know in the same basic situation get the kids, receive child support, and recover much faster emotionally.

I don't believe all women are out to hurt men, but I think that most husbands are far more attached than they let on, and most wives are far more open to an affair than you might think. I heard on the news last night that 66% of all divorces of couples age 50 and older are initiated by women, and the reason is that they are seeking fulfillment in their lives. A man better be seen as valuable to his wife, or he is gonna lose her somewhere along the way. There's always some jackass who can't wait to undermine you and poach your wife. The hell of it is your family also gets poached.

[slickdtc]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I'm a young guy in a long relationship right now and closing in on taking the next step in the near future. I think reading through this forum, not just this thread, gives great perspective. Yes, I believe my relationship will last forever and that I found one of the different ones. My girlfriend and I tell each other a lot about how we're different then most people our age, truly different. We've seen so many relationships crumble around us, long and short, people we thought would never fall apart but somehow, somewhere along the line they have. It's crazy some times, what you don't know about that "dream couple." We've tried to really build our relationship on trust because at the core, that's what it is. Without trust, you have nothing. But this thread shows that even long, seemingly healthy relationships (not just relationships, but marriages) can fall apart at the drop of a hat.

But there's no formula. It's no exact science. For every success story, there's a failure story. You just have to stick with your heart, stick with what you feel, involve your brain a bit, and let time tell the story. If you're too scared of what may be, you'll never know. I have complete faith in my relationship, for better or for worse. Whatever happens, good or bad, I'll face it and chalk it up as life.

[jeremym480]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Bad men do dirt...But when it comes to men loving women we are by FAR more dedicated in marriage. You can forget all the false movies and the media...I mean men cheat...But not as much as women. Everyone that I heard cheating in marriage (Who I actually know) in my 21 years of life were the women...Not the men.

In a boyfriend/girlfriend situation the boy is usually a dirt bag I find out.

The nice guys get freakin screwed as well.

I agree with this. From my personal experience, the amount of wifes that I've known to cheat on their husbands more than doubles husbands who cheat on their wives.

I think it is because women are stronger. They have to be they are mothers. If a guy splits they have to think of their kids, they don't have time to get beat down. Just like in your case you were in the woman's role. So you had to be strong for your kids. Must guys that have their women cheat on them, the women take their kids too when they leave that man. So now he has two things to deal with. His wife and kids are gone. It is heavy no matter how you look at it.

I think the guys do have a tougher time with divorce than women. The main reason for this I think is loneliness. Because no matter what night of the week a woman (no matter what they look like) can go out and have some guy show her attention. It may not be the particular guy that they want but, some dude will try to talk to them. Guys don't have that, well most of the time anyway.

I won't take her back, but she won't ever come back. Even if her new marriage ends, she will never come back to me because she's incredibly hard headed and burned too many bridges. Besides, if I took her back, one night I would look at her, remember all she put my kids and me through, grab her by the neck and throw her out. I love her, but I'm done. I wrote her a long email right after she left telling her how much I love her and how we neede to stay together for the kids, and her only reply was "This is done." Every time I tried to talk sense into her, she always had a very short, cold reply. So to hell with her.

That's another thing about woman, once they're done.... they're DONE. There's no talking them back and even if you are able to talk them back then thing's are never really the same. With guys it takes them a long time to get to that breakup point and even when we're there we will sometimes stay just because of some tears. We're weak like that.

You guys have a warp view on women, but that is OK too. Women are not bad like you guys paint them to be. I hope some day you will see that, but until then keep thinking they are out to get men.

LOL, have you ever been through a tough break-up? If you have I think you would know how vicious a woman can be. Now, I'm not at all saying that men are nicer than women. However, when it comes to breakups I think that women can be much more heartless than most men. Not all the time but, most from my personal experience as well as the experience of most of my family and friends.

[Heelfan71]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I'm gonna write a book called "Men are from Mars, Women are stupid"

[Linuxx]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

when I got divorced the judge said that neither of us could get married for six months..I know each state is different. Neither of us are married now after 2yrs.

I have dreams about my ex all the time. I dont like it, I want to be over the divorce but I dont know if I ever will be.

I am seeing someone but its hard.