ODogg's Love Life Thread

[Scottdau]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

Don't you have a friend to go see Hall Pass? I don't really know to many people that go to movies they don't want to go to. If she doesn't like your choices go with someone else. I think you making a big deal about this for nothing. I know I wouldn't go to Sex and the City with my wife and she wouldn't go to Batman with me, and so we went with our own friends. Just my opinion, but I have been married 15 years so I do have some wisdom.

[phillyfan23]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

Odogg,

i remember you dealing with a similar issue with regards to drinking alcohol....

is that accurate? and now this ?

women by NATURE like to test their men and see how much they can get away with. Doesn't mean they're evil and rotten, it just means they are women. You need to put your foot DOWN on this issue and not let this character of hers interfere with larger issues down the line.

From reading your posts, you seem to be those nice guys who don't like confrontation and wants to please everyone. That is very noble but sometimes problems such as the drinking beer and tv watching issues arise. You can still be a gentleman. You can still be gentle to her, but at the same time, you need to be the man as well.

there HAS to be a middle ground where both of you are happy and pleased. And if you don't feel pleased, you need to lay down the law. It's as simple as that. Doesn't mean you get harsh and yell and flip out, but a stern explanation needs to be given. After you've made those points clear, you evaluate her changes. If she doesn't change, you punish her with whatever you feel is appropriate. Let her know what she's doing is unacceptable.She will respect you much more in the long run and actually look up to you. Take it from experience......

[Brandwin]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

Slap the taste out her mouth and make her bow down to the row.


You really need to tell her how you feel, it's never going to get better if you don't stop it soon.

[ExtremeGamer]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

Didn't you do this same thread 6-8 months ago about all she would watch were her Buffy shows or something? This is still going on?

[jake44np]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

Dont do the second tv then, it led to me getting a divorce.
When i first met my ex wife we always watched tv together, she watched stuff i liked and vice versa. Well eventually we both kind of wanted to only watch shows we liked. So we got the basement finished and turned it into my man cave. That led to me and her being in seperate parts of the house almost every night. We grew apart and eventually i started sleeping in my man cave. As you can see this wasnt healthy and it led to us getting a divorce. Do what you can to be with each other. Your girl just needs to compromise. I am not saying your lying but i would like to hear her side of this.

[acts238shaun]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

I agree with BK and the guy who said there's a deeper issue. Right now it's the TV, how long before it's which house to buy, which car you get to buy for just you, how long you get to play NCAA 12, whether or not you get to go out with friends, which friends you get to go out with (while you have no input on where she goes/who she goes out with), and (if you have kids/get married) where the kids go to school, who they can date, etc.

It's not just about the TV, the is a moment that implications down the road.

Also, IIRC your girl is an immigrant, is that correct? Her culture may have something to do with it. I've seen a few girls from male-dominated cultures who move away from home/immigrate and refuse to be told what to do anymore by some males in their life. so much so suggestions are looked at as commands.

I have a friend who dated a girl for a while. At the one year mark she started getting pushy about stuff he didn't really care about either way. He let it go, went with her ideas/desires.

When they were getting married he gave in on some wedding details (including destination), didn't have a bachelor party at her behest, etc. A few weeks before he proposed she started hinting at moving close to her parents in Ohio - he has a great job in Cali, where they both lived when they met. He let it go.

She also started criticizing how he handled his finances (his finances are tight), his purchases (video games being one issue), how he watched college football every weekend (they met at a sports bar) though he gave up a few games to go buy wedding stuff/register at some places.

A few weeks before the wedding she started hinting @ Ohio again. He said he loved his job and his house he bought, that he wasn't moving and she could call it off if she wanted. He then asked her why she said yes to her proposal. She said he was successful, responsible and would make a good father on top of the fact that he was attractive to her. He said "Why are you trying to change **** now and how have I changed where I am not responsible, successful and would I now be a bad father?" She could only say no. Long story short she let it go and they got married.

Flash forward a few months, marriage was good for the most part, but she was criticizing how long he worked during the week (he worked 8-6 most days with an hour commute - lawyer), what he watched on tv (stuff like Lost, Fringe, football on Saturday). He let it go, started watching her programs, like some, hated others (crap like Snapped - that should have been a clue, lol). He let it go. Remember when she criticized his buying a game, stuff like that? She'd go buy some expensive clothes out of their budget, and be all "How do you like what I bought today?". He'd get upset and let he keep the stuff. He could afford it, but he's trying to retire at 40, ya know? She simply said "We can afford it!". She wasn't getting his point.

I need to insert this: my friend is a semi-tightwad, even for a lawyer. He buys the suits he buys just so he can look the part of a lawyer. You get looked over if you have on JC Penny's when the other lawyers are wearing Armani, etc. His car at the time was a BMW he paid off at the lot. He had savings accounts she didn't know about (for a reason as you can see). He grew up poor and wanted to get into and get out of law, retire and live the rest of his life running a small business out in the country somewhere. Ok, back on topic.

He made it a point to cater to her and she had it pretty easy. he loved her and doted on her, but had a hard time dealing with her ish. Things came to a head after they were married about four years. For the few months previous she talked about how she hated Cali (though she constantly watched Real House Skanks of Beverly Hills/Orange County, which he just dealt with). He thought they were past it, she just waited til they were married to bring it back up.

Finally he came home one day and she had packed all her stuff, including all the expensive clothes/purses/shoes she had bought, and it was sitting in their living room. She was sitting there with the keys to her truck he had bought her in her hand and issued an ultimatum. "I am moving back to Ohio, with or without you.". Both parents were alive and in good health, btw, so there was no need to take care of them.

He looked her dead in the eye and said, "I'll put together divorce papers tonight and open you an account for one hundred thousand dollars at the bank of you choice. I am not moving. You knew this when we got married." By this time he quit watching sports altogether, let alone going to a ballgame. His PS2 gathered dust as he couldn't even go play it in another room without her getting ticked off.

His girl looked at him like he had lost his mind. He tried to avoid conflict and simply be the nice guy, he was tired of it. She finally came to her senses and they are ok now. He was dead serious about getting divorced; and I am pretty sure she still doesn't know about his retirement accounts that are slowly turning into their two kids college funds. Long story short she needed to grow up - and the funny thing, they live in a different house now because her parents live with them in Cali. Her dad is of course an Ohio St. fan and watches every game he can.

Long story short, nip it in the bud. If she can't compromise over a TV program she will not do so over more important stuff. If she has to always have her way and has to be a witch about it wen she doesn't get her way she's got to go because she will only get worse.

[CMH]

It's been two days. If you haven't spoken to her about this then you definitely need her more than she needs you.

No reason why a loving couple should struggle to discuss these things. Angry couples do it all the time. Talk to her or I consider you a lost cause.


Sent from my mobile device.

[ODogg]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

Judge Judy?

Yeah we both love her no nonsense attitude!!

[ODogg]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

It's been two days. If you haven't spoken to her about this then you definitely need her more than she needs you.

No reason why a loving couple should struggle to discuss these things. Angry couples do it all the time. Talk to her or I consider you a lost cause.


Sent from my mobile device.

Update: she apologized the next day and bought me dinner. She said she would try to be more open to my movie and tv choices, we will see I guess.

Oh and yeah this is the same girl I posted about who would make me watch Buffy for hours on end, that stuff don't occur anymore. When she wants me to watch buffy or something we alternate her tv show and then mine usually.

As for the alcohol, we have come to a tentative understanding on it. I have started drinking less on occasion and when I do decide to tie one on shes mostly quiet about it now. Ive reiterated to her that the nagging doesn't help and she rarely does that anymore. Occasionally she will say something like "is that your last one?" and I will say something like "nope" or "maybe" and that'll end it. It seems as if I just don't say much and ignore it she won't badger.

[areobee401]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

Still sounds to me like the both of you have major communication problems.

[ODogg]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

Still sounds to me like the both of you have major communication problems.

I think we do have some, I'm probably too passive and easy going and I think she's a bit too stubborn. The odd thing is though that so far for major decisions she has been ore flexible and compromising. I think she figures for a tv show she can just be stubborn and it's not a big deal. I dontthinkwe have major communication problems but maybe.

One thing though is I can't really criticize her much, like in regards to the relationship, if I get very angry about anything and criticize in anger she will acquiesce and start crying. Then I feel like ****. I told her how can I tell you what I think and not just remain silent if you are going to cry and make me feel like a total douche bag?? It will just make me more apt to silently suffer. It's not happened a lot, dont get me wrong, but it is still something that concerns me..

[Gotmadskillzson]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

It seems as if I just don't say much and ignore it she won't badger.

Nobody should have to hold stuff in and not say much just to keep the peace either. That will only work for so long before eventually it will build up and somebody going to explode over something that is trivial.

Everybody should always be able to speak their mind when ever they want without worrying about pissing somebody off. If you are a drinker or smoker, you should be able to do it without the other person making faces or counting how many you had or even saying anything to you about it.

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[ODogg]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

Nobody should have to hold stuff in and not say much just to keep the peace either. That will only work for so long before eventually it will build up and somebody going to explode over something that is trivial.

Everybody should always be able to speak their mind when ever they want without worrying about pissing somebody off. If you are a drinker or smoker, you should be able to do it without the other person making faces or counting how many you had or even saying anything to you about it.

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I agree, I've told her to STFU about it before basically so I think she knows it's my sore spot. It's a control issue and it's BS IMO.

[Suntan Superman]

re: ODogg's Love Life Thread

As a ball and chain guy, you gotta step up and be assertive. I don't mean be a total jerk, but show her you got balls man. My wife and I don't agree on a ton of things, she hates watching sports because well I'm very "passionate" about them. Much like I can't stand all that lifetime crap that she loves. You don't gotta do everything together though. Its not hard to find things you both like, stick to those, and do other things separate.

[ODogg]

Re: Where is a good place to get an engagement ring at??

Thanks everyone for the help, she may be preggers so I may be proposing sooner than I thought..