Confidence...

[Jr.]

Re: Confidence...

Confidence is an attitude and a mindset. Sure it's easy to be confident when you have success, but real confidence comes when you fail and are willing to do it again. Go into everything with the mindset that you will succeed, and you are likely to. One of my favorite quotes of all time is "Whether you believe you can or you can't, you're right."

A great way to build self-confidence is to write down 3-5 things that you like about yourself and put it on your bathroom mirror. Every day when you wake up, repeat them out loud. Read them every time you go into the bathroom (out loud or just say them in your head). Repeat them out loud again before you go to sleep. Train yourself to appreciate your talents/strengths and you'll find more things you like about yourself. Eventually, you learn to focus more on your strengths rather than your shortcomings and you start to exude that confidence in everything you do. You also learn to identify things you want to improve and you have the confidence to work to improve those areas.

Women have a 6th sense or something when it comes to identifying guys with and without confidence. Looks help, but I know plenty of guys that are dating above their level of attractiveness because they are confident guys. Women are naturally attracted to confident men. Like FT said, women are people too. And many are very nice once you break the ice. The best "game" is a simple conversation. Practice active listening (really listen to what they're saying and respond to it with genuineness) and you'll be golden.

Be happy with yourself. Too many people are worried about how others view them. If you view yourself in a positive light, others will follow (especially women).

[dan_457]

Re: Confidence...

I wish I could just, have confidence, but it's never that simple. It feels like my whole life there's always been someone in my ear, telling me what I can't do, how bad I am at it, commenting on looks, how skinny I am, how short. Every little flaw has been painstakingly pointed out to me over the course of my life, and it's hard to build any kind of confidence like that. Even when I do well at something, any sort of confidence I have gets misconstrued as being cocky, it's like I can't win.

My best friends will say I'm modest about things, but it's actually that I have no faith in myself because of all the negativity, in truth I'm just self deprecating. Worst part is, I can't even accept compliments because I think people are full of it, it's like I can't trust anyone's opinion, so I set myself to a standard I have no chance in hell of actually meeting.

It's not like people's opinions really cut deep or anything, I'm actually very hard to offend and have a pretty tough shell, but I realized it's all the years of the little things have built up, and completely ruined any self confidence I have. Needless to say, this affects things with the ladies, I have a deep rooted fear of rejection which I can't shake because of bad experience's and trust issues. And, If I can't see value in my self, how is someone else supposed too?

[ScoobySnax]

Re: Confidence...

I wish I could just, have confidence, but it's never that simple. It feels like my whole life there's always been someone in my ear, telling me what I can't do, how bad I am at it, commenting on looks, how skinny I am, how short. Every little flaw has been painstakingly pointed out to me over the course of my life, and it's hard to build any kind of confidence like that. Even when I do well at something, any sort of confidence I have gets misconstrued as being cocky, it's like I can't win.

My best friends will say I'm modest about things, but it's actually that I have no faith in myself because of all the negativity, in truth I'm just self deprecating. Worst part is, I can't even accept compliments because I think people are full of it, it's like I can't trust anyone's opinion, so I set myself to a standard I have no chance in hell of actually meeting.

It's not like people's opinions really cut deep or anything, I'm actually very hard to offend and have a pretty tough shell, but I realized it's all the years of the little things have built up, and completely ruined any self confidence I have. Needless to say, this affects things with the ladies, I have a deep rooted fear of rejection which I can't shake because of bad experience's and trust issues. And, If I can't see value in my self, how is someone else supposed too?

This is it in a nutshell, Dan. I'm not saying it's easy to work through, but if you don't value yourself, it's going to be hard for someone else to do the same.

I too, struggled with confidence issues due to kids (idiots, now) that made fun of me back in high school because I wore hand-me-down clothes and shoes and hardly could keep a fresh haircut. It sounds silly, but it stuck with me all through college. When I finally graduated and started making decent money, I could finally keep myself looking nice more regularly. Those same people who were making fun of me then are nowhere to be found now (bums, jobless, selling drugs, etc.). I have a wife, a good job, substantial savings etc. All what I went through as a child made me tougher and now I couldn't ask for more out of life.

[SuperBowlNachos]

Re: Confidence...

Really good question, and something I've been thinking about recently. I think you gain general confidence by going out and learning new things, and once you get better, more experienced you'll have almost no hesitation going out and performing whatever tasks you wanted to do.. It will be like Second nature to you.

This. I am slowly learning to country dance better. Doing all of the spins and stuff. It's pretty much one routine, but the better I get at controlling it I don't mind asking a girl completely out of my league to dance.

[jmood88]

Re: Confidence...

Cooking in is always the way to go. The number of advantages are limitless.

Bitches love food.

I like to cook and I have a big ego so I like to do things on my own and make as much as I can by hand. You save a whole bunch of money and can an easy, and cheap, date. You can involve the girl or just do it on your own and not only do you have good food that doesn't cost a lot (if you know how to cook), but the girl will think it's romantic so you win points there.

[ScoobySnax]

Re: Confidence...

Bitches love food.

I like to cook and I have a big ego so I like to do things on my own and make as much as I can by hand. You save a whole bunch of money and can an easy, and cheap, date. You can involve the girl or just do it on your own and not only do you have good food that doesn't cost a lot (if you know how to cook), but the girl will think it's romantic so you win points there.

I think I wanna sig this.

[Chrisksaint]

Re: Confidence...

I used to have pretty little confidence in HS, it took me awhile to really get my GF as I was the typical kid who liked someone but didn't really act on it for a bit.

Then I got to College, I realized half these people I won't ever see again so who cares if I embarrass myself or what not. Also when i'm drunk I have all the confidence in the world I need and that eventually translated to when i'm sober for now atleast.

The food thing as jmood said also works, I made this girl etouffee a few weeks ago for the Saints game. She was all impressed that not only did I know how to cook, but cook something that was good and not burnt lol

[SuperBowlNachos]

Re: Confidence...

I got lucky with the one girl I actually decided to cook for. She was probably the worst person to have in the kitchen, had some bad training to be a woman while growing up. I would chop up some lettuce, bake some of those tyson chicken strips and just make salad with chicken and it was like I had become Gordon Ramsey.

[sycodmn]

Re: Confidence...

It was strange. In HS, I had confidence, but didn't really use it. I dunno, I was distracted or whatever, too busy with school and sports to really socialize. Then I got into the workforce, and kinda let myself go, weight, drugs, lots of bad decisions. Recently I cleaned myself up, started getting in shape, and its amazing how much my confidence came back. I even got my joking, cocky ego, back. It's pretty awesome. Got a relationship with a great girl, all that.

Just kinda wish I hadn't wasted that 10 years since HS, but lesson learned.

[khaled]

Re: Confidence...

I got lucky with the one girl I actually decided to cook for. She was probably the worst person to have in the kitchen, had some bad training to be a woman while growing up. I would chop up some lettuce, bake some of those tyson chicken strips and just make salad with chicken and it was like I had become Gordon Ramsey.

That's not sexist.

[canes21]

Re: Confidence...

It was strange. In HS, I had confidence, but didn't really use it. I dunno, I was distracted or whatever, too busy with school and sports to really socialize. Then I got into the workforce, and kinda let myself go, weight, drugs, lots of bad decisions. Recently I cleaned myself up, started getting in shape, and its amazing how much my confidence came back. I even got my joking, cocky ego, back. It's pretty awesome. Got a relationship with a great girl, all that.

Just kinda wish I hadn't wasted that 10 years since HS, but lesson learned.

You're going to stay cocky after high school in your next life?

[stlstudios189]

Re: Confidence...

I have had confidence issues here and there who hasn't. The trick is not letting it show. I have been a bouncer at a night club, a teacher and a GM of a resteraunt. In all those positions I have had many moments where i questioned myself but, everyone that looked to me would never know. The best example was when my wife went into labor for our 2nd child, it was too late to go anywhere as the baby was coming now! I looked calm and delivered the baby but, on the inside I was "HOLY CRAP WHAT DO I DO!!!"

Recently I started a new job and for the past 2 months I was being asked
"what happend to the guy we hired" as things were looking bad for me I started to think that I was going to fail and I didn't understand why. This was the 1st time my wife saw my lack of confidence and I couldn't shake it. Come to find out that all the "mistakes" that I made were actually the other asst. GM and I was getting blamed for them and then to find out that he was getting credit for work that I did. Wow dude thanks for all that.

[Rockie_Fresh88]

Re: Confidence...

Im usually pretty confident until I get around girls that like me. Its weird. I can talk to dimes of the dozen but if one is interested in me I became shy and nervous . Basically they say I have no game

any advice?