So I have this girl problem

[VandyRedskins21]

I haven't posted much around these parts of OS but I come here fairly often and have noticed that y'all give good advice so I thought I'd try and get some.

So about a year ago (last July?) I started to talking to this one girl. We talked for a couple months and I started to really like her. Whenever I would see her (which wasn't often since I only saw her at church, so only like twice a week tops) I would go and talk to her and vice-versa. This went on for a few months. Looking back, she made it pretty obvious that she was interested in me like I was in her. Then one Wednesday night in October I screwed it up really bad. It wasn't something that I said, but what I never said.

It was the absolute perfect situation for me to get to ask her out: Walked to her to her car, we are alone, etc etc. She was next to me showing me some artwork on her cell phone and then abruptly said she had to go. I was kind of caught off guard by her leaving all of the sudden and watched her as she got in her car and drove off.

In my mind I never really thought she actually liked me. I had some stuff going on at the time and I really didn't think there was any way for her to actually be interested in me. It didn't hit me that she actually was interested in me until about 30 seconds after she left. I remember freezing in the middle of the parking lot while walking to my car and realizing what I just did... Or didn't do. Then to add to the stupidity, I never tried sending her a message on facebook or anything like that saying 'I had a good time talking to you, we need to hang out sometime soon.'

Of course when I saw her that next Sunday she didn't acknowledge my existence because I made it seem like I was leading her on/would never have the balls to ask her out.

So here I am like 8 months later and I can't get her out of my head. I know I have essentially no chance of making it up now as we are both heading off to college this fall. It just sucks because she was/is like the perfect girl in my mind: cute, great personality, etc. I mean, hell, she is gonna be playing D-1 college basketball.

So my question to you guys is what can I do to get her out of my head? Should I get her out of my head? What do you guys think?

[Champion8877]

Re: So I have this girl problem

Well after this long you're best bet is probably just call her up if you have her number, ask her if she wants to go out some time. If she yes then there you go. If she says no then so be it and try move on and forget her. Probably wasn't a good idea to wait 8 months, probably should have done this 7 and a half months ago, but go ahead and give it one last shot.

As far as getting her off of your mind and getting over her if she says no, all I can really say is just try to not be alone. If you're by yourself you are more likely to think about her, what she is doing, who she may be doing, blah, blah, blah. Just try to hang with some friends, go out and have some fun. Try to meet some new girls to distract you. Even when playing xbox or something try to be in a party to keep your mind focused on friends and other people besides this girl.

Anyway, good luck, hope it turns out for the best.

[Blzer]

Re: So I have this girl problem

You're in a wonky situation here, but I'll advise you to get her out of your head. If you're going away for college, you will meet a ton of new girls, and she will meet a ton of new guys. Even if you were able to hit it off for the remaining summer months, early-stage long distance relationships are so tough because they are either very unstable or they are a large chore to keep together.

I know you're looking back at what you could have done, and you can tell her this stuff in some long friendly FB chats or something (just admitting your mistakes) and see what comes out of it, but if nothing does, see this as a better opportunity for yourself. I was so glad to go into college single, and I felt bad for my newly formed best friend when he always felt held back because of his girlfriend when he was a freshman.

There's good in "forgetting" about her, though I'd keep close friends if at all possible.

[kingkilla56]

Re: So I have this girl problem

When you get to college you wont even remember this girl's name.

[VandyRedskins21]

Re: So I have this girl problem

I should probably mention that I don't see her anymore. She is off playing basketball practicing and all that stuff so she is already at school. We haven't really talked a lot lately though. I guess it's part of me not able to get her out of my head and what not. Trust me if I ever got the chance to talk to her alone I would let her know how I was feeling just to get it out there but I don't see that happening.

[Lava]

Re: So I have this girl problem

Chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on. Now you know not to make the same mistake again with the next girl.

[bichettehappens]

I agree with the the college comments, but also agree with the poster above who said to call her up and see if she'd want to go out sometime.

At least in my experiences, when I've had similar situations (either messed things up or never really acted on things) it's like there's that lingering "what if" out there. No closure on that story, so-to-speak. Hit her up, if she says yes, the story possibly continues to some extent (although if you do college "right" the issue of not being able to get her out of your mind should fade quickly) and if she says no then you've got your closure and can move on.

For me, if the proverbial door is even left a crack open I get too tempted to want to go back and see what else might happen, even if I want to and am being told that the best thing is to move on and just forget it. Until I get that definitive "no", the thought will continue to creep up.

But really you're young and have so much life ahead of you, even in just the next 4 years. Have fun and enjoy this time in your life

[Yeah...THAT Guy]

Re: So I have this girl problem

For the record, my first serious relationship began in June a couple months before we headed off to separate colleges, and that relationship lasted a year and a half.

I've always lived by the idea that you can't control who you like or when you like someone, but if you truly like someone, you should always give it a shot so that there's no regrets.

I went from that relationship that everyone said was doomed from the start because of us going to different colleges and everything to now dating a girl that lives 5-6 hours away from me and while she at least goes to school with me, she's studying abroad this upcoming semester, so once again, my timing sucks. But she's an amazing girl, so I have no doubts that it will be worth it to wait one semester before we can be together again.

So yeah, if you really like the girl, and she really likes you, you can make everything else work. Or in the very least, I think it's a valuable experience to try to make everything else work. It took me a year and half before I finally found one girl in "all those tons of girls you'll meet in college" that really caught my attention. So just because you're going to different colleges doesn't necessarily mean you'll find other people.

[Buckeyes_Doc]

Re: So I have this girl problem

If you really like her then I say at least give it a shot and ask her out. If she says no, then at least you aren't left wondering "what if" and you can move on.

If you do move on the best way to get a girl out of your head is to find another girl and keep busy. College should take care of that.

[jb12780]

Re: So I have this girl problem

We should really have an "Official OS Girl Problems Thread."

[legendkiller5]

Re: So I have this girl problem

Charge it to the game.

You said she's playing D1 ball next year? And she's attractive? Yeah, a year from now, you aren't going to want that, as she's going to get passed around more than an offering plate at church. All those football and basketball players at the athletes' parties will be choppin' that up every chance they get.

But like others have said, you'll meet plenty of girls, and I'm sure a year from now you'll report back with how much better things are. She may still be in your head a little bit, but at least you'll be active with girls at your school now, among other things, like frats, student organizations, etc.

Long-distance relationships are hard enough as it is, yet alone when the girl is an athlete. That puts an even bigger target on her....uhhh...back from guys.

[nc0ffey]

As someone here said a number of years ago in a thread I had about me and my longtime gf splitting up...

It was something along the lines of: "The best way to get over her, is to "get over" another chick."


What he meant was, go bone someone else...it works.

[VandyRedskins21]

Re: So I have this girl problem

Well I'm not the kind of guy that will just nail random girls just because they are there, sorry.

As for trying to ask her one last time, like I mentioned earlier, I never see her anymore and I have no clue when I'll see her next. And on top of that, I'm not sure I'll ever get the chance to talk to her alone and all that.

Thanks for the advice though guys.. Keep it coming :wink:

[Buckeyes_Doc]

Re: So I have this girl problem

Well I'm not the kind of guy that will just nail random girls just because they are there, sorry.

As for trying to ask her one last time, like I mentioned earlier, I never see her anymore and I have no clue when I'll see her next. And on top of that, I'm not sure I'll ever get the chance to talk to her alone and all that.

Thanks for the advice though guys.. Keep it coming :wink:

Do you have her phone number? Facebook? You don't have to ask her out in person.

[Yeah...THAT Guy]

Re: So I have this girl problem

We should really have an "Official OS Girl Problems Thread."

I thought that's what the Lady Advice thread was for lol