Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

[12]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

If #1 is where I think it is....I've always heard to not live in Pasco...

You're thinking of OLD Pasco. Not sure when the last time you've been here was, but a lot has changed and the newer part of Pasco is pretty solid.

[gerg1234]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

You're thinking of OLD Pasco. Not sure when the last time you've been here was, but a lot has changed and the newer part of Pasco is pretty solid.

Oh...I'm just going off what I've heard. I really haven't spent a lot of time in the Tri Cities. Lived 3 months in Yakima though.

A friend of mine just moved to Kennewick (he works in Hermiston, but his wife wants no part of that town).

Either way, Eastern Washington & Eastern Oregon (where I grew up) are great places to live.

EDIT: Just read your other post. That sucks man, but it sounds like he's all talk again.

[12]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

I want to make it clear to him that it's none of my business how much money he has... It's none of my business on why he wouldn't want us to build on his land, and if doesn't want us to live in his mom's house, well, that's his business as well.

But it is my business when he gets my wife's hope and then craps on her.

I'm not going to hate him if he doesn't want to extend any of his good fortune, but damn, I'll never understand.

It seems I lose respect for him more and more and damn it, I don't want to. He's been good to me on a personal level and for my wife's sake, I just don't want to have ill feelings toward him, but I just don't understand.

He could fulfill his daughter's dream here, be close to his grand sons... But he is hesitant and might not want any part of it. At some point, you just have to really wonder WTF is going through this man's head.

[12]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

Oh...I'm just going off what I've heard. I really haven't spent a lot of time in the Tri Cities. Lived 3 months in Yakima though.

A friend of mine just moved to Kennewick (he works in Hermiston, but his wife wants no part of that town).

Either way, Eastern Washington & Eastern Oregon (where I grew up) are great places to live.

With all due respect to my boy WAZZU, Yakima is a pile.

I could see her not liking Kennewick depending on the area, but the Tri Cities as a whole is an AMAZING place to be right now. It will be hard to leave, if we do.

[Fresh Tendrils]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

Am I being unreasonable? I need to talk to him, because I have a good thing where I'm at, and if he's not serious about it, I won't transfer and my wife's dream goes down the toilet for now.

I don't think so, but it seems like the guy is just an asshat. Not buying your grandson a birthday present? That would grate me enough much less the house idea. It sucks that he got your hopes up. Considering its her father I think I would see what she thinks about talking to him. If thats just the way he is then I guess you know for the future to not take him seriously and to never ever depend on him for anything.

[12]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

I don't think so, but it seems like the guy is just an asshat. Not buying your grandson a birthday present? That would grate me enough much less the house idea. It sucks that he got your hopes up. Considering its her father I think I would see what she thinks about talking to him. If thats just the way he is then I guess you know for the future to not take him seriously and to never ever depend on him for anything.

He is not a bad guy and I think he loves his grand sons, but he has a very weird and odd way of showing it. One time, he did buy my son some books at a second hand store. I think that's the only thing he has ever bought him.

My wife is OK with me talking to him. She doesn't like being the "go-between" when I have something to say to him. I just don't want to cause friction and damage anything there, but I feel like if I talk to him, he will get a piece of my mind only because he has said things in the past and it's all proved to be hot air. He will say something and then we will show interest and he backs down. It's becoming a point of contention with my wife because her sister has been helped a lot by him, but yet we've never gotten anything, and again, it's not like we EXPECT it. But this guy must think that when you die, your money goes with you. Money and possessions have ruined relationships for him. I wish he could see that... And in seeing it, maybe he could realize that everything he's ever gotten has been gifted to him through the family.

Either way, I feel like I need to talk to him. I can't stress enough that I don't expect his help, but he has to quit giving so much damn lip service because he tends to get my wife's hopes up with things and then he doesn't follow through. That gets me pretty pissed off at times.

[Fresh Tendrils]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

If you haven't talked to him about it before then now would probably be a good time considering his offer and subsequent rug-pull.

Good luck. Hopefully you can turn him around.

[jb12780]

What would the school/property taxes be in each place?

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk 2

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

He is not a bad guy and I think he loves his grand sons, but he has a very weird and odd way of showing it. One time, he did buy my son some books at a second hand store. I think that's the only thing he has ever bought him.

My wife is OK with me talking to him. She doesn't like being the "go-between" when I have something to say to him. I just don't want to cause friction and damage anything there, but I feel like if I talk to him, he will get a piece of my mind only because he has said things in the past and it's all proved to be hot air. He will say something and then we will show interest and he backs down. It's becoming a point of contention with my wife because her sister has been helped a lot by him, but yet we've never gotten anything, and again, it's not like we EXPECT it. But this guy must think that when you die, your money goes with you. Money and possessions have ruined relationships for him. I wish he could see that... And in seeing it, maybe he could realize that everything he's ever gotten has been gifted to him through the family.

Either way, I feel like I need to talk to him. I can't stress enough that I don't expect his help, but he has to quit giving so much damn lip service because he tends to get my wife's hopes up with things and then he doesn't follow through. That gets me pretty pissed off at times.

Careful about bringing up the past...if it were me I'd really focus on a generous offer and that I'm perplexed by his change of position, and I'm upset by how it affected my wife/his daughter.

It's not unreasonable to open a discussion about something SO major as this that requires a life change for you guys. You can mention how you both are excited about his offer as a great opportunity, and maybe mention what else that could lead to (saving for college).

Maybe ask what his reservations are....if he kind of dawdles into 'well, I just don't know/I'm not sure...' you might rattle off some positives, like how you'd fix the place up a bit, family would be close, daughter would be happy, good for the kids, etc etc.

[12]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

Careful about bringing up the past...if it were me I'd really focus on a generous offer and that I'm perplexed by his change of position, and I'm upset by how it affected my wife/his daughter.

It's not unreasonable to open a discussion about something SO major as this that requires a life change for you guys. You can mention how you both are excited about his offer as a great opportunity, and maybe mention what else that could lead to (saving for college).

Maybe ask what his reservations are....if he kind of dawdles into 'well, I just don't know/I'm not sure...' you might rattle off some positives, like how you'd fix the place up a bit, family would be close, daughter would be happy, good for the kids, etc etc.

Great advice... I'll leave the past alone as that doesn't matter.

It's hard to see your wife cry tears of joy/happiness one day, and then hear the sadness in her voice the next over something like this. But I need to keep that in check.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

Great advice... I'll leave the past alone as that doesn't matter.

It's hard to see your wife cry tears of joy/happiness one day, and then hear the sadness in her voice the next over something like this. But I need to keep that in check.

Keep it in check...but also let it help you drive the conversation a bit too to keep a stiff upper lip.

[SPTO]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

Well Dan gave you some solid advice there. I don't think there's anything more that can be said. I'll just say that that is indeed perplexing behavior. Personally i'd be turned off by that as I would wonder no matter what happens if he'll do this kind of thing again.

All I'll say is just be civil about it, maintain an air of seriousness and as Dan says bring up the good points about you guys living in that house.

I wish you luck!

[12]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

He's willing to let us live there... We talked this past weekend and it went well.

He's willing to let us make some changes to the house, but I don't think he will fork over any money to help, which is cool with me. He's not ready or willing to give us the deed right now, until the rest of the estate is settled, which is completely understandable. Hell, he'd be given us a place to live that is big enough for my family and it is in a BEAUTIFUL location. I think he would eventually give us the title to the house, though I would never ask for it nor expect that. It would just be hard to put a decent amount of money in it and not reap any benefit from that if we were to leave.

He still sends some mixed signals sometimes which worries me. He is a person that does not like to commit to anything. It's just who he is and he is not going to change. Another thing that bothers me is this... I am a very clean and organized person, and while the house has been taken care of, there is a lot of clutter. My concern is that we will never be able to make this place "ours," even if it's only for the next 3-5 years. That doesn't sit well with me, but then again, maybe he will agree to move the stuff out. Most of it is family pass-downs throughout the years and just a lot of unnecessary junk - again, the estate has not been settled so it's a big issue.

I still want to do this, but I am apprehensive. Getting involved with him in an endeavor like this worries me. I am giving up a lot if I transfer. I am giving up a place where the management knows and likes me so my promotional opportunities would always be there. I have made some great friends here too; guys that would most likely be standing with me today if I got married today. It's a special place to me. I also believe that I could build that same type of foundation over there. It would be a big move for me, but my wife would be over the moon if we did this. I shouldn't be hesitant, but I still am a bit.

[dickey1331]

It's okay to be hesitant. You are making a big decision and their are positives and negatives to each situation. At first reading this I would go with option 2 but reading about your wife's dad I'm not sure now. I just wouldn't want to be in a strange situation since you said he's not
Good on commitment.


Do you really care where I sent this from?

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Big life decision... Where would you rather raise your kids?

Hey 12...glad the talk went well, man.

Hmmm, I feel ya on clutter. I'm neat myself and have a hard time living with some clutter, but I compromise on that somewhat as my wife likes some clutter. I have a few rules though; no clothes laying around, and the kitchen has to be clean (I keep it up) because I hate bugs.

It sounds like there might be a few things to go over, but I would not venture forth on discussing future deed/title arrangements just yet. I think he might be more pliable to that discussion after you've been there for awhile and he's used to the arrangement.

As to the stuff that's in the house..if there is enough of it that it's in the way, I'd probably put forth the idea that you would put that stuff in storage on your dime while the estate is being settled, and since it's 'his' stuff, even give him a key. It won't cost him a dime, it's securely stored, and he has access to it. Seems a small price to pay for a clean house that you're not paying rent or mortgage on, eh? Just an idea...