Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

[HealyMonster]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I'm the type of guy that can't just go visit a nice place. I have to live there.

I'm the type of guy that can't just have a ride in a nice car. I have to own it.

I'm not the kind of person that can relax and just enjoy the "right now" time because I always want to make sure it's that fun in the future.

I have a very high set of standards with certain things and sometimes meeting or exceeding them can be next to impossible.

Whatever it is, I always want more. And I always find myself trying to find ways to get it.

Sometimes this can be a blessing, and sometimes this can be a curse.

And sometimes when nothing is ever good enough, it can be hard to be happy with what you have.

Man, I gotta say im the same way.

I had like a crappy childhood, instead of like living in it, and dealing with it, i simply put my head down and said im not going to let any of this get to me, I lived in a shell till I was 18, and the day before I turned 18 i shipped out for the army.

Then it was, well once I get out of the Army my life will start, ill be happy, compete.

Then when I graduate college....

Then when I get a good job out of college....

Just seems like no matter what I do, Im never enjoying "now" just always waiting for some catalyst to happen where I magically change. its weird.

[Husker_OS]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Husker, I've been there. I was engaged to my college sweetheart. We were a matter of a few months from the wedding when she broke it off. I had transferred colleges because she was done before me. She was all I knew for years. She was a lot of my firsts (thankfully not the most important first)

I can say it gets easier because I met my wife two months after, engaged within 6, married within 11 months of the first one ending things. But I know everyone's situation is different. All I can say is hang in there and lean on those that you can. You're not in this alone.

How did you meet your wife? Also, how long ago was this?

Don't get me wrong, I do want to feel normal again. This outlook isn't healthy and I want it to change. But basically everything is a reminder of her and our pending marriage.

The fact that she's been such a ***** the last week has helped but its also been pretty damaging. I don't understand how someone can go from wanting to spend forever together to now I can't stand you and I don't want to speak to you ever again. It almost seems staged. Kind of like she's trying to push me away and supress her feelings about me.

[Burns11]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Don't talk to the collectors at all and don't pay anything. Without any contact with you for 7 years the debt is cleared. Now if it is the government is after you (seems like they may be because of the wage garnishment since I don't think debt collectors can garnish your wage) then you I think you should just keep paying the wage garnishment.

If they are federal loans and not private, statute of limitations doesn't apply. They can, and will, sue you in federal court.

That isn't true. After 7 years you can get it off your credit report, but they can still try to collect the debt. There is no magic get out of jail free card for not paying.

After the statute of limitations, probably depending on state laws, they can try but there's no legal recourse if you don't pay (i.e. they can't sue you and win). After the statute of limitations is up, you still owe the money, but it doesn't appear on your credit report and you can demand creditors not contact you. What happens then is your debt will be sold for next to nothing to shadier and shadier places that may not follow the law to a T, so you may deal with harassment.

[ImTellinTim]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Garnishment laws vary from state to state, but I am fairly certain that any creditor can and will garnish your wages. Not just the government. Of course, the creditor has to figure out where you work and file the proper court papers.

[msuduo]

How did you meet your wife? Also, how long ago was this?

Don't get me wrong, I do want to feel normal again. This outlook isn't healthy and I want it to change. But basically everything is a reminder of her and our pending marriage.

The fact that she's been such a ***** the last week has helped but its also been pretty damaging. I don't understand how someone can go from wanting to spend forever together to now I can't stand you and I don't want to speak to you ever again. It almost seems staged. Kind of like she's trying to push me away and supress her feelings about me.

I met her on Match.com. I had just moved back home after the spring semester and wanted to "look around" and see what was out there. I had no intentions of actually meeting anyone. I found a free 7 day trial and signed up. Figured what did I have to lose? About an hour after completing my profile I get my first message. As they say, the rest is history. That was all in June of 2011.

We will celebrate 1 and a half years of marriage in September.

My best piece of advice is to just completely let go. I had to throw away everything she had given me. I deleted every picture of us on Facebook. Deleted every text or email. I wanted it all gone.

Mind you, I still loved her. I probably still do because I know her heart was in the right place and I was simply the right guy, just at the wrong time.

I'll admit, it was hard planning a wedding so close to breaking one up. We ended up doing things that the first one and I had also planned. But then you realize that the one constant in both is yourself and that you're allowed to be happy and to keep doing what you've always been doing.

I can babble on about how it gets easier. But it won't until you personally want to make the change. Others can't do it for you.

You're in my thoughts. It's a tough road and we are all human. But happiness and peace can be yours again

[12]

It has been more than four months since my Dad died and I feel like I haven't even began to move on. I don't even know "moving on" or "letting go" means. To me, it all seems like cute little cliches that don't apply to me.

I am still functional of course, but a big part of me died with him. I still cry a lot, though I try not to cry in front of my 3 year old and 1 year old. My oldest knows why I cry, even if it's just a small tear that rolls down and I quickly brush it away. He'll say, "It's OK, daddy... Papa will come back soon, OK?" It breaks my heart because I have to tell him that he's not coming back.

I had a little side business going before he died (Advocare) and was doing well. I was on the products and felt amazing. I was making some extra money. I was excited about it... It's still there for the taking but I haven't been able to focus enough to get going again - which is ridiculous because I "earned" around $1,200 in three months and I did literally nothing. I have friends that have made this business their sole income and they are home with their families - and I could be right there with them. I still take the products and WILL get there but I just need to find a way to get going again.

I know that I am blessed beyond measure. I have an amazing wife and three beautiful baby boys. I am young and have a good career. I have a solid immediate family and a great group of friends... But yet, a lot of the time I am simply sad. Or angry. Or aloof.

I hate it and he would, too. I just want to get moving again... Because there is so much life to live. My faith has sustained me but even at that, I am still struggling a great deal.

I know most of this normal; I know this is all still pretty fresh.

But damn it... It hurts so bad. I miss my hero. I wasn't ready for this.

[wwharton]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Thanks for the words of encouragement man. I do want to start paying, but I don't know where to start. Should I call the collectors and work out a deal with them or should I contact a financial adviser to have them sort the mess out and possibly help reduce the monthly payments?

Sometimes I just have to scream out F.M.L.

I think you should contact a financial adviser for yourself in general. But as for the student loan, yeah I would contact someone and work something out. Even if they don't go as low as you'd like, it will look good that you're talking to them... and then at least paying something (even if it's not all of what they force you into having as a minimum).

Baughn3 had some great advice too. I wouldn't follow the post about doing nothing and waiting 7 years. Again, I'm no expert but my experience is that at best that's really rolling the dice... at worse the theory is more false than true. You can get through it doing it the slow and steady way, I promise.

The only time a firearm has ever jammed on me was when I tried to off myself while stationed in Iraq.

My roommate of nearly 3 years is also an ex, we dated for a about a year. I still don't know how we're great at being each others' rommmates, but we argue a LOT less haha. Well, about 18 months ago we were partying. We broke up a few weeks ago, but we're still FWB a few times a week. Both of us are pretty wasted, one thing leads to another and you know.
She "comes around" when we're in the middle of it and freaks out like only a girl can freak out. Throwin' crap, sayin' this and that then storms out, driving drunk somewhere. I was a full time student at the time with a PT job, my grades weren't great and earlier that week, I was tryin to light a fire under my dad's ###. He suffers from schizophrenia, I'm an only child and my next closest living relative is a 3rd cousin. Well, I gave him a choice to either seek help or this father/son relationship is not goin survive. He's been homeless in the same town I live in for over a year now. Dropping your schizophrenic father off at the homeless shelter sucks.

Well at that point in my life, I had had enough. I downed a half bottle of NyQuil, 3 or 4 shots of whiskey, grabbed the bottle of Advil and found my Desert Eagle. I was takin' a couple Advil pills every few minutes so I wouldn't throw them all up. I was goin drive the few miles to the local Police Station, call 911 and tell them what type of car to look for.

I couldn't find my keys. There was no way in hell that I was goin take the chance of her coming back and seeing me after I pulled the trigger. Our apt was at the end of a long winding road w/ nothing else on it. I was also good friends with our neighbors.

I didn't want the people that I cared about, not to be able to drive down their road. I'm sure it would have always been in the back of their minds. I've never done anything harder than weed, so the NyQuil and booze were hitting me hard. I vaguely remember seeing flashes of weird ****

I threw up what I could, laid a towel down and curled up in the fetal position on my bathroom floor.

Sounds like you were meant to be here. Glad you still are to tell the story.

[FlyingFinn]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I wouldn't follow the post about doing nothing and waiting 7 years. Again, I'm no expert but my experience is that at best that's really rolling the dice... at worse the theory is more false than true. You can get through it doing it the slow and steady way, I promise.

But if it is going to take more then 7 years to pay it off, at this point it makes sense "to walk away" since it would be off a credit report in 7 years (which is all you really care about). I know it isn't the "right" way to go but sometimes you have to do what is best for you and yours. I didn't do it myself as I am still paying my student loans (a little less then 4K left) but sometimes it just makes financial sense (like walking away from an severely upside down mortgage).

[55]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

For anyone feeling down on themselves, I'm going to tell you the story of what happened to me last night so you can get a laugh at my expense and maybe feel a little bit better about yourself. Keep in mind, I am 33 years old with around 20 years "experience" when it comes to partying and not some rookie college freshman taking my first drink.

Anyway...

I'm sitting at home yesterday (Tuesday) afternoon and I get a text from a buddy of mine who says he had a couple of extra tickets to the Indians/Tigers game and asked if my brother and I wanted to go with him and a few other guys. We accepted the invitation since Verlander was pitching and we'd never seen him in person before. Well, I had to run a few errands before the game so I could have the entire night free so I got on it. I made it back to my place (I live the closest to the ballpark so we always meet here) at 6:00 pm, just in time to meet everyone and head to the game.

So, we get to the game and find a stand that was selling 24 oz. Great Lakes beers on tap for only 10 bucks. A hell of a bargain for the ballpark when you think about it. My brother and I both smashed about five of those each. I was so caught up in drinking and socializing that I just simply forgot to eat. I also forgot to eat earlier in the day while I was running errands, so there I am with a belly full of strong beer and NOTHING else but a granola bar I ate around noon.

So we're on the way home after the game and I get the bright idea to get dropped off at the local bar to meet up with some other friends and not my house and my brother tags along. We get there around 10:30 pm or so and immediately start drinking more. I switched to Southern Tier 2X IPAs which are like 8.5% ABV. Not a good idea. Well, we sat there and hung out with a few people until about 1:00 am and my brother called a cab and went home. Like a ****ing idiot, I stayed behind and kept drinking.

Just then a few friends I hadn't seen in a very long time showed up and we started doing shots. And more shots. And even more shots. Ugh! The last thing I remember was the clock saying it was roughly 2:00 am. And then it happened...

I kept hearing this pounding sound droning on and on with what I thought was a man's voice in the background. I couldn't make out what he was saying but it sounded repetitive. This goes on for a while and I open my eyes and realize that I am laying in the middle of my kitchen floor. The pounding sound now became crystal clear and the man's voice started to make sense. He was saying, "Lakewood Police!" over and over. So, at this point I realize that the police department is pounding on my door and I am passed out on my kitchen floor but I have absolutely no idea why either one of those things are taking place.

I finally muster the strength to stand up by pulling myself up by my stove and then stumbling to my back door (that connects to my kitchen where I was passed out) just ten feet away where they were knocking. When I got on my feet I noticed a giant pool of vomit in the middle of the kitchen floor where I was laying. I unlatched the lock on the door and said, "Hello." There were two police officers standing on my back porch and asked me if I was Ryan and if I was okay. I said yes that was my name and yes I am okay. They then asked if I had drank too much to which I replied, "Why yes I have, but I am inside my house right now. Is that a problem?" They said, "No, that's not a problem but the reason we're here is because Bob was worried about me." I asked, "Bob who?" They said Bob from Nunzio's (a local late night pizza delivery joint) was here with my food and was worried when I failed to answer the door or my phone. I said, "Oh, let me go see him then." So I shut the back door and stumbled my drunk *** to the front of my house and sure enough, there was Bob with my usual order: a medium pizza with extra cheese and hot peppers and a large dinner salad with Italian dressing.

The only problem was, I had absolutely no idea that I ordered food that night.

I opened the front door, apologized to Bob and paid for my food and gave him a $10 tip for being genuinely concerned. He thought I might have had a stroke or something because not answering my door or my phone is not like me at all since he had been delivering to me for over five years. I then proceeded to walk back in my house, threw the food in my fridge and passed right back out on the kitchen floor. Before I did though, I happened to glance at my phone and it said that it was 3:35 am. My call log said that I placed the order at 2:20 am which I still don't remember at all.

Anyway, I woke back up again around 5:00 am and this time I was on my bathroom floor. I pulled myself up and noticed there were bile stains on the floor where I was. My stomach had nothing left in it to throw up and I guess I was dry heaving up bile and stomach acid. Fun times. I pulled myself up and then brushed the hell out of my teeth about three times and chugged a bottle of water. I was sick as **** but still starving so I decided to eat a slice of the pizza and go upstairs and pass out in my bed.

Next thing I know, I wake up and it's noon and my cat is on my bed looking at me like I'm a lunatic. Something smells funny so I look over the edge of my bed and there was that slice of pizza I ate, puked up on the floor. Disgusting. I get up and go back downstairs and carefully navigate my puke covered floors to get back to the bathroom to brush my teeth about a thousand more times and to go back into the fridge for another bottle of water.

I ended up calling the bartender from the bar I was at the night before and he told me I seemed pretty buzzed but not completely wasted in the least when I left. He said I was in a great mood, being friendly and even said goodbye to everyone before leaving at roughly 2:25 am. I left alone and walked home, which is only about half a mile from the bar. I don't remember ANY of this. I completely blacked out. I have blacked out before, but not like this. I don't remember ordering the pizza (which I did while I was still at the bar according to the timeline) or paying my bar tab, or leaving the bar, or walking home, or passing out on my floor, none of it. From about a half an hour before I left the bar (about 2:00 am) and waking up to the police knocking on my door (about 3:30 am) I remember absolutely NOTHING.

Today sucked just as bad having to clean up all that puke. That part was just the worst. There is enough Pine Sol soaked into my kitchen and bathroom floors now to make my entire block smell like pine trees. I have also brushed my teeth about twenty times and washed my hair five or six times. I've been wasted before but never anything quite like this. It honestly felt like I was ****ed up on something other than just alcohol but I don't mess with drugs and I don't know how anyone could have "spiked" any of my drinks since I never leave them unattended.

I guess I'm going to have to chalk this one up to a completely empty stomach and drinking way too much. Embarrassing, yes. But if you can't laugh at yourself then you have no sense of humor. Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm never going to drink again, but I am definitely taking an extended period off. Man, I can be such a ****ing idiot sometimes.

[UK0wnag3]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I shouldn't have read that post whilst I was having lunch at work. I should've seen where it was heading...

[shugknight]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Thanks everyone for the advice. I really do appreciate everyone giving their input. I think I'm going to go the route of getting a Financial Adviser and having them talk to the credit agencies and see if they can negotiate better than I can into getting my monthly payments down to something I can afford. I guess that's my other problem.. I have a fear of confronting people, or my problems. I can't admit to my mistakes, so calling the agencies starts making me feel all anxious and when I hear that first ring, I have to hang up.

Time to become a man and man up.

And Finn, I may look into your suggestion with the adviser. I'll update everyone as to what they say.

Now the problem is finding an adviser that I feel comfortable enough to talk to about my problems.

[slickdtc]

55... Damn.

I've been drinking more then usual this summer, and a couple of times on an empty or near empty stomach. It's not good.

I gotta have a good meal!

A few months ago, drank a ton of cheapo Carlos Rossi jug wine on an empty stomach and blacked out pretty bad. Apparently I passed out in the middle of a game of FIFA. lol

[HealyMonster]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

For anyone feeling down on themselves, I'm going to tell you the story of what happened to me last night so you can get a laugh at my expense and maybe feel a little bit better about yourself. Keep in mind, I am 33 years old with around 20 years "experience" when it comes to partying and not some rookie college freshman taking my first drink.

Anyway...

I'm sitting at home yesterday (Tuesday) afternoon and I get a text from a buddy of mine who says he had a couple of extra tickets to the Indians/Tigers game and asked if my brother and I wanted to go with him and a few other guys. We accepted the invitation since Verlander was pitching and we'd never seen him in person before. Well, I had to run a few errands before the game so I could have the entire night free so I got on it. I made it back to my place (I live the closest to the ballpark so we always meet here) at 6:00 pm, just in time to meet everyone and head to the game.

So, we get to the game and find a stand that was selling 24 oz. Great Lakes beers on tap for only 10 bucks. A hell of a bargain for the ballpark when you think about it. My brother and I both smashed about five of those each. I was so caught up in drinking and socializing that I just simply forgot to eat. I also forgot to eat earlier in the day while I was running errands, so there I am with a belly full of strong beer and NOTHING else but a granola bar I ate around noon.

So we're on the way home after the game and I get the bright idea to get dropped off at the local bar to meet up with some other friends and not my house and my brother tags along. We get there around 10:30 pm or so and immediately start drinking more. I switched to Southern Tier 2X IPAs which are like 8.5% ABV. Not a good idea. Well, we sat there and hung out with a few people until about 1:00 am and my brother called a cab and went home. Like a ****ing idiot, I stayed behind and kept drinking.

Just then a few friends I hadn't seen in a very long time showed up and we started doing shots. And more shots. And even more shots. Ugh! The last thing I remember was the clock saying it was roughly 2:00 am. And then it happened...

I kept hearing this pounding sound droning on and on with what I thought was a man's voice in the background. I couldn't make out what he was saying but it sounded repetitive. This goes on for a while and I open my eyes and realize that I am laying in the middle of my kitchen floor. The pounding sound now became crystal clear and the man's voice started to make sense. He was saying, "Lakewood Police!" over and over. So, at this point I realize that the police department is pounding on my door and I am passed out on my kitchen floor but I have absolutely no idea why either one of those things are taking place.

I finally muster the strength to stand up by pulling myself up by my stove and then stumbling to my back door (that connects to my kitchen where I was passed out) just ten feet away where they were knocking. When I got on my feet I noticed a giant pool of vomit in the middle of the kitchen floor where I was laying. I unlatched the lock on the door and said, "Hello." There were two police officers standing on my back porch and asked me if I was Ryan and if I was okay. I said yes that was my name and yes I am okay. They then asked if I had drank too much to which I replied, "Why yes I have, but I am inside my house right now. Is that a problem?" They said, "No, that's not a problem but the reason we're here is because Bob was worried about me." I asked, "Bob who?" They said Bob from Nunzio's (a local late night pizza delivery joint) was here with my food and was worried when I failed to answer the door or my phone. I said, "Oh, let me go see him then." So I shut the back door and stumbled my drunk *** to the front of my house and sure enough, there was Bob with my usual order: a medium pizza with extra cheese and hot peppers and a large dinner salad with Italian dressing.

The only problem was, I had absolutely no idea that I ordered food that night.

I opened the front door, apologized to Bob and paid for my food and gave him a $10 tip for being genuinely concerned. He thought I might have had a stroke or something because not answering my door or my phone is not like me at all since he had been delivering to me for over five years. I then proceeded to walk back in my house, threw the food in my fridge and passed right back out on the kitchen floor. Before I did though, I happened to glance at my phone and it said that it was 3:35 am. My call log said that I placed the order at 2:20 am which I still don't remember at all.

Anyway, I woke back up again around 5:00 am and this time I was on my bathroom floor. I pulled myself up and noticed there were bile stains on the floor where I was. My stomach had nothing left in it to throw up and I guess I was dry heaving up bile and stomach acid. Fun times. I pulled myself up and then brushed the hell out of my teeth about three times and chugged a bottle of water. I was sick as **** but still starving so I decided to eat a slice of the pizza and go upstairs and pass out in my bed.

Next thing I know, I wake up and it's noon and my cat is on my bed looking at me like I'm a lunatic. Something smells funny so I look over the edge of my bed and there was that slice of pizza I ate, puked up on the floor. Disgusting. I get up and go back downstairs and carefully navigate my puke covered floors to get back to the bathroom to brush my teeth about a thousand more times and to go back into the fridge for another bottle of water.

I ended up calling the bartender from the bar I was at the night before and he told me I seemed pretty buzzed but not completely wasted in the least when I left. He said I was in a great mood, being friendly and even said goodbye to everyone before leaving at roughly 2:25 am. I left alone and walked home, which is only about half a mile from the bar. I don't remember ANY of this. I completely blacked out. I have blacked out before, but not like this. I don't remember ordering the pizza (which I did while I was still at the bar according to the timeline) or paying my bar tab, or leaving the bar, or walking home, or passing out on my floor, none of it. From about a half an hour before I left the bar (about 2:00 am) and waking up to the police knocking on my door (about 3:30 am) I remember absolutely NOTHING.

Today sucked just as bad having to clean up all that puke. That part was just the worst. There is enough Pine Sol soaked into my kitchen and bathroom floors now to make my entire block smell like pine trees. I have also brushed my teeth about twenty times and washed my hair five or six times. I've been wasted before but never anything quite like this. It honestly felt like I was ****ed up on something other than just alcohol but I don't mess with drugs and I don't know how anyone could have "spiked" any of my drinks since I never leave them unattended.

I guess I'm going to have to chalk this one up to a completely empty stomach and drinking way too much. Embarrassing, yes. But if you can't laugh at yourself then you have no sense of humor. Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm never going to drink again, but I am definitely taking an extended period off. Man, I can be such a ****ing idiot sometimes.

Had to be the mixing. Only time I have ever been like "i dont remember what happened drunk" it was mixing whiskey or scotch after having beer. That and the empty stomach, recipe for disaster. Good to know though that the happenings of the night were relatively calm and nothing bad happened!

[wwharton]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

But if it is going to take more then 7 years to pay it off, at this point it makes sense "to walk away" since it would be off a credit report in 7 years (which is all you really care about). I know it isn't the "right" way to go but sometimes you have to do what is best for you and yours. I didn't do it myself as I am still paying my student loans (a little less then 4K left) but sometimes it just makes financial sense (like walking away from an severely upside down mortgage).

I don't completely believe that to be the case, that's the problem. If it's "something like that" or anything that doesn't work out exactly as you think, you could be 7 more years in a hole.

I completely understand the fear of confrontation or facing problems, but usually you get to the point of even considering what you're suggesting by trying to find loopholes or short cuts. Rather than continue down that path, I'd rather lick my wounds and start going by the book.

[55]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Had to be the mixing. Only time I have ever been like "i dont remember what happened drunk" it was mixing whiskey or scotch after having beer. That and the empty stomach, recipe for disaster. Good to know though that the happenings of the night were relatively calm and nothing bad happened!

Yeah, I mixed all kinds of nonsense.

I drank five 24 oz. Great Lakes Burning Rivers (6.0% ABV) at the ballgame, five or six Southern Tier 2X IPAs (8.2% ABV) at the bar and at least four shots of Black Haus (80 proof) too. Beyond that, who knows?

Now, I am perfectly capable of putting all of that down on any random night, but not on a completely empty stomach. I guess I tried to finally remedy the hunger situation, but it was far too late!