Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

She is not being selfish. She wants nothing to do with you (my observation from the thread).

She has moved on and doesn't want to look back. She doesn't owe you 5 minutes.

That's a very harsh reality.

I played your role once and you are heading down a path I took. I am embarrassed by how I handled things. You need to cut her off and move on.


Sent from my iPhone 5

Not the exact same situation, but I had a similar thing in college with a girl that I was engaged to, twice, in a year and a half. Embarrassed myself there as well.

I agree with NDAlum and others here...regardless of certain standards you might have, you have to cut this off completely and move on. Her not wanting to be there for you in this case should seal it for you as a complete non-option for someone to talk to (and the other stuff).

[cjonesfan921]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I agree with TheShiz...I understand where you are coming from Husker...but nothing good comes out of it. I understand wanting to fight for it and what not, but as soon as someone told me that's it..that was it to me. I fought with myself to make sure I don't contact her in anyway.

From her perspective, she just sees this as your way of talking to her and she probably wants nothing to do with it as to not hurt you anymore than she already has. I don't think you should hold any ill will towards her. Feelings come and go, be grateful you never tied the knot. Time heals.

[Fresh Tendrils]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Not the same situation, but I think the rest of the guys are right on this one.

My college girlfriend and I dated for 2-3 years (off and on the last year) and the last "off" time I just got fed up. She'd break up and take "space", but would still come to me to vent or to get **** off her chest. After awhile it finally dawned on me that she was just using me - she was getting the benefit of our previous intimate relationship, but I wasn't. So I cut her loose and walked away after I told her it wasn't fair to me.

But she is right, Husker. Was she the first person you called when you got the news? Its hard, but man you just gotta severe all contact. Make a clean cut rather than trying to ween yourself off. The anger may help you now, but if you don't realize later its misplaced then that could hurt future relationships.

[Husker_OS]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Don't worry guys, I'm not going to reach out to her again. This isn't a situation where I'm going to pursue anything with her ever again. I've been waiting for a sign for over a month that it was either over or still possible and this week showed it was over. I've gotten closure for the relationship.

But she is right, Husker. Was she the first person you called when you got the news? Its hard, but man you just gotta severe all contact. Make a clean cut rather than trying to ween yourself off. The anger may help you now, but if you don't realize later its misplaced then that could hurt future relationships.

She wasn't the first person, no. She was probably 5th or 6th. My track record is one where I keep hope until its so obvious that its over I can't ignore it. After that I take a day or two and then I'm over it. It's been a downright brutal 6 weeks but I guess its better to cram it all into 6 weeks than 6 months of fighting being upset over it.

[ubernoob]

There's no need to try and make things work with someone.

It goes against everything you think at the time but that's how it is. If someone breaks up with someone, no matter what the situation, it will happen again. That type of thing doesn't work. On again off again relationships are a waste of everyone's time.

I see way too many people (not just here, I'm talking people in general) wasting so much time and energy trying to make things work because that's the safe bet they think they know, when in reality they should be enjoying their youth and trying to find their own happiness.

If you can't be happy alone, you can't be happy with someone else - and I'm not talking happy as in "oh I'm in a good mood today."

[jeremym480]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Husker, I've been there man... With the biggest difference being that I actually was married. We had been together for 2 and a half years and from my perspective I thought everything was going peachy. We both had decent jobs, we were both just got back into college, had two dogs, just bought a house, etc.

Then one day it's like she just flipped and decided that she didn't want to be married anymore. Nothing had happened to cause her to feel this way... Meaning there wasn't another guy, we didn't have any big problems (aside from bickering here and there), but she was just over it. There was nothing I could say or do. From that experience and one other breakup I went through in my mid-twenties I have to say that most women will put up with a lot of stuff, but when they are done, they're just done. There's no persuading them to come back, their mind is just simply made up and it's over. I'm sure that there are exceptions to this, but in my honest opinion this is the rule.

As far as my deep secret about this... When all of this happened it was right around the time for a new semester of college to begin. I actually had a decent chunk of change from my student loans and I took that and basically blew all of it one one fun-filled weekend in Tunica and Memphis. I shall not speak of the things that went down that weekend, but it was very therapeutic and worth every penny (even though I was still paying for it years later).

After that semester of college ended I actually ended up moving away to get away from everything and to get a new change of scenery (I didn't want to run into her or her friends every time I went out); and honestly it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I know that what you're going through now is tough, but I guarantee you things will get better. There's someone out there for everyone and I don't know of a single person who went through a bad breakup that didn't eventually find someone better for them. From reading threads on here in the past, I'm sure that there is many guys here who will agree with me. So just stop worrying about her, keep your head up and work on you. I bet in 5-10 years you will barely even remember this girls name. She's just be a blip on the "Husker's life" radar.

[Husker_OS]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

Husker, I've been there man... With the biggest difference being that I actually was married. We had been together for 2 and a half years and from my perspective I thought everything was going peachy. We both had decent jobs, we were both just got back into college, had two dogs, just bought a house, etc.

Then one day it's like she just flipped and decided that she didn't want to be married anymore. Nothing had happened to cause her to feel this way... Meaning there wasn't another guy, we didn't have any big problems (aside from bickering here and there), but she was just over it. There was nothing I could say or do. From that experience and one other breakup I went through in my mid-twenties I have to say that most women will put up with a lot of stuff, but when they are done, they're just done. There's no persuading them to come back, their mind is just simply made up and it's over. I'm sure that there are exceptions to this, but in my honest opinion this is the rule.

As far as my deep secret about this... When all of this happened it was right around the time for a new semester of college to begin. I actually had a decent chunk of change from my student loans and I took that and basically blew all of it one one fun-filled weekend in Tunica and Memphis. I shall not speak of the things that went down that weekend, but it was very therapeutic and worth every penny (even though I was still paying for it years later).

After that semester of college ended I actually ended up moving away to get away from everything and to get a new change of scenery (I didn't want to run into her or her friends every time I went out); and honestly it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I know that what you're going through now is tough, but I guarantee you things will get better. There's someone out there for everyone and I don't know of a single person who went through a bad breakup that didn't eventually find someone better for them. From reading threads on here in the past, I'm sure that there is many guys here who will agree with me. So just stop worrying about her, keep your head up and work on you. I bet in 5-10 years you will barely even remember this girls name. She's just be a blip on the "Husker's life" radar.

I'm glad it didn't happen during marriage. That would be the way this situation could have actually been worse.

I figure at some point this football season I'll start dating someone again. I met someone about 3 weeks ago but I was still hung up on my ex and had my head down so I didn't even realize it. I finally realized it a little over a week ago and now I'm trying to "meet her" again haha. She's a sorority sister of one of my best friends so eventually I will but dammit why didn't I open my eyes that night?

I spoke with someone who could give objective advice about it all on Wednesday(against the TOS to delve further) and he said in situations like this I need to keep my head up so I can see the future. I thought about it and he's right. Had I kept my head up that night so to speak I would have gotten her number and asked her out.

I'm contemplating the whole Match.com thing. With a 40 hour a week job plus job hunting and feeling a little too old to meet a girl at a bar I figure it couldn't hurt right?

[DamnYanks2]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I'm listening to Selena Gomez right now

Only God can jude me.

[Phobia]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I'm listening to Selena Gomez right now

Only God can jude me.

I use to listen to Madonna back in the day! Sad excuse at a little boys secret fantasy. The original bad girl lol

[mgoblue]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I use to listen to Madonna back in the day! Sad excuse at a little boys secret fantasy. The original bad girl lol

My wife (then fiancee) wanted to go to the Backstreet Boys/New Kids reunion concert...

I actually enjoyed it a bit...Backstreet Boys were played all over the radio when I was in HS and I didn't hate them...

I wasn't (and am not now) into New Kids though, so that part wasn't too great.

If it was BSB/NSync it would have been crazy lol

Tough to admit, but boy band songs are catchy...I don't follow anything current though, I think you just have to grow up in that era.

[Ghost Of The Year]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I'm a closet Downton Abbey addict.

[psychraider32]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I have a fear of driving although I'm trying to get over it.

[ThreeKing]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I really like the song 'Style' by Taylor Swift. Can't help it.

Before you judge me, Jimmy Butler of the Bulls listens to Taylor Swift. I just like ONE damn song.

[Blzer]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I really like the song 'Style' by Taylor Swift. Can't help it.

Before you judge me, Jimmy Butler of the Bulls listens to Taylor Swift. I just like ONE damn song.

I don't like Style, but I really like Blank Space. My students know it too haha.

[Cusefan]

Re: Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

I like Taco Bell breakfast


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk