More Relationship Advice

[Redskinsfan26]

To be brutally honest, statistics say it wouldn't have worked out anyway. You'll never have any peace/long-term happiness because you don't trust her. Probably best to move on. Need to be in a relationship with someone you trust.

But honestly, I feel like this is something that will follow me to my next relationship. I'm so worried about losing someone I care about, that I fear ill go snooping around next time too. How do I work on this?

[Bmore Irish]

I'm always interested to hear my girlfriend's perspective when I tell her about some of these kinds of threads.

Where are all the women of OS?!

Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk 2

[cubsfan203]

Re: More Relationship Advice

I agree with the consensus. I try to avoid girls that keep in touch with an ex, because it's very rare that anything good can come out of that.

[Jr.]

Re: More Relationship Advice

But honestly, I feel like this is something that will follow me to my next relationship. I'm so worried about losing someone I care about, that I fear ill go snooping around next time too. How do I work on this?

It sounds like it's a self-confidence issue with you.. like the person you're with will find someone better than you.

As corny as it sounds, girls won't like you if you don't like yourself. You have to be confident in yourself and believe that the girl you're with isn't interested in finding someone else, whether it's true or not.

If the girl does cheat, then it's better off that you're not with her.

BTW, I keep in touch with quite a few of my ex-girlfriends and have no desire to cheat on my fiancee with any of them. Despite what many believe, guys and girls are able to have platonic relationships, even with exes.

[PVarck31]

Re: More Relationship Advice

You're 18 she's 17. There is probably a 99% chance you won't live happily ever after with this girl. To be honest, I don't think you have a serious problem. No, its not good to snoop - and trust is number 1 - but at your age, this is going to turn into a learning experience. In future relationships you will look back and use this as a tool.

I dated a girl my senior year in high school and my freshman year in college. She broke up with me and I though my world was over. Turns out it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned so much about relationships. What works and what doesn't. How to build trust. And most of all, what real love is. Because looking back, I didn't truly love that girl. There was caring and compassion, but not real love. I only experienced that with 2 people. Another ex and my wife.

Don't think I'm saying you don't love her. I just personally think that comes with age and experience.

And the funniest thing about this whole story is that I just recently moved back to my home town after about 15 years away, and guess who I see before anyone else I know. The ex from high school. We talked for a while and the first thing I did was come home and tell my wife because I felt guilty.

And after all that long wind. I think you need to talk to her, come clean, and if she ends it just know that there is a whole world out there full of people you will forge relationships with. I know things seems super important when you are at the age you are, but trust me, they aren't.

[Clemsonpanther]

Re: More Relationship Advice

Hopefully she doesn't lurk on OS.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: More Relationship Advice

But honestly, I feel like this is something that will follow me to my next relationship. I'm so worried about losing someone I care about, that I fear ill go snooping around next time too. How do I work on this?

Just don't do it. If you have any concerns, TALK to her.

Snooping immediately makes you the bad guy.

[Redskinsfan26]

Great advice guys. Ill post here later and let you know how it goes, if you care.

[12]

Launch her.

That is all.

[12]

Bottom line... There is absolute zero reason to be talking to an ex. It is pretty normal at your age, but obviously you're not cool with it.

Maybe you shouldn't have went through her phone, but whatever. What's done is done. But not going through her phone would have you still in the dark, which is no good to you and obviously she didn't divulge the facts to you so she is hiding it from you for a reason.

Your trust in her is gone so I'd cut bait and call it good.

[mb625]

Re: More Relationship Advice

Regardless of what you do, pvarck is spot on. Use this as a learning experience and try to be more trusting of those people who deserve your trust, be that with your current girlfriend or in another relationship down the road.

[12]

And for the dudes sitting on their high thrones... I would have, as would many of my friends, both male and female, would have gone through or at least glanced at their GF's/BF's phone at 18.

That's normal at that age. Now if you're 24 or 25, that's different.

But damn, I am impressed at all the guys here who were so sure of themselves at 18 that they would have never entertained the idea that maybe someone was making a play for your girl.

My wife could go through my Facebook and phone for all I care, but I am 32. Maturity and the ability to trust is not inherent and comes with age.

[kehlis]

Re: More Relationship Advice

Bottom line... There is absolute zero reason to be talking to an ex. It is pretty normal at your age, but obviously you're not cool with it.

I gotta disagree man.

I keep in casual contact with a couple of my exes (both of which are happily married) from time to time just to see how they are doing.

Nothing big, but I don't see anything wrong with it.

I am in a happy relationship and have no feelings for any of my exes anymore and I'm happy they are happy but they were a big part of my life for multiple years and I always parted on good terms.


Not a whole lot of harm in it, though I would admit that it is not the case in EVERY scenario.

[12]

Bring it up with her. Solve the issue with her. Tell her how her talking to this ex makes you feel and what it does to your relationship from your perspective. She may think you are overblowing it and not be willing to change which you will have to accept. At that point you need to really think about
A-Has she really given you a reason not to trust her
B-what is going on with you to make you so untrusting in this situation, is it really the ex or are you projecting something from your life onto this situation
C-and most importantly are you willing to accept that your girlfriend has a relationship (as far as you know a friendship) with a HS ex. If you cannot accept that fact, than you may need to move on with your life.

Answer to B:

He's 18. It's his first relationship. Many here saying he has issues? The ****? LOL, when I was 18, I had a grip of dudes trying to move in on my girl. Of course it can make a young man in love feel a bit apprehensive.

Pretty normal if you ask me.

[12]

I gotta disagree man.

I keep in casual contact with a couple of my exes (both of which are happily married) from time to time just to see how they are doing.

Nothing big, but I don't see anything wrong with it.

I am in a happy relationship and have no feelings for any of my exes anymore and I'm happy they are happy but they were a big part of my life for multiple years and I always parted on good terms.


Not a whole lot of harm in it, though I would admit that it is not the case in EVERY scenario.

I don't think it's a red flag when you get to a certain age.

But 17? I can just understand where he is coming from.

I have been in his shoes at that age... Not excusing his actions, but I get it, especially at 18. Truth be told, I think we have very little facts here and I remember getting that gut feeling in HS because dudes don't care about breaking up couples at that age and in my case, my hunch was right.

I doubt he didn't look without a reason. Something clued him in and his hunch was right, even if it is ultimately harmless.