In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

[TMagic]

Hey guys, Magic here.

I was looking for a little help. A little wisdom.

Quick rundown...

I was in a relationship with a girl who I was crazy about when we were both in High School. We were both 17. I was crazy about her the entire time. Thought there was no way it could get any better.

We broke up when we were 23. I know what you were thinking, "If it was so great, why did you guys break up?"

Well, she took a study abroad trip to Italy. Freaking Italy. Started to get close to some dude that was in her class. Started telling me that she didn't feel the same way about us. Said she wanted to be on her own. Blah. Blah. Blah. Then when she got back after a month, we broke it off, despite my not wanting to.

She ends up in a relationship with the guy from the trip. I don't know anything about for how long or why they broke up. But they are not together any longer.

Meanwhile, I stayed single for about 3 years. 1st year was tough. But the next two I was cool. Didn't think about her too much. I was happy doing my own thing. Didn't hurt that I was living in Miami at the time. Then last year I get involved with a girl out here in Cali.

I'm 27 now. At first, my rule was that I will not get involved with any girl that is under 25. Felt that any girl younger than that would be too immature for a real relationship and that they need to have time to experience life before getting serious with someone. I also said that I would not get serious until I had finished my doctorate and got a real career going.

The girl I'm seeing now just turned 21 in September. I went against my "rules" because I figured she's different and a good catch. And she is. She's a really good girl.

Now here's my problem. The longer we've been together and the closer we get, the more I think about my ex. Then back in Nov she messages me on Facebook about how she is going to be in Cali (she lives in Florida) and it would be nice to see me. I don't reply. She then sends me a text in January asking if we can meet up while she's in Cali. I don't reply. Then she writes on my moms Facebook "happy birthday" in February. I ask my mom "has she been doing that every year?" She says tells me no. Then my birthday rolls around in March, and she again tells me happy birthday in a Facebook message. In my drunken stupor, I reply "Thanks. Means a lot to me."

Fast forward the clock....I hear nothing back for a month. Then she replies saying something along the lines of "it means a lot to me too. There's so much I want to tell you...but...Blah blah blah."

So I, being the empathetic person that I am, think if it was me, I'd want to get it off my chest. It's obvious she wants to communicate with me. So I tell her she can email me, and say whatever she wants to say. So she does, and she talks about how she's missed me and thought about me even while in her relationship. And how it's caused problems in the relationship. That she's even dreamed about me many times. How she's curious about how we'd be now. So I text her best friend who tells me that she thinks and talks about me all the time.

The girl I'm with now is cool. The type of girl you want to get married to no doubt. She has most things I want in a girl. But even in saying that, I don't feel nearly the connection that I had with my ex. We just "got" each other. I'm not nearly as passionate about my current girl. We fight WAY more. And it hasn't even been a year yet. I thought this was suppose to be the "honeymoon" stage.

We are way different in regards to our interests. She's directed theatre. I've been captain of the basketball team. She loves country. I love RnB. She knows how to play guitar. I know how to play Battlefield. She says marriage should last no matter what. I say that's silly, they should not stay together if both have tried and are still unhappy, that deep down, they know they aren't happiest being together (unless kids are involved). I think Daniel Tosh is hilarious. She thinks he's mean. I love the Summer blockbusters and comedies. Shed rather see some Oscar winning film. Shes catholic. I'm...open minded. I like Bray Wyatt. She likes John Cena. Lol

My point in bringing all that up is that I think initially our differences brought us together. But I'm not sure if a future together would make us both happy. And after about month 6 or 7 of being together, I have not felt like I am getting any closer to her. But I want to SO bad. I don't want to be with my Ex. And it's all because of what happened. But I can't help thinking about her and wondering how things would be now with us just as she has been thinking about me.

So I've been thinking about what I should do. Should I stay with my current girl and hope it gets better? Do I open things back up with my ex?

It's like I have a little Magic devil on one shoulder saying "F*** her man!!! She left you!!! Tell her to kick rocks!"
Then on my other shoulder, a little Magic angel saying "Yes. But everyone makes mistakes. She was young. Maybe she's learned from them and it will make you guys relationship even better than it ever was!"

So I guess Ill leave with that. So much for a "quick rundown" lol.

As always, any input will be greatly appreciated.

I don't know what to do man.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Leave your ex alone and stay the course with your current chick. Don't even see her. If you see her in person, it will go all down hill very fast for your current chick. I can see nothing but bad things happening if you see your ex in person. Your feelings for her is way too strong to keep it just friendly and casual.

Playing with fire...She going to meet you at In and Out wearing some yoga pants and it is going to be all over. Don't do it.

[Jr.]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

If you read through what you wrote, I think you'll find your answer.

To me, it sounds like you're looking for reasons to justify breaking up with the girl you're with now and re-kindling with your ex. You don't sound all that happy with your current girlfriend.

10 years from now, do you think you would regret not pursuing something with your ex?

[KingV2k3]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Playing with fire...She going to meet you at In and Out wearing some yoga pants and it is going to be all over. Don't do it.

Normally, I'd just hit the "like" button and be on my way, but the above is too quotable to not...quote?



Oh, and FWIW:

I co-sign to the sentiment contained therein...

Good luck and keep us posted!

[fistofrage]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Ask Fred Durst he'll tell you how this will all turn out......

[mgoblue]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

IMO I'd pass on the ex, even if it seems hard.

I really think the ex wouldn't hesitate to drop you again in an instant, like she did before. I don't think I could trust her again, but just my feelings.

I do understand the regret aspect, but sometimes you also chase something that's really not good for you....It's tough to know when to go for it vs. when to let her go for good....

[Jr.]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I do understand the regret aspect, but sometimes you also chase something that's really not good for you....It's tough to know when to go for it vs. when to let her go for good....

That's a good point. My ultimate view is that he doesn't seem all that happy with his current girl, and is fishing for support to go after his ex to justify his desire.

[mgoblue]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

That's a good point. My ultimate view is that he doesn't seem all that happy with his current girl, and is fishing for support to go after his ex to justify his desire.

I would agree with you...doesn't seem like that'll be going the distance....

The ex just seems like poison to me, but I am not intimate to the situation. I've known people who have chased exes for years and it gets ugly. I've done it with wanting to get back with an ex for a while...Felt great when I realized she wasn't on the pedestal I put her on.

[ProfessaPackMan]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Based on what you said about the current one, ya'll might not be together that much longer.

Wouldn't fall back on the Ex but if it's month 6-7 and you say you're still not any closer to her...do you honestly think it will get better over time at this point? Just a question you gotta ask yourself.

[wwharton]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I think you owe it to yourself to see your ex. You're an adult. If you have to stop yourself from cheating on your current girlfriend with anyone, you've got bigger problems than this issue. There's no reason for you to not meet up with your ex for lunch or something. That girl is part of the reason you are who you are today, and I'm sure that relationship has instilled things in you that your current girl is benefiting from. It's silly to even consider not meeting up with her years after your relationship.

With that said, you're in a relationship. Unless you're ready to give up on it organically (not bc your ex or anyone else may be another option) then you need to respect it. If it ends up not working, it should be because of the two of you, no outside influences. If your ex is still available if/when that happens, and you want to give it another shot, explore it then. But for now, focus on what you already have. You should make that clear when you meet with your ex but that should be your focus.

Over the years I've let a few good girls walk away and tried to hard with the wrong ones a few times too. It's just life, but my growth as a person and a partner for the right one is directly related to experiences I've had in every situation. So I don't follow any rules like "never go back", "can't be friends with exes", "we are too different to be right", etc. I try to keep it simple... does she make me happy? Does she make me want to be a better person? Do I make her happy? There are definitely details behind each of these that are different for different people, but my point is there is no set blueprint. There are exceptions to every rule. If your current girl is doing it for you, own that. Then meeting up with your ex or anyone else won't be a problem. The meeting may give you some needed closure, may start a healthy friendship, or may be proof that what she did was a mistake and down the road you two may try it again. But this is somebody you cared about so just meet up with her.

[Rocky]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Honestly, I think you have to pursue what makes you happy. Like Jr. said, the tone of your post just seems like there is the possibility that you want to rekindle things with your ex. If you really feel like that, then I would reach out and see where it goes.

Your current girl seems like a catch, but at 21, chances are she doesn't quite know what she wants either. If those differences are wearing on the relationship now, imagine 2-3 years from now.

However, I reserve full judgement until I see pics of the females in question.

[TMagic]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Leave your ex alone and stay the coarse...
Playing with fire...She going to meet you at In and Out wearing some yoga pants and it is going to be all over. Don't do it.

Lmfao!

Freaking hilarious

If you read through what you wrote, I think you'll find your answer.

To me, it sounds like you're looking for reasons to justify breaking up with the girl you're with now and re-kindling with your ex. You don't sound all that happy with your current girlfriend.

10 years from now, do you think you would regret not pursuing something with your ex?

I don't know. And that's the hard part.

Also, I'm happy with my current girl. It's just that I feel I could be happier. And that's mostly due to when I think back on just how happy I was with my ex.

IMO I'd pass on the ex, even if it seems hard.

I really think the ex wouldn't hesitate to drop you again in an instant, like she did before. I don't think I could trust her again, but just my feelings.

I do understand the regret aspect, but sometimes you also chase something that's really not good for you....It's tough to know when to go for it vs. when to let her go for good....

Thought about that too.

The only thing is I haven't been trying to get back with her. I haven't contacted her or done anything in attempt it get back together with her these last 4 years. She's come back to me.

I don't know if that makes a difference or not.

Based on what you said about the current one, ya'll might not be together that much longer.

Wouldn't fall back on the Ex but if it's month 6-7 and you say you're still not any closer to her...do you honestly think it will get better over time at this point? Just a question you gotta ask yourself.

That's what I'm trying to figure out. It's been a year. We started talking in May. It hit a high in December. But from there, I don't feel like I'm getting any closer to her.

So that makes me reflect back to how things were with my ex. Then I think I can't compare 6 years with 1 year with someone.

But those were 6 amazing years man.

I feel like the first year you should be on a cloud with your partner. Excitement should be at its peak. But I don't feel that way. I haven't even told her I love her because I feel like I'd be lying to her. But I feel like you should be in love with someone after a year, right?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[TMagic]

In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Honestly, I think you have to pursue what makes you happy. Like Jr. said, the tone of your post just seems like there is the possibility that you want to rekindle things with your ex. If you really feel like that, then I would reach out and see where it goes.

Your current girl seems like a catch, but at 21, chances are she doesn't quite know what she wants either. If those differences are wearing on the relationship now, imagine 2-3 years from now.

However, I reserve full judgement until I see pics of the females in question.

That's exactly how I was thinking. Like we fight over stuff that I think is so stupid. Then we don't see eye to eye and end up going in circles to the point where I just end the argument. Not because we come to an understanding, but because I'm tired of arguing over something I think is stupid.

And I always find myself questioning her being 21 too. I think that is at the heart of the problem with many of our arguments. Things I don't see as a big deal are a big deal to her. It's so frustrating. Like you said, I don't know that she really knows what she wants. She tells me she does. But I feel most girls think that anyway.

In fact, I questioned her about it last night. Told her that sometimes I don't feel like we are an ideal match. She said she knows what she wants and that it's me. But I don't know if I can trust that because she's freaking 21.

[mgoblue]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Sometimes when we remember stuff we forget the bad things too....memories make things all happy and perfect when they usually weren't at the time.

Just something to consider....

I'd at least talk to the ex now, but be honest with the current girl and don't be sleazy.

[kehlis]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I'd at least talk to the ex now, but be honest with the current girl and don't be sleazy.

Yea, I learned a long time ago you can never go back.


I was on board with everyone who had posted earlier about not seeing her but then wwharton made a fantastic point and post and it changed my mind.

I would see her, she lives in Florida so it's not like anything long term would ever happen and I truly believe it could actually offer you closure.


And if seeing her makes you realize you aren't currently happy then that's better to learn now rather than later.