In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

[Heroesandvillains]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I hear you, but I think TMagic is still figuring it out himself. Is it just a passing feeling? Can the current girl last with him?

He's just indecisive, not maliciously dragging his current girl through the mud. She is, quite unfortunately, likely to be collateral damage in this scenario.

Before he can tell anyone, he has to figure out what he truly wants, too. I think OS confused him with the "stay single" angle too. Diabolical place this is, let me tell ya! lol

You can go ahead and think talking to old flames (probably secretively) online is not malicious.

I bet his GF would disagree.

[kaletore11]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I hear you, but I think TMagic is still figuring it out himself. Is it just a passing feeling? Can the current girl last with him?

He's just indecisive, not maliciously dragging his current girl through the mud. She is, quite unfortunately, likely to be collateral damage in this scenario.

Sorry but if you're speaking with your ex and still have feelings for her, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone else.

[jvalverde88]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

So it took this long for someone to mention this, really?

#TeamThreesome

Spoiler

Whatever you do T, don't you ever take advice from me.

[Heroesandvillains]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Sorry but if you're speaking with your ex and still have feelings for her, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone else.

Agreed.

Now, like I said before, I only was able to stomach the first three pages. And I get that these threads are (and should be) a place for support.

But no one point blank calling the OP out for his behavior is shocking.

And honestly, it's sad.

The person that needs a support thread is his GF, in my opinion. If she somehow read this thread and loves him the way it seems she does, it'd tear her insides out and she wouldn't be the same (mentally) for years.

IMO, this sneaking around online is borderline mental abuse.

[dsallupinyaarea]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I was waiting on the holier than thou folks to show up. It actually took way longer than I thought it would.

Life just isn't black and white like that. The guy is just figuring some things out. Plus he's been dating this new girl all of 6 months, that's barely into meeting parents territory for me.

Is the new girl getting a tough break? Probably, but that's the game. You play the love/dating game long enough and you're going to take some Ls. I've been on the giving and receiving end. Just how it works.

[Heroesandvillains]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Holier than thou.

Yeah...

I happen to live my life in a morally decent way. You know, by not longing for and chit-chatting with old flames while my fiancé is missing me when I'm at work.

The OP has a right to do what he wants. If he wants his ex, he should pursue her.

But what he shouldn't do is come on OS and start a thread like this WHILE STILL BEING WITH HIS GF.

There's another person at stake here. He needs to leave her and THEN figure this out. Not have his cake and eat it too.

His GF deserves better than this. Why no one ever considers the partner is situations like this is incomprehensible.

[Heroesandvillains]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Is the new girl getting a tough break? Probably, but that's the game.

How is this good advice again?

[ProfessaPackMan]

In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Agreed.

Now, like I said before, I only was able to stomach the first three pages. And I get that these threads are (and should be) a place for support.

But no one point blank calling the OP out for his behavior is shocking.

And honestly, it's sad.

The person that needs a support thread is his GF, in my opinion. If she somehow read this thread and loves him the way it seems she does, it'd tear her insides out and she wouldn't be the same (mentally) for years.

IMO, this sneaking around online is borderline mental abuse.

What exactly should we be calling him out on?

Not sure what him coming on OS and asking people for their thoughts on this has anything to do with it though.

Mental abuse? Come on now, simmer down on the hyperbole there. You might want to read the rest of thread because some folks have offered advice towards the girl as well.

[kaletore11]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I didn't mean to bash T, but I think it's in his best interest, as well as the gfs, to break up. Resolving this ex situation will be much easier and less painful if you're single.

[Heroesandvillains]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

What exactly should we be calling him out on?

Having secret contact with his ex behind his GF's back is a good place to start. How would you feel if your GF/fiance/wife was doing this to you?

Not sure what him coming on OS and asking people for their thoughts on this has anything to do with it though.

Every person not criticizing this behavior and pleading with him to tell his GF immediately is giving him advice he should ignore. Don't beleive me? Ask any couples councilor how they professionally feel about transparancy in relationships.

Mental abuse? Come on now, simmer down on the hyperbole there.

I've been the OP's GF in this situation. I was horribly traumatized and am man enough to admit it. It's my perspective. I'm not adding anything to my posts for the sake of flair.

Yoy might want to read the rest of thread because some folks have offered advice towards the girl as well.

I'll give you that much. I should and will read more. But the advice on the first three pages is wreckless.

[Heroesandvillains]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I didn't mean to bash T, but I think it's in his best interest, as well as the gfs, to break up. Resolving this ex situation will be much easier and less painful if you're single.

This is excellent advice.

[bigeastbumrush]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

How dare no one send out the Bat Signal for TarHeelMan.

I was thinking a lot about what you guys said about how if she did it before, whats to stop her from doing it again. That made a ton of sense. So I asked her that very question.

I woke up this morning and received this email from my ex...



What do you guys make of that?

Does that change anything in your opinion?

Be honest with me. Im still trying to figure out what I want to do man.

Fine. You win. Just to prove Im not pulling an Evan.





Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

TMagic, we're cool and all but you left out one pic of your ex

Spoiler

The grass ain't always greener bruh.

Ex girl wasn't writing those Shakespeare emails when she was laying up with some dude in Italy.

Easy to sit there years later and say how she was thinking about you when she was with him but that says a lot about her character. All it would've took from him was a few more moves here and there to make her feel special and you probably wouldn't have heard from her again.

Tell your ex to kick rocks and play Biz Markie's the Vapors while she thinks about what she's been missing.

And if my current girl was communicating with her ex the way you two have been...it'd be a wrap. Either let your current go or cut the ex off. But don't string your current along like this.

[wwharton]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Having secret contact with his ex behind his GF's back is a good place to start. How would you feel if your GF/fiance/wife was doing this to you?

Every person not criticizing this behavior and pleading with him to tell his GF immediately is giving him advice he should ignore. Don't beleive me? Ask any couples councilor how they professionally feel about transparancy in relationships.

I've been the OP's GF in this situation. I was horribly traumatized and am man enough to admit it. It's my perspective. I'm not adding anything to my posts for the sake of flair.

I'll give you that much. I should and will read more. But the advice on the first three pages is wreckless.

It's extremely naive to think your gf/fiance/wife has absolutely no contact with any of their exes, and it's unhealthy if you'd expect that. He's not having "secret conversations". I don't need to tell my girl that my ex sent me an email. My girl doesn't need to tell me that her ex hit her up on facebook.

If you trust the person you're with they should be able to interact with whoever they want without your permission. What you're talking about is the actions... type of interaction. If he was talking about sleeping with his ex while he has a girl, then you'd have a point. Personally, considering the situation, I give him props for being a man and thinking everything all the way through. No offense, but you sound bitter about your situation... maybe you should be, but you shouldn't be taking that out on TMagic and everyone else in this thread.

[Jr.]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

It's extremely naive to think your gf/fiance/wife has absolutely no contact with any of their exes, and it's unhealthy if you'd expect that. He's not having "secret conversations". I don't need to tell my girl that my ex sent me an email. My girl doesn't need to tell me that her ex hit her up on facebook.

If you trust the person you're with they should be able to interact with whoever they want without your permission. What you're talking about is the actions... type of interaction. If he was talking about sleeping with his ex while he has a girl, then you'd have a point. Personally, considering the situation, I give him props for being a man and thinking everything all the way through. No offense, but you sound bitter about your situation... maybe you should be, but you shouldn't be taking that out on TMagic and everyone else in this thread.

I typed out and deleted 3 different posts because I couldn't figure out a way to get this idea across properly.

Good post wwharton.

[Heroesandvillains]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

It's extremely naive to think your gf/fiance/wife has absolutely no contact with any of their exes, and it's unhealthy if you'd expect that. He's not having "secret conversations". I don't need to tell my girl that my ex sent me an email. My girl doesn't need to tell me that her ex hit her up on facebook.

If you trust the person you're with they should be able to interact with whoever they want without your permission. What you're talking about is the actions... type of interaction. If he was talking about sleeping with his ex while he has a girl, then you'd have a point. Personally, considering the situation, I give him props for being a man and thinking everything all the way through. No offense, but you sound bitter about your situation... maybe you should be, but you shouldn't be taking that out on TMagic and everyone else in this thread.

This simple exchange between his ex and him has caused him to consider leaving his current relationship.

That's the exact kind of conversation that's inappripriate when with someone; and the exact kind of result every partner fears.

I respect your opinion and appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. But I challenge anyone that feels the way you do about it to let their current partner read the OP (pretending it was you writing it and not Tmagic).

I personally would leave my fiance if she did this to me and I'd be willing to wager most (not all) partners would do the same.

Can anyone really say with a straight face that these emails are fair to his GF? Like I said earlier, if he wants to consider this than by all means he should; you only live once. But he should let his GF go in the meantime, because she deserves to find her soulmate (and not be with some guy that secretly emails his ex).

She only lives once too.

And honestly if it's not a secret, maybe he should let her read this thread. A single person is hurting NO ONE doing what Tmagic is doing. But in this situation, ONLY ONE person could possibly get hurt. And that's his GF. She deserves better than that.