Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

[Flightwhite24]

Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Man CB I totally understand. When it comes to my Wife/Kids especially if I feel/felt someone has disrespected them? I'm not gonna sit here and act like i wouldn't lose it. Of course it could have been handled differently but in the heat of the moment and emotions take over? Gonna leave it at that.

Do/say what you want to about me but my family is another story.

[NDAlum]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I guess we just have different meaning of protecting somebody. I don't view physical altercations as a way to combat words.

I don't blame you for what you did but I do believe you were wrong. That guy was wrong as well and he deserved to get his *** kicked but that doesn't mean you have to do it.

I don't feel any sympathy for him. I wouldn't feel any sympathy for you if you were arrested. The only victim here is the young girl.

[Millennium]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I respectfully disagree. Somebody needs to step up and teach that piece of garbage a lesson. Otherwise, that guy will keep doing what he's doing thinking he'll never suffer any repercussions for his nonsense.

The girl is in a wheelchair, and that guy was being a dick about it. When it comes to specific scenarios like that, all bets are off in my opinion.

Standing up to him is one thing. Getting physical with him is another.

Getting physical with someone like that is what they want. He wants a reaction like that. Even if you leave him bloody, he gets the last laugh if the police are called.

Stand up, say it's not appreciated. But then let the idiot go back to his world. He's looking for you to lose your cool, because if you do no matter what happens after that he wins.

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[Bighoff]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Your reaction was completely appropriately CB. Trash like that deserve exactly what they get for acting like that.

[Jr.]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

When she is crying and heartbroken due to the words, they already have power.

And it wasn't just the words but the whole situation and how it unfolded. Maybe I was wrong but at that moment I felt I did what I needed to do to protect her.

Yes, but you can restructure how she interprets those words. By reacting the way that you did, you're reinforcing that the opinion and words of a complete stranger have some sort of power over her.

I can understand being upset with the physical part of the guy knocking her glasses off, and I agree with asking him to apologize. I just think you went about it wrong, and added to the harm done to your daughter. Children react based off of their parents' reactions.. it's observational learning. If you show that you don't care what others think when they say things that could be interpreted as hurtful, so will they.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I guess we just have different meaning of protecting somebody. I don't view physical altercations as a way to combat words.

I don't blame you for what you did but I do believe you were wrong. That guy was wrong as well and he deserved to get his *** kicked but that doesn't mean you have to do it.

I don't feel any sympathy for him. I wouldn't feel any sympathy for you if you were arrested. The only victim here is the young girl.

It was the whole situation not just the words. They were the breaking point.

And I wouldn't ask for sympathy had I been arrested as I did what I thought was right in protecting the victim, my little girl.

Having said that I understand and respect your opinion.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Yes, but you can restructure how she interprets those words. By reacting the way that you did, you're reinforcing that the opinion and words of a complete stranger have some sort of power over her.

I can understand being upset with the physical part of the guy knocking her glasses off, and I agree with asking him to apologize. I just think you went about it wrong, and added to the harm done to your daughter. Children react based off of their parents' reactions.. it's observational learning. If you show that you don't care what others think when they say things that could be interpreted as hurtful, so will they.

My little girl is 12, I can't change how she interprets the word. She has the mentality that she is normal and not different than anyone else. That word is a "reminder" to her that she suffers from this disease and is "different".

[Bullit]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I think I have a different opinion on this entirely. I have had a few experiences along the same lines as well.

Once my daughter was over at her Mothers and I had just got there to pick her up. They were arguing as usual and my daughter just started to walk out. My ex's boyfriend grabbed her from behind on her hoodie and knocked her to the ground. Before my daughter hit the floor I was beating this man senseless. Ended up putting him in the hospital. He never pressed charges, I think my ex threatened him if he did.

Another time I was hanging out a the local watering hole where my friend work, she and I have been friends since high school, and one of the patrons assaulted her and was grabbing her in very inappropriate places. I bounced the guys head off the bar and then the owner took over and "escorted" him out.

Now I grew up country guys. I don't mean out in the suburbs with the strip malls. I mean can't see your neighbors, up at 4am to feed the animals before school, learn how to hunt to put food on the table to not go hungry country. I was always taught to take care of your own. If something is wrong, make it right. Whether that is giving your last dollar to a friend in need or handling a situation for somebody who can't handle it themselves.

Notice I said I was raised country not red neck.

I am well educated, I have a masters degree and a bachelors of science. I have served in the Army for 15 years.

I dont see one thing wrong with what you did. You want to mess with me? Whatever, I am a grow man and don't have time for it. Mess with my wife, my kids, I don't play. I don't call the Cops, I don't sue. I don't talk it out. I put you down.....hard. But that is the way I was brought up and the way I live my life. I will be your truest friend and will do anything in my power to help you with anything you need to do. Bring danger or trouble to my family then all bets are off and the Good Lord help you.

[RockinDaMike]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I hope some of these opinions don't cause you to hesitate next time this happens CB. I have a cousin who has special needs so I know what it's like to protect someone who can't protect themselves. I didn't know the guy said the R word to her, unbelievable. Let's say my cousin didn't have to worry much about bullies because everyone knew who his cousins were.

I'm actually surprised to hear some of these responses. If your grandmother was knocked over on accident and a man said "B**** gtfo of the way" you really do nothing?

I'm sorry man, you do everything to protect your own. Seriously guys, your worried about jail or if he wins if he's arm distance from your handicapped daughter talking in a threatening tone? Jail is the last thing on my mind.




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[bigbob]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I would've done the same thing. The guy was a piece of **** and I'm sure he assumed nothing would happen because of it being in public. Those are the types of people that need dealt with in a more aggressive manner then others.

There was a kid in my high school who because he was big that he could bully little kids. He never got in trouble because "he'd never say or do something like that" (words from our principle). Those kids always came up to me and asked me to help them but I told them I couldn't do anything because the administration acted like it never happened.

One day he told this girl he was going to rape her if she didn't do stuff with him. I told him the time and place that I was going to beat his ***. He begged to let him go to class but I'm sure all those other kids did too. I beat him up, got suspended, went to court (just turned 18 six days prior) and was found not guilty of assault. The judge knew the situation and understood why what was done needed to be done.

[kingkilla56]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Im so confused, did this guy brush the daughter's face knocking her glasses off on purpose? All the examples people are using are not analogous to the one CB posted. Someone actually shoving/assaulting your daughter, someone groping a friend? None of these things happened to CB's family in this scenario. The guy was certainly a dick about apologizing and calling her a name. But unless you were sure the guy went out of his way to knock her glasses off, then you reacted inappropriately [in attacking him]. Has nothing to do with being raised in the sticks or raised in a city or raised in a suburb or having PhD's in astrophysics.

Where I come from you dont attack somebody unless you need to and/or you're ready for the repercussions; so you better have a really good reason. One well placed swipe from a blade can end you, one bullet can hit you or anybody around you including your family. That guy can know people, he may not be alone, that guy can get back to you. You already said you are a carrier, what if you all of a sudden felt threatened? Additionally, he could press charges; he could win costing your family anything from money to you being put away.

And I agree with Jr. and Millennium. Your daughter will most definitely deal with people like this guy for the rest of her life. You wont be there every time it happens. So now she is learning when somebody is a jerk to her, that person's opinion holds merit, and that the person must be physically dealt with. Neither of which are true.

Good luck going forward though. I hope it never escalates to a more serious level in the future.

[NDAlum]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I think I have a different opinion on this entirely. I have had a few experiences along the same lines as well.

Once my daughter was over at her Mothers and I had just got there to pick her up. They were arguing as usual and my daughter just started to walk out. My ex's boyfriend grabbed her from behind on her hoodie and knocked her to the ground. Before my daughter hit the floor I was beating this man senseless. Ended up putting him in the hospital. He never pressed charges, I think my ex threatened him if he did.

Another time I was hanging out a the local watering hole where my friend work, she and I have been friends since high school, and one of the patrons assaulted her and was grabbing her in very inappropriate places. I bounced the guys head off the bar and then the owner took over and "escorted" him out.

Now I grew up country guys. I don't mean out in the suburbs with the strip malls. I mean can't see your neighbors, up at 4am to feed the animals before school, learn how to hunt to put food on the table to not go hungry country. I was always taught to take care of your own. If something is wrong, make it right. Whether that is giving your last dollar to a friend in need or handling a situation for somebody who can't handle it themselves.

Notice I said I was raised country not red neck.

I am well educated, I have a masters degree and a bachelors of science. I have served in the Army for 15 years.

I dont see one thing wrong with what you did. You want to mess with me? Whatever, I am a grow man and don't have time for it. Mess with my wife, my kids, I don't play. I don't call the Cops, I don't sue. I don't talk it out. I put you down.....hard. But that is the way I was brought up and the way I live my life. I will be your truest friend and will do anything in my power to help you with anything you need to do. Bring danger or trouble to my family then all bets are off and the Good Lord help you.

Your examples are nothing like OP's and I have no idea how you drew parallels here...

I hope some of these opinions don't cause you to hesitate next time this happens CB. I have a cousin who has special needs so I know what it's like to protect someone who can't protect themselves. I didn't know the guy said the R word to her, unbelievable. Let's say my cousin didn't have to worry much about bullies because everyone knew who his cousins were.

I'm actually surprised to hear some of these responses. If your grandmother was knocked over on accident and a man said "B**** gtfo of the way" you really do nothing?

I'm sorry man, you do everything to protect your own. Seriously guys, your worried about jail or if he wins if he's arm distance from your handicapped daughter talking in a threatening tone? Jail is the last thing on my mind.




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Yet another person bringing in examples that are different.

What did she need protection from in OP's example?

[BurghFan]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I'm of the belief that violence never solves anything but only brings about more violence. Still, I would've been pretty pissed at the guy and probably had a few choice words for him.

[cavsfan2]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I mean you were wrong, but I can't say I would have reacted any differently. Dude seems like he had it coming.

The only reason I say you were in the wrong is because of the situation it could have put you in. I seriously couldn't care less about the ****head who said that to a twelve year old girl.

[Jr.]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

My little girl is 12, I can't change how she interprets the word. She has the mentality that she is normal and not different than anyone else. That word is a "reminder" to her that she suffers from this disease and is "different".

I'm sad to hear you say that you don't think her view on a word can't change at 12 years old. I won't go any further into it, though, because it's off-topic from your original question and could get into some sensitive areas.

I applaud you for looking into your reaction and gathering advice from others about how you handled the situation.