Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

[kehlis]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

And I value and appreciate the opinions, I really do.

But at the same time, to make it sound so simple that I should've walked away, I hope they are never put into the same position, because I don't believe its that easy of a decision.

Hindsight is 20/20 and easier to make decisions

And pretty much everyone said the same thing and even most who said you were wrong said they would probably have done the same thing.

I worked with autistic kids for years and can't stand the word. I have been in your shoes before so I know the terrible, helpless feeling. My reaction in a similar scenario is irrelevant but I understand completely where you were at.


It was unfair to ask an opinion and then make a backhanded post towards those who said you were wrong. The intent of your post was very clear.

[AUChase]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

This whole I'm from the country thing earlier in the thread isn't accurate and has no bearing on the situation at all in my opinion.

I'm from Alabama.. I know.

I've been in plenty of dumb scraps, got my *** kicked once, and was punched in the throat and dropped without swinging a punch in a fight. I didn't do any of that **** because I was raised in the country.. lol.

If you're locked up in jail, where would you be to protect your family then ?

I think everything that could be said about this has all ready been said.

CB likely got the feedback he wanted.

[Chrisksaint]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Yeah i'm gonna go with you handled this the wrong way. I get being angry, but your daughter was in no physical harm at any point i'm assuming.

It's like what I tell my first graders when they sometimes pick on each other "Words only hurt if you let them". In this situation it seems you let them hurt a lot of people.

[kehlis]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Yeah i'm gonna go with you handled this the wrong way. I get being angry, but your daughter was in no physical harm at any point i'm assuming.

His daughter was physically harmed and he's mentioned the details of it in several posts now.

[Chrisksaint]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

My view is just that she was most likely not in any danger, just an impatient idiot. No need to risk your life over a stupid confrontation.

[kehlis]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

My view is just that she was most likely not in any danger, just an impatient idiot. No need to risk your life over a stupid confrontation.

I agree 100% but that's very different than what you said which was "your daughter was in no physical harm at any point i'm assuming."

[Chrisksaint]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I agree 100% but that's very different than what you said which was "your daughter was in no physical harm at any point i'm assuming."

Yeah I gotcha, didn't quite word it how I meant it.

[slickdtc]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

I think we all agree that he didn't do the "right" thing. My post was mostly about how messed up it is that people like the jerk can exist and impede on our lives, but if we dish out what they are, we have to watch out for the consequences. We have to accommodate them by walking away or dismissing their behavior. And that when thrust in that situation, I don't think what CB did was wrong. It was a less wise decision in the long run, but wrong... nope.

Taking the high road... it's tough.

I can sit here all day and go over hypothetical scenarios and the correct response to them. That's easy. But to be there in the moment, I can't calculate out all the possible outcomes of my potential choices. It doesn't work like that. I've got a second at most to either take this thing to the next level and end it or walk away, after my loved one has been pushed aside and verbally assaulted. I'm no fighter and I'm not about confrontation, but I can't see even myself walking away after what happened.

So I agree with you guys. In an objective analysis, CB picked the wrong answer. In reality, in real time, I can't say he was wrong.

[Burns11]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

No, I told him to apologize after he bumped into her. When he said what he said, then I escalated the situation

step around her and bumps and rubs up against her with his arm going across her face and knocking her glasses off. I see this and holler something derogatory towards this "guy"

Saying "something derogatory" is escalating things, you just turned it into an aggressive confrontation. It turned the guy's fight instincts on, then demanding he apologize just turned that aggression towards your daughter.

Note: I'm not excusing the guy, he was an *** when he started the whole thing.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Maybe I did escalate things by demanding an apology and how I went about it. But at the same time, his aggression should've went towards me and not an innocent little girl.

[Bmore]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

It's different when you have a disabled child. You're more protective and more aware of everything around your child. That's not to say that people with non disabled children aren't the same way. But it's just different. There are disabilities out there that can result in serious damage from the slightest touch.

So I completely understand why CB reacted the way he did. Not saying I agree with getting physical, but he reacted the way he felt he needed to in that situation.

I'm disabled myself and noticed at a young age that my parents were way more protective of me than they were of my brothers. A few years ago I was out with a bunch of people and accidentally ran into a guys shoe with my wheelchair. He got in my face and started threatening me. My day who was almost 60 at the time jumped right in and was ready to throw down with the guy. The dude was pretty big so my dad could have been seriously hurt had it gotten physical. Thankfully other people saw what this dude did and had him kicked out.

[Burns11]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Maybe I did escalate things by demanding an apology and how I went about it. But at the same time, his aggression should've went towards me and not an innocent little girl.

That aggression was towards you and not her, she was just stuck in the middle. It's analogous to someone touching your car as they brush past, and you yell and curse and demand he wipe the fingerprints off your car. Being the jackass he is, will he get in your face? No, he's going to mess with your car more as a big "**** you" to you. He's not angry at the car, he's not messing with the car for the car's benefit, it's all for you. (I'm not saying your child is an inanimate object, I'm drawing an analog to the guy's state of mind)

I get the instinct, and I get the well meaning of the action, I might have done nearly the same thing, but sometimes instinct is wrong.

[Matt10]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Read through the posts, but not sure you replied to mine. I'm just curious - are you out of the doghouse yet?

Have you and your wife thought about asking your daughter how she would want you to handle those situations if they were to present themselves again?

While I'm sure they both appreciate your determination to defend them, now that it's in the past, asking them that question could bring you all closer, and your wife wouldn't be mad anymore.

You have to think about it in terms of pride. Our pride as fathers and husbands usually go beyond what is logical. I would have done the same thing you did: step in front of my child to protect them, and find a way that directly impacts this person - and I know I'd be heated (just thinking about putting my son in her shoes makes me clench my fists), so the same result would have happened.

It's now about focusing on the positives of the situation. Everyone is safe, everyone still has eachother. Now don't take these moments for granted and show that you are not going to be prideful alone the next time it happens, but you're going to work as a team (countryboy, countrywife and countrydaughter) so the next time you'll be celebrating the moral victory versus searching for justification.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

That aggression was towards you and not her, she was just stuck in the middle. It's analogous to someone touching your car as they brush past, and you yell and curse and demand he wipe the fingerprints off your car. Being the jackass he is, will he get in your face? No, he's going to mess with your car more as a big "**** you" to you. He's not angry at the car, he's not messing with the car for the car's benefit, it's all for you. (I'm not saying your child is an inanimate object, I'm drawing an analog to the guy's state of mind)

I get the instinct, and I get the well meaning of the action, I might have done nearly the same thing, but sometimes instinct is wrong.

Him pushing past my daughter, who is confined to a wheelchair, to the extent that his body is rubbing against hers and knocking her glasses from her face is a hell of a lot different then somebody brushing up against my car and leaving fingerprints. A lot different.

And maybe the instinct is wrong, but the instinct was/is the instinct.

[countryboy]

Re: Did I handle this situation incorrectly? Advice/opinion appreciated.

Read through the posts, but not sure you replied to mine. I'm just curious - are you out of the doghouse yet?

My daughter has told me repeatedly that she is glad that she now has a Daddy who is there to protect her. My wife, upon hearing this, is more understanding of the whole situation and told me that she was concerned with what the consequences could've been for my actions, not the actions themselves.

yes, I am out of the doghouse.