Self-conscious about my lack of success

[pw_1016]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

I wanted to reply to this because there is a difference between venting, wanting advice and fishing for sympathy.

If you want real advice, then you gotta take the real. I don't think anyone is beating you down or looking down on you. If that's what you've gotten for any response I've read in this thread then the biggest problem is your perspective (which appears likely anyway, which is why some have suggested counseling). It does seem you spend more time looking for a place to lay blame. Your other thread was about the world hating introverts. You talk about your former friends here, but it's more likely they don't call you as much bc you don't drink. Especially at that age, many events are around drinking (so you'd probably be better off). And something else you might think about... you may wear these feelings about them being more successful on your sleeve more than you think.

This probably sounds like I'm also beating you down but I'm just keeping it real... sugar coating things as serious as this do you no good. You can never walk in another man's shoes so stop looking at his life on a global level. No other man can walk in your shoes so why care about anyone who judges you without knowing your struggle?

Most importantly (and this seems really important for you right now in life) do what you can to be happy with yourself... that needs to be priority #1. Focus on that and you will fight for that. Focusing on other people's happiness will delay your efforts for your own.

This is a great post.

I guess I need to see things another way. I have gotten so much crap over the course of my life for being an introvert, among other things. Several people, including an aunt who works in PR, told me that marketing was not for me because of my personality. I had a recruiter at a staffing agency cuss me out and tell me I was too laid back and wouldn't amount to **** in marketing (her literal words!).People at work have been really critical of me because I am not the most social person but a lot of that has to do with me being somewhat afraid of people due to having had a lot of bad experiences relating to co workers at past jobs, but I won't get into all that on this thread because I will be labeled as looking for sympathy.

I didn't realize that I may be wearing my feelings on my sleeve until this past weekend, I was talking with a friend about why I thought another friend was avoiding me. He said that my friend may subconsciously pick up on the fact that I am jealous of his lifestyle and that might be why he rarely communicates me. Sometimes you don't realize what you are doing until someone points it out.

[seasprite]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

This is a great post.


I didn't realize that I may be wearing my feelings on my sleeve until this past weekend, I was talking with a friend about why I thought another friend was avoiding me. He said that my friend may subconsciously pick up on the fact that I am jealous of his lifestyle and that might be why he rarely communicates me. Sometimes you don't realize what you are doing until someone points it out.

In my opinion, your friend is giving you terrible advice. You want real advice and actual help with your issues, seek out a counselor. There is nothing wrong with seeking counseling and avoiding it or trying to get answers from a message board or "your friend" will never truly solve your issues. I would be willing to bet that the friend who you feel is avoiding you isnt aware at all about your so called "jealousy".

[Jr.]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

In my opinion, your friend is giving you terrible advice. You want real advice and actual help with your issues, seek out a counselor. There is nothing wrong with seeking counseling and avoiding it or trying to get answers from a message board or "your friend" will never truly solve your issues. I would be willing to bet that the friend who you feel is avoiding you isnt aware at all about your so called "jealousy".

Couldn't agree more. As helpful and willing as people are on here to help out, none of us know you and you're not sharing all of the details, so the help is going to be limited. It's basically all just educated guesses and somewhat cliched advice.

If this is something you're really concerned about, find a therapist or counselor in your area with whom you can speak. That's the best advice you can get from a bunch of relative strangers.

[WTF]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

I've gotta ask, if you're such an introvert, why did you go into Marketing as a major? A HUGE part of marketing is knowing how to connect with people. Genuinely interested.

I have a BA in Sales and marketing too.

[jb12780]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

I'll throw down my experiences post graduation:

May 2014, B.A in Political Science.

Took a class last summer and got certified as an EMT. Scored a job that pays ok, but I'm full-time with benefits.

Yes, looking for jobs no matter what field you're interested in sucks. It boils down to how hard you want to succeed, even if it involves changing fields.

Never give up man.

Sent from my LGLS991 using Tapatalk

[pw_1016]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

I've gotta ask, if you're such an introvert, why did you go into Marketing as a major? A HUGE part of marketing is knowing how to connect with people. Genuinely interested.

I have a BA in Sales and marketing too.

I thought I could learn to become more outgoing and change who I am. I was always told I needed to change anyway or I would never be successful. I was really interested in learning how companies persuade people to buy things and what goes into planning and making a product. I have good communication skills even though I am not really a huge 'talker'.

[WTF]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Yeah, I get that. By no means was my question meant to dissuade your career choice. What portion of marketing did you want to pursue? And what steps have you taken to move towards your goals? I had very little results my first year, but now I'm doing very well with my company.

You're in charge of your own success and satisfaction. If you aren't happy with where you are, reevaluate what you're doing and try some new tactics.

[pw_1016]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Yeah, I get that. By no means was my question meant to dissuade your career choice. What portion of marketing did you want to pursue? And what steps have you taken to move towards your goals? I had very little results my first year, but now I'm doing very well with my company.

You're in charge of your own success and satisfaction. If you aren't happy with where you are, reevaluate what you're doing and try some new tactics.

No problem man. I want to pursue digital/social media marketing. I am reading blogs to keep up to date. I don't really have skills in marketing automation and adobe software products which seem to be a big requirement for most of those type of jobs. Going to look into some online classes in those areas.I haven't been having any luck with my resume the past 6 months. It would really be easier for me to get a sales job. I have never had an interview for a marketing job, just sales interviews and I came really close to getting hired but the recruiter told me that when I was asked by management why should they hire me, I gave a "weak" answer.

[DickDalewood]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

If you resent money you'll never have it and if you resent success you'll never achieve it.

Find out what your successful friends are doing that you're not; work ethic, motivation, outlook, etc. You can either continue to feel sorry for yourself or, you can look in the mirror and realize you're only 33 and today is the day you turn this **** around.

Go get it.

[fistofrage]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

No problem man. I want to pursue digital/social media marketing. I am reading blogs to keep up to date. I don't really have skills in marketing automation and adobe software products which seem to be a big requirement for most of those type of jobs. Going to look into some online classes in those areas.I haven't been having any luck with my resume the past 6 months. It would really be easier for me to get a sales job. I have never had an interview for a marketing job, just sales interviews and I came really close to getting hired but the recruiter told me that when I was asked by management why should they hire me, I gave a "weak" answer.

You see this is all a process. The next logical step would be what was that "weak" answer. Then ask yourself why you gave that answer. And if it was because the answer told the story of areas you lacked efficiencies, then you need to take that information and build on those until they become your strength.

Just to simplify it, unrelated, but because you mentioned weak, if you were applying for a position that required you to be on time early in the morning and have the strength to carry heavy items and you mentioned some thing in the interview that indicated this would be a problem, you take that feedback and change your sleeping habits and get to work on being physically fit if that's a job you wanted. Next time you get an interview you say how you always make sure you go to bed early so you can get up early and hit the ground running and you mention your workout routine and how your stamina is the best it's ever been.

I interview people all the time. If someone makes excuses or says that they have conflicts or basically say anything negative, I remind them that I view any problems as opportunities to shine. They pretty much know at that point, they have blown the interview. And I see the lightbulb go off above their head shortly after with some, some never get it and those people are in trouble for the long haul.

I think like others have mentioned, you need to go talk to somebody, find out the root of of your problems, and dig deep and start working to make your deficiencies your strengths. You'll just be chasing your own tail until you can identify the real issues.

[wwharton]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

This is a great post.

I guess I need to see things another way. I have gotten so much crap over the course of my life for being an introvert, among other things. Several people, including an aunt who works in PR, told me that marketing was not for me because of my personality. I had a recruiter at a staffing agency cuss me out and tell me I was too laid back and wouldn't amount to **** in marketing (her literal words!).People at work have been really critical of me because I am not the most social person but a lot of that has to do with me being somewhat afraid of people due to having had a lot of bad experiences relating to co workers at past jobs, but I won't get into all that on this thread because I will be labeled as looking for sympathy.

I didn't realize that I may be wearing my feelings on my sleeve until this past weekend, I was talking with a friend about why I thought another friend was avoiding me. He said that my friend may subconsciously pick up on the fact that I am jealous of his lifestyle and that might be why he rarely communicates me. Sometimes you don't realize what you are doing until someone points it out.

Sorry I haven't been back in here since you made this reply 2 weeks ago...

Someone mentioned that your friend gave you bad advice. I kind of disagree. I do agree that your friend probably has no idea what's bugging you (and doesn't assume it's related to jealousy or their success), but it doesn't say you aren't wearing your emotions on your sleeve. And doesn't say that everyone you interact with can see/feel "something" negative from you that's causing a distance. Either way, I think the point is you're presenting a version of yourself to the world that you don't like... and you are having trouble getting a hold of it on your own. You've got tons of motivating factors to find a counselor to talk to. I know it's being said over and over, but I know it's a tough step for many to take too.

I thought I could learn to become more outgoing and change who I am. I was always told I needed to change anyway or I would never be successful. I was really interested in learning how companies persuade people to buy things and what goes into planning and making a product. I have good communication skills even though I am not really a huge 'talker'.

Be careful with acting on what "change who I am" means. Anyone telling you that (who isn't a professional... yup pointing at that again) is basing it from their own experience. They know what made them successful and think if you just become more like them in certain ways, then you'll be closer to that too. But that's not really how it works. If you're just different at the core, then you can't squeeze that square peg in a round hole. Instead you need to figure out how to get what you want done while knowing your limitations. It's more of a growth process than changing who you are.

For example, some introverts can be the life of the party without showing that they are metaphorically holding their breath the entire time they're going through the exercise... it's a chore to get through, but they find ways of making it manageable.

Meanwhile, there are also benefits to being different in these situations. You say you're a good communicator, and you're probably a good listener because you value small groups or one on one to big crowd interaction. Be confident in these things about you, and people in big crowds will remember their close interactions with you more than anything else.

At the end of the day, I think your biggest problem is self esteem. That can be even tougher for an introvert because you'll want to shy away from people even more. But you've gotta pinpoint the benefits for being you, and build confidence on those things. I don't know what you said in that interview that was considered a "weak" response, but if you own your strengths that shouldn't happen again. Read the room, figure out what they really want to know, etc. I'm sure you're in a better place than you really know, and are just in a place where the bad is magnified and the good is discounted and pushed in a corner. You can flip that script.

[pw_1016]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

At the end of the day, I think your biggest problem is self esteem. That can be even tougher for an introvert because you'll want to shy away from people even more. But you've gotta pinpoint the benefits for being you, and build confidence on those things. I don't know what you said in that interview that was considered a "weak" response, but if you own your strengths that shouldn't happen again. Read the room, figure out what they really want to know, etc. I'm sure you're in a better place than you really know, and are just in a place where the bad is magnified and the good is discounted and pushed in a corner. You can flip that script.

Thanks for the reply. I am trying to work on self esteem. I am going to try to find a counselor in my area to work with because I have some other stuff I am going through besides what is posted in this thread. I know that I have to work on my interview skills. I haven't had an in-person interview in about two years so I will be nervous once that time comes. I haven't even gotten a phone call about my resume in six months.

[seasprite]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Thanks for the reply. I am trying to work on self esteem. I am going to try to find a counselor in my area to work with because I have some other stuff I am going through besides what is posted in this thread. I know that I have to work on my interview skills. I haven't had an in-person interview in about two years so I will be nervous once that time comes. I haven't even gotten a phone call about my resume in six months.

Perhaps there is an issue with your resume? I would consider looking over it again seeing as you haven't gotten any interest in that span of time. I would also consider getting a professional to take a look at it as well.

[wwharton]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

Perhaps there is an issue with your resume? I would consider looking over it again seeing as you haven't gotten any interest in that span of time. I would also consider getting a professional to take a look at it as well.

In addition, if you haven't made any changes to your resume in a while it starts to slip on sites like Monster, Career Builder, etc.

It does sound like it'd be a good idea to take a closer look at your resume anyway, but even if you determine it's still accurate, maybe make a small change here or there and resubmit wherever you have it listed anyway.

[seasprite]

Re: Self-conscious about my lack of success

In addition, if you haven't made any changes to your resume in a while it starts to slip on sites like Monster, Career Builder, etc.

It does sound like it'd be a good idea to take a closer look at your resume anyway, but even if you determine it's still accurate, maybe make a small change here or there and resubmit wherever you have it listed anyway.

Rewording things on a resume can make all the difference in the world