Online Dating is a Catch 22

[longshadow11]

Re: Online Dating is a Catch 22

I contacted a woman last night I ghosted and apologized. I didn't totally disappear, but I quit calling and only sent her a few messages after we went out. She let me know how bad I made her feel, so I guess I deserve the one I like making me feel like crap.

The hammer of God or the universe or whatever is coming down on me hard! First, the younger lady said I was too old, then a young woman sent me a friend request on Facebook - I accepted, so then she sent me a long message about how I would be perfect for her grandmother! haha! Talk about 24 hours of eating humble pie. And a woman I dated a year ago and haven't seen or heard from sent a message insulting me out of the blue. And it was harsh. I think maybe the good Lord is telling me to take a break from women.

[NYJets]

Re: Online Dating is a Catch 22

Catch 22 might not be the best reference. Just saying the mechanism which gets me some dates is the same mechanism which pulls them away.

Yea I think women get so much attention on there that it kinda warps their expectations. On okcupid and the like they get nonstop messages, tinder they pretty much match with anyone they want. So then they meet a guy and have a fun time, but then have so many options that they focus on what could potentially be out there rather than seeing where it goes with someone they've actually met.

Usually people ive met we discuss online dating and what our experiences are like, and most girls seem to say its been bad and they've had no luck. At some point people gotta think about if they are doing it wrong imo

[NYJets]

Re: Online Dating is a Catch 22

Online dating is kinda forced,but time saver too. At least you know the person is compatible on paper with you. Real life it's based on looks first and personality second.

So is online, maybe even moreso. Don't think anyone really pays attention to the algorythm's, its more do you have attractive pics and can you carry a conversation.

I don't like the idea of online dating only because you're either forced to make it work or not. Kind of like those Bachelor/Bachelorette shows; besides ratings purposes, all of one gender are kind of forced to like that one other person if they want to win or that's it.

I think that's why the person I ultimately marry will be somebody I've been friends with for a long time. Our romantic relationship would grow naturally. I'm not saying love can't occur any other way, but to me a relationship isn't based on making it work, but rather just it working.

Once you meet in person, i think online is only different than the "natural" ways if you make it different. For me, 99% of the time i meet someone and if its fun i want to see them again and if it isn't fun i don't. That's it. The more you hang out it will either naturally turn into something or just fade. Just because its an online date doesn't mean you need to put more pressure on it right away and treat it differently than just hanging out with someone and getting to know them

[KSUowls]

Re: Online Dating is a Catch 22

Catch 22 might not be the best reference. Just saying the mechanism which gets me some dates is the same mechanism which pulls them away.

I think all online dating does it create volume that you may not have otherwise had, and so it creates or at least amplifies the experiences you mention.

I don't think it matters if you meet someone online or in a more traditional setting. The odds of any 2 people both clicking is pretty low. The only difference is online dating just forces you to experience that low rate more often due to quantity.

So don't feel disheartened or anything. I met my fiance online, but I had to go through dozens of the very experiences you mentioned before I met someone where we both clicked with each other.

Sent from my Pixel using Operation Sports mobile app

[ODogg]

Re: Online Dating is a Catch 22

This thread caught my eye because my nick on Xbox is Catch22, LOL...

Anyways, I was single until 40 waiting for the right woman to come along "naturally". So I say piss on waiting naturally, its nonsense, LOL. Sometimes that works for folks but in most folks lives nowadays that are busy they aren't going to always just meet someone in a natural way and do need to do something actively to find someone.

At 40 I decided to really exert some active attempts to find some eligible women. Not my age because I like younger women so I focused on finding a woman 30 to 35 years old and initially tried www.plentyoffish.com for about a year and boy what a waste of time that was. I'm not bad looking but not Brad Pitt superstar either and the competition on that site means if you're not you're likely to never get replies.

So after a while of spinning my wheels on there I went to www.okcupid.com and opened an account and withing a couple of weeks I was actively talking to three different women. One of those women and I agreed to meet for drinks and dinner and it clicked great and I ended up marrying her a couple of years later.

Online dating, for me anyways, was a lifesaver. If not for it I'd still be single. Just remember the rule is to never talk to anyone online more than 2 weeks without talking to them on the phone and always get an in-person meeting within a month or you risk being catfished! If, after a month, they refuse to meet then throw 'em back and recast your net!

Best of luck longshadow

[ODogg]

Re: Online Dating is a Catch 22

Oh and fellas, if you are looking for a long term mate, I think the key is to not try to get sex too quickly. When I met my wife and we dated I did not try to get her to have sex because, well I'm weird in that I'm old fashioned and believe you should really know the person really well before having sex.

She told me later on after we married that the main reason she liked me was I didn't seem to be after just having sex and that was unlike all the other guys who had dated her. In fact, she was the one to initiate it eventually, not me.

So just something to keep in mind, the longer you can wait the more intriguing you become to her and the better your chances of a long term relationship.

[longshadow11]

Re: Online Dating is a Catch 22

Appreciate it ODogg.

I'm not a fan of online dating but I agree I would have probably had 3 dates over the past 2 years rather than 20 something. Probably the hard part for me is I'm competing against men 15 years younger than me. At 50, I'm interested in women in their 40s. But women who are 40 to 42 are open to 5 years younger up to about my age.

But here's the crazy thing about dating and how fluid and changing the whole thing is. I went out with a 33 year old woman - had a very good time, but after she thought about it for a week she decided I was too old. Really got me down. A week later I got a friend request on Facebook from a 30 year old, of course I accepted, and she told me she had seen me somewhere and wants to go out. I'll admit the 33 year old is an angel, the prettiest, sweetest woman I've dated - the 30 year old is very cute but is of questionable character.

Location is what's killing me. I know how to play the game, but the selection is just too little, and I'm tired of driving two hours for a date.

[kehlis]

Re: Online Dating is a Catch 22

Yea my recommendation would be to not focus on a specific age range.

[georgiafan]

Re: Online Dating is a Catch 22

I meet my current girlfriend via online dating (match) I live in a small town and she was 45 minutes away. I would hav never meet her without it and it’s only been a few weeks but it can happen.i had to go through a ton of dates and not getting replies on lots of them it’s a real pain