Brace Yourself for the HORROR Inside

[razcan]

So here's my story - me and some buddies have been doing the online dynasty thing for the past two NCAA's. I was pretty into the first one (2009) but got out of NCAA 2010 after about 3 seasons. Aside from 1 other member the group kept the dynasty going. They are STILL going strong, I quit about 4-5 months ago.

Anyways, we are all getting excited about the upcoming game, especially the new online dynasty features (obviously). I didn't even realize the guys were still playing the dynasty.... until I got an email yesterday. This email created a storm of emails from league members and former league members.

Its both sad and hilarious at the same time. Keep in mind, we are all in our mid-20's. You have an insurance broker, a landman, a lawyer, industrial salesman, marketing specialist, engineers, etc... a group of very real people that despite what you are about to read somehow even manage to get laid every now and then.

Here they are - don't say I didn't warn you:



Email thread 1: Maryland Coach Announces Retirement >>
College Park, MD --

Following a season-opening dismantling of #24 Arizona State, an emotional xxx announced, in a prepared statement, that this would be his last season as head coach of the Maryland Terrapins. xxxx stated that he informed his team earlier in the week of the decision.

xxxx took over a Maryland team entrenched in ACC football mediocrity and would leave them, if his career ended today, with 4 straight ACC conference championship victories and 5 straight BCS Bowl Appearances, including 1 appearance in the BCS National Championship Game; in which they narrowly lost to South Carolina in a game decided entirely by fluke plays that were out of his control.

Most attribute the Terrapin's quick rise under xxxxx to his impressive recruiting and dramatic shift in offensive styles. xxxxx built his defenses at Maryland by assembling a fierce pass rush combined with playmaking cornerbacks and a parade of All-American linebackers. In fact, this year's cornerback duo of Lawrence Singletary and John Fernandez is likely his best ever, and Maryland's secondary is considered by most experts to be the best in the nation. On offense, Clark bucked Terrapin tradition by bringing in an entirely new playbook that combined the styles of Notre Dame and Texas to create an offense that intermixes short passes, deep strikes, and an effective running game like few teams in the country.

"I'm still very excited about our chances this year. I believe that this may be, overall, the best Maryland team I've every coached. Out of respect, I wanted to be upfront with my players, and let them play out the season with this information", xxxx said.

When asked about his future plans, xxxxx indicated that he wanted to spend some time reflecting about his future. Most analysist believe that xxxx has an eye on his hometown team, Fort Worth's TCU Horned Frogs, which will likely have a coaching vacancy on July 13th.>>
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Sugar Land, Texas -- Known as the premier offensive mind of our era, former Washington Huskies Head Coach, mike xxxxx issued a statement today in response to xxxx's unexpected announcement to retire. "xxxx was a good coach, committed to success, always putting in the extra time... but he could never come to grips with his failures. I know him well, those blows to his psyche took a toll on his mind and body. If the rumors about TCU are true, that just might be the change of scenery he needs. A job closer to his family, a recruiting platform he already knows well - one closer to his roots."

xxxx(husky coach) is also making headlines, after a disastrous attempt to turn the Rams franchise around in the NFL, suitors that include some of college footballs biggest names have been reported to be showing interest following rumors of his desire to return to the NCAA arena. "Right now I am just trying to clear my head, recuperating, that's my focus".

It’s an unprecedented time in college football. Many of its biggest coaching leaders remain absent from the game they gave so much to.


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Unknown Location – With the recent news of the coaching carousel in college football it seems as though the games greatest are poised to do battle next year. After statements from two of college’s greats we have finally heard from former Commodores coach xxx xxxxxx, who lately has been totally off the grid. From an unknown location xxxxx released a statement declaring not only his return to the spotlight but says he will be calling a summit with all the games best coaches to see where they will go. “I only want to compete with the best” xxxxx was quoted as saying. >>
Not lost from the minds of the public was the very bizarre nature of xxxxxx’s departure hidden beneath a cloud of alleged sex scandals with students and drug allegations. When asked about the accusations xxxxx said, “I’m not perfect I never have been, I started spending some time with a friend of mine in the Pacific Northwest in the off seasons, and things got out of hand for me”. “Look, I was winning championships, recruiting Heisman talent, I was the King of the greatest football conference in the nation. I have sat back these last few years watching close friends of mine become successful in a league that in my opinion has had sub par talent. I am here to tell you I am putting an end to all that. I will be returning to the states and am officially putting my name on the ballot for every coaching position in the country.”>>
The next few years are sure to be entertaining between coaching and conference upheaval, one thing you can count on is that College Football is sure to be back and better than ever. >>

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Email thread 2: A Legacy Under Fire>>
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Yahoo Sports is investigating former Huskies coach, Michael xxxxx after allegations that he offered several recruits illegal incentives and even paid athletes to hold off from entering the NFL draft. In an interview, former Wildcat quarterback Matt Scott revealed he was forcefully persuaded by xxxx in ways that could be seen as non-compliant with NCAA regulations. In addition, a house purchased for the Grigsby family in early 2008 is being investigated. According to Air Force running back (former Wildcat) Nate Grigsby, "I left Arizona when coach Mike left, he never offered any incentives or did anything illegal, he was all about playing by the book. Coach Mike is a stand-up gentleman, all of this will blow over".

Sources tell Yahoo Sports that a press conference is being scheduled for Monday to address the allegations and the reports of his possible interest in returning to college football. When reached for comment the always jovial (and sometimes "out-there") xxxx said only one thing, "I am Iron Man". If these rumors are true it could signal the end of the former NCAA Coach of the Year's career for good.>>
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College Park, MD --

In the wake of the recent announcement by high-profile Maryland Coach xxxx xxxx that this would be his final season with the Terrapins, a firestorm of controversy has erupted across the football landscape. Two of college football's most prominent former coaches, Michael xxxxx and xxxxx xxx, responded to xxxxx’s announcement by intimating that they will return to major college football this July.

xxxx(wash coach), in particular, had some pointed comments on xxxx’s announcement, saying that xxxx "could never come to grips with failure," and that "these blows to his psyche took a toll on his mind and body." Not surprisingly, reporters swirled around Clark after a rather lengthy Terrapin's practice this afternoon for a response. xxxx, well known for his quick wit, did not disappoint.

"I've got bigger things to worry about than some his (xxxx's) wild speculation on my motivations," xxxx said. "Right now we have a huge game against the number one team in the country (Baylor) to prepare for and that's taking every ounce of my concentration." After further pressing from reporters, a visibly agitated xxxx made a more direct response to xxxx's (wash coach) allegations.

Referring to xxxx’s abrupt departure from the Washington Huskies, xxxx stated, "I find it amusing that a noted quitter would care to comment on my ability to deal with failure. I'm sure that the players he recruited under the promises of a 4 year commitment from their coach would have appreciated some of this newfound straight talk."

xxxx was clearly not in the mood to discuss the matter further, as his Terrapins take on the #1 ranked Baylor Bears this week. When reporters attempted to reach Baylor coach xxxx xxxx for comment on the xxxx(Maryland coach) controversy, Baylor University officials stated that he was unavailable for interviews or comment. But unnamed sources within the Baylor program have recently reported that xxx may have had a mental breakdown this week. "He's cracked," one player, who asked to remain anonymous, stated. "The pressure of the #1 ranking...after so many seasons of failing to even reach the championship game...it's gotten to him." Several recent sightings of a highly intoxicated xxxx on Bourbon Street in New Orleans cannot be verified.>>
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By Chip Brown
Orangebloods.com

xxxxx bored with 'Cocks? Feeling kinda 'Horny?

Okay everyone, I'm back breaking more college football news than Joe Schad's CENSORED. I got some interesting information from a source out of the SEC. Apparently there's been more going on than just conference talk these days throughout the college football landscape. While scandal and turmoil surround big time coaches Mike xxxxx, xxxx xxx, and xx xxxx, another heralded coach might have some questions to answer. The SEC source (which gave me dome) seems to think that their are some Big 12 teams whispering in the ear of 2-time National Championship coach Derek xxxxx. Notably, the one mentioned the most is the University of Texas. This makes more and more sense once you get down to it. xxxxx stated in a 2007 interview that he'd "love to come home to Texas" one day and coach. "It's the greatest state in country when it comes to the love of the game. It's an exciting place to be. I'm not saying it'll ever happen, but like with anything else in life, if the right opportunity arose anything's possible."

Now there are a few ways to look at this. Would UT be the right spot? Of course. Facilities, recruiting, fan base, money, the city of Austin. You name it, it's here. But the question is does he want everything handed to him? If we can all remember after the 2012 National Title game in which he gave South Carolina their first ever National Title he had this to say: "I enjoy the process of building. And building from the ground up ensures that everything is built the right way, for the right reasons." What I gather form this is that he likes challenges. Also, being at an unestablished school guarantees that he would have final say on everything. Something that at UT he might not have. With that said, would UT be the best challenge? No. But would it be a great fit? Of course. His ties to Texas are strong and most of his family lives in the state. He knows he's a contender every year and that kind of security might lure him in.

I have tried to reach xxxx for comment on numerous occasions this week and he has shunned all of my attempts. After defeating #2 ranked SMU on Saturday in Dallas, xxxx had to face the media the following Monday where the victory seemed to get lost within the rumors. He finally addressed the rumor with something other than "no comment" when prodded by a local Columbia newspaper. "I am focused on one thing and I want y'all to quote me on this. I am focused on preparing my boys to play Georgia this weekend. I am the head coach of South Carolina. I have nothing to say about something one of y'all probably made up. Y'all create half the damn headlines anyway so run off now and formulate a response for me."

The sometimes brash coach went on about allegations against his peers and long time coaching friends xxxx(was), xxxx(maryland), and xxx(Colorado). He addressed the investigation by the NCAA on former Washington Huskies coach Mike xxxx first. "I don't know what kind of thing Mike was running over there. I just know he had top end talent. I kind of miss those recruiting battles that spanned the country. Made you work hard for what you got. You had to earn kids' respect. Hell, if he was paying 'em, Carolina better get a cut because we beat 'em 2 years in a row."

On the issue of xxxx announcing his final season as coach of Maryland he didn't seem too surprised. "I hope he stays with the Terps because I need somebody to beat Miami. God knows I can't do it. But really, I hope he finishes strong. He's got a hell of a game coming up this week and I wish him the best. He's got about as much talent as you can find on defense and a big time receiver in Jake Van. I'm excited to see him in week 13 here in Columbia." xxxx has been rumored to a few schools himself, most notably TCU.

In response to one of the biggest enigmas in the collegiate realm in the past decade, Coach xxx xxxx’s departure from Colorado, he seemed very candid and emotional. "I've known xxxx all my life and it's a shame that it's come to this. I mean who hasn't taken a 19 year-old blonde out behind the field house and lined her up for an anger bang? I don't see the issue when everything was legal. I just pray that he can come back and get back on track. His addictions have always come and gone but ever since he started using recently I worry a little bit more, you know." xxxx, referring to xxxxx’s intense marijuana use, began to tear up at the thought of his friend making a comeback. "When he got his Call of Duty we all knew he would have a problem relating to society if he came back. Now that we've seen him get back and succeed I can't wait to compete with him again." Other than the scandal that derailed him at CU, xxxx has also been in the news for his comeback destination. The most prominent rumor out there has Raymond reuniting with his alma mater at Texas A&M, reviving a program that has made a habit of underachieving. Most believe this could be the best environment for a person addicted to the West Coast lifestyle as the only vices College Station is known for are Keystone Light and racism.

In closing, do I think all these moves are possible? Maybe. We've seen weirder in the past week so why not. Many believe the elite group of coaches may be working together behind the scenes to ensure that a super conference is formed. With their competitive nature and recruiting acumen it would truly be the most distinguished coaching accumulation ever assembled in one athletic conference. Hold on boys and girls, this ride could get wild in a couple of weeks.

Stay tuned.>>

[sniperhare]

at second to last paragraph.

Something about a school being a bed of racism and bad beer. And the (coach?) angrily banging a 19 year old.

[thekodinator]

DUDE. THIS. IS. AWESOME.

I envy you dear sir... I envy you...

[BamaBruce]

sorry, too tired to read all of this now, but maybe tomorrow!

[RamblinWreck21]

Its funny, I'll give you that. These guys will obviously have a field day with the new feature where you can write your own articles.

[razcan]

Quote: Originally Posted by RamblinWreck21

Its funny, I'll give you that. These guys will obviously have a field day with the new feature where you can write your own articles.

Ya, we are gonna have to hire a copywriter or something. Any takers? I am the Washington coach btw.

[jmik58]

Quote: Originally Posted by sniperhare

at second to last paragraph. Something about a school being a bed of racism and bad beer. And the (coach?) angrily banging a 19 year old.

[Begin cool announcer voice]

Keith Stone?!

/End voice

[Deegeezy]

Just a bunch of guys with a healthy hobby that they enjoy. As long as their life doesn't revolve around the game, I don't think it's a big deal if they do this to kill time.