Feature Blogs
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
Friday, November 29, 2019
08:26 PM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
When they were back in their spot Nicodemus revealed their haul; one plate of mutton and two blankets. ''Hey, why one plate, Nico? Where's mine?'' cried Nola. But in her heart of hearts she was afraid she already knew the answer to her own query. ''Tonight we share. Old woman only had one plate'' Nicodemus shot back, ''Can't borrow something that doesn't exist.'' Nola didn't want to ask if he took her last plate or he took her next to last. She liked to think Miss Junie would be able to eat in ... Read More
07:37 PM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
Once more from Nicodemus ''For tonight. Until the morn'.'' Nicodemus and Nola knew just where to head. Miss Junie. Old people were the easy marks and tonight called for an easy. Nicodemus and Nola hated marking old people, at least the one's who couldn't afford losing a meal or a pound or a drink or a coat but what else could be done tonight? Besides, they hadn't marked Miss Junie in weeks, hadn't needed to. And also besides, 'fool me once, shame on you, fool me again, shame on me'. Miss Junie was ... Read More
06:34 PM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
Nicodemus had been caught green-handed yet again. ''Fine pickpocket you make'' he thought. Nanneybuttom would be furious when she found out. ''Wot right does she 'ave to tell me wot t'do anyhow? She's not yer real ma.'' he continued his train of thought. ''łł, she ain't any kind of yer ma'' he finished his thinking. ''3 years older than me, been lookin' after me since I was a wee lad, I was, yeah and sure. But I'm nigh on 12 years. Almost a man I am. Jeez, maybe Nola can bust me out o' ... Read More
05:18 PM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
''Dillwinkle. And Dolfis.'' started Dolfis. ''I'm Dolfis. This is Dillwinkle. But if my Lrd so prefers, the House is most graciously welcome to call us Dale Twinkle and Adolph. But we do prefer Dillwinkle and Dolfis. Only just because we have grown accustomed to answering by them. You can call Dill, Dill, though. I do. Just did, hee-hee.'' And, ''We're not actually from Bigg City, just right outside, On-Silver-Pond.'' also from Dolfis. Immediately Lrd C'mmnd'r broke in ''Excuse us, we we're going ... Read More
04:20 PM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
And so it was that when Lrd bbtt finally called the meeting to order, it was right about then Dillwinkle and Dolfis started to realise their grave error in coming to the House. They started thinking they would not leave alive. The pansy read it in the patsy's eyes, it was obvious what he thought. ''Oh, we were so foolish to believe we could rise above our station in life without risking consequence'' thought Dolfis. ''Oh, why couldn't I be content in the PooStable?'' went Dolfis' lament. ''Oh, ... Read More
03:30 PM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
Ldy Dęvllą on the other hand refused to make eye contact with Dillwinkle and Dolfis because she could not would not let the other Ldies know how much she must have these two wretched souls for her lone sacrament. She already had dreamed last eve of pulling every piece of the pansies wings off little by little and blow-kissing them to Valhalla. And the patsy, his teeth, she was sure that she could pull them out of his head without use of any foreign instrument, they appeared so brittle. ... Read More
02:59 PM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
Lrd bbtt on the other hand was like the typical Lord. He received no particular pleasure in death itself from his many necessary business negotiations. His only true pleasure in non-business related deaths was in knowing how much they pleased his Ldy. And that is the way all the Lrds felt about that. But it is what it is and what must be, must be. Death comes to us all and as such he was of the opinion sooner was no worse than later. Sooner may have even been better, so if death arrives before ... Read More
11:20 AM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
So it went on and on again for all those hours, fifty total, a pansy would sleep a wink and a patsy would eat a bit, then the pansy would eat a bit whilst the patsy would sleep a wink more. Sleep a wink, eat a bit. Eat a bit, sleep a wink more. On and on again. The only interlude would be Dolfis waking to find Dillwinkle playing with what Dolfis explained was a Catherine Wheel and what its use was. And Dillwinkle would set it away in disgust. Dolfis waking up to Dillwinkle trapped in a Shrew's Fiddle. ... Read More
08:51 AM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
After all, cheese soup is where the flap-flap comes from in pansy wings. And a good pansy is always a-flap flapping. The hunger quickly came back to Dillwinkle as he was playing with the something-or-other and since he still had some gorilla-cheese and water biscuit stashed in his butt pouch, he pulled them out and started to smush and mish and mash the two together. His teeth hurt less at the thought of his new food creation, cheebis he thought of calling it. Dolfis was watching Dillwinkle with ... Read More
08:44 AM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
After Dillwinkle and Dolfis had finished their latest round of dinnsupp'r and the pains of famishment from the last few months of malnutrition were finally abated, the two's painful thoughts of the room's main function were all that remained. And they were relieved Ldy Dęvllą didn't stay long either. She had turned out to be as scary as Ldy Frgd, and without saying even the whole of one word to them, unlike Ldy Frgd and her hundred choice words. But as pansies are known to be ... Read More
07:38 AM - November 29, 2019. Written by Caulfield
The next two days passed oh so very slowly for Dillwinkle and Dolfis, confined to the crypt, their only visitor for the whole of the fifty hours was Ldy Dęvllą, who was only there to bring them gorilla-cheese, water biscuits and cattle-wine, though she rather toyed with the idea of showing the patsy and the pansy just how effective a few of the various devices scattered about the crypt were. She just couldn't fathom any other reason these two interlopers should be allowed to make camp ... Read More
Thursday, November 28, 2019
10:44 PM - November 28, 2019. Written by Caulfield
And I say it thus because it has been mine own experience that half of the Ladies were of that ilk and the other half were never afforded the opportunity to be angry. After all, it is an unjust midworld we live in. After Lrd bbtt had saved the pair from a severe tongue lashing and a relatively less severe rope lashing from Ldy Frgd, he instructed them to clean their feet and gave them the basic material to fashion a most rudimentary pair of sandals. Then, as it was well near midnight, Lrd ... Read More
08:51 PM - November 28, 2019. Written by Caulfield
When Dillwinkle and Dolfis arrived at the dark house, they were worn from travel, for it had taken half the morning and all of the day and half again the night to make the trek to outside Lake Fier, for they had no steed, no wagon, nor even simple shoes for their barren feet. And this was why they were personally hand-picked by Lrd bbtt and recommended to the other Lords of the great house of wickedness to perform the task at hand. The other Lords, Lrd C'mmnd'r in particular, had at first balked ... Read More
06:01 PM - November 28, 2019. Written by Caulfield
Down throughout the ages there has been at least one constant and consistent truth; the world is full of lies. Always has been and probably always will be, if we're honest with each other. Our story begins in earnest with two would-be hero warriors on the brink of learning that lesson. Meet Dillwinkle and Dolfis, one a rare to find pansy, the other a lowly and common patsy. They knew of each other long before their births, when each were a mere twinkle in the sky, two supernova residing near to ... Read More

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