Duke Football: The Dan Orlovsky Era

[Bolts Boy 123]

Do you procrastonate when it comes to recruiting?

Who is your favorite player on the team?

Do you admirer Mathew Stafford and Matt Schaub?

Does this dress make me look fat?

Safety much?

[packabacka19]

2013 Season Preview - Special Teams
Early Spurlock may handle all the kicking duties this season

August 14, 2013

Durham, NC --- The coverage teams for the Blue Devils have always been solid under special teams coach Skip Nader. However, the kicking game has - and likely will - struggle, as both kicker Chris Bain and punter Early Spurlock were 1-star prospects. Here's a look at the Duke special teams for the 2013 season:

K: The aforementioned Chris Bain currently has the job, but his hold on the spot is tenuous. Bain's range is about 35 yards - which is pathetic - and there is a good chance that Early Spurlock will take over the field-goal duties at some point in the season.

Former K Will Snyderwine has been greatly missed since his graduation.

P: Junior Early Spurlock has actually been a pleasant surprise after signing as a 1-star prospect 2 offseasons ago. His net average improved from 34.3 in 2011 to 36.1 in 2012, and Spurlock has a decent enough leg to kick field goals when needed. However, his greatest asset is his directional punting - he landed 13 out of 29 punts inside the 20-yard line last season.

Punter Early Spurlock returns for his 3rd season as starting punter.

Coverage Units: There are too many players on these units to name all of them, but a few standouts that have a spot on most if not all of the special team units include: linebacker Kevin Rojas, corners Taylor Sowell and Garrett Patterson, safety David Harwell, linebacker Michael Griffin, and linebacker Kelby Brown. All of these players are core special-teamers.

Special teams gunner Taylor Sowell jars the ball loose 2 years ago against Kentucky on a punt.

[packabacka19]

Press Conference coming for sure tomorrow. If you have any questions for Coach Orlovsky, you have until sometime tomorrow morning to post them.

[packabacka19]

Coach Orlovsky Tells All
Not really, but here's his pre-season press conference transcript

August 17, 2013

Durham, NC --- Here's the transcript from today's press conference:

Reporter: Coach, I'm gonna jump right in here. Is your favorite actor Kevin Bacon?

Dan Orlovsky: Let me put it this way. Any idiot can get laid when they're famous. That's easy. It's getting laid when you're not famous that takes some talent.

R: What are your thoughts on the upcoming season?

DO: My thoughts are that we will be good. Next question.

R: Coach, do you believe that Duke is better at football than they are at basketball?

DO: Oh, no question. It's not even close in my mind. I mean, I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm not even sure who our basketball coach is. Coach Q or something? And when's the last time they've won anything meaningful?

R: There have been rumors that Conor Young could take playing time away from starting QB Sean Schreoder. Any merit to this?

DO: Sean had a great spring throwing the ball. He's a pure passer and our offense goes through him. That said, Conor can do some things that Sean just can't, plain and simple. Sean is our starting quarterback. But I'm sure Conor will find a way to get on the field through sub-packages and such.

R: Speaking of bacon, does this dress make me look fat?

DO: How can I put this kindly.... if Rex Ryan, Mike Holmgren, and Charlie Weis found a way to reproduce with each other, and that child ate McDonalds 8 times a day, it would look almost as fat as you. Like seriously, I'm a little grossed out right now. Get out of my life.

R: Which game are you most looking forward to this season?

DO: Definitely the Wake Forest game. Not that we're looking ahead, but that game's always special just because I grew up with [Wake Forest head coach] Aaron Plotkin. They've got a nice little program over there - nothing compared to us, of course - but it always feels good to beat your friend up like that. Also we owe them a beating after they stole [freshman linebacker] Kenneth Smith from us.

R: On the subject of recruiting, do you ever procrastinate when it comes to recruiting?

DO: Oh, all the time. Now this might not be the best story to tell publicly, but I'm gonna tell it anyway, because I'm Dan Orlovsky. Last year - and don't tell [Duke AD] Joe Alleva this - but I didn't even start recruiting until December. I mean, remember, I'm new to this thing. I thought you just played out the season, and then started recruiting once the season was over. But when I went over to [5-star QB prospect] Jonathan Howell's house to try to get him to sign with us, he said that he'd committed to Alabama months before, and that Duke wouldn't have had a chance even if I hadn't been late in the process. Well, needless to say, I roughed him up a little, threw the good 'ol famous Orlovsky jump-kick at him, and I think he learned not to mess with the Orlovskinator. Also, I shot his guinea pig - it died. But to answer your question, yes, I do have a habit of procrastinating in the recruiting process.

R: How much does Austin Gamble's graduation affect your defense?

DO: I wish I could just sit here and tell you that we ain't gonna miss a beat, but that would be unfair to Austin, the defense, and you guys. Austin was a phenomenal player for us, and that kind of production can't be replaced. I mean, heck, he won the Bednarik Award last year, so you know he was a heckuva player. Like, if I had to compare him to an NFL player of the past, I'd probably go as far as to say that Austin Gamble as a linebacker was just as good as myself at the quarterback position. But we do have the players to do our best to fill the void. We have Davon McDonald, a tremendous kid, and he's going to start at middle linebacker this year and he's going to succeed.

R: Who is your favorite player on the team?

DO: I hate to play favorites, but I'm gonna have to go with [QB] Conor Young. I know he's not the starter, and deservedly so, but he just reminds me of myself in so many regards. I mean, he's lightning quick - I think he ran a 4.43 40 if I'm remembering correctly - he's got a cannon for an arm, but his biggest attribute to me is his field awareness. And by that I mean he always knows when to take off and run, when to stay in the pocket, when to go out of bounds or slide, when to run out of bounds and take the safety, all that stuff. Great kid but an even better football player.

R: Do you admirer Matthew Stafford and Matt Schaub?

DO: Admire wouldn't be the right word. Do I respect them? Yeah, I guess. A little. I'll start with Stafford. Now I've never personally been around him, but I do know that he missed most of the 2010 season a few years back due to injury. That just kinda pisses me off. Good quarterbacks make themselves available. I don't care if your eye fell off, you broke your leg, you were born without an esophagus, whatever. Good players overcome injuries.

Now for Matt. I backed him up for a few months before I retired from the NFL back in 2010 to come coach here. He's an alright guy, I guess. But I've always been bothered by his hair-line. I mean, what the hell man? Buy a friggin' toupee or something! No one wants to see that ****. Also, second thing, he always talked down to me like he was better than me or something. Like, the only reason I was even backup in the first place was because I told Coach Kubiak that I needed a break for a year to sit back and enjoy life. They actually offered me a 11-figure contract to come start for them, but I just really didn't feel like doing that to Matt. Not to mention I think I had accomplished all that I wanted to at that point in my career. I think my legacy speaks for itself. Did I win a Super Bowl? No. But that's irrelevant.

R: Will you hoist The Coaches Trophy at the end of the year?

DO: What the **** is that? If you meant to say Super Bowl, then yes, we will definitely be winning the Super Bowl this year.

R: Have you overcome the loss of your beloved pet donkey Roberto from a few years back?

DO: Dude, too soon. Unwritten rule that you should wait 17 years after the pet donkey's death to talk to the owner about it. But I'm Dan Orlovsky, so I'll answer anyway. No, I haven't overcome the loss yet. And I likely never will. Do you understand what it's like to lose a life-long companion like that? When I was born, in the farm, the first thing I saw was Roberto. In fact, my great-uncle says I was born on Roberto. Who taught me how to walk? Roberto. Who taught me how to talk? Roberto. Who taught me how to make the donkey mating call which allowed me to attract all the female donkeys I wanted? Roberto. So NO, I have not overcome the loss, assface.

I have time for one more question.

R: Yo Orlovsky, safety much?

DO: What. The. ****. First Roberto, and now this? I'll show you a safety you *******!

(Orlovsky then threw the microphone at the offending reporter's head. However, he missed and hit a small child whose father was a reporter. The child fell over, unconscious. Orlovsky, impervious to the fact that he had just knocked out a 3-year old, strode up to the reporter and gave him the good 'ol famous Orlovsky jump-kick. The reporter is still in the hospital, and early indication is that he will live the rest of his life as a female.)

[Bolts Boy 123]

Greatest. Interview. Ever.

[packabacka19]

Quote: Originally Posted by Bolts Boy 123

Greatest. Interview. Ever.

Haha, thanks. Couldn't have done it without your great questions. They really stimulated Coach Orlovsky's mind.

[gorillapittpray]

looking forward to the upcoming season!!!

[1joe60]

Quote: Originally Posted by packabacka19

R: Speaking of bacon, does this dress make me look fat? DO: How can I put this kindly.... if Rex Ryan, Mike Holmgren, and Charlie Weis found a way to reproduce with each other, and that child ate McDonalds 8 times a day, it would look almost as fat as you. Like seriously, I'm a little grossed out right now. Get out of my life.

How could you leave Andy Reid out of the lovefest?