08-09-2018, 05:30 PM
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#17
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Rookie
OVR: 0
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Indiana
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Re: A Dynasty is Born | Central Indiana Panthers
December 19, 2000
The board was as any board is: stuffy, proper, old, white. Mostly white. Aggressively white, really, like if a black person walked in, a white person would immediately think “Wow, there are not a lot of black people in here,” instead of nothing, like they do most places.
I’m not saying there isn't racism most places, to be clear. I’m saying that if you were white, you probably wouldn’t notice because you're used to it. Do you notice how white banks are? Or grocery stores? No? There you go.
Needless to say, when all 286 black pounds of wealthy alum Caine Calumda walked through the door, the seven very elderly, very white faces, including the face of board director Kevin Andrews, looked a little shocked.
“Caine?” puttered Andrews, standing up from the head of the table. “What are you doing here? This is a board meeting.”
“I know,” Calumda said excitedly, “that’s why I’m here. This is about the budget problems, right?
There was a pause as the execs looked cautiously at each other, but Andrews nodded.
“What if I told you I had a plan?”
“I’d say you’re full of sh*t,” replied Andrews to a sea of laughs.
Calumda waited until the laughter died, then pulled out a long, folded chart from his back pocket and laid it on the table. It was covered in bar charts, words too small to read, and bright colors, and it rounded at the edges like a parchment. The board execs stood up.
“Why don’t students come here?” Calumda pondered as he tapped vaguely at the document. “Through some veeeeery clever marketing, if I say so myself, I figured it out, and I can fix it."
“Number one, the social scene here is a**hole. You know I know, I went here and could barely even through a house party without getting in trouble with safety and security. This place eats fun.
“Number two, not enough revenue-generating…stuff. Academics isn’t enough. All I did was smoke in college and now I’m paying more for the paper I use to wipe my a** than you get in your entire salary.”
“Jesus, what’s your point?” attacked Andrews. “Just tell us what you’re thinking so we can move on.”
“One word, gentlemen,” Calumda proudly replied, flipping the document over. It turned over to a drawing of a football field covered in crude little stick figures. In one corner a cut-out of Lindsey Lohan acted as a cheerleader. “Football.”
(By the way, did you know she's currently a model for Lawyer.com?)
There was a silence as the board members all stared at the paper.
“Football?”
Calumda nodded. “Think about it – brings in tens of thousands of fans every week, creates a more active social scene, doesn’t have to ‘take away’ from academics at all, and besides, you won’t have to pay the coaching staff.”
Andrews’ face scrunched in confusion. “Why?”
Calumda smiled and pulled out his check book. “Because it’s on me. I have literal billions, I’m gonna use it well.”
He paused.
“Also, because I’ll be coaching.”
The room erupted in laughter. “You?” screamed Andrews through a laugh. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Calumda reached across the rectangular table, grabbed the other end of the document, and rolled it up. He flattened one end of it on his hand and smiled. “Fine, then I’ll take my $500 million cheque and do something else.”
The laughter died. Calumda smiled and, grabbing a wheeled chair from near the door and rolling it to the table, sat down.
“Let’s talk business, shall we?”
Last edited by DynasticJumper; 08-09-2018 at 10:05 PM.
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