My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

The relationship that I am in now is so much deeper than my previous relationship. I could honestly say that if something happened to this woman where she would become physically unattractive, it wouldn't make a bit of difference.

Bingo. The OP doesn't sound like he's at this point yet. That doesn't make him a bad person or bf though.

If you aren't at that point though, marriage shouldn't even be a consideration.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

The relationship that I am in now is so much deeper than my previous relationship. I could honestly say that if something happened to this woman where she would become physically unattractive, it wouldn't make a bit of difference.

Bingo. The OP doesn't sound like he's at this point yet. That doesn't make him a bad person or bf though.

If you aren't at that point though, marriage shouldn't even be a consideration.

Exactly! You guys understand the situation. Marriage is a committment to another, not a committment to an ideal.

xxplosive is in love w/what he imagines marriage will be like. Not madly in love w/his g/f.

[youvalss]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Whatever you do, don't let her know that you base you decision on an online board...

[MassNole]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

she deserves better...

This thread should have ended here.

[CMH]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

I don't know...it's been a good discussion IMO. What disgusts you now?

I just got bored of the thread. I wasn't being serious.

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

You guys...

I do realize love is a strong bond and it's supposed to be eternal...But it doesnt mean he doesnt love her. The most intimate thing 2 people can do is make love...And if she is over weight it's not going to feel good. Nobody likes touching rolls. I maybe sound ignorant, but this is a legit problem. Being obese is a problem...Not only with love making...But with health. How long is she going to live if she keeps getting fat? Why would anyone not second guess themselves before entering in a "forever" thing with somebody if you are not as attracted as you once was and her health is a concern?

All you guys who says "Love overrides looks!" Give me a break...This is not a movie this is real life.

My suggestion to you...Is go to a gym yourself...And after a week ask her to join in whether it's at home or at a real gym. Morning runs is a good thing to do before you start the day. Once you guys start doing that...Not only will she be in better shape...I believe she will be more happy with herself. It's hard to love somebody who is not happy with themselves.

Be realistic Os'ers.

[Bornindamecca]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Or the FAR, FAR more logical assumption that she simply eats too much and exercises too little.

You know, the way 99.9% of fatties put on weight.

There is nobody to blame for anyone getting fat aside from the fatty in question

Agreed. People are bringing in hypotheticals to add weight to an empty point. He indicated that she simply has gained weight over time, which is common. If there were some other reason, then that's another discussion.

The simple matter is if she gained weight the normal way, then a boyfriend who wants her to get back to her better physical self is a good thing, not a bad thing. it's generally not fair to make value judgment's based on people's opinions, but it seems like one side of this discussion is concerned with self improvement and progressiveness, while the other side leans towards complacency and "acceptance of flaws". Working on flaws is not the same thing as demanding perfection. You can work towards a higher ideal while maintaining a realistic perspective on human limitations.

In fact, the entire idea is based on forgiving the flaw. You forgive the flaw if the person is working to improve. If the person accepts that flaw, then you two are not compatible on that issue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dyc3vQk7cwc

Even Musiq Soulchild knows the deal...

"I'll still want you if you gain a little weight"

We're not talking about 5, 10, or even 20 lbs.

We're talking about 40 lbs...40 lbs man...that's a lot!

Yeah, 40lbs is kind of outrageous. Even for myself, 15 lbs in either direction is where I start making changes.

I'm disgusted with how much bigger this thread has become. It's not the same thread I posted in pages ago.

I feel like guys are arguing to argue now.

You were kidding, but in some sense, I agree. If people are fine with their girlfriends eating their way to a 40lb gain, they should just say so. Nothing wrong with having lower standards, but if you do, you see where you are different from the OP. She fell below his bar of acceptance. It's different for all of us.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

You guys...

I do realize love is a strong bond and it's supposed to be eternal...But it doesnt mean he doesnt love her. The most intimate thing 2 people can do is make love...And if she is over weight it's not going to feel good. Nobody likes touching rolls. I maybe sound ignorant, but this is a legit problem. Being obese is a problem...Not only with love making...But with health. How long is she going to live if she keeps getting fat? Why would anyone not second guess themselves before entering in a "forever" thing with somebody if you are not as attracted as you once was and her health is a concern?

All you guys who says "Love overrides looks!" Give me a break...This is not a movie this is real life.

My suggestion to you...Is go to a gym yourself...And after a week ask her to join in whether it's at home or at a real gym. Morning runs is a good thing to do before you start the day. Once you guys start doing that...Not only will she be in better shape...I believe she will be more happy with herself. It's hard to love somebody who is not happy with themselves.

Be realistic Os'ers.

Its not that he doesn't love her. He doesn't love her enough. Not enough to marry her. He's not madly in love.

And love does override looks. That's an erroneous statement.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - "Love....bears all things,.....endures all things. Love never fails."

He cannot "bear" her weight gain. He cannot "endure" her weight. He does not love her enough to get married. If he loved her enough, that would not affect his decision to pop the question.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

You were kidding, but in some sense, I agree. If people are fine with their girlfriends eating their way to a 40lb gain, they should just say so. Nothing wrong with having lower standards, but if you do, you see where you are different from the OP. She fell below his bar of acceptance. It's different for all of us.

So marrying someone overweight is having lower standards? Where do you come off making a statement like that?

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Its not that he doesn't love her. He doesn't love her enough. Not enough to marry her. He's not madly in love.

And love does override looks. That's an erroneous statement.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - "Love....bears all things,.....endures all things. Love never fails."

He cannot "bear" her weight gain. He cannot "endure" her weight. He does not love her enough to get married. If he loved her enough, that would not affect his decision to pop the question.

Love cannot be defined it's different for everyone. Personally I believe love is what you make it out to be. It's not his fault or anyones fault that her weight is that big of an issue to him. It does not mean he doesnt love her any less...All it means is he is not attracted to her like he used to be. Attraction sadly is a big part of how you feel about somebody...It's human behavior. I can bet my house most of you would be thinking the exact same thing.

30-40 lbs for a woman is a lot...It's like looking at a different person...Even though you have known her so well through so many years.

[sportsdude]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

I love when people who are married and/or have children talk about those subjects as if they're expects when the brutal fact is there's a lot of people in this world that don't deserve to marry/procreate.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Love cannot be defined it's different for everyone. Personally I believe love is what you make it out to be.

That's just a bunch of hippie nonsense to excuse selfish decisions. Its like that judge said about pnography. I may not be able to explain it, but I know it when I see it. Leaving someone because they are fat is not love. Not the marrying kind. He loves her as a friend, not a wife.

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

That's just a bunch of hippie nonsense to excuse selfish decisions. Its like that judge said about pnography. I may not be able to explain it, but I know it when I see it. Leaving someone because they are fat is not love. Not the marrying kind. He loves her as a friend, not a wife.

Says the man who bases his life off a book.

I am not going to continue just so this discussion doesnt get closed and becomes an infraction fest.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Says the man who bases his life off a book.

& you don't??!!

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

& you don't??!!

I base my life on my family that I love and friends that have been kind enough to bring me up in the tough times in my life. Being a good person is all I need and if that's not good enough for anyone else I really do not care to talk to them.

I am not really sure what you mean by "@ you dont?!?" have a read a book? Yeah most would hope so. Do I live my life off books? Absolutely not