My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

I base my life on my family that I love and friends that have been kind enough to bring me up in the tough times in my life. Being a good person is all I need and if that's not good enough for anyone else I really do not care to talk to them.

I am not really sure what you mean by "@ you dont?!?" have a read a book? Yeah most would hope so. Do I live my life off books? Absolutely not

Then you are still basing your life on the word of man. Which makes you no better than anybody else.

No one can honestly say that leaving a committed relationship solely on the fact of physical, surface differences is "good". Is love. Not one person here would accept that as love if it happened to them. No matter how much they try to convince themselves.

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Then you are still basing your life on the word of man. Which makes you no better than anybody else.

No one can honestly say that leaving a committed relationship solely on the fact of physical, surface differences is "good". Is love. Not one person here would accept that as love if it happened to them. No matter how much they try to convince themselves.

The word of man? Are you trying to speak with technicalities? Alright.

Heres mine. Language is man made...Every single word invented is man made. Do I possess these? Yep. Without the existance of language it's impossible to communicate unless people had telepathic abilities. The language I speak is what I have learned...I speak it because I want to be understood and I want to understand my family and friends. So yes I do speak a language that has been written on a book. Language is a way to express and to let people know how you feel not to tell you how to feel or how to act.



Take a step back. Simplify things. Life is more simple than people think We all have speed bumps along the way such as this guy...He is human...His brain works differently than ours...And as does you and me. This is why I do not think (IMO) love can be defined. People are different with different brain chemistry.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

The word of man? Are you trying to speak with technicalities? Alright.

Heres mine. Language is man made...Every single word invented is man made. Do I possess these? Yep. Without the existance of language it's impossible to communicate unless people had telepathic abilities. The language I speak is what I have learned...I speak it because I want to be understood and I want to understand my family and friends. So yes I do speak a language that has been written on a book. Language is a way to express and to let people know how you feel not to tell you how to feel or how to act.

So your opinion is shaped by what is spoken, mine is by what is written. You're still no better than anyone else. You still allow others to shape your view. So stop pretending as if you're more enlightened because you're guided by your folks, & I listen to what great men throughout history have attempted to let guide them.

Now back to the topic.....

Take a step back. Simplify things. Life is more simple than people think We all have speed bumps along the way such as this guy...He is human...His brain works differently than ours...And as does you and me. This is why I do not think (IMO) love can be defined. People are different with different brain chemistry.

I never said he's a bad person.

I'm saying this revelation should have told him something about himself. He knows the surface matters too much to him. He loves the physical more than he loves her. He should not consider marrying her. Or any woman for that matter. Unless he finds a woman that has something in her DNA that will keep her skinny for the rest of her life. There is no guarantee any chick is going to stay a size 6 for eternity.

Until he changes, he should stay single. Because he can't make the commitment marriage demands. That's not evil. That's just imperfection.

[Bornindamecca]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

So marrying someone overweight is having lower standards? Where do you come off making a statement like that?

No, allowing someone to gain unhealthy weight is an example of lower standards of personal maintenance. You misunderstood.

[deaduck]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Then you are still basing your life on the word of man. Which makes you no better than anybody else.

Nothing wrong with that.

In fact, too much of what is wrong in the world is from the root of people assuming they're BETTER than everybody else.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

No, allowing someone to gain unhealthy weight is an example of lower standards of personal maintenance. You misunderstood.

My apologies then. I got it wrong. But you can look back & see how someone would get that impression.

[stewaat]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Then you are still basing your life on the word of man.

So your opinion is shaped by what is spoken, mine is by what is written.

You need to get this out of here man

--------------------------------------------------------

OP, it's your life, do whatever the hell makes you happy.

[stewaat]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

And yes looks aren't everything, but to most they are important.

I just broke up with a girl who is gorgeous and tried out for that TV show American's Next Top Model. She didn't get the gig but when she was there all the other girls kept saying she was going to win it...bottom line is she was attractive.

There's more to life than a deep mental connection, just as there's more than a deep physical connection.

I think you need to have both for a healthy relationship.

Who knows...maybe some people here aren't that attractive and don't care about how their partner looks. If so, that's fine, live your life however you want.

[DC]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Love cannot be defined it's different for everyone. Personally I believe love is what you make it out to be. It's not his fault or anyones fault that her weight is that big of an issue to him. It does not mean he doesnt love her any less...All it means is he is not attracted to her like he used to be. Attraction sadly is a big part of how you feel about somebody...It's human behavior. I can bet my house most of you would be thinking the exact same thing.

30-40 lbs for a woman is a lot...It's like looking at a different person...Even though you have known her so well through so many years.

Why sadly? It isn't sad by any means

[DC]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

And yes looks aren't everything, but to most they are important.

I just broke up with a girl who is gorgeous and tried out for that TV show American's Next Top Model. She didn't get the gig but when she was there all the other girls kept saying she was going to win it...bottom line is she was attractive.

There's more to life than a deep mental connection, just as there's more than a deep physical connection.

I think you need to have both for a healthy relationship.

Who knows...maybe some people here aren't that attractive and don't care about how their partner looks. If so, that's fine, live your life however you want.

What was it like dealing with her? Was she high maintenance? Prissy? Needy? Hand always out?

[TheLetterZ]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Please keep religion out of this thread.

[KG]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Agreed. People are bringing in hypotheticals to add weight to an empty point. He indicated that she simply has gained weight over time, which is common. If there were some other reason, then that's another discussion.

That's what makes this thread drag-on, all the hypotheticals. The OP said nothing dramatical really happened to her, she just gained weight. There is no need to justify it using examples of why other people gained weight.

And yes looks aren't everything, but to most they are important.

I just broke up with a girl who is gorgeous and tried out for that TV show American's Next Top Model. She didn't get the gig but when she was there all the other girls kept saying she was going to win it...bottom line is she was attractive.

There's more to life than a deep mental connection, just as there's more than a deep physical connection.

I think you need to have both for a healthy relationship.

Who knows...maybe some people here aren't that attractive and don't care about how their partner looks. If so, that's fine, live your life however you want.

Who kept the dog?

[JBH3]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

You guys...

I do realize love is a strong bond and it's supposed to be eternal...But it doesnt mean he doesnt love her. The most intimate thing 2 people can do is make love...And if she is over weight it's not going to feel good. Nobody likes touching rolls. I maybe sound ignorant, but this is a legit problem. Being obese is a problem...Not only with love making...But with health. How long is she going to live if she keeps getting fat? Why would anyone not second guess themselves before entering in a "forever" thing with somebody if you are not as attracted as you once was and her health is a concern?

All you guys who says "Love overrides looks!" Give me a break...This is not a movie this is real life.

Be realistic Os'ers.

Technically intimacy is not limited to love making. Intimacy is everything you and your partner do to maintain a close relationship.

With some couples it's sex, w/ others it's talking...others doing things together that is just the two of them: Bike riding, exercising, reading, watching a movie, etc.

That's intimacy. I had to learn this through counseling because I associated intimacy w/ sex, and saw pillow talk as some unnecessary means of communication - we lie down to sleep, not talk. Whereas my significant other wanted to be intimate in bed, w/o it involving sex...so from time to time...before we both fall asleep, we sometimes talk about things...be it goals, future plans, sentimental stuff, etc.

Intimacy is not just sex.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...and again...(As Rocky pointed out a few pages ago) no one on the side of "how important looks are" has responded to anything I've stated about...

"What happens when those looks fade, or say tragedy wipes them away, or kids come into the picture and erode those once great looks, or lifestyles change due to job/family/etc."

All of these things can or WILL occur. Before heading into marriage there needs to be something else besides "Damn she's hot"...so essentially looks are not THE MOST important thing...NOT...when it comes to marriage.

For sex...yes...for marriage... NO.

A marriage built on looks and sex will fail every time.

So, after 3 years, if the deciding factor in wanting to marry this woman hinges on her losing 40 lbs than good luck to you (OP), and all others who decide to get married, have children, and start a family.

Unless you and your partner have an ultra-high metabolism, and/or enough money to afford surgeries to make yourself look better, your looks are going to change.

Unless you have a job and lifestyle that permits dedicating the increasing amount of time it will take to keep you and your partners standards of appearance in balance w/ what you expect each other to look like than by all means go right ahead and marry and/or start family.

However, if you don't and ultimately looks are the most important aspect that drives your desire to be with a woman than maybe marriage is not for you...?

Because you can try and try, and hope that your partner maintains the lifestyle that allows them to look the way they do or makes every effort to continue to eat and exercise to keep up w/ that appearane you so desire, but what if they don't?

What if one day...they just wake up and are burnt out by always doing this or that, or they just decide to stop and never really get back to looking the way you expect them to...what then?

What if this occurs while your children are still young, or ?

I love when people who are married and/or have children talk about those subjects as if they're experts when the brutal fact is there's a lot of people in this world that don't deserve to marry/procreate.

This is a common misconception. No one married person, from what I can tell, is trying to come across as an expert.

All I (them) are trying to do is to help those who are not married identify that marriage is NOT a "LIVE IN THE MOMENT" thing.

You VERY MUCH have to take into account the future, and the unknown before ever deciding to marry the woman you are with.

Part of that future and unknown aspect is knowing your partner's looks will change, possibly for the worst, and that there NEEDS to be other reasons that you're marrying her than for just her looks.

You need to get this out of here man

--------------------------------------------------------

OP, it's your life, do whatever the hell makes you happy.

It's his life, but also the life he has shared w/ someone for the past 3 years....what about her?

Oh wait, she's gotten fat so eff her...right? Please.

That's what makes this thread drag-on, all the hypotheticals. The OP said nothing dramatical really happened to her, she just gained weight. There is no need to justify it using examples of why other people gained weight.

Hypotheticals huh...The OP really didn't explain why she gained weight, and I wouldn't give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt that it's all on the other person.

Is the OP going to come on here and possibly say...

"OS Brothers I'm a real big porn junkie, and my girl hates it...it's made her depressed and now she's gained all this weight and I'm unattracted to her. I don't want to give up the porn because I like watching it, but it's ruining our relationship. Now that I've got a good career, do I dump the girl I've been w/ for three years even though I've thought about marrying her? Oh yea...she's a real good woman too."

Nothing is explained in the first post about her weight gain so it's open for hypotheticals. :wink:

[stewaat]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

What was it like dealing with her? Was she high maintenance? Prissy? Needy? Hand always out?

Materialistic, not good with money, and moody...wanted her own way. However she was a very sweet girl who I got along with great, but those were some of her weaknesses.

She was VERY jealous as well...very jealous.

Who kept the dog?

The pup is mine!

It's his life, but also the life he has shared w/ someone for the past 3 years....what about her?

Oh wait, she's gotten fat so eff her...right? Please.

I dated a girl 3.5 years and she broke up with me for no reason at all. This was a girl who kept talking about how she wanted to marry me and all this stuff. She was the only girl I have loved too man, and it sucked.

You know what, life goes on. I'm not gonna sit in a corner and cry about it. I'm going to work through challenges in life, not settle for disappointment.

OP's girl gained weight, which sounds like it was just laziness and not eating correctly. What about the girl's health? Don't health problems severely increase with the more out of shape you are? Isn't that selfish to put your own health at risk when it can easily be combated by simply eating healthier and exercising? Oh and with that you'll be in better shape and more desireable to your man.

What's the downfall of trying to be in better shape?

However I guess none of us can really be sure of anything until the OP states why his lady gained weight. If it has anything to do with physical reasons, then none of what I have said applies.

[JBH3]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

I dated a girl 3.5 years and she broke up with me for no reason at all. This was a girl who kept talking about how she wanted to marry me and all this stuff. She was the only girl I have loved too man, and it sucked.

You know what, life goes on. I'm not gonna sit in a corner and cry about it. I'm going to work through challenges in life, not settle for disappointment.

Well that sucks... that she did that to you, and while I agree...life goes on...it doesn't mean you do what she did to you to someone else. At least that's not the way I was raised, and if more people were concerned w/ how their decisions affected others than this world would be that much of a better place.

An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind.

Unfortunately, people are ultimately only concerned w/ themselves..."It's your life", "Do you", "Make yourself happy".

All the while neglecting someone elses feelings, and what they might have had invested in you or thought what time they had invested would lead to an even better future w/ someone.

My wife had an open house at her highschool last night, and told me a story perfect for this "Make yourself happy" non-sense that seems to be the norm more now than ever before.

A student who she has taught the last two years did not have her for Spanish this year, but anyways he stopped by w/ his mom to say hello to my wife. This student and his family had visited relatives in Puerto Rico over the summer, and brought my wife back a little gift. My wife thanked the student's mother, and then asked her how everything was...you know as a courtesy.

Well...almost immediately the mother's eyes welled up w/ tears, and my wife asking what's wrong was told that on the first day of school for this particular student. His father packed up all his belongings and left his family...telling his wife he had fallen in love w/ someone else.

By all accounts my wife said the mother was very attractive woman, pettite, and very pretty. For whatever reason the father was unhappy, and wanted to "Do Him"...all the while leaving his former wife and son to pick up the pieces of their now shattered life.

All because this father was "unhappy"...thinking only of himself he left, on the first day of school nonetheless (I believe it being the student in questions junior year), and they haven't heard from him since.

School started last week.

But by all means men, make yourselves happy.

OP's girl gained weight, which sounds like it was just laziness and not eating correctly. What about the girl's health? Don't health problems severely increase with the more out of shape you are? Isn't that selfish to put your own health at risk when it can easily be combated by simply eating healthier and exercising? Oh and with that you'll be in better shape and more desireable to your man.

What's the downfall of trying to be in better shape?

We truly don't know the reason for any weight gain, and it's more/less assumed that this occurred because as Cebby would point out...99.9% of "fatties" are lazy/irresponsible individuals.

Most of you all just assume a great gain in weight from eating poorly and/or not exercising. When really there has been NO explanation of the gain in weight...has there?

Oh...and to clear the air...most of my hypothetical postings were in response to Cebby and his utter non-sense.